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What? It's Important to Coordinate
Woman #1: Are those pants see-through?
Woman #2: No! That means I would be bare-chested.
--YMCA, 9th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chandra Smith-Thomas
Only on the Outside, Honey
Mom: I need a size 'Small.'
Little girl, loudly: Mommy, aren't you a Large?
--H&M, 51st & 5th
Overheard by: Pooja
But We Wish to Meet Your Friend
Chick #1: Oh my god, her bathroom smelled so bad! Like feet!
Chick #2: Like vagina.
Chick #1: Like foot marinated in vagina! [They realize two guys are watching, bemused.]
Guy with friend: Um... We don't speak English.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: I actually know those girls
I Could Go for a Nice, Juicy Quarterback with Cheese
Bowl-cut elementary schoolboy #1: ... And there'd be football players in the middle of nowhere!
Bowl-cut elementary schoolboy #2: In December...
Bowl-cut elementary schoolboy #1, in deep, slow voice: In my tummy.
--Central Park South
Overheard by: A. Card
She's More of a Potsticker Kind of Driver
Small boy pointing to stick shift: What's that?
Uncle: That's the stick shift for driving the car.
Small boy: Oh. Does Auntie drive a fish stick ,too?
--Yankee Stadium parking lot
The Lindsay Lohan/Hillary Duff Feud: Explained
Teen girl #1: See, this is why we can't be friends.
Teen girl #2: What? We can't be friends because I won't join you in an orgy.
Teen girl #1: Yes, exactly.
--74th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dani
All Indicators Are Green, Sir
Guy: Do you know how a penis works?
Chick: Yeah, but they are usually in my mouth.
--Houston St
Overheard by: HA
Read All about It: Paper Guy Slain by Fashion Victim
Newspaper guy: Read all about it: girl passing me right now has holes in her jeans.
Girl with holy jeans: They're made like that, asshole.
--Port Authority
Everyone Knows Madame Curie's That Trannie Who Paints Nails at the Beauty Bar
Hipster dude: ... And she ended up renting some movie about Madame Curie.
Hipster chick: That's the wax lady, right? Over at Times Square? I didn't know there was a movie about her.
Hipster dude: I hate you.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Red Genesis
Oh, You Know It?
Frat boy #1: Dude, you got really skinny. What's going on with you? Are you sick or something?
Frat boy #2: Yeah, bro, I have IBS -- Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Frat boy #1: You shittin' me!
--91st & 1st
Overheard by: AZS
... Without Discussing the Socio-Political Ramifications of It First
Hoochie: He thought I was boring because I wouldn't blow him.
--34th & 6th
Portrait of a Man Wondering If She's Worth It
Drunk chick: Oh my god, you look like the last tsunami!
Guy with really short hair: What?
Drunk chick: I said you look like that last tsunami guy in the Tom Cruise movie!
Guy with really short hair: You mean The Last Samurai?
Drunk chick: Oh, yeah. Him.
--Party, 46th & 8th
Shhh -- It Sounds Socially Responsible
Guy: They have biodegradable scrubbies.
Chick: Mmm-hmmm, yeah.
Guy: What the hell does that mean?
--The Fairway, Red Hook
Overheard by: Kyle
It's Worth the Extra Money for a Quality Makeup Remover
Chick: Wow...
Middle-aged man: Yeah, girl, when I get home it all comes off!
--23rd & Park
Overheard by: Black in Queens
Wow. Free Sperm. Thanks, Ted.
Dude: I fuckin' love you.
Chick: I love you, too.
Dude: I will always love and respek you.
Chick: [Coos.]
Dude: You were born into this life to be a woman, to be a wife, and to be a motha.
Chick: [Bats eyes.]
Dude: And I am going to make you a motha.
--M60 bus, 116th St
Tonight's Movie: Prelude to a Piss
Doctor: You really think I look like Rick Springfield?
Hobo: Oh, yeah. Could be his twin.
Doctor, singing: Jesse's girl... I wanna be... [Hobo joins him singing and pees on the bench.]
--Union Square
Overheard by: tantorigor
Dude, Some of Its Sections Have Sections
Tourist #1: Why is New York called 'The Village'?
Tourist #2: Huh? Oh, no. Greenwich Village. It's a section of New York.
Tourist #1: Why does it need sections?
Tourist #2: 'Cause it's huge. It's like the size of Chicago or something.
--13th & 4th
Overheard by: Couldn't help but laugh
Tan Fades. Death Is Forever.
Bench chick #1: You know you can get, like, melanoma or skin cancer without suntan lotion.
