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I Don't Know Nothin' 'bout Birthin' No Movie
Tourist: What's the name of the movie?
Busy cameraman: Gone with the Wind, Part Two.
Tourist, walking away: Well, that's a smart-ass answer.
--Movie set, 53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: crew sympathizer
Who Wants to See a Horror Movie Where No One Dies?
Hipster, after a preview: Why would anyone want to see that? There's no white people in it.
Girlfriend: Shhh!
Hipster: What?
--Landmark Sunshine Cinema, E Houston
These Days, My Intelligence Is Globally Distributed
Guy: I liked it. What'd you think?
Date: It was okay, I guess. I don't know about the ending, though.
Guy: Well, I'm pretty sure it has some deeper meaning. I'll have to check some message boards and find out.
--Regal Cinemas, Union Square
We Are Wise to Avoid Things That Cause Us Pain
Tourist: Are you shooting a movie? Is that what all this is for?
Production assistant: Yes.
Tourist: Which movie? Is it a new one? Who's in it?
Production assistant: It's a new Adam Sandler movie. It's called--
Tourist: --Oh. Never mind. [Walks away.]
--Columbus Circle entrance to Central Park
Overheard by: Sweaty running boy
Curtis, Do You Think We're... Gay?
Man #1: That's the second Korean movie that has ever made me cry.
Man #2: Oh, yeah. Lots of 'em do. I mean, if you see enough of them, a lot of them do.
--12th & University
Overheard by: James
Like Picasso, Our Views on Art Will Never Be Accepted in Our Day
Punk girl #1: Man, the Metro said Spider-Man 3 sucked!
Punk girl #2: Yeah, I know, girl... The Metro says everything sucks. All movies suck according to it...
Punk girl #1: But Spider-Man 3 was amazing!
Punk girl #2: I know! The Metro also said You Got Served sucked... What the hell was up with that?
--Stuyvesant Town
Wasn't That the Original Premise of The View?
Bimbette #1: Oh my god, did you see that new movie?
Bimbette #2: Wait, what new movie?
Bimbette #1: You know. Ugh, what's it called? It's the one with Jessica Alba.
Bimbette #2: Um, Fantastic 4?
Bimbette #1: Yeah! There's only three, though, so I don't know why it's called Fantastic 4. It should be called 'Fantastic 3 Plus a Blob.'
--E 33rd & Lex
Overheard by: Kris
When Even Nerds Get Age-Vain, What Chance Do We Have?
Pushing-40 nerd #1: Dude, the Matrix trilogy is like the original Star Wars trilogy for my generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #2: Whatever, man. Dude, you're, like, 38. The original Star Wars trilogy is the Star Wars trilogy of your generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #1: Fuck you.
--Javits Center
You Got All That from Happy Feet?
Chick: I liked it. It wasn't like, 'Aw, too bad, it's the Holocaust.' It was more like, 'Yeah! The Holocaust!'
Friend: Plus, it didn't make me feel guilty about thinking Nazis are hot.
--AMC Theatres
Overheard by: Kelly
The Movie That Made New York What It Is Today
Man, slamming on hood of taxi inching forward: Hey! I'm walkin' here! [Turns to people behind him] Where's that from?
Lady passerby: Midnight Cowboy!
--50th & Broadway
She's Probably Hearing the Siren Song of the Catholic Church
Fag hag: So, how's your hot cousin?
Queer: He's dating this girl now... She's cute, tall... Looks like Katie Holmes -- has the same look on her face.
Fag hag: What look is that?
Queer: You know -- sad.
--Nederlander Theatre
Overheard by: Crazy Legs Freddy
I Liked the Music, but Not the Sodomy
Boyfriend: I used to really love South Pacific.
Girlfriend: Of course you did.
Boyfriend: I think I used to be gay when I was little.
--Manhattan-bound N train
... About the Last White House Christmas Party
Dude #1: Hey, how do you say 'brains' in German?
Dude #2: I don't know. Why?
Dude #1: I need it for that movie I'm making -- 'Nazi Zombies.'
--Barnes & Noble, 8th & 6th
Well You Didn't Want to See Dumb and Dumber
Black teen #1: Yo, let's go see Blood Diamond.
Black teen #2, with African accent: No, I told you -- I don't want to see that.
Black teen #1: What are you talkin' 'bout, don't wanna see it? Nigga, you're in it!
--Loews, Lincoln Center
These Wednesday One-Liners Are Not Yet Rated
Sixth grade boy reading list of movies to himself: Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Men in tights... Men in tights... I don't know what the movie is about, but I like the title.
--Middle school, Park Slope
Angry dude: I can't believe no place in all of New York City has this fucking movie. You can get anything in this city. Anything. If I wanted to get two midget strippers who'd let me do rails of coke off their asses tonight, I would be able to, but I can't get this one fucking movie!
--St. Mark's Pl
Hipster: I'm sorry, but there's just never going to be a movie starring a midget.
--14th & 1st
Overheard by: Peter Dinklage, The Station Agent
Hipster dude: So I woke up, watched a movie, watched a movie, watched a movie, watched a movie, went out to the movies, came home, and watched another movie. I love movies. But then I had to sleep on my futon, and I woke up to a dog peeing on my head.
--R train
Asian chick to preggers friend: It would be so cool if your water broke during the movie.
--IMAX Theater
Overheard by: I don't think it would be...
I Can Send You to a Blockbuster, but I Charge a Finder's Fee
Chinese lady hawker: DVD! DVD! DVD!
Southerner lady: Do y'all have The Sound of Music?
Chinese lady hawker: New DVD only! Charlotte Web! New James Bond!
Southerner lady: They just get everything first in New York, don't they? So... Y'all don't have The Sound of Music?
--Canal St
Overheard by: Miss Megan
What Is It with That Movie?
Bimbette: Oh my god, I'm so horny.
Friend: Did you just see Josh or something?
Bimbette: No, I just watched Newsies!
Friend: Without me?
Bimbette: It was sort of a one-on-one Newsies experience.
Friend: I totally understand... Dancing preteen boys...
--NYU
Overheard by: Kelly
I Locked the Gryffindor and Hung by My Tits from the Ravenclaws While Slytherin' My Hufflepuff
Boyfriend: So you went home, drank two Smirnoff Ices, watched Harry Potter one and a half times, and masturbated twice?
Girlfriend: Yep.
--City Hall Park
Headline by: Lord Pervdevert
Runners-Up:
· "Nice." - ImmaculatePizza
· "And That's Why You Couldn't Meet My Parents?" - Gerard
· "Best 13th Birthday Ever" - downtown
· "Just Another Night for JK Rowling" - Suzy
· "Rookie" - 6th Floor Blogger
· "Underage or Underloved?" - em
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Tough Talk from a Girl Who Paid to See The Lake House
Chick with headset directing sidewalk traffic: Excuse me. Please cross the street here... You can't pass here...
20-ish chick: What are you guys filming?
Chick with headset: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.
20-ish chick: Hahaha! That shit sucks! Hahaha!
--E 8th St & University Pl
Portrait of a Man Wondering If She's Worth It
Drunk chick: Oh my god, you look like the last tsunami!
Guy with really short hair: What?
Drunk chick: I said you look like that last tsunami guy in the Tom Cruise movie!
Guy with really short hair: You mean The Last Samurai?
Drunk chick: Oh, yeah. Him.
--Party, 46th & 8th
This nigga on Overheard
Thug #1: We don't even go to the movies or nothin'. She just comes over to smash it and then she leaves. She knows, too. She just comes over for some pipin'.
Thug #2: That's where it's at.
Thug #1: She got a 10-year-old li'l nigga, too. She knows not to ask for somethin' serious. That li'l nigga in fifth grade! That nigga on MySpace!
--Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Rhymes With Lasagna
Headline by: ja
Runners-Up:
· "...And "To Catch A Predator"" - Stuck in the MidWest
· "He Comes Over for Some Pipin' Too." - Courtney
· "I Just Have to Wait for Her to Be in Eigth." - Snark Sloper
· "That Li'l Nigga Gots Roast Beef and This Li'l Nigga Gots None." - johnnyb
· "The Nucular Family" - Bill
· "The Waltons, 2007" - G'night, John Boy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Wednesday One-Liners Have a Doctor's Note
Chick to another: She's a weed-smoking, modern orthodox girl. I mean, I don't think she goes to her rabbi's high, but...
--Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: cole
Professor: ... So the art department on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boulders.
--Media Productions class, City College
Mini thug: Yo, I wouldn't even have to be high out of my mind to enjoy this shit!
--Brooklyn Cyclone, Coney Island
Overheard by: Alie
Smoking model on cell: Um, yeah, he's cute... But, duh -- he's addicted to opiates!
--Houston & Laffayette
Overheard by: Jake
Hobo to girls: How are you smiling in a city filled with a million crackheads?
--56th & 5th
Guy on a rant in front of Imagine mosaic: In my next life I want to be an amoeba! Make more music, smoke more pot... Eating healthily is expensive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!
--Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: I'll have what he's having
Tell Me More, Tell Me More
Girl: I would so date Danny Zucco. I mean, the character.
Boy: But he was a dick. I mean, a sweet dick in the end, but still a dick.
