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Well, It's Gone Now; Timber!
Guy: We came up on 6th Avenue so now we're on 49th!
Girl: Does anybody know where the friggin' tree is?
Woman: It's on the fucking left!
--49th & 6th
Overheard by: Emma
Little girl: I hate that tree.
--Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: melanie segal
Woman: The big Christmas tree is in Central Park, right?
Man: Yeah.
--1 train
Overheard by: Hilla
Angelina is Such a Trendsetter
Old Jewess: Where are you from originally?
Preggers: China.
Old Jewess: Oh that's good, because you know everyone wants an Asian baby now.
--Filene's Basement, 79th & Broadway
Overheard by: Barth
Dimebag, Handbag
Queer #1: I don't think I'm as self-destructive as everybody actually thinks I am.
Queer #2: Perpetually relying on substances tells me you can't handle things on your own.
Queer #1: I wouldn't say I rely on them. They're more like an accessory, like a handbag or a purse.
--82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: McCarton Ackerman
Here's a Hint: She Gave Birth to You
A guy runs down and holds the train doors open. Guy: Yo! Yo! ...Yo!
Conductor: Next stop West 4th, stand clear.
The doors close.
Conductor: ...I wanna know who "Yo" is.
--A train
Overheard by: p. vale
Tomorrow It's All Little Miss Muffeted Out
Girl #1: I've been eating really good foods.
Girl #2: What about all of that yogurt in your fridge? You have like six containers of it.
Girl #1: It's okay, they don't expire until January of '07.
Girl #2: That means January 7th, dumbass.
--L train
Overheard by: Glynnis O
They Call That Rice
Guy #1: I had sushi last week.
Guy #2: Isn't that like raw fish?
Guy #1: Man, it's so good you don't even taste the raw fish.
Guy #2: Then you should just take the raw fish out.
--Hunter College East-West bridge
That Makes Brokeback Seem Gangsta
Guy #1: I'm a gangsta. And gangsta people see gangsta movies. You go see that Hong Kong, King Kong or whatever.
Guy #2: What about In The Mix?
--AMC Empire 25, West 42nd Street
Overheard by: Nathaniel Taylor
That Runway's Hilarious
Lady lawyer: You look like a lot of my cousins, you know.
Boy attorney #1: Are they models?
Boy attorney #2: Yeah, leg brace models!
--Office, 45th & 5th
Swing and a Miss
Girl: Hey, do you have to read that for class?
Guy: Nope, just picked it up for fun.
Girl: If you like Vonnegut, you'd really like One Flew Out of the Cuckoo's Next.
Guy: This is my stop.
--4 train
Overheard by: Yael
That's the Only Kind They Make
Guy: Stop being such a Debbie Downer.
Girl: Stop watching such shitty tv shows.
--Q train
#1 Went Where #2 Goes
Girl: I had four vibrators.
Guy: You had four vibrators?
Girl: Yeah, and I was using the blue one to massage his neck.
--64th & 3rd
Overheard by: peter
Putting the Man Back in Mandarin
Guy #1: No, he's a draq queen not a trannie; he didn't get it cut off.
Guy #2: So then RuPaul must be the most famous drag queen ever, man...
Guy #1: Probably not.
Guy #2: Who, then? Like...Fu Manchu?
--52nd & 6th
Iraqians and Cars: An Explosive Combo
Hobo: Hey buddy, can you spare a nickel?
Cabbie: Yeah, do you accept credit cards?
Hobo: Fuck you! I am here trying to live on the streets. Just take your customer wherever she's going...Don't you tip his sorry ass. He's a racist Iraqian.
--23rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Cat
Korean is the New White
Little girl #1: He took out everything after we bought the house. The refrigerator, the stove, the toilet...
Little girl #2: Was he Korean? I mean, I'm Korean but that sounds so Korean.
Little girl #1: Nah, he was Italian.
Little girl #2: Koreans, Italians, French...no difference.
--Flushing
White guy: Dude, I'm going to be the only non-Asian at this party.
Asian guy: No, man, there are going to be tons of Koreans there.
