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Think of the Years I Wasted Being Kind to Food
White guy: Are you enjoying your apostasy burger?
Indian guy: Yeah.
White guy: So, what -- sins only count if you commit them in India?
Indian guy: That's why I love America.
--Burger King, Union Tpke
In Her Living Room, She Just Lies There
White chick: Hey! Enough with the pushing already!
Indian woman: No! No! No! This is not your living room. This is rush hour--so I pooosh and pooosh!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Or You Should Be Good at Math and Stop Talking
Little white boy: Will someone tell him that the Indians were playing the Yankees the other day!!?
Little Indian boy: Will someone tell him that Indians don't play baseball? I should know, I'm Indian!
--2 train
Going to the STD Clinic (A NYC Short Story)
Indian chick: So I was watching VH1 and it was a show about child stars. You know, Drew Barrymore, Jodie Foster--
Asian chick: What? Jodie Foster was a child star?
Indian chick: Yeah. She was a child prostitute at like, 13, and they made a movie about it and everything.
Indian chick: Lookit that chart. They're ranking condoms, see? Trojan Magnum, then Regular Trojans, then Trojan Ultra Sheer, then Durex Regular, then Lifestyles, and then Lifestyle Ultra-Sensitive, see?
Asian chick: Mmm. Trojan Ultra Sheers, yeah.
Indian chick: But Durex has at least one more that should go in there! Durex has a Magnum too and it's really good.
Asian chick: So yeah, what's their deal?
Indian chick: Like, it' all about how well they endure. Not how much pleasure they give. Fucking government chart.
Indian chick: Anyway. I'm definitely thinkin' about havin' my kids in a foreign country. Like, dual citizenship. Just take a semester off, fly to Britain for a month, and voila.
Asian chick: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. What for?
Indian chick: They just come out cooler, that's all.
--Chelsea Health Center, 9th Avenue
Overheard by: capn midnite
Food Was Scarce in Indiana
Girl #1: Okay, what should I get? The Gombee burger sounds good. Hey, that kinda sounds like Gandhi...except he probably wouldn't want to eat the burger. Remember that time he was on that hunger strike?
Girl #2: Aren't cows like, sacred to Hindus or something?
Girl #1: Oh! That's probably why he wouldn't have wanted to eat it.
--Columbia University
It's Hard to Find Scalpers Locally
Girl on cell: I cannot believe you just said that! I can't tell my roommate...Because she's Indian!
Girl #2: What can't you tell her?
Girl on cell: Shh.
Girl #2: Probably outsourcing.
--Starbucks, West 4th Street & Washington Square East
Wednesday One-liners Are None Too Bright
Indian man: You're the stupidest lady in the world...You see her? She's the stupidest lady in the world. You are #1!
--7 train
Overheard by: isabelle
A Real Man Knows Where a Girl's Spot Is
Chinese guy: What are you, Brazilian? Argentinian? I can't quite place my finger on it.
Indian girl: No, I'm Indian.
Chinese guy: Ooh. You're my little tandoori chicken. Where's your dot?
--KGB Bar, E. 4th Street
Today, He is Truly an African-American
Black guy: Good god. I had to actually work today.
Indian chick: By "work" you obviously mean taking credit for the many hours of hard labor endured by my fellow Indian IT brethren who report to you. You exploiting bastard.
Black guy: Ha, ha. Like slavery. But I'm Black.
Indian chick: Oh, the wicked irony.
Black guy: Word.
--Wall Street
Overheard by: drama
They'll Be Sure to Win the Special Olympics Pageant
Indian Girl: Oh my God! Our kids are going to be mad cute!
Asian Guy: Hell yeah! No doubt about it, with my looks and your height.
Indian Girl: Oh, and plus my body.
--Union Square
What Language do they speak?
Indian girl, speaking on her cell-phone: Jewish people don't speak English, and they're great businessmen. Chinese people don't speak English, and they're great businessmen. So you don't have to speak English either to be a great businessman!
-- Penn Station
Personal Foul
Black kid: Miss, buy some candy to support my school's basketball team.
Indian woman: No thank you.
Black kid: Man, you people don't buy nothing. But you sure speak good English.
--40th St. & Lex.