Girl: Well, I like sweet dicks... Oh, god.
--17th & 5th
Overheard by: widdershawns
Was There Rat Kissing?
Seven-year-old girl: I'm going to see a movie this weekend. Can anyone guess what I'm going to see?
Seven-year-old boy: Ratatouille! I already saw it.
Seven-year-old girl: Yeah, I'm going to go see Ratatouille this weekend.
Seven-year-old boy: Yeah, I already saw it. And there's this one part -- yuck -- you don't want to see it. It's bad, you really don't want to see that part -- it's gross. [Whispers it to another kid.]
Seven-year-old girl: What? Is there kissing? I can see kissing... If you think I've never seen kissing before, there's kissing in every other movie I have ever seen in my life!
--Bleecker St playground
The O'Reilly Factor, for Instance
Drunk #1 in video booth: There's so many movies to choose from!
Drunk #2: I think I'm in a gay booth.
Drunk #1: This one's from the point of view of a dick!
Disembodied voice: Isn't everything?
--Peep Show, 8th Ave
Overheard by: just passing through
Thank God for Sequels
Hipster chick: What happened here?
Cop: Everything's alright... Spider-Man saved the day.
--Union Square subway station
Fortunately, No American Ever Has to Grow Up
Homie #1: Transformers looks mad scary.
Homie #2: That's why it's for adults like us.
Homie #1: Word. So is Harry Potter.
--G train
Don't Waste Your Limited Attention Span, Sweetie
Salesgirl: Can I help you?
Teen in short skirt and chewing gum: Um, hi. I'm looking for a book called, um, um, 'The Da-something Code.'
Salesgirl: The Da Vinci Code?
Teen in short skirt and chewing gum: Yeah, something.
--Barnes & Noble
Wednesday One-Liners Go to the Flicker Pictures
Guy to L. Ron Hub-tards: So, if I sign up with you, how long do I have to offer people stress tests before I become a movie star?
--Union Square
Gangsta teen: Yeah, A Clockwork Orange. You seen that shit? They taped his eyes open and made him watch rapes and shit. I would have ripped that shit off my eyes, man -- fuck that. I'd blink my motherfucking eyes regardless.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: I do, too
Hipster: Actually, I don't watch movies. I watch films.
--The Village
Blonde: Wasn't Newsies a documentary?
--Deluxe, 114th & Broadway
Overheard by: McFreaky
Queer on cell: So, it's not just like one of those regular bestiality films...
--E 9th & 1st
Movie buff: Yeah, I thought Seabiscuit was a good movie until I realized it was about a horse.
--Starbucks
Overheard by: pokemaul2k4
Who Rides in a Short Bus under the Sea?
Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yeah, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?!
Kid #2: Yes, seriously.
Kid #1: Seriously?
Kid #2: Yes! Seriously! Gosh, you're acting like SpongeBob!
--St. Catherine's Elementary, Brooklyn
Overheard by: rpk
Headline by: Rock Bottom
Runners-Up:
· "...or Alberto Gonzalez under Oath." - JC
· "Actual Script from Laguna Beach" - Jeremy
· "Dude, You've Been Watching Too Much SquarePant's Anatomy" - Breanne S.
· "How Serious Can Spongebob Be If Spongebob Could Be Serious?" - Philip
· "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter - Test Campaign #34" - Paul Sheiman
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Bigotty Sense Tingling...
Five-year-old: Daddy, I don't wanna see Spider-Man 3.
Dad: Come on, why not?
Five-year-old: I hate the black Spider-Man.
Hobo: That child is racist!
--Loews cinema, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Hobo has a point
And There's Nothing Worth Stealing in There
During trailer for horror movie where young girl peeks in door of creepy house and says, 'Hello?'...
Thugette: Why they be goin' into some abandoned-ass house like that?
Thug: 'Cause they white.
--Court Street cineplex, Brooklyn
Overheard by: MrStench
Wednesday One-Liners Start a Love Train
Student: I just always assumed everyone's love of integrals.
--John Jay Hall, Columbia
Dude: I had her up against the wall and was all like, 'Jimmy cracked corn,' and shit. She was lovin' it.
--A train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Ilyse
Man: I did scream, 'I love you Lindsay Lohan!' when I saw her at the costume thing, but that's just 'cause everyone else was.
--20th & 5th
Man on cell: No, not that Jim. The Jim who loves acid and foie gras.
--Metropolitan & Union, Brooklyn
Overheard by: liza
Conductor: I know you've heard of the love boat. Well, this is the love train.
--Metro-North
Overheard by: Mark Schilsky
Guy to girlfriend at table of friends: You just love my average-sized cock!
--3rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Chuckles
Wednesday One-Liners Are Real, and They're Spectacular
Suit: ... But then I'd just be one big, walking boob!
--Grand Central
Overheard by: uh what?
Hipster chick: Oh my god, I know! Chad told me I have to show him my boobs before we graduate, and that's, like, only a month away!
--118th & Broadway
Overheard by: sapphirebluemica
Ghetto tourist man looking at Maidenform billboard: Breasts! Breasts on a billboard!
--35th & 7th
Overheard by: Moses
19-year-old girl: I am not leaving here without black ballet flats and breasts.
--Bathroom line, Macy's
Little boy: Look, Mommy, Shrek has titties!
--AMC, Bay Plaza
Overheard by: Mel & Damee
Boyfriend to angry girlfriend: I didn't say you had an awkward body! I said you had awkward breasts!
--Camp, Cobble Hill
Which Reminds Me -- We Need to Shop for Staples
Yuppie: You know, that's a very expensive beer you're not drinking.
Girlfriend: Can't we have one night where you don't quote American Psycho?
Yuppie: Oh, he bought her Chardonnay. Don't worry, I'm not a Chardonnay guy.
Girlfriend: Whatever. Just don't nail-gun me in my sleep tonight. Again.
--Iggy's on Rivington
Wait, Are You Describing the Movie or the Party?
Dude: I saw that movie at that sex party -- the one where Jim got a blowjob by a chick that was not his girlfriend.
Chick: Oh my god, that sounds awesome -- I love it already!
Dude: I know, it's awesome!
--LaGuardia & W 3rd
At Least Nobody Felt the Need to Sing
B&T woman #1: Did you see Three Days of Rain?
B&T woman #2: No, what was it about?
B&T man #1: A stutterer fucks Julia Roberts.
B&T woman #1: Pay no attention to him -- he's a Neanderthal.
B&T man #2, leaning in and whispering: Does he really?
--Sardi's Restaurant
Overheard by: Big Larry
Yet Another Reason to See the Pirates Director's Cut
Angry girl: Your boner does not have super powers.
Dude: Yes, it does!
Angry girl: It won't even point us in the right direction.
Dude: I never said it could do that.
Angry girl: You're no Captain Jack Sparrow.
--W 3rd & Lafayette
Overheard by: danger
He's a Dick Wolf Fanatic
Tour guide: The school campus has been in many film and television productions, including The Good Shepherd, Law and Order, and most notably the classic Debbie Does Dallas.
Big Midwestern dad: I thought I recognized that library!
--Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrattStudent09
She Used The Rules to Line Her Bird's Cage
20-ish guy: So, I should just ask: Can I come in and fuck your brains out?
20-ish girl: You don't have to be all Tarantino about it, but yeah.
--44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Esther
Although She Also Told Me Shrooms Are Just Mushrooms with LSD Sprayed On...
NYU guy proposing Mary Poppins as a Rocky Horror-style sing-along: It'd probably be fun to get drunk and go to one of those.
NYU girl: I don't know...
NYU guy: Well, that's what my oboe teacher said.
--Washington Square
Overheard by: fifi
I Bit Off All of My Nails the Week Michelle Fell Off That Horse
Dude #1: Plus, I was watching The Sandlot, so that always stresses me out.
Dude #2: It does?
Dude #1: Yeah. Even though I know what's going to happen, I get really anxious... That's also the reason I don't watch Full House.
--Q train
Overheard by: dianora
What Drug Could Make That Interesting?
Thug #1: Yo, what we gonna do today?
Thug #2: Do like my man in Big Daddy do -- we go to the park and watch people trip over shit!
--Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: MC
Of Course, If He'd Said That about Clue I'd Have to Club Him
Theater fan: What would you say about a person who saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show only once and didn't feel any need to see it again?
Tim Curry: I'd say that was a person who was in full possession of their senses.
--Actor's Fund event, 52nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Big Larry
Or the Last Viking Unicorn?
NYU bimbette #1: Yeah, see, I totally think there's something fishy about Dumbledore's death -- especially his funeral. Like, why was he buried out at sea?
NYU bimbette #2: He wasn't. He was buried at Hogwarts.
NYU bimbette #1: Wait... Am I thinking of First Knight?
--Union Square
Overheard by: Felony
Wait -- What Might Be Pointed?
Yuppie #1: I saw Lord of the Rings for the first time last night. I'm totally hot for Galadriel.
Yuppie #2: You mean Cate Blanchett.
Yuppie #1: No, man. Galadriel. If I was Frodo I would be like, 'Thanks for the light thingy, milady. Maybe there's something I could do for you?'
Yuppie #2: Yeah, but she's an elf. Who knows what they got goin' on down there.
Yuppie #1: You mean it might be pointed?
