<b><a href="http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/004560.html">Wednesday One-liners Like Cans of Beans</a></b><br/> Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I'm fucked.<br/><br/>--2nd Avenue station<br/><br/>Overheard by: Maddog<br/><br/>Hobo: I don't steal. I don't snatch purses. I don't bother women. But don't get me wrong, I'm not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway 'cause I am a bum.<br/><br/>--4 train<br/><br/>Overheard by: Jen McC.<br/><br/>Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It's kosher!<br/><br/>--52nd & 5th<br/><br/>Overheard by: Jess<br/><br/>Hobo: I'm just tryin' to get some pussy here and all y'all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn.<br/><br/>--PATH train<br/><br/>Overheard by: Everett Moran<br/><br/>Hobo: I've been shitting plastic lately.<br/><br/>--Q60 bus<br/><br/>Overheard by: Ben<br/><br/>Hobo: Please help me...Please help me...I need money to buy popcorn...Please help me...I need a hot meal...I need money to buy popcorn.<br/><br/>--53rd & Park<br/><br/>Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It's okay. I make big doo-doos too.<br/><br/>--Astor Place<br/><br/>Overheard by: Melissa Cole<br/><br/>Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That's all right, God bless you...even the Chinese girl.<br/><br/>--Bank & Bleecker<br/><br/>Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that.<br/><br/>--5th Avenue-53rd Street station<br/><br/>Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa<br/><br/>Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train <em>do not pick it up</em>. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do <em>not</em> worry. <em>It is not a bomb</em>. I've been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They'll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don't <em>touch</em> it...Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square?<br/><br/>--N train<br/><br/>Overheard by: Zelda<br/><br/>Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research.<br/><br/>--4 train<br/><br/>Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer<br/><br/>Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you.<br/><br/>--6 train<br/><br/>Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his <em>teeth</em>!<br/><br/>--6 train<br/><br/>Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya?<br/><br/>--33rd & 8th<br/><br/>Overheard by: Brian Graham<br/><br/>Hobo: What's the holdup? Let's get this train moving! There's people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There's pregnant people! Court musicians!<br/><br/>--R train<br/><br/>Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world...Shee-it.<br/><br/>--42nd & Lexington<br/><br/>Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker<br/>via <a href="http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/">Overheard in New York</a>, Feb 22, 2006