--6 train
Overheard by: Elisabeth
The Senator Heads Into the Subways
Lady: A lot of people came off this train. Why aren't you people moving in?
Guy: There's a baby stroller in the back.
Lady: Well, they should move it. Move it over to the side!
Guy: Move a tiny infant baby? Everybody, look! This lady right here is the Antichrist! Move the baby? You the Antichrist!
--6 train
Spicy Rock Always Ends Up Alone
Teen boy #1: Oh man, it was like an episode of I Love Lucy.
Teen boy #2: I love who?
Teen boy #1: Lucy. Oh man,you don't know what I Love Lucy is? Bam! I ain't your friend no more.
--Q train
We Don't Understand the Meaning of "Please"
Businessguy: Hi, small Earl Grey tea with milk, please.
Deli man: What kind of tea?
Businessguy: Earl Grey.
Deli man: How many sugars you say? Two?
--Deli, Wall & Water
"Do you hail the horse or the driver?"
Tourist woman #1: Where is 5th Avenue?
Tourist woman #2: Oh, we won't get there until we actually get a cab to New York.
--94th & Lexington
Overheard by: Joe Frankie
That's Not What the Milk Carton Says
Guy: You should let her get a picture with the Naked Cowboy.
Dad: She's only six! She's not getting a picture with him.
Little girl: Daddy? I'm six?
--Times Square
No, It's a Phone Number
Professor man: Can anyone tell me what's an entourage?
Guy: A posse.
Professor man: A what? A "posse"? Is that really a word?
--Silver Center, Washington Square East
I Doubt It's for His Sake
Teen girl: What the fuck is a morning rubber? I've got to get a morning rubber.
Chick: God, you are such a virgin! You put a morning rubber on a morning glory, for God's sake.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Pi.
Abrasion Might Be a Problem
Girl: Well, as a lesbian, it's not something I understand...
Guy: You mean, she's a size queen?
Girl: I didn't say that...but I don't get it.
Guy: I don't get it either. I mean, I've slammed into someone's cervix, and it didn't look like that was too fun for her.
Girl: Well, I guess you have nothing to worry about.
--Under The Volcano, East 36th Street
The Mexican Hairless Made Her Bald
Chick #1: I can't wear wool, it gives me a rash...My mom likes argyle.
Chick #2: Isn't that a kind of wool?
Chick #1: I don't know. I used to have an argyle cat, and it didn't make me itch, so maybe not.
--K-mart, East 8th Street
Humiliating the Indigent: Priceless?
Hobo: Do you have the time?
Guy: Yeah, it's 2:30ish
Hobo: Can you spare some change?
Guy: I told you the time, and time is money.
--110th & Broadway
It Must Have Been Cotton
A chick been caught stealing by security. For some inexplicable reason, they let her yell at them.
Chick: This is not the United States of White-ass Bitches; this is the United States of America.
Chick: I'm owed this shirt because I'm black, bitches. I don't owe nothin' to you white folks. I'm owed this shirt because of slavery.
--Banana Republic, Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: helen r.
Overheard in the Bookstore
January 31st sees the release of Overheard in New York, the book. There are apparently people out there who have lives and don't read websites; now they can see for themselves what this site we all love so much is all about.
The book is perfect subway reading, and makes a great gift for Chicks, Dudes, Old ladies, Tourist moms and Crazy guys. And unlike
almost every other website turned into a book, we weren't censored. You get the best of the best--and the worst of the worst!--as well as a bunch of quotes we saved especially for the print edition.
We're very excited and hope to make this an annual tradition. It'll be
like Zagat's, but with hobos. You can order it here.
--Morgan & Michael (and 4 pages of contributors!)
Her Ears Must Be Huge
Chick #1: Where's [Suzy]?
Chick #2: She's in Vegas.
Chick #1: She is? How'd she get there so fast?
Chick #2: I dunno. She's fat. She can fly.
--Starbucks, 53rd & Park
That Tiger Balm Heals Everything
Asian guy: If I'da been white, they would have let me in. White people suck.
White guy: White people don't suck; clubs suck. I try to limit myself to venues that always let me in, but still encourage easy white women to come too. So far, I have yet to get an STD that can't be cured.
