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I Don't Know Nothin' 'bout Birthin' No Movie
Tourist: What's the name of the movie?
Busy cameraman: Gone with the Wind, Part Two.
Tourist, walking away: Well, that's a smart-ass answer.
--Movie set, 53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: crew sympathizer
Who Wants to See a Horror Movie Where No One Dies?
Hipster, after a preview: Why would anyone want to see that? There's no white people in it.
Girlfriend: Shhh!
Hipster: What?
--Landmark Sunshine Cinema, E Houston
These Days, My Intelligence Is Globally Distributed
Guy: I liked it. What'd you think?
Date: It was okay, I guess. I don't know about the ending, though.
Guy: Well, I'm pretty sure it has some deeper meaning. I'll have to check some message boards and find out.
--Regal Cinemas, Union Square
We Are Wise to Avoid Things That Cause Us Pain
Tourist: Are you shooting a movie? Is that what all this is for?
Production assistant: Yes.
Tourist: Which movie? Is it a new one? Who's in it?
Production assistant: It's a new Adam Sandler movie. It's called--
Tourist: --Oh. Never mind. [Walks away.]
--Columbus Circle entrance to Central Park
Overheard by: Sweaty running boy
Curtis, Do You Think We're... Gay?
Man #1: That's the second Korean movie that has ever made me cry.
Man #2: Oh, yeah. Lots of 'em do. I mean, if you see enough of them, a lot of them do.
--12th & University
Overheard by: James
Like Picasso, Our Views on Art Will Never Be Accepted in Our Day
Punk girl #1: Man, the Metro said Spider-Man 3 sucked!
Punk girl #2: Yeah, I know, girl... The Metro says everything sucks. All movies suck according to it...
Punk girl #1: But Spider-Man 3 was amazing!
Punk girl #2: I know! The Metro also said You Got Served sucked... What the hell was up with that?
--Stuyvesant Town
Wasn't That the Original Premise of The View?
Bimbette #1: Oh my god, did you see that new movie?
Bimbette #2: Wait, what new movie?
Bimbette #1: You know. Ugh, what's it called? It's the one with Jessica Alba.
Bimbette #2: Um, Fantastic 4?
Bimbette #1: Yeah! There's only three, though, so I don't know why it's called Fantastic 4. It should be called 'Fantastic 3 Plus a Blob.'
--E 33rd & Lex
Overheard by: Kris
When Even Nerds Get Age-Vain, What Chance Do We Have?
Pushing-40 nerd #1: Dude, the Matrix trilogy is like the original Star Wars trilogy for my generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #2: Whatever, man. Dude, you're, like, 38. The original Star Wars trilogy is the Star Wars trilogy of your generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #1: Fuck you.
--Javits Center
You Got All That from Happy Feet?
Chick: I liked it. It wasn't like, 'Aw, too bad, it's the Holocaust.' It was more like, 'Yeah! The Holocaust!'
Friend: Plus, it didn't make me feel guilty about thinking Nazis are hot.
--AMC Theatres
Overheard by: Kelly
The Movie That Made New York What It Is Today
Man, slamming on hood of taxi inching forward: Hey! I'm walkin' here! [Turns to people behind him] Where's that from?
Lady passerby: Midnight Cowboy!
--50th & Broadway
She's Probably Hearing the Siren Song of the Catholic Church
Fag hag: So, how's your hot cousin?
Queer: He's dating this girl now... She's cute, tall... Looks like Katie Holmes -- has the same look on her face.
Fag hag: What look is that?
Queer: You know -- sad.
--Nederlander Theatre
Overheard by: Crazy Legs Freddy
I Liked the Music, but Not the Sodomy
Boyfriend: I used to really love South Pacific.
Girlfriend: Of course you did.
Boyfriend: I think I used to be gay when I was little.
--Manhattan-bound N train
... About the Last White House Christmas Party
Dude #1: Hey, how do you say 'brains' in German?
Dude #2: I don't know. Why?
Dude #1: I need it for that movie I'm making -- 'Nazi Zombies.'
--Barnes & Noble, 8th & 6th
Well You Didn't Want to See Dumb and Dumber
Black teen #1: Yo, let's go see Blood Diamond.
Black teen #2, with African accent: No, I told you -- I don't want to see that.
Black teen #1: What are you talkin' 'bout, don't wanna see it? Nigga, you're in it!
--Loews, Lincoln Center
These Wednesday One-Liners Are Not Yet Rated
Sixth grade boy reading list of movies to himself: Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Men in tights... Men in tights... I don't know what the movie is about, but I like the title.
