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In Where, Exactly?

Six-year-old son, indicating sex shop: Can I?! I want to go in there!
Frazzled mother: No. Just... no.

--Christopher, between Bleecker & Hudson

Overheard by: Colleen


Posted 2007-11-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But in the Breasticles and the Buttzoid

Skater boy #1: Julie's not pretty.
Skater boy #2: No?
Skater boy #1, pointing to his face: No, not... Not... Not... In the faciness.

--McDonald's, 71st & Amsterdam


Posted 2007-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'll Never Sit Again after All This Anal

Boy #1: When I'm in high school, I'll only be able to get blowjobs standing up!
Boy #2: Rad.

--Starbucks

Overheard by: Joe Coleman


Posted 2007-11-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This from the Kid Who Wants a Dora the Explorer Backpack?

Eight-year-old: But Dad, why are we in the bookstore if we're not buying books?
Dad: Because Daddy likes quiet places.
Eight-year-old: That sounds gay.
Dad, looking nervous: Shut up!

--Borders

Overheard by: Eyeoftherabbit


Posted 2007-10-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For the Next Three Seconds, Anyway.

Mother to noisy, restless son: You know what? As soon as we get home I'm calling your doctor. You're going back on medication.
Kid, screaming: Nooo! [Spotting boarding passenger] Oh, he has a wrestling shirt! I want a wresting shirt!

--M101 bus

Overheard by: Glad it's not my kid


Posted 2007-10-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Cooties Appear to Have Gone to His Brain

Four-year-old #1: Ice cream makes your head fall off.
Four-year-old #2: No, it doesn't.
Four-year-old #1: It was just an expression, asshole.
Four-year-old #2, to his dog: Don't let him pet you.

--Central Park

Overheard by: amused tourist


Posted 2007-10-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Have You Been Reading Mommy's Diary Again?

Four-year-old boy: There are too many people on the train. Someone needs to get off.
Mom: Who needs to get off?
Four-year-old boy: Us!

--A train

Overheard by: otilio


Posted 2007-10-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So You Want to Make the Little Nuggets?

Mom: You poor hungry boy... I'll make dinner for you as soon as we get home.
Six-year-old son, sullenly: Okay.
Mom: Do you want macaroni and cheese? How about pasta? I can make you those little nuggets. [Son shakes his head.] Oh, is it the other kind of hunger? Do you have to poop? [Son nods.]

--Elevator, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Morgan


Posted 2007-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Do You Want to Start Learning Things? Do You?!

Little boy, passing gym: Oooh, they're doing exercises in an exercises store!
Little girl: Is that their job?
Mother: I told you to stop asking so many damn questions!

--B51 bus, Brooklyn


Posted 2007-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or, You Know, Whatever

Dude #1: You got laid last night, so shut up. Although I never saw her, so I don't know what she looked like.
Dude #2: Neither do I...
Dude #1: Yeah, I thought about staying up and waiting just to get a look at her.

--17th & Irving

Overheard by: B-Round


Posted 2007-09-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's a Bunch of Jobs, Really

Girl: I want that job! Is there really a job like that?
Boy: Yeah, it's called a whore.

--NYU dining hall

Overheard by: sjhaughty


Posted 2007-08-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... Whom I've Only Seen on Sonograms So Far

10-year-old gangsta #1: Yo, I got all kinds of bitches. Right now I gotta choose...
10-year old gangsta #2: Yo, what you talkin' 'bout?
10-year-old gangsta #1: I got this young bitch... I gotta choose between a girl that's my age or a younger woman.

--1 train

Overheard by: D. J.


Posted 2007-07-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No, Psychokinetically. And Don't Go All "Carrie" on Me

Mom: Daniel, it's time you started opening doors for me.
Son: Um... okay.
Mom: Well? [Gestures at doors.]
Son: Oh! I thought you meant metaphorically...

--W 111th St

Overheard by: Talker's Remorse

Headline by: Arliss Travers

Runners-Up:
· "...like When We Played Doctor." - mike chmiel
· "Just Like Your Allowance" - nobody
· "No, I Meant Vaginally" - DanaLishs
· "Sorry, My Oedipus Complex Doesn't Kick in for Another Year or Two." - Andrew G
· "Thalidomide or No, You Work That Flipper Young Man" - bobofthejungle
· "The Birds and the Bees Talk Really Confused Me...." - Breanne S.
· "You Know, Like When You Tell Dad the Garden Needs Watering" - Jonty


Click here to see the new Headline Contest


Posted 2007-07-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What? I Got the "Special" Expansion Pack

White boy #1: Am I the big, hairy guy?
White boy #2: No, you're the guy with the assless chaps.