--F train
Seems Jesus Came Up Short
Lady lawyer: I think Christians are generally taller.
Boy attorney #1: So if a Korean was to convert to Christianity, he'd get taller?
Boy attorney #2: Sure, if he prayed hard enough.
--Office, 45th & 5th
It's a Grand Old Party
Guy #1: I'm not a very social person.
Guy #2: Join the club.
--Office, 29th & 7th
They're Familiar with Darksided Women
Teacher lady: What a deep, deep black!
Girl #1: Black like my soul.
Teacher lady: Maybe you should try pencil.
Girl #2: Wait what did you say?
Girl #1: It's black like my soul.
Girl #2: You should get a kitty.
--Dominican Academy, East 68th Street
Overheard by: cemo
How Was Your Holiday, New York?
Guy: Did you hook up with anyone on New Year's?
Girl: Yeah, and he's like a prince of some country.
Guy: Heh, that's cool I guess. Did he take you to his palace?
Girl: No, but that would've been cool. I've always wanted to touch a prince's penis.
--6 train
Chick: So, I figured we'd ring in the new year with a three-way.
--34th & Park
Chick: There are 3 things I hate about the holidays. One, people who become assholes for no reason. Two, people who become more emotional for no reason. And three, people who are both of the above.
--86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Gwenn Levine
He Works in the Irony Precinct
Guy: I thought you couldn't write diplomats tickets.
Cop: You can write 'em, they just don't have to pay 'em!
Guy: Oh.
Cop: Yeah. Fuck them!
--6th between B & C
A Pride of Wednesday One-liners
Queer: You know what I completely forgot people worry about? Getting pregnant.
--The Slide, Bowery
Overheard by: professional hag
Wednesday One-liners by Onan
Guy: Dude, have you ever tried to jack off twice in 20 minutes?
--Columbia University
Wednesday One-liners Order Scotch, Rocks
Guy: Dude, I'm not allergic to cats when I'm drunk.
--PATH train
Overheard by: Laura Tipaldo
Wednesday One-liners' Scenes from The City
Woman: That's the way New York is; it's a contact sport.
--Penn Station
Wednesday One-liners Love Bathroom Humor
Old woman: My mother kept saying that she wants to have carpet installed over her stone floors, but I don't think that's such a good idea. She's incontinent, and as I always say, "carpeting and
incontinence do not belong in the same sentence!"
--Office, 66th & York
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
It's Lunch for Wednesday One-liners
Girl: I'll have an everything bagel, scooped out and toasted with five egg whites and extra cheese but not too much extra cheese that it's gooping out, just like one slice more than you normally would use. Oh, and make sure the eggs are well done.
--Pick a Bagel on Third, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Benjamin Steger
The Annunciation of Wednesday One-liners
Woman: I always thought the Purple Pieman was Satan. Isn't that one of his many names?
--K-mart, West 34th Street
Overheard by: CC
Wednesday One-liners Check the Thermostat
Stewardess on intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, we know it's hot. We're hoping to have you underway as soon as we can. In the meantime, if you'll reach into the seat pocket in front of you and remove the safety information card, you'll find that it makes a nice fan.
--Airtran plane, LaGuardia
Overheard by: Seat 16A
Wednesday One-liners, Princess Edition
JAP: I like, didn't even know I had a middle name until my bat-mitzvah.
--53rd & 8th
Overheard by: Phil
Wednesday One-liners for Bloodhounds
Chick on cell: I guess it's must be a cultural thing. I mean, maybe it doesn't smell to them.
--86th & Lexington
Overheard by: LeBrawn
Step on the Scale, Wednesday One-liners
Girl: Like, I tried anorexia last year, and I only lasted, like, six months.
--Stuyvesant High School, Chambers Street
Overheard by: Mary Button
Wednesday One-liners Are a Real Turn-on
Bag lady: Come here! Come here, you fuckin' bitch! Are you too good to
give your fucking wife a hug? Come here, fucking bitch!