--Middle school, Park Slope
Angry dude: I can't believe no place in all of New York City has this fucking movie. You can get anything in this city. Anything. If I wanted to get two midget strippers who'd let me do rails of coke off their asses tonight, I would be able to, but I can't get this one fucking movie!
--St. Mark's Pl
Hipster: I'm sorry, but there's just never going to be a movie starring a midget.
--14th & 1st
Overheard by: Peter Dinklage, The Station Agent
Hipster dude: So I woke up, watched a movie, watched a movie, watched a movie, watched a movie, went out to the movies, came home, and watched another movie. I love movies. But then I had to sleep on my futon, and I woke up to a dog peeing on my head.
--R train
Asian chick to preggers friend: It would be so cool if your water broke during the movie.
--IMAX Theater
Overheard by: I don't think it would be...
I Can Send You to a Blockbuster, but I Charge a Finder's Fee
Chinese lady hawker: DVD! DVD! DVD!
Southerner lady: Do y'all have The Sound of Music?
Chinese lady hawker: New DVD only! Charlotte Web! New James Bond!
Southerner lady: They just get everything first in New York, don't they? So... Y'all don't have The Sound of Music?
--Canal St
Overheard by: Miss Megan
What Is It with That Movie?
Bimbette: Oh my god, I'm so horny.
Friend: Did you just see Josh or something?
Bimbette: No, I just watched Newsies!
Friend: Without me?
Bimbette: It was sort of a one-on-one Newsies experience.
Friend: I totally understand... Dancing preteen boys...
--NYU
Overheard by: Kelly
I Locked the Gryffindor and Hung by My Tits from the Ravenclaws While Slytherin' My Hufflepuff
Boyfriend: So you went home, drank two Smirnoff Ices, watched Harry Potter one and a half times, and masturbated twice?
Girlfriend: Yep.
--City Hall Park
Headline by: Lord Pervdevert
Runners-Up:
· "Nice." - ImmaculatePizza
· "And That's Why You Couldn't Meet My Parents?" - Gerard
· "Best 13th Birthday Ever" - downtown
· "Just Another Night for JK Rowling" - Suzy
· "Rookie" - 6th Floor Blogger
· "Underage or Underloved?" - em
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Tough Talk from a Girl Who Paid to See The Lake House
Chick with headset directing sidewalk traffic: Excuse me. Please cross the street here... You can't pass here...
20-ish chick: What are you guys filming?
Chick with headset: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.
20-ish chick: Hahaha! That shit sucks! Hahaha!
--E 8th St & University Pl
Portrait of a Man Wondering If She's Worth It
Drunk chick: Oh my god, you look like the last tsunami!
Guy with really short hair: What?
Drunk chick: I said you look like that last tsunami guy in the Tom Cruise movie!
Guy with really short hair: You mean The Last Samurai?
Drunk chick: Oh, yeah. Him.
--Party, 46th & 8th
This nigga on Overheard
Thug #1: We don't even go to the movies or nothin'. She just comes over to smash it and then she leaves. She knows, too. She just comes over for some pipin'.
Thug #2: That's where it's at.
Thug #1: She got a 10-year-old li'l nigga, too. She knows not to ask for somethin' serious. That li'l nigga in fifth grade! That nigga on MySpace!
--Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Rhymes With Lasagna
Headline by: ja
Runners-Up:
· "...And "To Catch A Predator"" - Stuck in the MidWest
· "He Comes Over for Some Pipin' Too." - Courtney
· "I Just Have to Wait for Her to Be in Eigth." - Snark Sloper
· "That Li'l Nigga Gots Roast Beef and This Li'l Nigga Gots None." - johnnyb
· "The Nucular Family" - Bill
· "The Waltons, 2007" - G'night, John Boy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Wednesday One-Liners Have a Doctor's Note
Chick to another: She's a weed-smoking, modern orthodox girl. I mean, I don't think she goes to her rabbi's high, but...
--Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: cole
Professor: ... So the art department on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boulders.
--Media Productions class, City College
Mini thug: Yo, I wouldn't even have to be high out of my mind to enjoy this shit!
--Brooklyn Cyclone, Coney Island
Overheard by: Alie
Smoking model on cell: Um, yeah, he's cute... But, duh -- he's addicted to opiates!
--Houston & Laffayette
Overheard by: Jake
Hobo to girls: How are you smiling in a city filled with a million crackheads?
--56th & 5th
Guy on a rant in front of Imagine mosaic: In my next life I want to be an amoeba! Make more music, smoke more pot... Eating healthily is expensive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!
--Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: I'll have what he's having
Tell Me More, Tell Me More
Girl: I would so date Danny Zucco. I mean, the character.
Boy: But he was a dick. I mean, a sweet dick in the end, but still a dick.
Girl: Well, I like sweet dicks... Oh, god.
--17th & 5th
Overheard by: widdershawns
Was There Rat Kissing?
Seven-year-old girl: I'm going to see a movie this weekend. Can anyone guess what I'm going to see?
Seven-year-old boy: Ratatouille! I already saw it.
Seven-year-old girl: Yeah, I'm going to go see Ratatouille this weekend.
Seven-year-old boy: Yeah, I already saw it. And there's this one part -- yuck -- you don't want to see it. It's bad, you really don't want to see that part -- it's gross. [Whispers it to another kid.]
Seven-year-old girl: What? Is there kissing? I can see kissing... If you think I've never seen kissing before, there's kissing in every other movie I have ever seen in my life!
--Bleecker St playground
The O'Reilly Factor, for Instance
Drunk #1 in video booth: There's so many movies to choose from!
Drunk #2: I think I'm in a gay booth.
Drunk #1: This one's from the point of view of a dick!
Disembodied voice: Isn't everything?
--Peep Show, 8th Ave
Overheard by: just passing through
Thank God for Sequels
Hipster chick: What happened here?
Cop: Everything's alright... Spider-Man saved the day.
--Union Square subway station
Fortunately, No American Ever Has to Grow Up
Homie #1: Transformers looks mad scary.
Homie #2: That's why it's for adults like us.
Homie #1: Word. So is Harry Potter.
--G train
Don't Waste Your Limited Attention Span, Sweetie
Salesgirl: Can I help you?
Teen in short skirt and chewing gum: Um, hi. I'm looking for a book called, um, um, 'The Da-something Code.'
Salesgirl: The Da Vinci Code?
Teen in short skirt and chewing gum: Yeah, something.
--Barnes & Noble
Wednesday One-Liners Go to the Flicker Pictures
Guy to L. Ron Hub-tards: So, if I sign up with you, how long do I have to offer people stress tests before I become a movie star?
--Union Square
Gangsta teen: Yeah, A Clockwork Orange. You seen that shit? They taped his eyes open and made him watch rapes and shit. I would have ripped that shit off my eyes, man -- fuck that. I'd blink my motherfucking eyes regardless.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: I do, too
Hipster: Actually, I don't watch movies. I watch films.
--The Village
Blonde: Wasn't Newsies a documentary?
--Deluxe, 114th & Broadway
Overheard by: McFreaky
Queer on cell: So, it's not just like one of those regular bestiality films...
--E 9th & 1st
Movie buff: Yeah, I thought Seabiscuit was a good movie until I realized it was about a horse.
--Starbucks
Overheard by: pokemaul2k4
Who Rides in a Short Bus under the Sea?
Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yeah, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?!
Kid #2: Yes, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yes! Seriously! Gosh, you're acting like SpongeBob!
--St. Catherine's Elementary, Brooklyn
Overheard by: rpk
Headline by: Rock Bottom
Runners-Up:
· "...or Alberto Gonzalez under Oath." - JC
· "Actual Script from Laguna Beach" - Jeremy
· "Dude, You've Been Watching Too Much SquarePant's Anatomy" - Breanne S.
· "How Serious Can Spongebob Be If Spongebob Could Be Serious?" - Philip
· "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter - Test Campaign #34" - Paul Sheiman
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Bigotty Sense Tingling...
Five-year-old: Daddy, I don't wanna see Spider-Man 3.
Dad: Come on, why not?
Five-year-old: I hate the black Spider-Man.
Hobo: That child is racist!
--Loews cinema, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Hobo has a point
And There's Nothing Worth Stealing in There
During trailer for horror movie where young girl peeks in door of creepy house and says, 'Hello?'...
Thugette: Why they be goin' into some abandoned-ass house like that?
Thug: 'Cause they white.
--Court Street cineplex, Brooklyn
Overheard by: MrStench
Wednesday One-Liners Start a Love Train
Student: I just always assumed everyone's love of integrals.
--John Jay Hall, Columbia
Dude: I had her up against the wall and was all like, 'Jimmy cracked corn,' and shit. She was lovin' it.
--A train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Ilyse
Man: I did scream, 'I love you Lindsay Lohan!' when I saw her at the costume thing, but that's just 'cause everyone else was.
--20th & 5th
Man on cell: No, not that Jim. The Jim who loves acid and foie gras.