Bench chick #2: So? At least I'll die tan.
--NYU
Overheard by: chelsea
Hip Hop's Next Craze
NYU boy, about man with cane and sunglasses: Why do all blind people have to wear sunglasses?
NYU girl: Isn't it all part of the persona?
NYU boy: What, like they don't want me to see their eyes?
NYU girl: I guess. And like how they wear baggy pants and FUBU shit.
NYU boy, slowly, after long pause: I said 'blind people.'
--F train, 14th St
Overheard by: Lindsay
So Much for That Stereotype
Teacher: And Montana--
Asian girl, interrupting: --Wait, isn't Montana somewhere near Germany along with Maine?
--Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
And Not the Mainstream Kind, Either
Teen step-daughter, looking at skater shoes: I love these shoes! If I saw a guy wearing these shoes, I'd be totally into him.
Suit: Yeah, but not for a 34-year-old.
Teen step-daughter: I know lots of 34-year-olds that would wear these.
Suit: Yeah, they work at the movie theater.
--Vintage clothing store
Overheard by: Sean B
Have You Considered That Her Ass Might Taste Like Bitter Melon?
Man #1: Have you ever tasted Bitter Melon?
Man #2: Yeah, and it tastes exactly like shit.
Man #1: How do you know what shit tastes like?
Man #2, motions head towards wife: From licking her ass.
--Wo Hop, 17 Mott St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Or Rubber and Easily Stored?
Black teen #1: I got a new girlfriend.
Black teen #2: Is she nice and thick or big and nasty?
--J train
At Least in the Wolf's Version of the Story
Little girl: Once upon a time, there were three little pigs, and their names were Elana, Jessica, and... And Daddy Midget.
Uncle: That best not be me.
Man: You the daddy?
Uncle: Naw, I'm the uncle. But I'm the only daddy around.
Little girl: ... And they lived together...
Uncle: I know, I'm probably the wolf.
Little girl: And there was a big bad wolf, and his name was Uncle Greg*.
Uncle: That's right, I'd best be the wolf.
Little girl: And they lived happily ever after.
--Subway station, 53rd & Lex
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
I Know a Great Heroin-Addict Nun I Could Set Him Up With
Girl: We just came here and talked about each other's families. He has a brother with a gambling problem.
Guy: Alright! The good stuff!
Girl: Yeah, his brother used to be a trappist, but now he has a serious gambling problem.
--Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Kira
Well, Since You Called Me "Normal" -- How's Eight O'Clock?
Hobo: Are the raindrops only falling on me? Does anyone feel this?
Girl: I think it's everyone...
Hobo: Now that I got you to talk to me, want to go out tonight? [Girl ignores him.] What?! I had a beautiful girl last night -- I can't get a normal one today?!
--Union Square
At Least for the Rabbit
Hipster: Why you wearin' such a big hat?
Junkie wearing top hat: It's not just a hat -- it's a port-a-potty.
--E Houston near Broadway
Overheard by: Big Larry
Trust Me -- I'm Your Fairy Godmother
Girl, as phone vibrates in her pocket: Oh, that scared me! My phone always scares me when it vibrates like that!
Old lady in bike shorts: Girl, you should never let a vibrator scare you!
--Starbucks
It's Your Fault If I Don't Attain Samadhi
Four-year-old boy in Superman cape being carried by exhausted mom: Owie! Owie, owie, owie! [Mom sets him down.] Now I won't even be able to do yoga!
--113th & Broadway
Overheard by: bemused bostonian
Big, Chewy Mouthfuls of Food-like Goodness
NYU girl #1: I like PowerBars.
NYU girl #2: I like Cliff Bars.
NYU girl #3: But the thing with all those bars is you have to chew them so much.
NYU girl #1: That's why I like them -- I feel like I'm actually eating something.
--Waverly Pl
Overheard by: Mae
Better Known as Stubbleday
Hoochie #1: I need to shave.
Hoochie #2: So, you'll shave when you get back.
Hoochie #1: I can't.
Hoochie #2: Why not?
Hoochie #1: It's no-shave Wednesday.
--F train
It's Funny, Though -- She Never Calls
Bimbette: Yeah, me and Beyoncé is friends on MySpace. She invites me to all the hot events, like her concerts and parties. She even bulletins me.
Boyfriend: For real?
Bimbette: Yeah, we's like best friends.
--Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Is not friends with Beyonce :(
This nigga on Overheard
Thug #1: We don't even go to the movies or nothin'. She just comes over to smash it and then she leaves. She knows, too. She just comes over for some pipin'.
