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Is a Beak a Nose?
Hipster, looking at menu: Chicken fingers?
Corporate fashionista: Great! Even though I'm a vegetarian.
Hipster: Then why did you say 'great'?
Corporate fashionista: I'll eat some.
Hipster: ... Then how are you a vegetarian?
Corporate fashionista: I just try not to eat anything with a face.
--Sidewalk Cafe, 6th & Ave A
Um, It's a Mistake to Have Sex with Dead Clothes?
Smug fashionista: My god, that's a fashion faux pas if I ever saw one.
Confused companion: Oh, did she kill fashion again?
Smug fashionista: Not only did she kill fashion again, but she raped it after killing it! She's like... like... the necrophiliac of haute couture or something.... Wait. What the fuck am I talking about?!
--Madison Ave
Overheard by: Minnie Sukthankar-Romanovich
Anal Sex: What Can't It Fix?
Fashionista gets off elevator, bumping into guys on her way out.
Balding Greek guy: You know what she needs? A good dick up the ass, that's what she needs!
Black guy: That's what all them bitches need.
--1407 Broadway
Overheard by: Big Larry
How Women Started Wearing Weird, Calf-Length Pants
Girl picking up a sweater: This is so cute!
Friend: Ick!
Girl, pointing at a pair of jeans: Oh, I love those! They'd fit me really nicely.
Friend: Um, no.
Girl, pointing at a dress: ... Is this cute?
Friend: Meh.
--Macy's
Overheard by: SUSAN
They Wanted Someone Who Could Hallucinate Outside the Box
Fashionista: Yeah, one time I thought I took, like, 96 bong hits, but then I realized that I wasn't inhaling.
Boyfriend: What about the time you ate thirty mushrooms and applied to Morgan Stanley?
Fashionista: Haha, I know! Who would have thought I'd have gotten that job?!
--Bowery Bar
Didn't Have the Heart to Tell Her It Was a Gold Jerry Garcia
Trendy female customer: I like your Jesus necklace. Do you believe in Jesus the Almighty?
Sales dude: I do.
Trendy female customer: As you should.
--Marc Jacobs, Bleecker
Overheard by: Andrea Quijano
It Was a Social Suicide
Posh woman #1: Oh, do you remember our friend's brother? The one who committed suicide?
Posh woman #2: Yeah...
Posh woman #1: Well, turns out he didn't kill himself -- he had a sex change.
--17th & 3rd
And What's Labor?
Fashionista #1: Oh my god, look -- white pants after Labor Day -- so trashy.
Fashionista #2: Ew. Yeah.
Fashionista #1: When is Labor Day, anyway?
Fashionista #2: I don't know.
--SoHo
Oh Hell, Maybe I Am Racist
Girl: Who was she with?
Hairdresser: I'm not, like, racist or anything, but she came with two guys, one was Puerto Rican and one was black!
--Supercuts, 3rd and 32nd
Overheard by: Joe
Which I Would Spell Out if I Didn't Feel So Light-Headed
Skinny fashionista: If you just eat like I eat and exercise, you'll lose weight. I swear!
Normal woman: But you hardly eat anything. Don't you get hungry?
Skinny fashionista: You are totally missing the point!
--Bar, Soho Grand
Overheard by: Manhattman
The Inverse Relationship Between Literacy and Distance to the Ocean
Snob #1: This is exactly what kids in school should see.
Snob #2: Especially in the Midwest, where they don't read.
--Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Overheard by: Literate Midwesterner
Wednesday One-Liners Are All About the Benjamins
Fashionista: I'm not ready for a rich man.
--East Village
Woman: Yeah, he's got money. Like, when Michael Jackson tried to buy the Elephant Man? That kind of money. Giraffe money!
--Uptown 6 train
3-Year-Old: My daddy makes a lot of money so my mommy and me can live the life we want to live.
--Playground, DUMBO
Overheard by: grimrosary
Salesperson: Yeah, so he was like, "That's what it means to be rich. I can buy whatever makes me and my fiancé happy. I can buy her all the Harry Potter memorabilia that she wants."
--Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: LSB
Wall-Street-Intern chick: So, if the weather is bad here in the Hamptons I may just fly to California or South Beach for the weekend. Hopefully nobody at work will need me because I may have to get a flight on Friday morning. You know, I have to do what's fiscally feasible for me...and by "me", I mean my parents.
--D train
Overheard by: I hope she reads this, and then dies...
Male customer to deli worker: Do you know where can I get a fake Rolex with counterfeit money?
--19th & 6th
Overheard by: Hobo Hank
Little girl, talking for a teddy bear with a stocking over its head, to another teddy bear: Give me all your money!
--Goodwill
U-G-L-Y. You Ain't Got No Alibi. You Ugly! Hey, Hey, You Ugly! Go, Wednesday One-Liners!