--During game of XBox 360 Guitar Hero, Apartment, Ave D


Posted 2007-07-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Winning the War Against Space Chickens, One Bird at a Time

Little boy: Is this a fighter plane?
Grandma: No. A fighter plane is quicker and can only fit two people.
Little boy: ... Then why are there lasers?

--JFK

Overheard by: Adam Vine Whip



Headline by: Miss Edith

Runners-Up:
· "Dont EVER question lasers" - melissa
· "For the sharks, of course" - Britta
· "In case you start kicking the seat in front of you" - bobofthejungle
· "To Protect Us From Gay Marriage" - ImmaculatePizza


Click here to see the new Headline Contest


Posted 2007-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...My Parents, Teachers, Mailmen, That Guy at the Bodega...

Middle-school boy: Yeah, you're a pathological liar.
Middle-school girl: What do you mean? When have I lied to you? I never lie. I only lie to my therapist.

--1 train

Overheard by: cate


Posted 2007-06-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Supposed to Put This in My College Fund

Young boy #1: Today is the day your mother birthed you and you only got five dollars?
Young boy #2: We got troubles.

--Prospect Heights


Posted 2007-06-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We'd All Go Back, but Who Wants Us?

Nanny: You don't want to watch the parade?
Little boy: They think... They think... They think the government should give them jobs even though they are from other countries, but they should just go back.

--Immigration march, 14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson


Posted 2007-06-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Be Ignored

Teen boy in suit: Wow, look at that cute girl!
Teen boy with rolling book bag: Oh, yeah... I'd like to walk next to that.

--Citibank, Forest Hills



Headline by: Trey

Runners-Up:
· "And then I'd hold the fuck out of her hand" - NJgal
· "Chicks dig my sweet wheels" - Marissa
· "I Would Awkwardly Avoid Eye Contact with That Like A Motherfucker" - Leland
· "I'd Carry Her Books So Hard" - Barry P.
· "I'd stick my pen in that pocket protector!" - wannabenyc


Click here to see the new Headline Contest


Posted 2007-06-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Teacher Will Now Call on the Sleeping Kid in the Back

Boy trying to get teacher to call on him: Oh my god, I have a really good point to make!
Girl, just as eager: Shut up! Mine is better!

--Hunter College High


Posted 2007-06-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like Trying to Stop the Tide, Mom

Eight-year-old black boy: Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall. Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall.
Mom: I told you to stop that!
Eight-year-old black boy, three minutes later: Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall. Skeet, skeet, skeet all over the wall.

--Restroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Amanda


Posted 2007-05-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Do You Know the Rules? 'Cause I Sure Don't

Five-year-old boy: Let's play Spin the Bottle!
Friend with water bottle: Yeah!

--228 E 23rd St


Posted 2007-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Below the Waterline an Iceberg Is Mostly Bear

Boy #1: Polar bears don't melt in water!
Boy #2: Yeah, they do. They swim in it and they disappear.
Boy #1: Wow, really?

--LIRR


Posted 2007-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Reader Poll: Will That Quote Ever Fucking Die?!

Boy at screen door: Mom, can I come in?
Mom: Show me.
Boy: What?
Mother: Show me the money.

--Meserole Ave, Greenpoint


Posted 2007-04-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm a Silent, Consensual Killer

Boy: I'm a ninja... but not a tree ninja.
Friend: That's good.
Boy: And I don't rape people.
Friend: That's also good.
Boy: Or trees...

--Bus


Posted 2007-04-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ah, the University of Life

Little boy: I know three things about aliens. One, they don't have hair. Two, they don't have mouths. Three, they don't have privates.
20-something: Then how do you know if it's a boy or a girl alien?
Little boy: Um, they're not boys or girls. They're its... Or she-males.
20-something: Where did you learn 'she-males' from?!
Little boy: Third Avenue.

