Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Or Does It?
Girl: I sooo want oatmeal.
Guy: I have a George Foreman grill.
Girl: That doesn't help me get oatmeal.
--1 train
Overheard by: Ethank
Not As Upsetting As You Keeping the Word "Fugly" Alive
Drunk guy #1: That's not even right, man. That girl is too hot to be standing next to that fugly woman.
Drunk guy #2: Excuse me, ma'am, could you move a few steps to the left? You're upsetting my friend.
--7 train
Overheard by: David Moss
This City Has It All!
Thugette: I just want to go some place where I feel comfortable.
Thug: I just want to go some place where I can piss on you.
--East Village
Overheard by: r. kelly
Just Tell Him No Dessert
30-ish woman #1: So he's never went down on you -- no big deal. Young guys are like that.
30-ish woman #2: But he's twelve...
--Times Square
Really Takes Me Back to My Gangbang Days at Vassar
Woman: No more room! Stop pushing! No more room!
Man on platform: Aw, baby, you don't mean that!
--7 train, 74th St & Roosevelt Ave stop
Overheard by: Peter Holby
Dude, at Least Read Harry Potter or Something
Guy #1: Dude, are you studying?
Guy #2, not looking up from Game Boy: Fuckin' Pokemons... Gotta catch 'em all.
--Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Mark Pancho
If He Doesn't Tell You to Fuck Off, You're Golden
Tourist guy: How do I get to Essex Street from here?
New Yorker guy: Go down about seven or eight blocks, make a left, and ask somebody there.
--St. Mark's Pl & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Drew
Which Explains Why I'm So Unrealistic
Girl #1: I really like where I live now. Where do you want to live after school? Brooklyn Heights?
Girl #2: I want to live on the Upper East Side, far away from the subway... I plan on cabbing everywhere.
Girl #1: That can get really expensive.
Girl #2: I lived frugally all through undergrad. I plan on living large.
Girl #1: What are you studying, again?
Girl #2: Literature.
--26th & 1st
Overheard by: goodbye blue monday
I Did Get Drilled at Victoria's Secret Once
Girl #1: I hope if I ever go back to London, I run into that French guy I hooked up with last time.
Girl #2: Well, maybe when you go back you'll meet a new French guy.
Girl #1: Looking specifically to meet French guys in London? I dunno, that seems like looking to buy a bra in a hardware store.
Girl #2: Yeah, but imagine you find that perfect B-cup in amongst the drills and such.
--C train
... Whatever It Is
Bimbette #1: Oh my god, you just called me Breanne.
Bimbette #2: I always call you Breanne.
Bimbette #1: Oh, yeah! You're right... I totally miss my name...
--Walgreens, Empire State Building
Overheard by: seriously?
It's Not Your Brains They Want to Eat
Tween boy #1: Man, I don't like your school.
Tween boy #2: I know. They're all like Rob Zombie there, but none of them are zombies -- they're all gay.
--C train
Overheard by: Betty Noir
When Did Baseball Become the Sport of Kings?
Chick, peering into bar: Hey! The Yankees are on!
Dude: What are you, poor? Let's go home and watch it in HD.
--110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Barry P.
Home Depot Also Sells the Industrial Grade Belt-Driven Kind
Little boy: Do you have 25 cents?
Older sister: What? No... You don't need a tampon.
Little boy: No, I want a napkin.
Older sister: You don't need those, either.
Little boy: I want a napkin for my face! [Reads off dispenser] See? Nap-kin.
Older sister: Those aren't napkins like we use at the table. They're... um... y'know, ladies' things, like Mommy uses.
Little boy: Ohhh...
--Ladies' room, Home Depot, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Pippa
Guess That Explains the Spiked Collar
Six-year-old boy: Can I pet your dog?
Hot girl: Sure, but she's a little crazy.
Six-year-old boy: Ahhh, so is my sister [points to four-year-old]. Maybe they're related!
Four-year-old sister: Grrr...
--14th & 7th
Overheard by: dan finnegan
That, and My Microscopic Penis.
Guy #1: They say a lot of people who suffer from bipolar disorder are promiscuous.