Thug #2: That's where it's at.
Thug #1: She got a 10-year-old li'l nigga, too. She knows not to ask for somethin' serious. That li'l nigga in fifth grade! That nigga on MySpace!
--Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Rhymes With Lasagna
Headline by: ja
Runners-Up:
· "...And "To Catch A Predator"" - Stuck in the MidWest
· "He Comes Over for Some Pipin' Too." - Courtney
· "I Just Have to Wait for Her to Be in Eigth." - Snark Sloper
· "That Li'l Nigga Gots Roast Beef and This Li'l Nigga Gots None." - johnnyb
· "The Nucular Family" - Bill
· "The Waltons, 2007" - G'night, John Boy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
On the Way to a PFLAG Meeting
Ghetto mama: Gimme some of yo' Skittles, boy.
Little boy: No, they be my Skittles.
Ghetto papa: Boy, you best to give yo' mama some Skittles or yo' ass is nevah gonna taste that rainbow again.
--1 train
Look, the Train Is Dragging Her! Haha!
Skater kid #1: Dude, why did they close the door on your grandma?
Skater kid #2: I don't know -- least she won't be seen with us.
Skater kid #1: Haha, true.
--Q train
Overheard by: Nicole
At Least I Still Have the Rats to Flush for Me
Girlfriend: There's too many roaches in the apartment!
Boyfriend: Look, no matter where you go in New York there's going to be a lot of roaches.
Girlfriend: Shut up! I'm from the goddamn city! I don't want roaches crawling on me when I'm pooping!
--Maujer St, Brooklyn
Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bunch of Pricks
Teen to friends: Yo, who is he? He can't stop your dick from goin' where it wants to go.
--125th St station
Overheard by: But I can...
Kid emerging from Sex Ed class: So, if we look at the penis that is Manhattan Island, your house is right on the frenulum.
--Hunter College High
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Woman on phone: I know, he's an alright guy, it's just that he won't stop runnin' his mouth. I'm telling you, we were making love and he was telling me how his freakin' day was! I found myself wishing I had a dick just so I could stick it in his mouth and get some quiet!
--D'Agostinos, between 79th & 80th
Overheard by: BritBoy
Drunk frat boy: I'm going to miss you guys! I'm losing the greatest penis in the world!
--Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Hobo: When life gives you lemons... you show me how big your penis is! Haha! Bet you didn't know I was going to say that, did ya? Did ya, you cracker faggot?!
--79th & Columbus
Overheard by: not white and straight
Wednesday One-Liners Pull Their Pants Up to Their Nipples
Old lady hoochie with buck teeth, on cell: I have no fucking idea what I did between August and yesterday...
--183rd & Ft. Washington Ave
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Old man: Sex has changed since I last had it.
--14th & 7th
Irritated old fart: If we end up on Eighth Avenue, it'll be a tragedy!
--C train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Emily B.
Old man: What do they smoke up here?
--116th & Broadway
Wednesday One-Liners Really Just Surf the Internet All Day
20-something chick: You know, Hillary, this is the time in your life when you can go to work hung over.
--Shiki, St. Mark's & 1st
Overheard by: Alison R.
Subway musician: Hey, boys and girls, today is Take Your Kid to Work Day. Yeah, take your kid to work, leave them, and go to TGI-Friday's! Read the contract, kids!
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Scott
Black man on cell: What 'bout that shorty you work with? No, not the thick one... Yeah, the juicy one.
--Elevator, 605 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Sudden urge to eat steak
Tall man on cell: I wasn't drinking on the job! I was drinking before the job even started!
--Liberty & Church
Overheard by: pollie
Girl to boyfriend: Can't you be good at something besides getting fired?
--36th & Madison
Honor Thy Father and Wednesday One-Liners
Woman, about guy in giant pirate hat: Maybe he works in a seafood restaurant... It's that or his mom didn't love him enough.
--Ditmars stop, N train
Overheard by: fan of the hat
Woman to friend: I don't deserve to have ACS called on me! I'm a good mom! Sort of.
--Astoria Park Track, Astoria
Overheard by: Bridgettttttt
Loud man on cell: Can you hear me? Your mother! Can you hear me now? No? Your mother!
--83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Loud and Clear
Large black lady running down crowded street: My mama didn't raise me right!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: anna
You May Now Kiss the Wednesday One-Liner
Woman: Just because I'm married doesn't mean I have to touch him!
--W 32nd & 5th
Street preacher pointing at ladies in short skirts: We've gotta get them married! We can't be havin' them fornicating in the streets!