--Gotham Bar & Grill
... Or Scary Movie IV
School girl #1: I wish I had the chance to watch more old movies.
School girl #2: Yeah, I totally know what you mean. I haven't seen any of the classics... You know, like Breakfast at Tiffany's or Dirty Dancing.
--5th Ave
Overheard by: trannysmithapple
I'll Never Get a Rich New Daddy with a Bloated Mommy
Mom: Do you want to watch Over the Hedge when we get home?
Four-year-old boy: Yeah! But we can't have popcorn. We already had popcorn today and it would be too much salt.
--LIRR
Overheard by: Dahlia
Whatever Happened to Randy Newman?
Dad: What's this movie about? Squirrels?
Son, sarcastically: Yeah, evil squirrels. That's why they call it Happy Feet.
Dad: I get my kids' movies confused. But they all have a hedgehog. [About hip hop song intro] Those aren't lyrics -- he's just rhyming.
--Lincoln Plaza IMAX
With Great Power Comes Great Irresponsibility
Thug #1: Man, it's Spiderman!
Thug #2: Ask him if he real.
Thug #3: If he's real, why he be in front of Toys "R" Us, nigga?
Thug #2: I dunno -- maybe he don't got a movie to be in right now.
--Toys "R" Us, Times Square
He Calls Them "Films"
10-year-old girl #1 referring to Starter for Ten: Oh my god, that movie was really sexy.
10-year-old girl #2: I know! We are lucky it wasn't X-rated!
10-year-old girl #1: You know, my mom has seen an X-rated movie before, and my dad has one.
10-year-old girl #2: Why does your dad have an X-rated video?
10-year-old girl #1: He's just really into movies!
--Movie theater restroom, 11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dara
Because They're Keeping Score
Thug #1: ... And I was like, 'Damn, baby. I just bought you some pizza, we're about to see a movie -- is it really imperative that I buy you the Justin Timberlake CD so you can listen to it tonight?'
Thug #2: I know what you mean dog. My girl was beggin' me to buy her that new Akon shit.
Thug #1: Why can't bitches just be happy?
--116th St station
I'm Totally Getting a Beeping R2D2 Vibrator
Gym chick #1: I ran a whole half-hour today.
Gym chick #2: A whole half-hour?
Gym chick #1: Yeah, you know why? 'Cause Star Wars was on and it was so good I couldn't stop watching.
--YMCA, Park Slope
Overheard by: Jedi Master
The Tragic Tale of a Looseleaf Binder, and the Boy Who Loved It in Vain
Teen girl: The Notebook was mad sad! I cried.
Teen boy: What is it about?
Teen girl: I forgot.
--1 train
Sure, Why Not?
Girl #1, in Spanish: Yesterday I saw the movie The History of Violence.
Girl #2: Hey, is that the one about the penguins?
--Spanish class, Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Espanola
Wednesday One-Liners for C. Montgomery Burns
Black guy: And in this movie, Leonardo DiCaprio was the most selfless guy ever -- all he cared about was money.
--Jackson Hole, 91st & Madison
20-something exasperated chick on cell: It's a little something I call the hundred and fifty bucks I have to pay once a year! It's a little something called my rent!
--W 10th & Waverly
Overheard by: I call it that too
Geek: Have you ever pictured someone swimming in a pool of money? Do you know how much that would hurt?
--54th & 10th
Overheard by: Allisa
Mom to little daughter picking up garbage: Don't pick up stuff off the street... unless it's money.
--14th & 2nd
Suit: ... And they find him in Brussels with one million dollars in his suitcase.
--Chambers & West Side Hwy
Overheard by: Mike McG
Conductor: Attention, passengers, the power for this line has shorted out. Track workers are coming down to reset the breaker. We should be delayed for 15 to 20 minutes. A buck fifty -- you get what you pay for.
--PATH train, stuck under the Hudson
VP: I certainly don't want you to think it's all about money, because it's not -- it's mostly about money.
--Office, Park Ave South
At Least, That's What I Heard
JAP #1: Isn't The Pursuit of Happyness an action movie? Because he needs money--
JAP #2: --Not all black people need to shoot people for money.
--Lehman College cafeteria
Overheard by: can't breathe
You Leave Your Death Stars Exposed
Child #1: ... Make you join the dark side.
Field trip chaperone: And what exactly is the dark side, Christopher?
Child #1: It's Darth Vader.
Child #2: No, it ain't! The dark side is when you're wearing basketball shorts and nothing underneath.
--Crowded 6 train
Overheard by: Tea
That Way, Meryl Will Be a Lock after Oprah's Two Terms
Girl #1: The Devil Wears Prada is like, the best movie ever made.
Girl #2: Oh, totally. Meryl Streep's character was fabulous in that!
Girl #1: Dude, Meryl Streep should run for President. No, wait. Oprah should run for President, and Meryl Streep should be Vice President.
--86th & Lex
Much Wiser Not to Argue It
Cashier: I'm sorry, but weren't you in that movie? With Kevin Costner?
Joan Allen: Yes, The Upside of Anger. Thanks.
Cashier: I knew it was you! Last time you was in here I kept staring 'cause I knew it was you -- remember, I was staring at you? You was so good in that!
Joan Allen: Oh, thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it [pays and leaves].
Cashier to next lady in line: Yeah, last time she was in here I stared at her forever -- she must have thought I was crazy.
Lady in line: What movie was she in?
Cashier: 'The Other Side... of the Angel,' with Kevin Costner! She was that lady!
Lady in line: I never saw that movie. I thought she was on Lost. I thought she was the lady on Lost -- you know, the teacher.
Cashier: Nah, she was in that movie! 'The Other Side of the Angel.'
Lady in line: The Upside of Anger?
Cashier: No! It's called 'The Other Side of the Angel,' look it up!
Lady in line: Oh. Never seen it.
--Duane Reade, 94th & Broadway
Overheard by: Caro
Wednesday One-Liners Report to Hindquarters
Angry black woman to white man close behind her: Son, you got a lotta ass on yo' dick right now.
--Dense crowd, 4th & 6th
Overheard by: jealous?
Guy to friends: I'm not a one-ass guy, even if it is my own ass.
--26th & 8th
Large black man: I'm grabbin' booties, so all y'all better move outta my way!
--37th & 7th
Overheard by: daniel
Ghetto fab guy: Well, tickle my ass an' call me Mary Poppins...
--85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Mitorizu
Dude: My ass likes to eat things.
--76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Hew, the bird
Suit: Now there's an ass you could rest a loaf of bread on!
--Time Square
Crazy preacher: Lust is a sin. Women, don't show your butts to men -- cover them up, or the seven last plagues will cover them up for you.
--6 train
Overheard by: Zavreio
But Your Girlfriend's a Loser
Dude #1: Whoa, this year is double-oh-seven.
Dude #2: That's so freaking cool.
Chick: I don't get it. How is that cooler than last year being double-oh-six?
Dude #1: Because Alec Trevelyan was a dick.
Dude #2: ... Did you ever know that you're my hero?
--Carlyle Court, 25 Union Square West
March of the Penguins Affects Everyone Differently
NYU student #1: Ew! That movie was like porn!
NYU student #2: I don't know why we watched that in class!
NYU student #3: Disgusting!
--Outside lecture hall, Silver Center
If Wednesday One-Liners Did It
Woman on cell: Are you really surprised that Marcus turned out to be a serial killer?
--Times Square
Overheard by: shex
College dude on cell: No, the entire male species is going to die, remember?
--Times Square
Overheard by: glad i'm a girl.
Aviator-wearing rocker wannabe: Dude, seriously, think about it. Why aren't there more serial killers?!
--Union Square West at 16th St
Guy: You know, I pray for the days when I find bodies...
--Lorimer St & Metropolitan Ave
Columbia newspaper reporter: Dude, you can't just kill one person and be a serial killer. You have to work up to being a serial killer.
--Columbia Spectator Office
Overheard by: And you know from experience?
Cashier to friend: Yeah, there's this couple that comes in every week and rents serial killer movies.
--Brooklyn Video Rental Store
Overheard by: tiff
Conductor: Thank you for riding MTA, and remember to smile. You'll confuse the people who want to kill you!
--L train
Overheard by: Paige
Where Rosie Perez Was a Joy Forever
Woman looking at designer sunglasses in store window: A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
Man in pea coat: My man John Keats said that. John Keats, that's my man.
Woman: Where do you know that Keats line from?
Man in pea coat: White Men Can't Jump.
--87th & 3rd
Overheard by: Geez
And Clay Aiken-Gay, Not Oscar Wilde-Gay
Foreigner: What was with those guys in Brokeback Mountain? Are all cowboys dumb?
Girl: They weren't dumb, they were gay.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Sara McGrath
Reality Is What They Had before TV
Female student #1: I feel bad for Czar Nicholas, because not only did he get overthrown and exiled, but Rasputin came in while he was gone and messed up his whole country.
Female student #2: What, you mean like in Anastasia?
Female student #1: No, I mean in, like, real life. The movie was based off real life.
Female student #2: Wait, you mean Rasputin was real?