Guy #2: Yeah, I know. That was my ex-girlfriend's excuse for being a whore.
--Financial District
I Can Say with Absolute Certainty That You Are Wrong
Man: You're not mad at me?
Woman: Nah. I can't get mad at you, 'cause I look in your face and know you're not a valiscious person. You don't mean it. Some people, though -- some people are just downright valiscious.
--30th & Madison
Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey
It Had Boobs Painted on It
Woman: You don't remember me, do you?
Older man: Your face looks familiar...
Woman: You saw me running down the street naked last weekend.
Older man: Why would I remember your face, then?
--Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Overheard by: Lauren
Okay, but a Burlap Sack and Shower Cap?
Chick: Does she think that looks hot?
Friend: She's ten.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Jax
Chinese Fighting Shoe
Woman #1: ... And she got in a fight with him, and she took her shoe off with the spike heel.
Woman #2: Yeah.
Woman #1: And she throws it at him, and it hits him in the head and he dies!
Woman #2: Oh my god, that's terrible!!
--Kingsborough Community College
Really, There's No Reason the Three of Us Can't Play Scrabble
Trendy Asian girl #1: I'm so glad that we're still friends and everything, after I dated your brother.
Trendy Asian girl #2: Oh, yeah, we're totally friends now. I'll share everything with you. Purses, shoes -- everything. And that was sort of like I was sharing my brother with you, too!
--36th & 3rd
Gotta Watch 'Em Every Minute During the Terrible Twos
Concert girl #1: You totally missed it.
Concert girl #2: Missed what?
Concert girl #1: You know those girls that were really drunk and dancing in front of us? Well, they ended up taking their clothes off...
--Brooklyn
Not Having to Think Frees Up a Lot of Time for Watching Reality TV
Dude with clipboard to couple passing by: Excuse me, you two! Sign this! It's your independent right as an American.
Guy: No, thanks. I hate rights.
Chick: Yeah, just being told what to do rocks.
Guy: Conforming is sweet.
--Bleecker St
Like a Festering Boil on Brooklyn's Baby-Smooth Buttock
Crazy guy: There is something wrong with Winthrop Street. Do not get off the train there! You ever notice how they never say 'Winthrop Street'? They say Franklin, President, Sterling, then it's Wooothup. Never trust anybody who can't say clearly what they mean.
Disembodied train voice: This is President Street. The next stop will be Sterling Street.
Crazy guy: You see?! President! Sterling! You do not want to get off this train at Winthrop!
--2 train
Overheard by: Got off at President
NewsFlash: Cheerfulness Detected in Bronx. Quickly Nullified.
Old black lady: Bus driver, you a dumb motherfucker! You just turned down the wrong street!
Man: Don't worry, Mr. Bus Driver, I still have faith in you.
Old black lady, to man: Get your faggot-ass off the bus!
--8 bus, Bronx
How Do You Think I've Been Getting Drinks?
Drunk girl: No, really, how drunk are you?
Sober guy: Very drunk.
Drunk girl: Really?
Sober guy: Oh, shit, you totally just flashed that guy your vagina!
--E train
Well, We Do Live in Queens
Man: Oh, no! This is a crisis!
Woman: No life?
--Cereal aisle, Key Foods, Forest Hills
In the Sense That I Eat the Oatmeal
Teen girl #1, about nearby Shoot the Freak booth: So, what is it -- some kind of set-up or something? Like, it's not a real freak, right?
Teen girl #2: No, it's a real guy. Want to go see?
Teen girl #1: No! I'm a Quaker!
--Coney Island
As Long As I Can Keep Having Weekends Like That
Guy #1: So, how was your weekend?
Guy #2: Man, I ain't never gettin' married...
--50th & 8th
You Look Totally Different for Identical Twins
Latino cashier #1: ... And then he said he couldn't tell us apart.
Latino cashier #2: That's so insulting! Why wouldn't he be able to tell you guys apart? It's not like we're Chinese!
--8th & Ave C
Overheard by: m.
Why the U.S. Will Never Go Metric
Boy thug #1: He's like five foot twelve.
Boy thug #2: Dude, that's six foot.
Boy thug #1: Wait, five foot twelve is six foot?