--Metropolitan & Union, Brooklyn
Overheard by: liza
Conductor: I know you've heard of the love boat. Well, this is the love train.
--Metro-North
Overheard by: Mark Schilsky
Guy to girlfriend at table of friends: You just love my average-sized cock!
--3rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Chuckles
Wednesday One-Liners Are Real, and They're Spectacular
Suit: ... But then I'd just be one big, walking boob!
--Grand Central
Overheard by: uh what?
Hipster chick: Oh my god, I know! Chad told me I have to show him my boobs before we graduate, and that's, like, only a month away!
--118th & Broadway
Overheard by: sapphirebluemica
Ghetto tourist man looking at Maidenform billboard: Breasts! Breasts on a billboard!
--35th & 7th
Overheard by: Moses
19-year-old girl: I am not leaving here without black ballet flats and breasts.
--Bathroom line, Macy's
Little boy: Look, Mommy, Shrek has titties!
--AMC, Bay Plaza
Overheard by: Mel & Damee
Boyfriend to angry girlfriend: I didn't say you had an awkward body! I said you had awkward breasts!
--Camp, Cobble Hill
Which Reminds Me -- We Need to Shop for Staples
Yuppie: You know, that's a very expensive beer you're not drinking.
Girlfriend: Can't we have one night where you don't quote American Psycho?
Yuppie: Oh, he bought her Chardonnay. Don't worry, I'm not a Chardonnay guy.
Girlfriend: Whatever. Just don't nail-gun me in my sleep tonight. Again.
--Iggy's on Rivington
Wait, Are You Describing the Movie or the Party?
Dude: I saw that movie at that sex party -- the one where Jim got a blowjob by a chick that was not his girlfriend.
Chick: Oh my god, that sounds awesome -- I love it already!
Dude: I know, it's awesome!
--LaGuardia & W 3rd
At Least Nobody Felt the Need to Sing
B&T woman #1: Did you see Three Days of Rain?
B&T woman #2: No, what was it about?
B&T man #1: A stutterer fucks Julia Roberts.
B&T woman #1: Pay no attention to him -- he's a Neanderthal.
B&T man #2, leaning in and whispering: Does he really?
--Sardi's Restaurant
Overheard by: Big Larry
Yet Another Reason to See the Pirates Director's Cut
Angry girl: Your boner does not have super powers.
Dude: Yes, it does!
Angry girl: It won't even point us in the right direction.
Dude: I never said it could do that.
Angry girl: You're no Captain Jack Sparrow.
--W 3rd & Lafayette
Overheard by: danger
He's a Dick Wolf Fanatic
Tour guide: The school campus has been in many film and television productions, including The Good Shepherd, Law and Order, and most notably the classic Debbie Does Dallas.
Big Midwestern dad: I thought I recognized that library!
--Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrattStudent09
She Used The Rules to Line Her Bird's Cage
20-ish guy: So, I should just ask: Can I come in and fuck your brains out?
20-ish girl: You don't have to be all Tarantino about it, but yeah.
--44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Esther
Although She Also Told Me Shrooms Are Just Mushrooms with LSD Sprayed On...
NYU guy proposing Mary Poppins as a Rocky Horror-style sing-along: It'd probably be fun to get drunk and go to one of those.
NYU girl: I don't know...
NYU guy: Well, that's what my oboe teacher said.
--Washington Square
Overheard by: fifi
I Bit Off All of My Nails the Week Michelle Fell Off That Horse
Dude #1: Plus, I was watching The Sandlot, so that always stresses me out.
Dude #2: It does?
Dude #1: Yeah. Even though I know what's going to happen, I get really anxious... That's also the reason I don't watch Full House.
--Q train
Overheard by: dianora
What Drug Could Make That Interesting?
Thug #1: Yo, what we gonna do today?
Thug #2: Do like my man in Big Daddy do -- we go to the park and watch people trip over shit!
--Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: MC
Of Course, If He'd Said That about Clue I'd Have to Club Him
Theater fan: What would you say about a person who saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show only once and didn't feel any need to see it again?
Tim Curry: I'd say that was a person who was in full possession of their senses.
--Actor's Fund event, 52nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Big Larry
Or the Last Viking Unicorn?
NYU bimbette #1: Yeah, see, I totally think there's something fishy about Dumbledore's death -- especially his funeral. Like, why was he buried out at sea?
NYU bimbette #2: He wasn't. He was buried at Hogwarts.
NYU bimbette #1: Wait... Am I thinking of First Knight?
--Union Square
Overheard by: Felony