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Things That Happen to Convicted Pedophiles
Man #1: They take your children?
Man #2: They even take your dignity!
--Great Lawn, Central Park
You Have to Pass Asshole 101 to Get Into All Your Girlfriend's Friends
High school girl #1: I think they give them a class on it.
High school girl #2: Called what? How to be a complete asshole and sleep with all of your girlfriend's friends?
--Dalton School, Upper East Side
They Sleep with Me
Girlfriend: I don't wanna talk to you.
Boyfriend, chasing after her: How many times must I tell you?! I don't sleep with guys!!!
--36th & 10th
You Can Tell By His 'I Really Heart New York' Hat
Girl tourist #1: Oh my gosh, look at what that guy is wearing!
Girl tourist #2: Ew. Blue jacket, striped shirt, black pants, brown shoes with no socks. That's terrible.
Girl tourist #1: Yeah, but, he can do that, right?
Girl tourist #2: Uh, no. Hello, nobody can get away with that.
Girl tourist #1: But, no, he can do that because he's, like, really from New York.
--LaGuardia Airport
Know Your Audience
Crazy guy, yelling: Macaroni and cheese! [No one responds.] With chocolate mousse on top! [No one responds.] Mashed potatoes and gravy! [No one responds.] George Bush is bringing peace to the world through strength and diplomacy!
Woman: Shut up!
--uptown 6 train
Overheard by: the fashionatrix
Def Tragedy Jam
Drugged out gangsta kid #1: I got mad depth perception, yo.
Drugged out gangsta kid #2: Yo, do you know what that means?
Drugged out gangsta kid #1: Yeah, I can see really good out one eye.
Drugged out gangsta kid #2: No, man. Deaf means you can't hear shit!
--L train platform, Union Square
Are You Coming On To Me?
Drunk B&T chick: Look, it's Penn Station. We could go home right now!
Cranky stranger: That sounds like a good idea to me.
--downtown A train
Overheard by: Thinking the Same Thing
For Instance, When Your Mother and I Decided to Keep You
Father: This is what the brain looks like. It's the least used part of the human body.
Wide-Eyed daughter: Really?
Father: It sure seems that way sometimes, doesn't it?
--Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl
I Was Striving For More of a Dysentery Fragrance, With Overtones of Colon Cancer
Lady: Ewww! It smells like someone made a dump!
Bum shrugs.
--Queens Blvd, Forest Hills
Portrait of the Realtor as a Young Girl
Westchester girl: Remember, we are not from upstate. We are from thirty minutes outside of the city!
--8th St. & 6th Ave.
Overheard by: Jim G
I Just Bought a Whole Case at Price Club. Now I'm Gonna Cry.
Kid: So my mom bought some 100-calorie packs of Oreos because she thought that they were just small in size, but it turns out that they have no cream.
Girl: Aw, that's so cute. I love your mom.
Kid: It's not cute. She cried.
--Grand Central
When You Become an American Citizen, You Have to Forget Everything You Know About Geography
Indian guy: Hey, what country are you from?
Asian girl: Tibet.
Indian guy: So you live in Tokyo?
--F Train
Well Let's Switch Already, Damnit; I've Been on the Midget Forever
Guy #1: Wait a sec, what train is this? What am I on?
Guy #2: I'm on your mom. That's what I'm on.
--D train
Tough Love From His Straight Guy Support Group Sponsor
Latino guy on cell: Oh, she's "tearing your heart out"? You're a fucking faggot.
--Metropolitan & Union
Overheard by: Outmacked
She Misses Mommy's Heroin Years
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy!
Mother: What is it?!
Little girl: Why you gotta have an attitude?
--Cortelyou & Marlborough, Brooklyn
Overheard by: BWA
Now I Know Why Friends Was So Unpredictable
Girl #1: I hate gushing blood. Gross.
Girl #2: Yeah, and retarded people
Girl #3: Yeah, retarded people scare me
Girl #2: 'Cause you'll never know what they're gonna do, 'cause they're retarded.
--KFC, King's Highway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Veronika
Compassionate Conservative
Black woman: You know that girl you bumped into? She was handicapped. And you didn't say, "Excuse me."
White boy: Um, she bumped into me.
Black woman: So, she's handicapped. Is it her fault?