Boy thug #3: Yes.
Boy thug #1: Five foot twelve is six foot?!
Boy thug #2: You're in height denial.
--N train
Overheard by: Mathematical Genius
NYC Rule: Ask Permission to Photograph the Natives
Suit, after taking cashier's photo on his cellphone: See how photogenic you are?
Cashier: Why did he just take a picture of me?
Next customer: That was creepy.
Barista: That was creepy.
--Starbucks, E 51st St
Overheard by: Chuckell
It's Just You, Me, and the Guy with the Pen and Paper
White wife: The rabbi told me that most of the government officials there are currently African American...
White husband: Okay...
White wife: But that he's going to be running for city council in the next election...
White husband: That's good...
White wife: He said that lots of Southern towns now have African American city officials...
White husband: I know...
White wife: But that even though the town is majority African American, it has a good chance of coming back.
White husband: Honey?
White wife: Yes?
White husband: It's just us here. You don't have to keep saying 'African American.' You can say 'schvartze.'
--Actor's Temple, W 47th St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Except That It Can't Be about Nothing
Guy #1: They're making a sitcom out of the Geico cavemen. Can you believe that?
Guy #2: Yeah. I can picture it -- it will be a lot like Seinfeld.
Guy #1: ... What?
--39th & 7th
Today's Quote Brought to You by the Letter Q, the Number 3, and a Total Dumbass
Tourist boyfriend: What's Avenue Q?
Tourist girlfriend: Well, in New York City there's a place called Alphabet City, and that's where they have Avenues A through Z.
--Dylan Prime, Tribeca
Overheard by: rebecca marie
Headline by: Jessica Bessica
Runners-Up:
· "And Spamalot Is This City in England." - SAtCW
· "It's Basically a Concentration Camp for Puppets" - Mikey G.
· "It's Right Next to Some Giant Apple" - Kelsey
· "No Tourist Left Behind" - sara
· "Ok, Can You Take Your Hand Out Of My Ass Now?" - sherman
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Nor Does It Excuse My Sleeping with That Obese Guy
Asian chick: ... And that's the bar where I got roofied.
White chick: You didn't get roofied! You got food poisoning!
Asian chick: Yeah, I know, but it doesn't make for as good a story.
--W 4th & 6th
And That's Not Kosher
JAP with Barneys bag: ... So she borrowed five dollars and still hasn't paid me back yet. Like, what the fuck?
Friend: Shhh... Your Jew is showing.
--1 train
Overheard by: crazian
If You're Really Devoted, You'll Take Her into the Bathroom for Some Coke
30-ish man #1: Whenever I'm down, I just go out and get hammered with my mom. When's the last time you got wasted with your mom?
30-ish man #2: I don't really ever do that.
30-ish man #1: You've gotta be kidding me, dude. I do it all the time. Think about it -- moms need to get hammered. They never get to go out... Just take her out, get her drunk, and drop her off. It will be the time of her life. Just do it and be a good son.
--Northbound Harlem line
Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Omaha
Tourist girl to another: Oh my god, yes! Yeah, we'll just walk back. Times Square is like a couple blocks away.
--11th St
Tourist, about Rent: Is this show always about Christmas time? Because I know there are some shows that they update for each season.
--Nederlander Theatre
Tourist lady: Tree! Where are you?
--Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Robert
Tourist, navigating crowds: Oh my god! I, like, feel like Anne Frank.
--49th & 8th
Overheard by: Claustrophobic
Tourist: Where's a Duane What's-his-nuts when you need it?
--45th & 8th
Overheard by: Ben Smith
Tourist girl: ... Are we in a dungeon?
--Track 4, Penn Station
Heave-Ho, Wednesday One-Liners!
Girl to friend passed out on stoop: Michelle! Michelle! I'ma take your picture for your MySpace page! Throw up again!
--University & E 9th St
Overheard by: Thompson
Chick: It's not like I miss my parents or anything, but it's just that the toilets here are so gross to throw up in.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Mark Jochens
Vomiting thugette: I don't even know what that is... Oh, God, that's pizza!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: traPt
Cute chick: I was way too drunk to do anything but have sex, throw up a pizza burger, and take a shower... in that order.
