<b><a href="http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/016979.html">Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Workin&#39; on the Railroad, All the Livelong Day</a></b><br/> <!-- ID = 94883 -->Conductor: Hey, partner, can we go? (static) We can&#39;t? Why the heck not? Hey, moron, get your ass in here! You&#39;re holding up a bunch of wonderful people! Wonderful New York commuters who don&#39;t need this kind of fucking bullshit at 3 on a Friday afternoon! (static) Yes, you! Keep pointing at yourself and my answer will keep being... Yes, it&#39;s you! Goddammit, get in the fucking train! I hate dealing with this! (long pause) You know what, make a decision: either cram your Rosie O&#39;Donnell ass in or get the fuck out! Oh, look, he&#39;s in! (slow, sarcastic applause) Partner, we can bounce up on out of here now.<br/><br/>--1 Train<br/><br/>Overheard by: Train Wreck<br/><br/><!-- ID = 103171 -->Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, for the next 250 years there will be track work on weekends. Don&#39;t say that no one told you.<br/><br/>--R Train<br/><br/>Overheard by: Mezz<br/><br/><!-- ID = 103253 -->Conductor: If you don&#39;t fit on this train kindly wait for the next B. (doors close) That was excellent, ladies and gentlemen, if you keep this up, we&#39;ll all be home really soon.<br/><br/>--B Train<br/><br/><!-- ID = 103607 -->Conductor, looking forward to the end of his shift: All right folks, this is your 6:07 train to New Haven stopping at 125th, then express to Stamford. We&#39;re off... (makes clippy-clop noises) Neeiiigghh!<br/><br/>--Metro-North Train<br/><br/>Overheard by: Amused passenger<br/><br/><!-- ID = 103940 -->Conductor: This is 125th Street, may the force be with you, next stop 86th Street.<br/><br/>--4 Train<br/><br/>Overheard by: Luke Skywalker<br/><br/><!-- ID = 104196 -->Conductor, after train goes through stop: Whoops! My bad. My bad.<br/><br/>--G Train<br/><br/>Overheard by: El David<br/><br/><!-- ID = 103381 -->Conductor, after train stops: Ladies and gentlemen, there is train traffic up ahead. We&#39;ll start moving as soon... (train starts moving) Oh, well, I guess that&#39;s cleared up. Weee!<br/><br/>--Downtown A Train<br/><br/>Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster<br/><br/><br/>via <a href="http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/">Overheard in New York</a>, Nov 19, 2008