White boy: Shut the fuck up and go pick up your welfare check, you entitlement-addicted bitch.
--53rd & 5th
The Last Thing the Financial Industry Needs Is a Stickler For Numbers
CEO Lex Fenwick: Let me tell you three things about Bloomberg [raises five fingers]. Customer service, customer service, customer service, and customer service.
Intern: That was only four, Lex. You raised five fingers and said you were going to tell us three things.
Lex Fenwick: You're fired!
--Bloomberg L.P.
Overheard by: summer intern
And Totally Ignores Your Tits
Girl: You know what I hate? When you hold the door open for a blind person and he looks right at you and says, "Thank you."
--Duane Reade, 88th & Broadway
Overheard by: amanda fox
Watch Your Mouth! Grandma Only Did That Once.
Black boy: This hobo offered me some weed today on the train.
Mother: Did you take it?
Black boy: Yeah. She kinda looked like grandma.
--Jamaica Center, Parsons Blvd & Archer Ave
Getting a Little on the Side
South Bronx gangster #1: Yo, damn, look at that Asian girl, son!
South Bronx gangster #2: You ever been with an Asian girl?
Gangster #1: Nah, son, you?
Gangster #2: Nah, yo, but I heard them pussies is sideways!
Gangster #1: What?! Sideways?!
Gangster #2: Yeah, son, sideways. They pussies is siiiideways!
Gangster #1: Shit, I gotta try and get with one now.
--the Bronx
Overheard by: Scullface
Teacher: Oh My God! Is That?...He's a Girl Now?!
Girl: Oh my god! That's my high school photography teacher!
--Gay Pride Parade, 23rd & 5th
A Quick Superiority Dance, Then Back to the Port Authority Bus Terminal
Tourist #1: What park is this? Where am I?
Tourist #2: It's Tompkins Square Park.
Tourist #1: Well, I am clearly too good for this park.
Tourist #2: What?
Tourist #1: Seriously, look at these people. I am way too good for this park and these people.
--7th and Ave A
Overheard by: Miss Parker
It's Even Funnier When You Realize It's Nine A.M.
Drunk Irish woman: What time is it?
Drunk Irish man: Nine o'clock.
Drunk Irish woman: It's early! The bars are open until four here. We still have [pauses to count on her fingers] seven hours!
--uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Cat
She Hasn't Seen Coming to America
Old lady: Why would anyone ever want to move to Queens?
--R train
Overheard by: mo
Now He Has 75 Comp Tickets For The Lake House
Guy: Yeah, they said that they didn't have a paycheck for me this week, but they could pay me in cheese.
--44th & 9th
Overheard by: Melanie
You Remember Mike, My Great Dane
Guy #1: Well, Mike was the one that got us into bestiality.
Guy #2: Right.
--23rd between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: James R
I Was Like, 'Pass the Joint Custody, Yo.'
Hispanic/black mom: Do you believe that shit? I was like, "You have got to be messin.'"
7-year-old daughter: Ya, I hope you told him.
Mom: Ya, I gave yo' daddy some shit. He ain't gonna come round no mo'.
--Water & Fulton
Overheard by: Fabiani
Damnit, the GHB Should Be Working By Now!
Girl: Oh, and in French, they say-
Guy: -I don't care.
Girl: This date has been awful.
Guy: Shut up!
--78th & Broadway
I'll Try Anything Once
Carson Kressley, on cell: It was so worth being sober and well-behaved.
--elevator, Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: SJB
But Those Are the Only Presidents We've Had Who Were Related, Right?
Man looks down at Time magazine with Theodore Roosevelt on the cover.
Man: Wait. We had two President Roosevelts? When did that happen?
Supervisor: Yeah. There was, um, [looks at cover] Teddy, and, uh, shit. What was the other one named?
Man: I don't know. Shit, man, history's hard because, you know, there's just so much of it. It's, like, impossible to really understand it, I think.
Supervisor: Yeah, that's true.
--K-Mart, 9th St & 4th Ave
Overheard by: appalled customer buying swim trunks
Don't Talk With Your Mouth Full
Middle-Aged man: I hope we don't get caught.