--The Black Sheep, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Argopelter
Student to another: I dunno... All I heard is that he threw up all over his daughter's teacher!
--Mercer University
Overheard by: J Dawg
Conductor: Hey, here's a novel idea -- if you have to vomit, vomit on yourself! Not on the ground, on yourself!
--LIRR
Overheard by: Dave
I'm Wednesday One-Liners, and I Approve This Message
Ghetto black chick: I'm Hillary Clinton! Where my niggas at?
--Penn Station
Overheard by: arose
30-ish black woman: She can tell me what book to buy... She can recommend a good bra... But Oprah telling me who to vote for? I don't think so!
--42nd & 8th
Overheard by: JoBell
Guido: I would blow Al Sharpton to be in my bed right now. I would caress Hillary Clinton's asshole to be in my bed right now.
--F train
Overheard by: dat wint'ry mix
Hot chick: I mean, I love Bill Clinton, and I would have slept with him even last week, but he's gone crazy!
--11th & 4th, Park Slope
Overheard by: bemused obama guy
Hobo: Hello! I am running for president! Vote for me and I'll legalize marijuana! You can marry whoever you wanna!
--Deli, 12th & 6th
Overheard by: Nora, Bianca, and Ethan
Middle-aged white lady: Go Obama! Go Obama! I don't know what he stands for, but I sure like to look at him!
--31st & Ditmars, Astoria
Overheard by: Scarfish
Black woman to male friend: I just find it ironic that a woman and a black man are running... And I'm going with the white guy.
--Café Mogador, East Village
Wednesday One-Liners May Need to Pay for It
Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I'm not having sex?
--116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.
--1 train
Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That's why ain't nobody want her.
--96th St station
Mid-50s blonde: I just don't think I'm getting anything out of this. I mean, you don't give me sex, you don't give me money, so what the hell am I getting?
--Sushi restaurant, Soho
Man on cell: I'm okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.
--E 61st & Lex
Blonde: We don't have sex that much because I'm a virgin.
--E 23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Jake
Guy in hallway: I'd stick it in her, but she'd just pull it back out again.
--Leon M. Goldstein High
Overheard by: Hand-banana
Miss Teen South Carolina's Wednesday One-Liners
Chick: I feel like I can relate more to retarded people than normal people.
--Broadway & Waverly
Girl on cell: What are you talking about?! She's intellectually retarded. Hang on a sec, okay? Crap! They don't have The Da Vinci Code.
--Outside The Strand
Black girl: ... And we wasn't laughin' at him 'cause he got Down Syndrome... [Chuckles] We was laughin' 'cause he was mackin' on us so hard!
--Fordham University cafeteria, Rose Hill
Overheard by: So did the helmet get in the way?
Frat boy: Geez, bro, just when I thought you couldn't get retardeder...
--Park Row
Overheard by: Passerby
Angry girl on cell: I was trying to tell her that she's fucking retarded... in a very nice way!
--Fontana's
Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners
Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He's little and green.
--NYU
12-year-old boy: I'm in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.
--E 20th St
Overheard by: Dia
Customer to cashier: Frodo, it's been real.
--Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin' chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That's some bullshit.
--189th & Bathgate
Overheard by: Lyle
Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York -- filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!
--6 train
Home Is Where You Hang Your Wednesday One-Liners
Saleswoman to customer on busy day: Some days you really should just stay at home. You're cranky.
--Macy's, Herald Square
Loud black lady on cell: Mothafuckah, I ain't no one-night stand. If you think you can fuckin' call me at 10:30 to 11:00 at night and fuckin' pull me out of my home with my kids, then you must think I'm some other... [whispers] bitch.
--Mail room, Financial District
Woman on cell: Good, that way she won't be able to beat on anyone else's house guests! Let her sit at home and beat on her own house guests!
--M14 bus
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Conductor: Jessica! Jessica! Girl, you on this train. Jessica Elizabeth! I'm taking you home, girl.
--6 train
Overheard by: fridaholic
Wednesday One-Liners Are Famous for Being Famous
Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he's going to go ballistic.
--McDonald's, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Jack
Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y'know, I can't wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!