--23rd & Madison
Traditionally the 10th is Kicks
Guy #1: Tomorrow is my 10th wedding anniversary.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, what are you going to do?
Guy #1: I'm going to buy a new belt and beat my wife with it.
--Office, 28th & Park
I'll Get the Mogen Clamp
Girl #1: I like your hair.
Girl #2: It's the perfect color for a Jewish girl.
Girl #1: But you're not Jewish.
Girl #2: Not yet.
--3 train
Overheard by: Margot
Just Two Cagneys, a Lacey and Three Kates
Security lady: ...Oh, I know her. I heard she don't have no teeth no more.
Guy: Heh...nope.
Security lady: Good for suckin' dick.
Guy: Heh, heh...yep.
Security lady: Bet that's right up your alley, ain't it?
Guy: I ain't got no alleys.
--New York Public Library, West 53rd Street
A Valiant Knight on a Mapquest
Guy: Do you go to FDU?
Girl: No, I got to Hunter. It's in Manhattan; have you heard of it?
Guy: No, but where is it?
Girl: Do you know the city?
Guy: Of course!
Girl: 68th and Lexington.
Guy: That's near the Village, right?
Girl: No, it's on the Upper East Side.
Guy: Oh. Well, I usually hang out in the Village. Down by Avenue A and Avenue B.
Girl: Um.
--A train
Overheard by: Brown Eyed Girl
Product Placement: Now in Loud Conversations
Dude #1: But I really want to go to Arabia.
Dude #2: Nice.
Dude #1: Like Iran or some shit like that...I want to do those Arabian countries.
Dude #2: Ha! And have some Arabian night.
Dude #1: Fuck, yeah. But shit, I really need some Diesel jeans.
--Union Square
Overheard by: buffy
The Wheat Ones are Much Bigger
Girl: Why do they have to be so rude here?
Guy: I feel like I've been gang raped with a 12 inch loaf.
--Subway, Rockefeller Center concourse
Especially by the Gram
Guy: So that girl we just bumped into...she totally used to do tons of coke. But I think she stopped.
Girl: Isn't she pregnant?
Guy: Yeah, well, babies cost lots of money.
--A train
Overheard by: kevin cooper
His Mom Throws Up in There
Man #1: Eli has got some issues, some hair issues.
Man #2: Yeah, they used to call him an overretarded baby bird; now they just call him the bird's nest.
--43rd & 8th
Overheard by: Stephie Russell
What Every Girl Longs to Hear
Guy: You could try working out.
Girl: I do work out.
Guy: Are you going to take that hip-hop class?
Girl: No.
Guy: I think I'm going to take that hip-hop class just so I can serve you. I'm going to go down there and serve you.
--3rd Avenue & 11th Street
Nothing's as Real as Oil on Beaverboard
Chick #1: Why do those stone people on the side of the courthouse look so happy? Family court isn't happy.
Chick #2: Yeah, if that were a real family, one would be holding a shovel, and the other one holding a fork.
--Downtown Brooklyn
No, the Major Motion Picture
Teen guido boy #1: I was going down on her and her pussy tasted like peach Snapple.
Teen guido boy #2: The iced tea, right?
--Colonnade Diner, Staten Island
Biological Terrorism Isn't Just for the Guys
Chick #1: Rosie is the queen of snot rockets.
Chick #2: Can you teach me?
Rosie: Do you have snot?
--Rodrigue's Coffeehouse, Fordham University
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Urns Aren't Dishes
Old woman: Ann-Margret is a tramp.
Old man: How can you say that? Ann-Margret is a dish!
Old woman: A petri dish, maybe.
--82nd & Broadway
Or You Could Swallow a Twinkie
Guy #1: I don't know man, I thought when I had kids I would no longer want another woman. I thought it would end you?
Guy #2: Yeah yeah, it never ends.
Guy #1: If kids doesn't do it, how do you make it stop?
Guy #2: Cupcakes.
--Bodega, 3rd Avenue & 10th Street
"...That's for mommies."
Man: You know my name. What is my name?
Little girl: Daddy.
Man: Then why are you hitting me in the face?
--M14 bus
The Lenapes Return to Manhattan
Hobo: Hey! Help a brother out?