--Bleecker & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Andrew
But without the Licensing Deal with Kenner
Dude #1: ... And it had this sort of feeling like the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Dude #2: What's the Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Dude #1: It's, ummm... The Rocky Hor-- Hmmm. It's, ummm... It's just like Star Wars but for transvestites.
--10th St, between 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Eli... NYU design dude
Well, Nobody's Perfect
Teacher: Who remembers Some Like It Hot?
Student: Isn't that the one where in the end they're all on a boat and it blows up?
--Cinema Studies class, NYU
Overheard by: Andrew Jacobs
She Never Goes to the Mattresses
Chick #1: She's never seen Titanic or The Godfather.
Chick #2: That's why she can't get laid.
--LaGuardia
Un Film de Wednesday One-Liners
Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever -- the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away... That movie was awesome!
--Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?
--Hunter College
Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I'm recording this!
--Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn
Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it's my Bible. I hang on every word, 'cause I really want to know how gay people talk.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Stina
Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren't like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I've ever seen!
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Philip Niosi
Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.
--The Village, near Mulberry
Overheard by: DC Diva
Wednesday One-Liners Used to Go to Meow Mix
Girl: This friend of mine, her cat killed an endangered bird... in Germany. They had to bury it, like, three feet underground.
--Queens-bound E train
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Dude on cell: I saw Tim Burton on an interview the other day, and I said to my cat, 'Snicket, behold a man who has never yet combed his hair!'
--AMDA entrance
Overheard by: McKinley's Friend
Girl: And her cat and my cat are, like, really close...
--BX26 bus
Guy: I mean, I don't even eat cat...
--14th St & 5th Ave
Guy to friend: No, cocaine. Cats really like cocaine!
--Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Kerri
Stupid Diversity
Scraggly white dude #1: What's The Host? I want to see that shit.
Scraggly white dude #2: What about this one -- The Wire?
Scraggly white dude #1: Nah, I don't like all that black people, drug dealing, hip hop shit.
Scraggly white dude #2: Yeah, me neither -- like that movie Jungle Fever.
--F train platform
Overheard by: Leif
Wednesday One-Liners Have 23 Intelligence, but 6 Charisma
Fat college guy on cell: I only read books with robot insects on the cover. If it doesn't have robot insects, I slap a sticker on. Pride and Prejudice? Robot insects on the cover makes it better.
--Metro-North
Overheard by: Ferry
Guy to friend: Look, the root of the problem is that you have a shrine dedicated to semi-colons in your closest! I don't care if they're the god of all punctuation marks, that's just weird!
--Stuyvesant High School
Metrosexual: I'm fairly certain that I've read every single fantasy series that has dragons in it.
--Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Karin
Ghetto chick: Nah, all I'm sayin's is that even if you look like Steve Urkel, as long as you got the brain of Steve Urkel, you good with me.
--Jamaica-bound F train
Overheard by: Floyd
Leader of pack of teen boys dressed up like Star Trek characters: I didn't say it was a good planet...
--Tuxedo Renaissance Festival
Overheard by: Murray
But Who Cares about the Golden Globes?
Buddy #1: Did you see Forest Whitaker's speech at the Golden Globes? He won Best Actor. I'm almost positive he was on crystal meth. He was, like, stuttering and his eyes were tearing up.
Buddy #2: Maybe he was emotional 'cause he won the award.
Buddy #1: [Long, reflective pause] Yeah... Maybe that, too.
--40th & 5th
Overheard by: Wubba
Casper Joins the Navy?
Dude: What's that movie -- the one with the ghosts on the ship?
Chick: Ghost Ship?
Dude: Maybe.
--Kingsborough Community College
Overheard by: Lotte
Can We Go See the Daily Planet Building?
Tourist mom: Ohhh! Look, dear! A fire escape!
Tourist child: Oh, where? Where?
Tourist mom: See? That balcony with the ladders...
Tourist child: But how do they get down?
Tourist mom: I think that ladder on the side slides down.
Tourist child: Oh, wow. It is just like in the movies!
--Ferry bus, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: A tourist who knows better
Hollywood Exec: Say That Again!
60-ish mother to two kids: There are two movies playing we should go to before they stop showing them -- Casino Royale and Apocalypto Now.
Kid #1: Uh, yeah, Mom.
--PATH train
Overheard by: Serene Demeanor
I Hear He Has Warts on His Hog
Nerdy teen: Dude, I really want to see what Lord Voldemort looks like in the movie.
Friend: Yeah, man. I really want to see Lord Voldemort get naked.
Nerdy teen: Oh, yeah. Me, t-- What?
--Borders
Remember When He Threw Marco Polo to the Rancor?
Girl: Look at that guy! He's gross -- he looks like Attila the Hun.
Guy: What? He doesn't even look Asian.
Girl: Look how fat he is! He's waddling around just like Attila!
Guy: Tell me you don't mean Jabba the Hutt.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Paul
How Awful If You Were Looking for Cameron Diaz!
Little girl pointing to a poster of The Phantom of the Opera: Look, Mommy! The Mask!
Mom: No, sweetheart, that's The Phantom of the Opera. Mask is a movie with Cher.
--Trader Joe's
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
Subway Base Jumpers Plan the Ultimate Video
Yuppie #1: I told James I could do it, but it would be better if I worked my way up to it.
Yuppie #2: Gotcha. You think I should film it? I guess I could always delete it...
--Q train
Overheard by: Ben Couch
Or at Least about the Eiffel Tower
Queer #1: So, what is this movie about?
Queer #2: Gael Garcia Bernal moves to Paris and starts having some weird dreams.
Queer #1: Of an erotic nature?
Queer #2: I certainly hope so.
--Angelika Film Center
Overheard by: queer_number_3
Like All those People Who Smoke Cigarettes
Eighth grader #1: Dumbledore is dead!
Eighth grader #2: Do you know how cool Dumbledore is? Cool people like that do not die.
--Hunter College High School
Overheard by: nj
Is There Anything Julie Andrews Can't Do?
Law student: I learned in my International Law class that diplomats can park wherever they want and not get ticketed.
Friend: You had to go to friggin' law school to learn that? I learned that from The Princess Diaries.
--Dean & Deluca, SoHo
He Wants a Shot at Batman and the Title
Guy #1 looking at picture of Santa Claus 3: Dude, that's Aquaman!
Guy #2: No, that's Jack Frost.
Guy #1: No, it totally looks like Aquaman.
Guy #2: No, it doesn't!
Guy #1: It's gotta be him.
Guy #2: Why would Santa Claus be fighting Aquaman? Why the hell would he be fighting Aquaman?
--4th floor Hunter North, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
And I've Got that on VHS, So It's Cool
Dude #1: Did you get that video yet?
Dude #2: No. Besides, my DVD player is broken.
Dude #1: No shit! Dude, that sucks.
Dude #2: Sure does... But not really -- there aren't too many good movies, anyway.
Dude #1: Yeah, just Predator.
--Locker room
If Only Some Genius Could Combine the Two
Father: Did you enjoy the movie, Angela?
Six-year-old daughter: Yeah.
Father: Was there lots of action?
Six-year-old daughter: Yeah.
Father: There are two things that make a good movie: action and sex.
--Montague & Clinton St, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Laura
In the Same Way that Those WMDs Were 'Sold Out'
Loud customer: Do you have She-Ra: Princess of Power?
Cashier: No, we don't carry it.
Loud customer: It's sold out?
Cashier: No. We don't carry it.
Loud customer: It's sold out?
Cashier: ...Yes.
--Virgin Megastore, Times Square
Ten Bucks Says She's Thinking of Telly Savalas
Chick #1: You know Gandhi? The Indian guy with the bald head and the robes?
Chick #2: Oh, yeah -- he starred in that film.
--Parson's School of Design
Tales from Wednesday One-Liners' Crypt
Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?
--C train
Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background... or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.
--Live Bait, 23rd St
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.
--55th & 6th
Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland
Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I'll sing my favorite song! 'Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead...' [Looks around] Hmmm... [Notices the train going express] What the...? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!
--6 train making express stops on a surprise basis
Overheard by: Barry Negrin
Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!
--L train
Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton
Ricky's employee: Looks like I'm all out in the fairy department.
--58th & Broadway
Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don't use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.
--Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
No, that's New York Minute
Girl #1: Isn't that the Princess Bride?
Girl #2: No, that's Frankenstein.
Girl #3: That's not Frankenstein, that's his wife.
Girl #1: Then who's the Princess Bride?
Girl #2: Isn't that the one with the skeletons?
--Ray's Pizza, St. Mark's & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: someone who knows there were no skeletons in that one
And All Those Michael Moore 'Documentaries'
Guy #1: Are you gonna go see Saw 3?
Guy #2: Nah, I'm not into movies like that.
Guy #1: Why not?
Guy #2: I'm more into dramas -- you know, movies where you can actually believe that what's happening is real. Like Superman.
--Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Don Willmott
Phillip Seymour Hoffman's Long Awaited Street Cred
Black woman: Oh, look at this, 'The Collected Stories of Truman Capote.' Wow, he really looks like who played him!
Black man: Let me see that. What? You think that looks like me?
Black woman: No, no, he looks like what's-his-name, you know, the guy who played him in the movie.
Black man: Oh! Shit, I thought you said 'he looks like you, playa.'
Black woman: Are you crazy?
Black man: He does dress like a nigga, though.
