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At This Point in Time, I Have No Recollection of That Event
Chick, about a shiksa: ... So she asked me what Passover was, and I told her. She thought it was weird and was like, 'I don't celebrate killing people!'
Jewish girl: I don't remember killing anyone.
Catholic girl: Um, Jesus?
--Barnard dorm
Overheard by: Isn't it nice we can discuss this candidly?
Only Crazy Subway Preachers Know Both
Tourist: Does this train stop at Cortland Street?
Nun: Yes, it does.
Guy: No, it doesn't. The station is closed.
Nun: I've been riding this train over 20 years. It stops at Cortland Street.
Guy, as train passes Cortland Street station: Lady, you may know Jesus, but I know the subways.
--1 train
She Only Feels Well in Even-Numbered Years
Mourner: Hi, I haven't seen you in a long time! How's your mother?
Priest: She's okay. She won't be coming today because she's not feeling well. She just turned 95.
Mourner: 95! She's that old? Holy crap!
-- Funeral Home, Rockaway Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
You Mean I'm One of Those Assholes?
Guy #1: So we went to a baptism yesterday.
Guy #2: Wait, you're Catholic. Not Baptism. I'm Baptism.
Guy #1: You're Baptist.
--Times Square
And if he Was in him, That Would be Swiss.
Polish girl #1: Was that the Cardinal over there?
Polish girl #2: No. The Cardinal wears red.
Polish guy: Oh man! If the Pope was on top of the Cardinal, that would be so Polish!
Polish girls: ...
Polish guy: No! I mean, like the flag!
--Pulaski Day Parade, 5th Ave & 52nd St
Overheard by: J. G. Lapinski
Her Power Will Be Exceeded Only by Her Celibacy
Guy: So, are you becoming a nun or a ninja?
Girl: I'm becoming a nun... ja.
--Chinatown
Overheard by: Carene
And It's a Fabulous Way to Augment Your Heterosexual Street Cred
Priest: Even the clergy like Project Runway!
Girl: Oh... um, cool.
--Project Runway event, Prince St
Overheard by: Fudd
Where Unitarians Come From
Gentile #1: I'm thinking he looks more like a rabbi. Can't you just picture the yarmulke on his head?
Gentile #2: Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of wood.
Gentile #1: Clay!
Gentile #2: Clay? Oh, it is clay... see, that's what makes me not Jewish.
Gentile #1: Believe it or not, in Catholic school during Hanukkah they had us play dreidel games and eat latkes and stuff.
Gentile #2: That's very weird.
Gentile #1: Hey, it was better than reading the Bible.
Gentile #2: Touché.
--New School for Social Research
What do You Mean, 'Jewish'? I Thought This Was Some Kind of Giant Robot Cartoon!
Crazy lady: Hooray! Jewish people!
Guy Wearing "Israeli Defense Force" t-shirt: Actually, I'm Catholic.
--60th & Madison
Mary: 'God Was so Small, it Was Like I Was Doing it With Myself'
Altar boy #1: Plants are asexual since they do it with themselves and then spawn.
Altar boy #2: Like Mother Mary?
--Bronx High School of Science
To Be Fair, She's Really More Of a Cyborg
20-Something #1: My roommate was this die-hard Christian.
20-Something #2: Born again?
20-Something #1: No, just regular.
20-Something #2: What's the difference?
Pause.
20-Something #1: I don't really know.
20-Something #2: My first roommate was, too. She liked this one lady, Joyce Meyers.
20-Something #1: I didn't know that women could be priestesses in the Catholic religion.
--Bryant Park
Overheard by: jtango
Then Explain That St. Ignatius Menorah
Guy #1: She's really religious, she even goes to a Jesuit school.
Girl #1: Oh! Like JTS?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: What? Isn't Jesuit another word for Jewish? Like Orthodox or something?
Guy #1: Um, no.
--Columbia University
Still More Natural Than God's Body and Blood
Catholic girl #1: It's a little more natural to have jizz in your mouth instead of pee.
Catholic girl #2: But the jizz has shit in it!
--Bryant Park
Christ, He's Still Not Quite Getting It
Man #1: I went to confession, to a priest. I unloaded some pretty bad things I done. He was a Jesuit, this priest was. He knew I was feeling bad, so he told me not to be hard on myself, that God loves me no matter what. Then he said God loves all of us, that he loved Hitler just as much as the Blessed Mother.
Man #2: That's some pretty heavy shit. I'll tell you this, if I were that priest I wouldn't say that at a synagogue.
Man #1: Jeez, I didn't think of that.
--Carnegie Deli, 7th Avenue
Because Nothing Says Hilarity Like Catholicism
Suit #1: No sir, the kids don't have school off tomorrow. You believe that?
Suit #2: Wait, the Catholic Schools don't close for the Jewish holidays? You're kidding me!
--Elevator, Park & 33rd
Overheard by: Nick Jezarian
Private Schools: The Difference is Clear?
Catholic School boy #1: Man, I can call a bitch a bitch if I wanna call her a bitch.
Catholic School girl: Nah, you can't call a girl a bitch. It's offensive, stupidass.
Catholic School boy #2: Yeah man, I don't call 'em bitch no more. Now, I call 'em broads.
Catholic School boy #1: Nah, I ain't callin' you a bitch cause you bitchin'. I'm calling you a bitch cause that's just what you call 'em. It's a colloquialism.
--6 train
Overheard by: Jacob Feldman
Oddly, She's the World's Biggest Menorah
Nun #1: The lady who is the Statue of Liberty is Catholic.
Nun #2: Someone told me she was Muslim, but I think they were just trying to keep it safe from airplane attacks.
--South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Joseph Lo Cascio