Guy: Sorry, we have to go. Have a good night.
Hobo: How?
--Bowery & 3rd
Overheard by: gibberish
Or Maybe She's Just a Bitch
Lady: My dog hates morbidly obese people.
Guy: That's so cool.
Lady: I guess a fat person must've sat on her at the crackhouse where I found her.
--Tompkins Square Park
Death Threats Don't Encourage Continence
Woman: It's going to be a 20 minute wait.
Man: Why don't you go use the restrooms now?
Woman: It's okay, I can wait 20 minutes.
Man: If you shit your pants in public again, I'm going to fucking kill
you.
--Veselka, 2nd Avenue
Above the Average Would Be Luckier
Mom: Eat this first and then you can have your Lucky Charms.
Little boy: No! I hate banana!
Mom: You do not; you were begging me for banana on Sunday. Fine. Turkey bacon, then.
Little boy: No.
Mom: Fine. Nothing for you. Say, "OK, Mommy."
Little boy: You're mean.
Mom: You're lucky to have a mean mommy.
--LaGuardia
Overheard by: Kate Lane
The Beggar Union Has No Pension Demands
Hobo: Oh, you gonna work this car?
Activist guy: Yeah, I got kinda like a political thing goin' on here. I hope you don't mind if I work here.
Hobo: A'right, fine, whateva.
--6 train
Overheard by: shahid waseem
Hobo: Hey, I'm not selling candy for the basketball team. I'm not selling candy for the football team. I'm not selling candy for the afterschool program. In fact, I'm not selling anything. I just want your money so I can buy pot and beer and crack. And Viagara. I hear you need Viagara when you're on the crack...Hi, miss. You have the prettiest eyes I've seen in 20 minutes...You, no! Get out. I am working this car. Get out. No candy!
--5 train
Really, Really, Really Sloppy Seconds
Hobo: Excuse me, miss, can I have a kiss?
Girl #1: Um, no. I have to go. Bye!
Hobo: Well, what about your friend?
Girl #2: ...No. What am I to you, next in line?
--99th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ally
Son of the Moongoloid
Toddler boy: Look, Daddy! The airport!
Dad: That's the moon, Milo.
--86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Claire Keaveney
It Was a New Wave of Terror
Professor guy: And who was Sadat?
Chick: Leader of Egypt?
Professor: And what was he doing in 1981?
Chick: Being assassinated?
--Columbia University
That's So Last Year
Suit: So my Dad just got back from New Orleans.
Girl: Wow; did he say it was like a disaster down there?
Suit: No, he said it was like a fucking flood went through there, idiot.
--Times Square shuttle
That Was Fast
Girl #1: Wow, your outfits are so cool.
Girl #2: Thanks!
Girl #1: Do you have any more glow bracelets?
Girl #2: Yeah, a lot
Girl #1: Can I have one?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh...So before when I said your outfits were cool: I was totally lying.
--Joshua Tree ladies' room, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: e jack
What's Your Resolution, New York?
Girl #1: Remember when we would go out, make up stories and fake names?
Girl #2: Yeah, that was fun.
Girl #1: We really need to lie more.
--6 train
Presenting the New Catchphrases for 2006
Guy #1: Yesterday this girl said she wanted to throw herself in front of the train and I'm like, "This bitch is crazy."
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: I mean, I see that motherfucka coming and that shit ain't gonna happen, you know?
Guy #2: Maybe she was depressed.
Guy #1: Are you kidding? That shit is pancake style...bitch is crazy.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Nander
Here's to Another Overheard Year!
News guy: Get your special AM Metro News! Special edition; last one for the year. Get two: one to read and one to frame.
--32nd & 7th
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Teen boy: I really wanted to drink some champagne, but I didn't have any flutes, so I had to drink it out of a wine glass.
Teen girl: That's really embarrassing.
--Barney's, Madison Avenue
Wheelbo: Happy new year! Happy new year!...Fuck your mother!
--9th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Eric
Guy: I guess "not funny" is the new "funny".
--Comedy Cellar, Macdougal Street
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