--Barnes & Noble, 82nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Beeeej
Just 'Cause She's Short and Drinking Stout?
Friend #1: What did he just say to her?
Friend #2: He said that she reminded him of a character from the movie Beauty and the Beast.
Friend #1: What? Did he say she looked like the Beauty or the Beast?
Friend #2: I dunno but I think that she looks like the teapot.
--Maritime Hotel
Overheard by: Noel
If That Happens, It Probably Will Not Be in the Plaza
Boy #1: Oh shit, that's where they filmed Home Alone 2 look!
Boy #2: What the fuck? what you talking about?
Boy #1: The hotel. The little white kid stayed at this hotel and shit.
Boy #2: What a fag.
Boy #1: Fuck you.
--Central Park, in front of Plaza Hotel
Osama bin Laden: You Guys Sure You're Happy with Western Civilization?
Student #1: Have you seen that movie Clockwork Orange?
Student #2: I've never heard of that. What's it about?
Student #1: It's about rape. And death. And like everything bad in the world. But like, really cool.
--Uptown A train
Overheard by: Vinny Lopez
Wednesday-One-Liners Will Be Held in the Station Momentarily...Thank You for Your Patience
Conductor: There are seats towards the back of the train.
Keep walking! Sometime today, people. What did you stop for? Keeeep walking!
--Train to Grand Central
Overheard by: Muffin
Conductor: Where's the other guy? Raj, if you can hear me, you can come pick up your My Little Pony from the booth.
--LIRR, Hempstead station
Subway station announcement: Because of an earlier incident, all trains are now running.
--Union Square Station
Overheard by: E Moran
Conductor: This is 36th Street. Step to the side and let all the monkeys off the train. Let the monkeys off the train.
--Queens bound N train
Conductor: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an extremely crowded F train. Next stop is Jay Street, and by this time it's official, every person in New York is on this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors, if you can.
--Coney Island bound F train
Overheard by: F Train Sloper
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is 59th Street. And if you haven't voted and are thinking of voting for Bush, please see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.
--4 Train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Jonny
Conductor: You have yourself a satisfying Thursday.
--F train
But You Never Ate Her out in a Stall
Girl: Oh my God I just ran into Julianne Moore in the bathroom!
Guy: Whatever, I already saw her naked in like three movies.
--Chelsea Clearview Cinema, 23rd & 8th
Overheard by: Scott
Ebert and Roeper at the Wednesday One-Liners
Woman, watching Jet Li movie preview: I won't see it. All they ever do is hop around, and I have no idea what's going on.
--AMC Theatre, W 42nd St
Overheard by: Jason
Slow learner: Yeah, we just got out of Miami Vice...Yeah, I've seen it twice. Trust me: do not see that movie!
--42nd between 9th & 10th
Overheard by: Ash
Young woman: When I went to see Snakes on a Plane, I didn't think there'd be snakes! On a plane!
--Regal Cinemas, Union Square
Tween boy: After seeing that movie, I have to say: Johnny Knoxville is the most suicidal person next to Jesus.
--C train
Overheard by: Dirty D
Ticket taker, directing people to theater: Go out the window and take a left.
--AMC 25, Times Square
Overheard by: L
Blonde girl: Isn't Short Circuit the movie with R2D2?
--Rooftop party, W 43rd
Overheard by: Esther
Guy in very crowded train: It felt like Schindler's List for a second there.
--7 train
Overheard by: giants fan
Hey, Syd! Do We Have to Pay Corpses Scale?
Woman: Oh, he looked so old and sick in that movie. Really horrible.
Man: You know he died, right?
Woman: Oh, they must have made the movie before that.
--NJ Transit train out of Penn Station
Overheard by: confabulation nation
Isn't There an Interpol Song About This?
Hipster #1: I wish I had cameras in my eyes so I could film movies while I walk around.
Hipster #2: Yeah, that'd be cool, but I'd still rather just have eyes.
--34th between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: with a K
Why Isn't Blood Red an Easter Color?
Woman: Oh, look at these.
Man: They're Easter colors.
Woman: I thought they were Shrek colors.
--Staples, Vesey & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan
How You Can Tell If Bums Are Just Very Dirty Hipsters
Hobo: I want to fuck you someplace fairly uncomfortable.
Hipster: Did that bum just quote Mallrats?
--Orchard St
Wednesday One-Liners Make the Cover of People
Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies.
--74th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Rachel
3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!
--89th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise.
--Kmart, Astor Place
Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America.
--Lenny's, 77th & 2nd
Overheard by: Rebecca
Crazy guy: You fuckers don't deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity!
-- 72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: emily
Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn't watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama.
--1st Ave between 12th & 13th
Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King!
--1 train
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Working Title: To Ralph, With Love
"Art" chick: So your film is only 7 minutes long. What it's about?
"Film" chick: I don't really know what it's about, but I can tell you what happens. It's in a classroom, but, like, it's really just a room...When Karen vomits in the corner, it's really exquisite.
--DuMont, Union Ave, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Philip
The Penis Mightier Than the Wednesday One-Liners
Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!...He has a huge penis!
--189th St
Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.
--Red Hook
Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don't get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!
--14th & 6th
Overheard by: Madhu Maganti
Guy: I'd give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They're that good!...Ok, maybe half an inch.
--Park Avenue & 29th Street
Overheard by: 11221
Teen boy on cell: Hey, it's Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.
--Times Square
Overheard by: laura
Woman: Aaah! I've got baby penises in my eye!
--Sephora, Times Square
Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.
--Bed-Stuy
Wednesday One-Liners: Too Busy to Acquire Social Skills
Virgin-For-Life: Clark Kent and Kal-El are the same goddamn thing, Joey! We are not having this conversation again! Jesus Christ! I'm going home!
--Coney Island
20-Something Virgin-For-Life, noticing guy with Superman t-shirt: Look! That's who I wanna be when I grow up! Clark Kent! Imagine just taking a suit off and becoming a superhero.
--Empire State Building
Overheard by: Guy With Superman t-shirt
Virgin-For-Life: The intestinal epithelium is my dream tissue.
--Albert Einstein College of Medicine, the Bronx
Overheard by: Joshua Drumm
Virgin-For-Life: He's really sharp. He's like the head of Voltron.
--23rd between 5th & 6th
Wednesday One-Liners Burn, Baby, Burn
Queer: Hanging out with him is like doing charity work.
--Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: J. Ann
Ghetto girl to thug: You can't touch this. Keep reminiscin', mothafucka.
--106th & Columbus
Overheard by: Shmoop
Guy on cell: I'll be real with you, man. I know more than you. I know a lot more than you.
--17th & 5th
Altruist: He's really nice so I just fake it sometimes.
--Elevator, 120 Wall St
Overheard by: Aubrie
Teen girl: She did what? Oh my God, she is, like, so off my top 8.
--1 train
Queer: Well, I do like the person you want to be.
--Washington & Charles
Loud chick: Who knows how he lucked out into marrying her? I'm just always thinking, lady, you are hot, and yet you married an Ewok.
--Starbucks, 71st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Like I said, 'Look! It's Daryl Hannah!'
Teenage tourist, pointing: Mom, look! It's Daryl Hannah!
Mom: Honey, that's not Daryl Hannah. That's one of those transgender people.--Downtown 6 train, 77th StOverheard by: Anne
Headline by: pontiac
Runners-Up:
·
"As I Always Say, 'If You Can't Tell, It Doesn't Matter.'" - Dave
· "Must Be Nicolette Sheridan's Day Off." - seamus
· "Not to Mention She's still Tied to a Walnut Tree in LA" - Liz!
· "Perhaps the Blade Runner Left an Angry Inch" - megs
· "So That's Where She Went." - Eamon Stimson
· "Technically, They're Both Right" - Wes Mantooth
· "Tom Hanks Thought It Was a Fish Tail." -peter
· "Who Says 'Ambiguous' Isn't a Classic Look?" -
Dame Droiture
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Because She Was Fat
Queer #1: Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Eww. No. They're kids.
Queer #1: It's not real. Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Falcor.
Queer #1: You and your hairy guys.
Woman: I want you guys to know I just realized why I didn't sit at the popular table in the middle school lunch room.
--Pax Deli, 36th & Broadway
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere
Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.
--Battery Park
Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It's people like that who give New York City a bad name.
--Lindy's, 7th Ave
Overheard by: joemikehap
Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I'm a New Yorker; it's practically a requirement!
--F train
Overheard by: Braincurve
Tourist on cell: Yeah! I'm in New York! Yeah, it's kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can't drink in the streets.
--Grand Central
Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!
--Astor Place
Overheard by: Laura
Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that's why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York...except for niggas on the train.
--Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Little girl: There's a lot of people in this New York City!
--Times Square
And Schindler's List Has Nudity!
Mother: We need to find Sound of Music for your brother.
Child: No! I want to watch Star Wars.
Mother: You can watch this. It has Nazis!--Kim's Video, Morningside Heights
Headline by: J Laks
Runners-Up:
· "And Bambi's About Guns" - dei
· "And Then We'll Watch Rent. It has lawyers!" - Nick V.