--N train


Posted 2007-04-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Unless You Count Splash Mount Sinai

Little boy pointing at St. Patrick's Cathedral: Daddy, what is that?
Father: That's a church. Maybe when you're older we can go inside and look around.
Little boy: Daddy, are there rides in there?
Father: No, no rides.

--51st & 5th


Posted 2007-04-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If It Involves Killing with Steel, Japan Has It

Mother: Do they still have ninjas?
Six-year-old boy: Duh, Mom -- in Japan.
Mother: Oh, I only knew about the Ninja Turtles.

--Escalator, Grand Central

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster


Posted 2007-04-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Consider Yourself Warned

Middle school boy: Yo, you ever seen that show Sex and the City on HBO?
Three friends: No.
Middle school boy: I thought there'd be mad sex on it. There wasn't any! They should call that show 'White Bitches Talking.'

--Brooklyn Middle School


Posted 2007-04-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Least Cool Was When You Scared Me Last Halloween

Boy #1: Seriously, that was, like, the coolest place I ever took a shit.
Boy #2: Wait, where were you?
Boy #1: I was on top of the mountain!
Boy #2: Oh.

--3rd St & 7th Ave


Posted 2007-03-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Kind Who Has All of the Other Colors Already

Man: You know that Santa Claus doesn't exist, right?
Six-year-old boy: No, he does exist. When I wrote him a letter and asked him for pink Plush Puppies, I got them on Christmas.
Man: Dude, then you are a serious homosexual. What kind of boy asks for pink Plush Puppies?

--Rockaway

Overheard by: Bully


Posted 2007-03-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What War Movies Have These Kids Been Watching?

11-year-old boy #1 playing with toy gun: You fucked my mom in the ass! [Makes shooting noises, then ducks.]
11-year-old boy #2, nervous, to perplexed passerby: Uhhh, he wasn't talking to you...

--10th & 7th, Park Slope

Overheard by: ian


Posted 2007-03-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's for Emergencies, Not for Pique

Wailing six-year-old boy: But whyyy?!
Mom: Well, I know, honey, but kick him in the shins, don't kick him in the balls!

--Prince & Broadway


Posted 2007-03-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Said Later... Wait, What?

Teen boy: Mom, is it true that some people are both a man and a woman?
Mom: Yes. Well, sort of. Can we talk about this when we get home?
Teen boy: So does that mean they have, like, both--
Mom: --Yes, honey, now be quiet for a little while, okay?
Teen boy: Does that mean they can, like, do the slinky?

--Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N


Posted 2007-03-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Accomplished So Much Less Than That

Little boy #1: I wish dinosaurs lived in Central Park.
Little boy #2: Dinosaurs aren't real -- they're from the TV.
Little boy #3: Dinosaurs are real, they just live on other planets.
Little boy #2: Like Pluto!
Little boy #1: Pluto isn't a planet anymore. The scientists blowed it up.

--M86 bus

Overheard by: pluto is still a planet to me


Posted 2007-03-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Are We Here, Then?

Little boy: What is that?
Mom: That's a brain.
Little boy: Evil brain?
Mom: No, it's not evil.

--Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport


Posted 2007-02-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Frat Boys Are Born, Not Made

Four-year-old boy to random woman: Why did the skeleton go out to dinner?
Woman: Why?
Four-year-old boy: Because he wanted to get some ribs! [Boy and brother laugh hysterically.]
Boys' mom: Oh, Benjamin, you're so shy.
Four-year-old boy: I'm not shy! I talk a lot because I'm drunk! [Ladies nearby laugh, mother blushes.] ... I farted.

--LIRR


Posted 2007-02-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Once the Boys Were Brought to the Yard, It Was All Downhill from There

Father: So, what did you guys do at Timmy's* sleepover?
Boy: I don't really remember... We had one too many milkshakes.

--1 train


Posted 2007-02-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Creepy, Creepy Friends

Hipster guy: Yeah, my dad's a bird-petter.
Hipster girl: How much does he make for that?
Hipster guy: About three friends a year.

--R/W platform, 8th St

Overheard by: the imbiber


Posted 2007-02-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Needles Just Aren't Cool Anymore

Teen boy #1: Would you do Jane?
Teen boy #2: Well, she's pretty hot... Got nice tits and all, but don't you consider diabetes a turn-off?
Teen boy #1: Yeah, dude, totally.