--59th & 5th
Lady on cell: I mean, there were some funny pictures... Whitney freaking on me just isn't what I had in mind... I just don't really want pictures of beer pong in my wedding album, y'know?
--Gramercy Park
20-ish girl on cell: Grandma, it is so important that you are at my wedding. I need to have you there... Dad and I were talking, and we're going to get you a refundable ticket... Just in case anything happens.
--Chinatownbus
Overheard by: Kaiti
Man to friend: No, it's over. We had the wedding planned and everything and then she never got a divorce.
--NJ Transit to Penn Station
Wednesday One-Liners in the Hobosphere
Hobo: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Edwin, but you can call me 'Homeless Ed'... Or just 'Homeless' for short.
--A train
Hobo: Hey, y'all! I ain't gonna lie to you -- I am homeless, and I just want a piece of ass, some drugs, and a 40. Ten bucks for a piece of ass? Someone gonna give me some money for some crack cocaine?
--Line outside Roseland Ballroom, 52nd & Broadway
Hobo to horse leading carriage: Dude, you rock! [Gives horse a peace sign.]
--56th & 10th
Overheard by: PetRunner
Crazy hobo: Well, jumping Jehoshaphats! Some homeless person has abandoned his station! I will assume his identity and no one will ever know that I'm rich!
--3rd Ave, between 34th & 35th St
Overheard by: His secret's safe with me
Toothless hobo on stoop: Excuse me, sir, could you write me a check for five cents and I'll pay you back on Tuesday?
--7th & 2nd
Wednesday One-Liners Are So Fucking Glad It's Over
Conductor: This is Prince Street. Not Half-blood Prince Street, but Prince Street.
--N train
Overheard by: she later invited the passengers to debate whether snape was a criminal or a hero
30-year old fan: ... And then he sprinkled magic dust over her throbbing vagina...
--Book release, Spring & Mercer
Overheard by: santos l. halper
Man to five-year-old son: Yeah, you know Harry Potter is now in this play in London where he plays a naked guy that has sex with horses? Comin' to Broadway soon.
--Harry Potter Pl on Mercer St
Overheard by: i don't THINK that's how it goes actually...
Girl glancing at boy reading Deathly Hallows: Does Frodo die?
--Strings Attached Theater Company's performance of Life As We Know It
Wednesday One-Liners Work Just Like Ipecac
Man to friend: I wonder if that dingleberry fell out of my ass yet.
--Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: #2
Drunk guy: Yeah, I'd pick corn out of your shit to have sex with you.
--5th & Ave B
Fourth grade boy #1: I love to be eatin' the dead skin off the bottom of my feet. It be tastin' mad salty! [Friend smiles and nods in agreement.]
--Classroom, 106th & 1st
Little kid, screaming: Pick my nose! Pick my nose! Pick my nose! Pick my nose!
--JFK
Overheard by: Ladle
Wednesday One-Liners Scream 'Gender Surprise!'
Girl to friend: ... And it was like, 'Bam! I have a penis, too, man.'
--W 4th & 6th
Crazy guy: The revolution is in my pussy! The revolution is in my vagina!
--Washington Square Park
Prep school gangsta leaving train: Yo, man, grab his tits! Yeah!
--C train
Overheard by: Annearchist
Guy yelling into cell: I'm an intelligent woman! So I think...
--59th St, Columbus Circle
NYU chick: If I was a hermaphrodite, then I would totally understand what they were talking about.
--Shade, W 3rd & Sullivan
Say Hello to My Little Wednesday One-Liner!
Girl on cell: I don't like you, bye. No, I really don't like you. You're not my friend. Bye. No, I don't like you!
--Manhattan-bound Q train
Overheard by: I love you too... now shut up!
Security guard on phone: I have a lot of friends... I have a lot of friends. I don't need to live with my friends, under my house.
--Columbia University
Girl on cell: All I heard all night was, 'Oh my god, that's Rachel. I used to date her sister's roommate!' And, 'Oh my god, that's Evan. Her brother went to camp with my ex-girlfriend's cousin!' I'm either gonna have to learn how to fake-play Jewish geography, or find myself some non-Jewish friends... Yes, I realize neither of those is possible.
--33rd & 7th
Drunk lunatic screaming at another: Do you wanna die?! Or do you wanna be my friend?!
--31st & Broadway
Overheard by: please don't make me choose!
Conductor: Excuse me! Excuse me! A little frottage amongst friends never hurt anyone!
--Crowded Metro-North, New Haven Line
Overheard by: vanessa