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Later, When She Breaks to Take a Crap and Change Her Tampon, He Creams Himself
Female singer: Sorry about the delay. I had to pee, so I went.
Guy in audience: What did she say?
Friend: She had to pee. And she went.
Guy in Audience: Ohhh man. That's awesome.
--Irving Plaza, Starlight Mints show
And Take it From me, Comedy Shows Are No Fun!
Comedy show ticket hawker: Hey, come to a comedy show. It will be fun! C'mon!
Gary Gulman: Dude, I'm Gary Gulman!
--Outside IFC Center, 6th Ave
Wednesday One-Liners Still Can't Get Over Joey Picking Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)
Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable...Yeah, it's all in Chinese...Whatever. As long as I watch things that I've already seen, I don't need to actually know what they're saying.
--N train, Astoria
Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria's boyfriend lately? He looks great. She's better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
--Eckerd, Astoria
Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It's okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.
--79th St entrance, FDR
Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don't think we're gonna be able to watch this -- it only airs today.
--Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Stephen and Allison
Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don't shit on Maury Povich!
--New York Public Library
Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library
Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.
--114th & Broadway
I'll Try Anything Once
Carson Kressley, on cell: It was so worth being sober and well-behaved.
--elevator, Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: SJB
#14: The Washington Monument
Jessica Cutler: Twelve of my last sixteen boyfriends were Jewish.
--Happy Ending, Broome Street
You Know, You Could Vote Republican
Shoshana Bean: We keep messing up. God hates us!
Scott Alan: God hates us both. That's awesome!
--The Duplex, Christopher Street
Overheard by: Thompson Patton
Can I Have Your Autograph, Wednesday One-liners?
Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.
--Music Box theatre, West 45th Street
Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.
--C train
Overheard by: nicolette
Guy: I'm gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.
--68th & Columbus
Overheard by: Andrew Zar
Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.
--Red Hook
Guy: Yeah, you know, that's the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.
--52 & Lexington
Sin City II: Three Men and a Big Lady
Geek #1: I mean, who knew that Mickey Rourke could act?
Geek #2: Dude, yeah! I mean, he's no Steve Guttenberg.
--Forbidden Planet, 13th Street
A Real Celebrity Submission!
Janeane Garofalo: ...so I just cover my whole body in Gold Bond powder.
--1st Ave. & 3rd St.