Prostitute: Don't worry, I never have.--81st & Amsterdam
Headline by: Sean
Runners-Up:
· "...Not Once in My Ten Years on the Force." - Ingwall
· "Any Extra Charge For the Lip Service?" - Hobo Whisperer
· "He Was Looking For, ''Cause Then We'd Have to Be Punished...'" - alex
· "I've Got My Lucky Condom" - Sheri
· "Is Hugh Grant Considered 'Middle-Aged'?" - Matthew McGuirl
· "My Parents Will Be Home in an Hour" - Lois
· "Skip the Condom. She's Been Tested, Too" - Andy Adelewitz
· "Take Your Father to Work Day" - Sean Mc Grath
Honorable mentions:
· "Charge Me If You Can" - petch
· "If You Can't Beat 'Em (in Public)" - Heather
· "They Were Talking About Their Braces." - Allison
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Oprah, to Hitman: Yeah, She's About Eight, Eight and a Half. Blonde Hair, Green Eyes...
Little girl: Mom, look! I saw that lady on TV! That lady is on TV!
Mom: What lady? Where?
Little girl: That fat lady! That fat lady over there is on TV!
--Dinosaur BBQ, W 131st St
Overheard by: Alison R.
The Al-Qaeda Satellite Adds 100 Meters
Tourist: Um, do you live here?
Teen girl: Uh, yeah.
Tourist: Oh, is that the Empire State Building?
Teen girl: You mean the big, pointy building?
Tourist: [nods]
Teen girl: What the fuck do you think? [walks away] Fucking tourist.
Tourist: Thank you! [to friend] So, wait, is it the Empire State Building?
--near Union Square
Rapunzel's a Bitch, Cinderella's a Snob, and Briar Rose Can't Hold Her Liquor
Upper-West-Side mom: So, what did you think of fairytale princess camp?
--Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: dee
As a Fetus, He Redecorated the Uterus
Gay flight attendant, frantically running down aisle: Excuse me! Coming through. Scusa, signore. Excuse me, I need to get the back of the plane. It's an emergency! Excuse me!! [Runs past woman, stops, walks back.] Oh my God, your scarf is fabulous; did you buy it in Venice?
Woman's husband: Did you say there was an emergency?
Gay flight attendant: Not as big as the one that'll happen if I don't get that scarf!
--flight into JFK
Wednesday One-Liners Are So Deep They Cause Bladder Infections
Thug, taking a drink: Yo, this water's mad wet.
--Murrow High School, Brooklyn
Guy: I mean, I don't want any bok choy in my chakra.
--12th & Broadway
Overheard by: aryn
Wednesday One-Liners: Cha-ching!
Guy on cell: Don't play games with me or I'll break your fuckin' nose. Have you got the money? Where's the fuckin' money?
--47th & 5th
Overheard by: Adam Bertocci
Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don't want to play football? ...Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money!
--M14 bus
Hobo: God, lady, I'm not asking for a million dollars; I'm just asking for some change!
--14th between 5th & University
Overheard by: theNJl
Biker dude: She's a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she's rollin' in money.
--Starbucks, 27th & Park
Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson
Wednesday One-Liners Explore Their Hoo-Hoo Zones
Girl on cell: Yeah, but I've gotta get out of these pants first. The crotch is wet and I don't wanna get mad yeast.
-- 85th & York
Overheard by: Ivan
Professor: You need to find your special place.
--Shepard Hall, City College
Girl on cell: You definitely could. You have a wider-set vagina than I do.
--65th Ave & Parsons Blvd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Pete
Old lady on cell: Did you remove the tick from the genital area?
--5th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Utah
Wednesday One-Liners Aren't So Vanilla
Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?
--49th & 7th
Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?
--Egyptian Wing, the Met
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.
--UCBT, 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Tobster
Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You've already blown me.
--Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus
Overheard by: Sara
Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.
--1 train
Overheard by: i like toes
Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.
--34th & 8th
Wednesday One-Liners Were Separated at Birth
Black guy: I can not believe mah baby girl just graduated from high school! Come on, honey, I'll let you pick where we gonna go fo' dinner: Denny's or White Castle?
--Yonkers High School
Overheard by: Snow White
Ghetto girl graduate: Ya'll wanna go to Red Lobstah or what?
--Times Square
Overheard by: Kaitlyn
Wednesday One-Liners Were Young and Needed the Money
Woman, yelling to man: Look, you give me crack and I smoke it and we fuck. That's what we do.