· "But Cover Your Ears During "My Favorite Things"; I'm Not Ready to Expose You to That." - manisha
· "Gene Siskel Declares: 'It's a Gas!'" - erak
· "Hayden Christensen's Acting Caused Far More Deaths, Though" - s himself
· "Now Put on Your Swastika Armband; We're Going to See Grandpa" - phil
· "See, Sweetie, Your Brother's Not Gay; He Just Advocates White Supremacy." - LC
· "The Promotional Tagline That Never Quite Made It..." - Julie Holt
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
And For You, Lion, I Have Some Overpriced Coffee
Guy: Well, it's about what we think would happen if there was a Starbucks in the land of Oz.
Girl: Wow!
--Grand Saloon, 23rd between 3rd & Park
The Self-Loathing Is Also Strongly Suggestive
Jewish boy: If I wasn't Jewish and saw Passion of the Christ, I'd walk out of the theaters screaming, "Let's kill those Jews for killing our Lord and Savior!"
Black woman: Boy, you shouldn't be goin' 'round screaming that.
Jewish boy: Um, but I am Jewish.
Black woman: How am I 'sposed to know that?
Jewish boy: By the fucking thing on my head and the fact that I keep checking for my wallet every second I'm talking to you.
--Brooklyn College
Overheard by: David
Straight Guys Train for Bad Relationships With Women
Guy #1: I saw you cry during The Color Purple. Don't lie
Guy #2: Dude, would you keep it down?!
--Times Square
Overheard by: Renee
She Missed the 'Evolution' Series on NOVA
Eco-Friendly ghetto girl: You saw Incovenient Truth? We gonna be underwater in, like, 50 years.
Laconic ghetto girl: Word?
Eco-Friendly ghetto girl: Yeah, we gonna be fish one day.
--92nd & West End
Wednesday One-Liners Don't Forget the Pipe
Girl on cell: But they're, like, professional crackwhores!
--Bedford Park, Lehman College, the Bronx
Man: I never misled my mother. I did steal from her, but I was on crack.
--Joralemon St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chicago Guy
Girl: Did you see that movie Crackheads on Fire?
--14th & 8th
Lady: Now she's a big shot. She used to be a crackhead.
--Au Bon Pain, 8th St
Overheard by: the guy buying the SoBe Green Tea
They Had the Same Problem With A Bronx Tale
Girl #1: Where did the first movie take place?
Girl # 2: I thought it was Australia, cause, you know, that was part of the British empire and all.
Girl #1: I think it was some Asian country. Didn't they talk about Singapore a lot?
Girl #2: Yeah, maybe some place like that.
Girl #1, after a few minutes: Oh, shit, the Caribbean!
--Pirates of the Caribbean II, movie theater, 34th St
Overheard by: Anny O and S. Bitchards
He Rides the Subway For Research, Dumbass
DVD hawker: I got Superman, X-Men III, all high quality.
Guy: Those are illegal! You're stealing from me. I'm a writer.
DVD hawker: What? Did you write any of these?
Guy: You're selling illegal goods. I'm a writer. You're stealing from me!
DVD hawker: If you wrote any of these movies, you wouldn't be riding the subway.
--Uptown E train
Wednesday One-Liners Are Potty Trained
Girl on cell: What? What do you mean? What do you mean your audition is gonna be in a bathroom?
--42nd and 10th
Overheard by: dk
Hurrying lady: ...and a urinal cake is worth fifteen points.
--43rd & 8th
Overheard by: Casper
Gay usher, loudly: Sex just isn't the same when you're constipated.
--Daryl Roth Theatre, Union Square
Hipster girl: So I just said to him, "Bye, I have to go now. I have diarrhea!"...Diarrhea is like the anti-aphrodisiac.
--Brooklyn bound F train
Woman on cell: Did you just say that you had a dream where Gene Wilder peed in your closet? Like, Willy Wonka, pissing on your clothes? Okay, I just wanted to make sure I heard correctly.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: baffled
Dude: Nah, I wouldn't piss on someone if I didn't know them.
--Bar, Queens
Man, to woman having trouble with the bathroom door: Oh come on, you fucking cunt, work the damn door. Big fucking place like this, they got only one bathroom, I am fucking pissing on the floor. I will piss on the damn floor. That's my fucking right as an American. I'm a patriot. Patriot, that's an adverb. An action adverb. Mrs. Riegell told me in third grade if you have a syllable you've got an adverb, and I got a damn syllable, so damnit, I'm pissing on the fucking floor.
--Virgin Megastore, Union Square
You've Got to Go Down to Aquaman Before You Even Find a Black Villain
In line for opening night show of Superman Returns.
Passerby: What's this line for?
Black dude: Man, everybody wants to see Supercracker.
--4th Ave, between 13th and 14th
Overheard by: Potomac
Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Afraid of Any 666
Old guy on cell: I don't know, thinking about going to the movies. Maybe I'll see The Devil in Miss Prada.
--Mcburney YMCA, W 14th St
Girl: Yeah I sold my soul to the devil. I was like, "Hey, devil, can I sell you my soul?" And he was like, "Okay."
--Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Natasha
Queer: And, futhermore, we all know that the Devil does not wear Prada. He wears flame-retardant knock-offs from Target.
--Chelsea
This Gives Gandalf's 'Is It Secret? Is It Safe?' a Whole New Meaning
Chick: If I could sleep with any of the hobbits, it would have to be Frodo.
Guy: What?! Frodo is a total fudge packer.
Chick: Please don't call him that!
Queer: Especially in front of a fudge packer!
--Barnes & Noble, 54th & 3rd
Overheard by: Willowee
Mel Gibson's Guide to Alienating Hollywood While Making 100 Million Dollars
Med student #1: Some people say that The Passion of The Christ doesn't follow the book.
Med student #2: What book?
--122nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Khalilah
What Would Wednesday One-Liners Do?
Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It's from the 70's, so the camera work is really bad, but it's not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, "You're the king of the Jews!" It's a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.
--Q train
Overheard by: A White Bear
Girl: You know, I don't think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.
--1849 Bar, Bleecker St
Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!
--Park Slope
Overheard by: braincurve
Chick: Whatever. I could've annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
--Trump Building, Wall St
Overheard by: You know who
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
--Key Food, 235th St
Overheard by: Miriam
They Have to Recruit, Because They Are Seldom Able to Reproduce
A small boy on the bus is flicking a flashlight.
Boy: Laser!
Geeky guy across the aisle: I think that's shaped more like a light saber.
Boy: Light saber!
--M104 bus
Overheard by: Andrew
'Weird Jedis' Is Like 'Gay Queers' or 'Bored Security Officers'
Out-of-breath Star Wars fan: Hey, do you know where the 3 pm light saber fight will take place?
Bored security officer: I dunno, but it should be over there. That's where all the weird Jedis are hanging out.
--Big Apple Comic Book Convention, Penn Plaza Pavilion
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
If I Were Adam Sandler I Would Have Asked Satan for My Soul Back Circa Mr. Deeds
Man: Wow, you're here already? That was quick.
Woman: Yeah, if I was Adam Sandler I would have said, "That was click!"
--West 44th St
Overheard by: Tomer Langberg
How Hollywood Hurts Our Youth
Kid on stool: Mom, can I jump off and be Naaaaaaacho?
Mom: You already broke your arm. You can't be Nacho right now.
--Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway
If She Remembers Thundercats, It's Time for Assisted Living
Girl: I can't believe they're making a live action Transformers movie.
Guy: Whatever, I will definitely go see it.
Girl: Are you even old enough to remember Transformers?
Guy: Of course, I'm only three years younger than you.
Girl: Yeah, but that doesn't mean you were old enough to be conscious of Transformers. My brothers are your age and they don't remember the show that well.
Guy: You do realize every time you ask me that it doesn't make me seem young, right? It just makes you seem old.
--26th & Madison
Overheard by: DL
Wednesday One-liners Need Some Space
Bus driver: Move to the back of the bus. They're giving free diamonds in the back of the bus. See that lady in the back for your free diamond.
--M2 bus
Guy: I hate this city. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a production.
--W 44th, near filming of Spiderman 3
Overheard by: Alex
She's Thinking of The Pelican Briefs
Teenie girl: Omigod! Idea! Do you want to go rent a movie?
Her much older boyfriend: Sure. Have you seen The Firm?
Teenie girl: What is that, like a porno?
--Hershey store, Times Square
Overheard by: Just wanted some gummy bears
I Hear Jigsaw Loves Self-Destructive Gym Bunnies
Young woman: I really want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, "I'm gonna kill him" and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Older woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those villians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin.
--NYU gym locker room
Time for a New Wingwoman
Lady on train: What are you watching?
Overexcited man with portable DVD: The Da Vinci Code.
Lady: Oh! Cool! Is it good?
Overexcited man: It's EXCELLENT!
Lady: Oh -- I heard from people that the book was better.
Lady's friend: That's bullshit. She doesn't read.
--Penn Station, LIRR
Overheard by: Jordo VB
Finishing Together Should Be Easy by Now
Very old lady to husband: You asshole! YOU ASSHOLE! I hate you.
Old husband: Wha?
Old lady: You didn't wait for me, you fucking asshole.
--Clearview Cinemas, 62nd & 1st
Effects Are Amazing These Days
Nebraska girl #1: It feels like it's raining.