Girl on cell: I was like, "Back up, bitch. Get off your high horse and don't ever talk to me again." Such a bitch. And the thing is, she's not even cute. Like, she has no right! She's a fucking bitch, and she's ugly! It's one thing to be a bitch, but to be one when you're ugly? You just don't do that.
--19th & Broadway
Aspiring fashionista: I don't know what I'd do if I had a kid and it was ugly. I'd probably die of embarassment or something. Maybe I should adopt. Can you, like, ask the adoption people to give you a good-looking child or something?
--SoHo
Flight attendant: We will be dimming the cabin lighting, as it greatly improves the attractiveness of your in-flight crew.
--JetBlue flight, JFK
Overheard by: Josh Barro
Father, to kids: Good job, guys! So [the doctor] says you're ugly, but healthy.
--Pediatrics office, Tribeca
Buff girl on cell: Yeah, well, she accused me of being mean. She insulted this new dress I was wearing at the party and was all like, "Ew that is so ugly," which was kinda bitchy, don't you think? So I told her, "That's because it would look like shit on you."...Whatever. It's true.
--NYSC, Whitestone
Overheard by: Karen
I'm Thankful for My Friends
Girl #1: Is your sweater cashmere?
Girl #2: Yeah. Well, cashmere blend.
Girl #1: Blend? That doesn't count. God, you're such a bitch.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram
They Can't Possibly Squeeze Any Blood in There
Fashionista #1: Oh my God. I am so tired!
Fashionista #2: Me too. Let's make this quick because I totally want to go home like right now.
Fashionista #1: Okay. You know, I think the key to a successful shopping trip is spending only a couple of hours at each store.
Fashionista #2: Definitely. Anything more just makes my blood sugar get too low, you know?
--Macy's fitting rooms, West 34th Street
Overheard by: Lindsay
I Assure You, the Robocock is Clearly the Point
Guy #1: ...So I say to him, "For the last time, give me back my robocock!", ya know? He still has my robocock.
Guy #2: How long has he had it?
Guy #1: See, that's not the point. He's a bastard in retro clothing.
--7th & Bleecker
Overheard by: Deadboy
Annie is Spinning in Her Redheaded Grave
Fashion girl #1: Today should be Friday.
Fashion girl #2: Seriously. It feels like Friday.
Fashion girl #1: It would be fabulous if today was Friday.
Fashion girl #2: Fuck tomorrow.
--95th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sam J
The Seamen Just Kept On Coming
Fashionista #1: I lost my virginity on a cruise.
Fashionista #2: Have you ever been on a cruise?
Fashionista #1: By "cruise" I mean "Russia".
--Midtown office
The George Strait Enema Ain't All That
Guy: They're George Strait jeans.
Girl: I love George Strait. He's a hottie.
Guy: He only gives his name to the best.
Girl: Didn't he give his name to that tractor place?
Guy: It must have been the best tractor.
--NYU Law commons area, W. 3rd St.
Overheard by: Micah Prude
Thank God I Had to Look That Up
Fashionista: ...he was amazing! It's so rare to find a man familiar with Dr. Hauschka's.
Queer: You're in Chelsea, hon.
--18th St. bet. 7th & 8th
Overheard by: alicia
The Courtroom Scene Writes Itself
Girl #1: She's so lucky. I mean, she works for Oscar de la Renta.
Girl #2: Yeah, and she has a clause in her pre-nup that allows her husband to divorce her if her feet become disgusting. I'm jealous.
--Fashion Ave. elevator
Wednesday One-liners, Again
Truck driver: Hey you!...Honey...yeah, you...you're number one...you're the best of the day, you win!
--Long Island City
Woman: I don't usually spend $40 on chapstick, but I really wanted it.
--1st & 52nd
"...and most of my archenemies are cultured."
Fashion girl: Do you want to go to a talk about The Gates next week?
Fashion guy: Sure, some of my best friends are gates.
--F train
"...so that's why I'm lactating!"
Fashionista guy: Did you hear about Ange?
Fashionista girl: No, what?
Fashionista guy: She's pregnant!
Fashionista girl: Oh my god! The whole world is pregnant!
Fashionista guy: Seriously.
--Midtown elevator
Just in Time for the Holidays...
Hippie: What color is your aura?
FIT girl: I think my aura has black and white stripes.
Hippie: Vertical or horizontal?
FIT girl: Horizontal...no, vertical.
Hippie: Is that because vertical stripes make your aura look fat?
FIT girl: Yeah.
--26th & 8th
Overheard by: Armchair Messiah
Malice Goes to Style Court
Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don't tell me in two hours. I'd rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I'll shoot myself and then jump. I'll be falling with a gun to my head.
--Style Court Plaintiff Room
Go Back to Your Third World Country!
Woman: I don't know about this one, it's not so Nebraska.
--Anthropology