--130th, between Lenox and 5th
Overheard by: Juany
Queer on cell: At least have the decency to suck dick for coke!
--10th & Ave A
Small child: I feel so dirty.
--sand box, Prospect Park
Overheard by: braincurve
Guy: You'll never even see a vagina in your life. I can at least pay for it.
--53rd & 8th
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Wednesday One-Liners Make Friends with the Purple Monkey in the Corner
Stoned chick: I've got to do all the drugs I can today. I'm going into rehab next week.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Matt M
Old man: Yeah, my daughter moved out a few months ago. She loves her university and smokes a lot of pot.
--Bleecker St
English professor: Is that what you say when you're in your room popping ecstasy with the door closed?
--City College
Southern woman on cell: Have fun with the kids. Oh? He died? Joe's son died? Why'd he die so young? Vicodin overdose? Oh, I will be careful. Well, that's what happens when you take too much Vicodin. You die.
-- CVS, 54th & Lex
Overheard by: Your Mom
Teenage girl: Yeah, she sucks now that she's a crack addict
--Columbia University
Overheard by: An offended crack addict
Literary critic: It was Sherlock Holmes who got me on coke.
--Cherry Tree bar, 4th Ave, Park Slope
Wednesday One-Liners Need at Least a C Cup
Woman: And I was like, "Do you want my breasts to make the copies for you"?
--9th Ave
Overheard by: Michelle
Bag lady: Hey, those tits look great on you!
--Maiden & William
Overheard by: thanks, but they're not fake
Airport security guard, to woman going through the security line: I said outerwear not underwear!
--LaGuardia Airport
Wednesday One-Liners Bring Home the Bacon
Guy: Free New York Times Market Place! You need a motherfucking job? Get yourself a motherfucking job! Pay your child support! Free New York Times Market Place! Find yourself a motherfucking job!
--outside Port Authority, 40th & 8th
Black guy, to white guy: Wake up, sleepy cracker! It's Monday; time for work!
--109th & Madison
Man in suit, on cell: It's manly to want to take care of your family.
--Carmine & Bedford
Wednesday One-Liners Cover Their Bases
Girl: Whatever, it's disgusting. I mean, you can cum in my butt but not in my vag.
--Q train
Woman: I have sex in my vagina, not in my bottom!
--Prospect Park
Rebellious Wednesday One-Liners
Summer student: I don't know where and I don't know what, but I am getting something pierced.
--NYU Dorm, East Village
Girl: I just want to throw a rock at it and watch all the windows shatter.
--Sculpture for Living, Astor Place
Wednesday One-Liners Own Eight-Sided Dice
Loud, nerdy guy: They're basically a bunch of shitty MySpace kids with mutant powers. Like the hedgehog kid: his power is that spikes come out of his body, what the fuck is that? I could roll around in glue and syringes and get that guy's power.
--Prospect Park
Overheard by: Zoh
Middle-Aged man: I think vampires are kind of stupid. They seem to care an awful lot about how they look and what others think. It's like, who cares? You're six hundred years old and on your way to hell, hello?
--5th Ave
Overheard by: Someone who thinks he has a point
Asian girl: One of my cousins is a dragon.
--32nd St
Overheard by: sneakyintern
She's Really Good At Math, Though
Asian valley chick: So, I bought this shirt? And it was like...it was like...it was like, a shirt? And it was really cool.
--N train
How About a Double Quarter-Pounder With AIDS?
Girl: You're like McDonald's: over one billion served!
Guy: So what does that make you: an extra value meal?
--7th & B
Multi-Cultural: Urban Outfitters and J. Crew
Six-year-old girl: Wow! Look at those go-go boots. The East Village is so multi-cultural.
Her father: You think so? It's mostly rich, white people now.
--East 7th St
Think of It As a Mobile Garnish
Lady #1: Oh, shit! Is that a cockroach?
Manager, yelling to co-worker: Go kill that, quick!
Lady #2: Oh my gawd, that is the biggest cockroach I ever seen.
Lady #1: We better be gettin' some free chicken 'cause of dat shit.
--Popeye's, Myrtle Ave & Broadway, Brooklyn
It's an Old David Copperfield Trick
Two 12 year olds knock into a business woman.
Woman: Don't you say excuse me?
12 year old #1: Shut the fuck up, bitch, 'cause I got my balls in your mouth.