Nebraska girl #2: I think it's coming from the set.
Pause
Nebraska girl #3: Where's it coming from?...Oh, it's actually raining.
--John St., near filming of Spiderman 3
Overheard by: Fishy
The News Has Gotten So Boring Lately
Stoner #1: Yo, why did newsboys used to shout "Extra!" when they'd sell papers?
Stoner #2: I don't know... maybe the news was about.. like... X-Men... like, mutants...
Stoner #1: Yeah... true... maybe.
--University & 8th
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
I Think She's Watching You
Kid #1, looking at the Mona Lisa on Da Vinci Code poster: Hey, look! It's her again!
Kid #2: Who is this lady? She's everywhere!
--Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: d.grace
His Favorite Is The Two Towers
Hipster girl #1: Why would someone tell you that right after meeting you?
Hipster girl #2: Honestly, why can't you just say your favorite movie is The Lord of the Rings instead of Lord of the Rings porn?
--Bedford & South 2nd, Williamsburg
Maybe He's Thinking of the Times Square Arcade
Guy #1: I told you we shoulda gone to Manattan.
Guy #2: No way. I don't see movies in Manhattan.
Guy #1: Why the hell not?
Guy #2: They shoot people there. It's all silent than someone shouts something and then everyone is shooting. It's scary.
--In line at Stadium 12, Court Street, Brooklyn
No, That's the Guy Who Did Lord of the Cock Rings
Guy #1: Yeah, he's a pretty good director... what's his name again? The hobbit guy?
Guy #2: Uhhh...Peter something...
Guy #1: Yeah, Peter North! I love that guy's movies.
--AMC Empire 25, Times Square
Wednesday One-liners Have Cool Spiny Backs and Tiny Tiny Brains
Woman: That movie's so stupid! They got King Kong and the dinosaurs fighting even though they are from different centuries.
--Mama's Pizza, 106th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kyle T
Teen girl: You know, I don't think I even believe in dinosaurs.
--Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Paul
Signs of the Apocalypse
Girl #1: Hey are you going to go see The Da Vinci Code?
Girl #2: Yes! My pastor said it was alright as long as I watched The Passion of the Christ right after.
--Midwood High School
Overheard by: the half jewish kid in the corner
Think of It More as Jesus's Shot Glass
Girl #1: So the entire time i'm watching this movie, I'm like, what is the Holy Grail? They never explain what it is. And I'm thinking it's probably like, some kind of trophy or something...? Like maybe a fashion trophy...? Or something...?
Girl #2: Uh huh.
Girl #1: Yeah but no, it turns it out it actually has to do with like, Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene or something.
Girl #2: So it was like... Jesus's trophy?
--H&M dressing room, 5th Ave
Two Kilos? She Wishes
Black guy: Two for Akeelah.
German girlfriend: What? What are you buying? Two kilos for what?
Black guy: No. Akeelah.
German girlfriend: I don't understand. Two kilos of what? That makes no sense.
Black guy, rolling his eyes: No! Akeelah! Akeelah!. Akeelah! Two for Akeelah!
German girlfriend: I still don't understand.
Black guy: Akeelah and the frickin' Bee!!!
German girlfriend: OHHHHH!
--Union Square Stadium 14, Broadway & 13th
She'll Be Here All Week
Woman: Hey, when's that movie Snakes on a Plane ever gonna come out?
Old man: What? What's that?
Woman: Maybe it's just a joke. Like the "L" in Samuel "el" Jackson's name. I think that's a joke too, like, what is he? Samuel "the" Jackson?
Old man: Who's that?
Woman: Just eat your hot dog, dad.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Kershinator
Clooney Claims Another Victim
As the credits for Syriana roll:
Woman: I think that movie outsmarted me.
Man: Yeah, I think the movie won.
--AMC theater, Lincoln Square
Overheard by: Allison
I Didn't Know There Would Be a Quiz
Teen girl: Hey, I'm a Scientologist.
Tom Cruise: Oh, really? What echelon are you in?
Teen girl: [awkwardly quiet] Uh... number three?
Tom Cruise: Exactly.
--Mission: Impossible III gala premiere, TriBeCa Film Festival, BMCC
Overheard by: mademoiselle schaeffer
Even Ebert Didn't Catch That
Man: Is Tom Hanks married to Rita Wilson?
Two women: Yeah.
Man: Is that why they called the Volleyball "Wilson" in Cast Away?
--97th & 5th
Overheard by: Rob Dobrenski
The Trailers Will Go Down in History
Journalism professor: Can anyone, for extra credit, give me two words to describe this day that will go down in history?
Silence
Professor: I'll give you a clue -- it has to do with President Bush.
Random student: "Mission accomplished!"
Girl #1 to her friend: Mission Impossible? What does Tom Cruise have to do with Bush?
Girl #2: Yeah, I know, that movie isn't even out yet!
--Silver Center, NYU
Wednesday One-Liners Go to Mass
Guy: [something in Spanish]... how do you say "altar boy"? You know, the ones whose little dicks the priest sucks?
--7th & Ave A
Overheard by: Jenny B
Bison Burger Up for Mr. Polanski
Waiter: Would you like to order now?
Man: No, I'm waiting for my sister.
Waiter: You said before that you were waiting for your wife.
Man: No, I didn't. I said it was my sister.
Waiter: No, you didn't.
Man: Would you like to be in movies?
Waiter: No, why?
Man: You have a really nice speaking voice. You should think about it.
Waiter: You really think so?
Man: Yeah. I make movies. You should give it a try.
--Lyric Diner, 22nd & 3rd
She's Bipartisan, But It's Just a Phase
Girl: Are you a conservative or a liberal?
Guy: I know all teenagers are supposed to be liberal, but I'm pretty conservative.
Girl: Oh my god, I know exactly what you mean. I was conservative until last week when I saw V for Vendetta. How hot is Natalie Portman?
--Bronx High School of Science
Well Baby, I Went Down and Got It For You
Guy: Hey, isn't that the painting from the Titanic?
Girlfriend: That is not even a possibility.
Guy: [looks confused] Well then, it's one of them. And look! It was made in 1917!
--Metropolitan Museum of Art
The One Who Doesn't Know Her Place
Little girl: Do you have HBO DIRECTV?
Little boy: I don't know.
Little girl: If you have HBO, you do. My favorite movie is on there: Titanic. It's about a girl who loves a boy and they're all frozen at the end.
Little boy: Who gets slapped?
--F train
Overheard by: stephanie k
God Will Never Fix Him Now
Crazy guy: I give you Jesus!
Blind man: Is that Mel Gibson? You nitwit!
--97th & Broadway
My Money's on Julie the Horse-faced Girl
Crazy guy: Jodie Foster is a top notch actress!
Girl: Okay.
Crazy guy: Julia Roberts is going down!
Girl: Are they going to fight?
--Shubert Theater, West 44th Street
Now It's "Intentional"
Girl: I really enjoy going to movies by myself these days. Most of the guys I date, we don't have same taste in movies.
Guy: That's a great idea. Plus, you don't get some weirdo trying to
"inadvertantly" place your hand on his cock.
--L train
Overheard by: Vivian
There Go the First Two Rules
Drunk guy #1: Let's start the East Village Fight Club.
Drunk guy #2: I'm in.
Drunk guy #1: The only rule of this particular fight club is you have to let your victim know you are beating the crap out of them for being too hip.
--7B, Avenue B
Wednesday One-liners Hit the Premiere
Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does...which is often unappreciable.
--Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street
Never Forget
Woman #1: God, that was so funny when all of those Nazis walked into the courtroom and their hairstyles were like Hitler's!
Man: Well, I mean, it makes sense, I guess. You know, people always copy famous people when it comes to stuff like that.
Woman #2: Yeah, like remember when I had that terrible Dorothy Hamill haircut?
--Houston Street station
Seems the Rancor is Alive
Dad: Do you think I want to talk about princesses 24 hours a day?
Little girl: No.
Dad: What do you think I want to talk about?
Little girl: Star Wars.
--Rector & Greenwich
In a New York State of Mind
Woman #1: Don't you hate taking the train so early in the morning? I take it every day.
Woman #2: Could you not talk to me?
--A train
Overheard by: aida
They Were Seeing Red
Chick #1: There was too much talking in that movie and not enough action.
Chick #2: Yeah. It was all like too much communism and shit.
--AMC Empire 25, West 42nd Street
Overheard by: Nico Westerdale
They Also Watch Their Kids Get Eaten
Girl: Hey, what's this about?
Guy: Uh, it's a documentary.
Girl: So they just march around?
--Borders, Time Warner Center
Overheard by: JHA
What's the Catch?
Chick #1: We can watch Lackawanna Blues tonight.
Chick #2: I can't watch another black movie. I watched one last night.
Chick #1: What'd you watch last night?
Chick #2: Hitch.
--Office, Wall & William
That's Being Chi-curious
Girl #1: Wow. Akiva Goldsmith's really made something for himself...for a Jew.
Girl #2: God you're a racist.
Girl #1: What makes me a racist? I'm part Jewish.
Girl #2: An hour ago you asked me why all Asians look the same.
--Loews Lincoln Square, West 68th Street
Overheard by: Pop Iris
The Mona Lisa Just Burst Out Laughing
Guy: Hey, you seen that movie Grizzly Man yet?