--Metro-North, 125th St stop

Overheard by: Ek CrIsp


Posted 2007-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When You Realize Your Pain Is Self-Inflicted

Teen girl: Something must have gone wrong during her wax.
Teen boy: What was it?
Teen girl: I don't know. She was, like, crying. And she hasn't gotten another wax. I just don't get it.
Teen boy: Sucks for her.
Teen girl: Seriously.

--Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: still speechless


Posted 2007-02-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Usually Found in a Bush

Boy: Mommy, what's a vah-jay-jay?
Mom: A bird, sweetie! A wonderful bird.

--Wall St


Posted 2007-01-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wait, Can We Start Over?

Teen boy #1: You hit like a girl.
Teen boy #2: Yeah, well, you taste like a girl.

--110th St & Cathedral Pkwy


Posted 2007-01-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Kiss My Axe, Mom

Mother: The other day I walked past a bunch of Hispanic teenagers. They smelled really good.
Teen boy: It's Axe.
Mother: What?
Teen boy: Axe.
Mother: Wait, what?
Teen boy: Axe!
Mother: Ass? That's not nice to say about Hispanic people.

--SoHo

Overheard by: Kevo C.


Posted 2007-01-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hey, Whatever It Takes to Get Them Out of Diapers

Boy: Mom, why is there a line here and not on the boys' side?
Mom: Girls go to the bathroom differently. You guys can just stand around and pee and make crosses. You know -- how you and Daddy make crosses with your pee-pees?

--Line for women's room, Radio City Music Hall


Posted 2006-12-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Get Her a Copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves

Girl: Does titty-fucking actually feel good? Or does it just look hot?
Boy: Actually, it makes me physically ill. It gives me vertigo.
Girl: Should I eat my earwax?

--91st & 6th


Posted 2006-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Told Me That

Son: Today someone in class called me a 'Jew.'
Drunk dad: Did you tell them your dad's Presbyterian and your mom's a bitch?

--42nd & 8th


Posted 2006-12-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tourists on Trains and Snakes on Planes

Teen boy tourist #1: Okay, finally we're on the damn train.
Teen boy tourist #2: Yeah, for real. Take forever, god!
Teen boy tourist #1: Hey, you know, those people lied to us! They said we can take the N, but this one is going to 14th Street, too. I read the map.
Teen boy tourist #2: Why did they lie to us?
Teen boy tourist #1: Probably because we were acting like such tourists. That's probably what they do, just stand in the subway waiting to prey on confused tourist kids.
Teen boy tourist #2: We should get some iPods. That would fix it.
Teen boy tourist #1: Why would that fix it?
Teen boy tourist #2: Look around. I count five people on this train with iPods. They make you look 'New York.'

--Downtown W train

Overheard by: The N would have gotten you there faster...



Headline by: Sean Boudreau

Runners-Up:
· "But the fold up maps make us look like we're from Jersey." - Jeff
· "For every ipod in the subway, apple kills a tourist" - monkey
· "Know What Else Is Authentic? Gunshot Wounds" - J.M. Berger
· "Losing The "God Hates Fags" Shirts Would Also Help" - miss c
· "New York: Uhh, Lose Ten Pounds, Convert to Judaism, and Maybe We'll Talk" - salute deez nuts
· "Nobody tell them about the secret handshake" - Destroyer
· "Sure, you can buy the ipod, but the disaffected stare can only be acquired from years of indifference" - morgz
· "That look isn't new york, it's contempt" - squirrel
· "You can keep them in your fanny packs" - jh


Click here to see the new Headline Contest


Posted 2006-12-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Romeo and Juliet: Shakespeare's First Draft

Teen boy: I couldn't put it all the way in, though.
Teen girl: Ew, ew, ew.
Teen boy: I don't know how they do that in pornos.
Teen girl: One second -- are you gay?
Teen boy: Not really. Like, I'd totally do you.
Teen girl: You wish! Got Jake's shit all over your dick. Ain't no way.

--Smiling Pizza, 7th Ave, Park Slope



Headline by: Malingerer

Runners-Up:
· "Bi-curiousity killed the pussy" - Mojosaves
· "Have your jake and eat it too" - teensaredisgusting
&m