Woman: But... but...
12 year old #2: Aww, bitch, you better shut up, 'cause he's got his balls in your mouth.
--uptown 4 train
Overheard by: DVI
Transactional Analysis in the Ghetto
Voice over speaker phone: Bitch, I tol' you stay away! I tol' you back off! Bitch!
Girl, very calmly: That kinda attitude is why your man is eatin' my pussy.
--Washington & Lafayette, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: nmf
It's Always Helpful to Know How Far Things Are From Maryland
Wannabe cartographer: There are two Washington DCs. One is in the upper corner of the map, and the other is like forty-five minutes away from Maryland.
--Wall Street
Overheard by: notna
Work Is the Curse of the Drinking Classes
Construction Worker: Stop pushing me! I just want to drink my beer! [He takes a big sip through a straw.] Ahhh! That hit the spot. Better than any cup of coffee, I tell ya!
--uptown B train at 8:45 am
Overheard by: pants
He Only Hung Up On Me Once
Girl: So why did you hang up on me twice?
Guy: Why did you sleep with him last night?
--Forest Hills, Queens
Upon Contact With Chuck Norris, They Annihilate Each Other
Old-lady candy-pusher: I be sellin' candy for the school. I have M&Ms and Jujyfruits and Almond Joy with and without the nuts.
Drunken gay guy: Nobody wants your candy. It probably has razor blades in it and shit. Just go away.
Old-lady candy-pusher: Look at you talkin'. You are the anti man!
--downtown 2 train
Overheard by: Stefanie
How About a Donkey Punch?
Girl #1: It's the last day of school and I'm not even sad. I feel like I should be crying or something.
Girl #2: Do you want me to pinch you really hard?
--Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: Michelle
Cold Fish Is the New Warm Vegetable
Girl #1: Want to get take-out?
Girl #2: Sure. I feel like something warm and vegetarian.
Girl #1: Like what?
Girl #2: Hmm. Oh! Like a tuna sandwich.
--Upper West Side
Are You Ready to Accept Rosie O'Donnell as Your Personal Savior?
Lesbian #1: We should start worshipping Satan.
Lesbian #2: Yeah! I bet we could be the first lesbian church of Satan worshippers.
Lesbian #3: That is so hot.
--French Roast, 11th & 6th
Why Do You Think Everything in This Park Looks Like Genitalia?
Shrewd observer: Why does everything in this park look like genitalia?
--Battery Park
Overheard by: Rina
Actually, We Prefer 'Retardo-Americans'
Tween boy #1: Where is he? He owes me fucking ten dollars.
Tween boy #2: This is really gay.
Random girl: I'm offended, you retards!
--W 34th St
The Teacher Wanted to Make It Clear That the Correct Word is 'Faggot'
8-year-old: Today Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and lesbian! And Steven started to cry!
Older sister: Oh. And did you tell them that wasn't very nice?
8-year-old: No. The teacher started yelling at them! It was very entertaining. I was excited to be there.
--Corona, Queens
Overheard by: Amy
Patient Zero Returns
Dude in shorts: I love seeing how many people I can touch in the mornings.
--2 train at 72nd St
Overheard by: drendar
'Weird Jedis' Is Like 'Gay Queers' or 'Bored Security Officers'
Out-of-breath Star Wars fan: Hey, do you know where the 3 pm light saber fight will take place?
Bored security officer: I dunno, but it should be over there. That's where all the weird Jedis are hanging out.
--Big Apple Comic Book Convention, Penn Plaza Pavilion
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
And All She Ever Ate Was JFK's Penis
Middle-aged, overweight woman #1: How can these brownies be low fat? Look at these ingredients! Walnuts, almonds... This can't be low fat!
Woman #2 points to a picture of Marilyn Monroe on the wall.
Woman #1: She was a size twelve, you know.
--Cafe Bacio, 71st & 1st
Overheard by: Emily Duncanson
Happy Birthday K-Fed
Dude #1: We went to a strip club for his birthday.
Dude #2: Cool.
Dude #1: He was bragging that the stripper kissed him, but she made him sick!
Dude #2: Not cool.