Girl: No, but I really really want to.
Guy: Yeah, it's so good. Hey, you know they're making a movie about the bear guy? Already! And guess who's starring in it!
Girl: I dunno...
Guy: Leonardo da Vinci!
Girl: Who?
Guy: You know! Leonardo da Vinci! Leonardo da Vinci!
--New School elevator, 13th & 5th
Overheard by: Halli Civelek
Something Dimwitted This Way Comes
Guy: ...so he digs stuff like Fahrenheit 451 and all--
Girl: "451"? Er, 9-11, you mean.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: Cap'n MidNite
His Mom Says It's to Die For
Girl: I've never had venison before.
Guy: Order it. You can taste Bambi. You can taste the innocence. And the fear.
--"A" Restaurant, Columbus Avenue
"Or Daddy's hentai?"
Little girl: Mommy, what's this?
Mom: Japanese art. You know, like in Mulan.
--The Met
The PATH Train at 33rd (A NYC Short Story)
Hobo: Where are you going?
Drunk guy: Bermuda. I'm connecting to the plane.
Drunk guy: Is that your cousin?
Hobo: Yeah!
Drunk guy: He didn't even say nothing to you. That's fucked up!
Hobo: My name is Peter. Peter Parker. I'm Spider-Man's father.
The hobo shows the drunk guy his bottle. The drunk guy takes out a can of beer and a bottle of whiskey
Drunk guy: So what? You trying to beat me? You started a competition and I beat you. I came prepared.
--PATH train
Overheard by: Tony Gabriel
I Usually Bring a Dog to Translate
Girl: I was walking and there was a group of Dominicans talking on the corner and the only reason I understood what they were saying was because I've been listening to a lot of reggaeton.
Guy: They must've been talking about fucking someone.
--West 4th & Thompson
Overheard by: Angel V.
That's Because He Hadn't Found Jesus
Guy #1: What can I say? I'm a sucker for orphan stories.
Guy #2: Or something.
Guy #1: Think about it: I loved Lemony Snicket, Party of Five, Diff'rent Strokes, Star Wars.
Guy #2: Yeah. Wait. Luke wasn't an orphan.
Guy #1: Well, he sort of was, spiritually.
--34th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: cityhick
She Went to Hell Twice
Guy #1: I bought my dad a Clint Eastwood biography for Christmas. I feel like that's a pretty solid bet for any dad. Clint, Frank Sinatra, maybe Brando.
Guy #2: What about James Dean?
Guy #1: Yeah, I guess. What about that Vin Diesel?
Guy #3: You are seriously obsessed, dude.
Guy #1: Don't hate on the Diesel. Ooh, you know who everyone loves? That Anne Frank.
Woman: Anne Frank was a lesbo.
--The Strand
I Don't Care How Cheap the Gay Porn Is
Guy #1: I couldn't not buy it.
Guy #2: Yeah, I'm thinking about it too. It's totally worth it.
Guy #1: I mean, there are two real porn stars in it. If it was just one, I could have passed it up.
Guy #2: Yeah, man. But for that price, you almost have to do it!
--4th Avenue between 11th & 12th
Overheard by: Corinne Hears-All
Yeah, Really Base People
Man #1: Honey, we don't have to see Memoirs of a Geisha. You lived it, didn't you?
Woman: You just know the right things to say!
Man #2: Some people make me wish that snow outside was really acid.
--Loews 42nd Street
Wednesday One-liners Need an MRI
Man on cell: Hello?...Yeah, I'm at the movies...Yeah, I know...I'm in the fucking theater!...I don't care if she needs brain surgery, I'm at the movies!
--Loews 19th Street East
That's a Horrible Thing to Call Her
Queer #1: I should have known you had that one.
Queer #2: Yeah, I mean, I have every Barbra Streisand recording ever.
Queer #1: I shouldn't have gotten that for you; it was such a stupid gift.
Queer #2: No, I'll just sell the old one on eBay.
--1 train
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
Peter Jackson Only Does Documentaries
Guy: This remake of King Kong was a good movie; did you ever see the
original?
Girl: Yeah, I didn't know it was a true story.
--42nd & 8th
That Makes Brokeback Seem Gangsta
Guy #1: I'm a gangsta. And gangsta people see gangsta movies. You go see that Hong Kong, King Kong or whatever.
Guy #2: What about In The Mix?
--AMC Empire 25, West 42nd Street
Overheard by: Nathaniel Taylor
"The guy who publishes Overheard? Really?"
Woman #1: Guess who I sat next to at dinner last night?
Woman #2: I have no clue. Jimmy Fallon?
Woman #1: No. Denzel Washington!
Woman #2: Omigod!
Woman #1: I know, I love him!
Woman #2: I loved him as God in Bruce Almighty. That was him, wasn't it?
Woman #1: No, that was Morgan Freeman, you dumb fuck.
--45th Street 7th & 8th
If They Had Kids, There's a Fifth Option
Girl: Think you'll be able to convince your parents to go see a movie or something over Christmas?
Guy: Not a chance. My parents are impossible to motivate to do anything.
Girl: Ah, I bet you could get them to at least try during the holidays.
Guy: I'm not kidding...They are completely exhausted by eating, sleeping, shitting, and working. That's all they have energy for.
--Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: BBW
Deleted Scenes for the DVD
Drunk guy: King Kong ain't got nothing on God almighty!
Sober girl: Stop touching me, you dirty old man.
Drunk guy: I ain't touching you, woman.
Sober girl: I don't do trash.
Drunk guy: That's why I wanchu.
--Q train
Overheard by: Ted Danger, esq.
Wednesday One-liners Starring Toothy Tile
Guy: Do you have Bareback Mountain?
--The Strand
He's Unsure Whether Skeletons Count as Siblings
Guy #1: ...and then I came in and Anne was watching some gay movie with Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix--
Guy #2: Who's River Phoenix?
Guy #1: You know, Joaquin Phoenix's brother.
Guy #2: Joaquin Phoenix has a brother?
Guy #1: I guess...
--A train
The Hutts Staff the Post Office
Conductor: This is a Manhattan bound N train. The next stop is Grand Avenue.
Guy #1: Ha, ha, ha! Yo, listen up! Darth Vada's running da train!
Guy #2: Dat's some funny shit, man.
--N train
Unlike Explosive Time Travel
Guy #1: You know if you went back in time and saw yourself the world would explode and collapse.
Guy #2: No way, man. Didn't you ever see Back to the Future?
Guy #1: What? That's not real!
--27th & 7th
Overheard by: Corey Cavagnolo
Overheard in New York: The Movie
Girl: I am glad you don't think she's prettier than me.
Guy: What? She is like, trailer trash.
Girl: No, she's really pretty.
Guy: What are you talking about? She is some lady they found in the parking lot by the garbage. They were like, "Hey lady, we will give you $20 to do this."
Girl: ...she is like, the American standard of beauty.
Guy: She is a dumpster-diving prostitute!
--Access Digital Theatres, Prospect Park
Overheard by: matt stohrer
Guy: Can I just say, maybe Zorro shouldn't be the first American movie you see.
--83rd & Broadway
Little boy: Why didn't Harry Potter just take a shotgun and blow that guy's head off?
--Loews Kips Bay Theatre, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Mark Schilsky
Girl #1: Shh! I can't hear what he's saying!
Girl #2: Bitch, you read the book already!
--DGA Theater, West 57th Street
Black chick #1: Girl, he so fine.
Black chick #2: Mmm...
Queer: Yes, we all know he's fine, but shut the fuck up!
--AMC Empire 25, West 42nd Street
Overheard by: Scott Hoffman
Girl: So for the last half-hour of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I couldn't stop crying. Then everybody in the theater turned around and laughed at me.
--Waverly & Mercer
Overheard by: Stu
Guy #1: You still fixing vans for that production house?
Guy #2: Yeah, I even got in a movie. Check me out in Prime; it's with Uma Thurman. I'm in it for like 20 seconds playing basketball on the street with a red do-rag. I was like 30 pounds heavier then; I just got out of jail.
--DMV, Greenwich Street
Overheard by: Anthony Bloodsucker
Black woman: All these assholes going to the movies...Lowest common denominator!
--Loews Lincoln Square ladies' room, West 68th Street
Overheard by: Amanda K
Girl: I heard there's an Asian girl in the new Harry Potter.
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: So they are branching out.
Guy: Yeah...but she is kinda big.
--Beard Papa's, Broadway & Astor
Overheard by: sim choo
Girl: I am dating two different guys with kids and no one will take me to see Harry Potter. Now that's fucked up.
--Eatery, 9th Avenue
Overheard by: Mike
Suit: I think you would really like As Good As It Gets.
Woman: Is that the one with Jennifer Aniston?
Suit: No, it's Helen Keller.
--75th & 3rd
Overheard by: Aaron Hotfelder
Stranger Things Have Happened on Endor
A couple walks by holding hands, a tall man and a short woman.
Chick: What's with the Wookie-Ewok love?
Guy: Dude, that's harsh.
--13th & University
Girl: You know her, she's making stuff up again!
Crazy woman: Hey! Did you just call me Chewbacca?
--1 train
Overheard by: poptart