Dude #1: Now he has mono and feels like he's going to die.--58th & ColumbusOverheard by: finished lunch anyway
Headline by: mannadew
Runners-Up:
· "Best-Case Scenario Survival Handbook" - Keith Campbell
· "For the Man Who Has Had Everything" - Eric
· "Her day-job was a Karma Policewoman." - Jehan
· "I'm thinking Christian Slater for the movie.." - yanick massicotte
· "Laser Tag Never Sounded Better" - Ned
· "Maybe the Nurse Will Strip For Him" - Trey Jackson
· "Not as bad as when I got Stigmata after a lap dance from Rachel Dratch" - Tourist #8
· "Not Everything Stays in Vegas" - miaka mouse
· "Now He's Bragging That He Didn't Get Herpes." - Katie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
The Girl Whose Strings She's Been Pulling
Drunk Girl #1: You've been stealing my tampons! Bitch!
Drunk Girl #2: Who are you?
--A train
Overheard by: Ben Somma
I Can't Carry That Many Quarters
Kid: There's too many damn theaters on this street.
--Broadway
Overheard by: Monolythagis
If the White Guy Leaves His Number, Even Better
Guy #1 (wearing do-rag): You know why I wear this shit, man?
Guy #2: Nah, man, why?
Guy #1: Because I love the stare. I love it when some dumb white guy stares at me and asks why I wear this so I can curse the shit out of that mothafucka!
--14th & 1st
Readers, Is This Conversation in Bad Taste? And How Do You Know?
Queer #1: Everyone's tasted their own cum once.
Queer #2: That sounds like a line from a play.
Straight guy: Sounds like a shitty play.
--Osso Bucco, University Ave
Weird, I Thought People Only Urinated in Venice
20-something chick: That's not urine. I know what urine smells like. I've lived in Florence.
--23rd & 8th
Then Have an Ugly Spud Shaved and Brought to My Tent
Straight girl #1: Go find me a cute boy!
Straight girl #2: Ok! I will... But he's not going to be into you.
--Pride parade route
Another Teen Emergency. Call the Ambivalence.
Girl: I was like, "High school is over. I can't wait to get away from everyone!" And then, thanks to you, I actually realized that I might miss some people. You, James*, Gabrielle*, Dave V.*, Karen G.*!
Guy: But all of us except James are going to St. John's, and he's coming here to Queens.
Girl: But Gabrielle is going to Jersey! Everyone knows that once you go to Jersey, your soul dies.
--Queens College campus
Overheard by: Peter G.
I Think Dell
Penny-pincher: Excuse me. Where do they sell the knockoff iPods?
--Times Square
A Soundtrack of Tinny Audio Leakage From Sixteen Million Earbuds
Boy #1: Damn it! I forgot my iPod.
Boy #2: Don't worry. The city is a soundtrack in itself.
--44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Liz
Old Ladies Tug on Them Repeatedly?
Patient: My breasts look like slot machines!
--NY Presbyterian Hospital, 61st & York
Overheard by: Johnny Drama
Low Expectations: The Secret to Happiness
Tourist husband: Hey, look, a Starbucks.
Tourist Wife: Ooo...
--44th & 8th
Hot New Ad Campaign for Partial-Birth Abortion
Guy, to chick: Yeah, yeah, you are definitely less pregnant than last time we hung out.
--Chrystie & Delancey
Overheard by: lauren
Yes, But They Probably Still Wouldn't Talk to You
Man: Wow, you speak good English. Where are you from?
Asian girl: Australia.
Man: Do they speak English there?
--1 train station
Keep Walking North, and You'll Run Into the Crack Whores, Dear
Woman on cell: First I had to see all of those girls I know with their perfect boyfriends, reminding me I'm single! Now I'm in the Village, and all these gays guys are out with their hot boyfriends, reminding me I'm single. I can't take it anymore, Ma!
--Christopher & Bleecker
That's a Little Harsh for One Report Card, Don't You Think?
Drunk woman: So I was like, "Why don't you just off yourself, you fat, miserable fuck?"
Friend: Jesus, Becky*.
--bar, 5th & St. Mark's, Park Slope
Or Maybe He Did Remember, Took You Out to a Nice Dinner, Liquored You Up, Fucked You in the Ass, and Gave You an STD for Your Trouble?
Guy #1: What? He gave you crabs?
Guy #2: Well, apparently he didn't remember I was allergic to shellfish.
--The Village
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