--Borders
Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy's been sucking cock since he was born.
--42nd & Broadway
Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!
--Wall St & Broadway
11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!
--E train, 50th St
Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Happy to Be Warm
Angry woman on cell: I don't care if you are an ordained fucking minister, you can go straight to fucking hell!
--Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Last-minute shopper
Crazy lady into microphone: Just because you don't do drugs or have sex doesn't mean you're not going to hell!
--Subway station, 43rd & Broadway, Times Square
Teacher: Let's go to hell!
--Stuyvesant High
Hobo: Is this the train to hell? It is! Oh my god, you're all in purgatory!
--A train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Geneva
Scruffy artist type, to self: I'm not in hell, I'm in New York. I'm not in hell, I'm in New York...
--Elevator, Bellevue Hospital
Overheard by: David
Barkeep, Some Wednesday One-Liners, Please!
Scruffy guy: Maybe you're allergic to kangaroo milk.
--St. Mark's Pl
Overheard by: Elaina
Hipster dude on cell: Dude, what the fuck? Everywhere I go in your city there's, like, no eggnog.
--Mercer St
Overheard by: omar
Street sock vendor to another: This country's immigration problems could all be solved if they just stopped selling Corona.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Cameron Rose
Crazy guy: Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some fuckin' water! Dumb bitch forgot the fuckin' water. Go back up that hill, bitch, and get me my fuckin' water!
--C train
Overheard by: Chrissy
Thug to wife: Yo, this nigga don't trust nothin' 'less it has an umbrella stickin' out of it. That's gangsta!
--Atlantic Station Pathmark
Overheard by: Kosi
Grandma, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!
Girl on cell: Stop talking about my grandmother's ba-donka-donk!
--6th & 2nd
Girl on cell: So, she walked in on me getting out of the shower again this morning... Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on the door, but I'm really starting to think that my grandma just likes seeing me naked in the morning.
--School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: dobby
Chick on cell: What should I get for Grandma? No, I'm not at a mall, I'm on the street... No, I don't see anything she'd like, unless... Do you think Grandma wants a bong?
--St. Mark's Pl
Overheard by: Heather
Dude to hot chick: I'd rather have sex with you than my grandma.
--1 train
Overheard by: bldlube
Guy on cell: So then he's like, 'Dude, are you in prison again?' And I was like, 'No, dude, I'm talking to you online. How could I be in prison?' And he was like, 'There was a computer when I was in prison. I mean, you had to suck dick to get online, but whatever.' And I was like, 'Dude, I'm at my grandma's house. We're having tea and shit.'
--E 14th St & Irving
Wednesday's Gonna Have a Little One-Liner
Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I'm the bad guy? Let's talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!
--Grand Central
Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I'm not even pregnant!
--TGI Fridays
Overheard by: Sara
Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!
--8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Hannah
Female security guard to friend: I don't think I'm pregnant. There's no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.
--Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th
Overheard by: jmike
Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I'm pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!
--96th St station
Overheard by: Kind of Confused
20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Holy Crap, Dude, He's Got a Vest Full of Hot Sandwiches!
Hobo: [Mumbles.]
20-something #1: What did he just say?
20-something #2: I think he was offering us grilled cheese.
--17th & 3rd
Kinda Depends on What the Dog Does, If You Follow Me
Man: Does it go in and out?
Woman, walking her dog: The vagina? [Lowers voice] Oh, you mean the dog leash.
--28th & Steinway
Overheard by: coinberg
It's Poorly Decorated -- No Gays
Old man #1: I don't know what happened! The other day I was 22 years old. Time really goes by, doesn't it?
Old man #2: It sure does... I'm 76.
Old man #1: That is good... I hope heaven is nice.
--PATH station, 9th St
He Looks So Lucky
Hobo, to trees: 56, 60, 61, 20!
Girl: I think he just gave me my lottery numbers!
--Ave A
Overheard by: Katie
When I Was Pregnant, I Was All, "I Want an Abortion! I Want an Abortion!"
Little boy, seeing long line for movie tickets: I'm not waiting! This line is too long!
Mom: You have to learn to wait in lines... God, you complain more than a pregnant woman.
--Brooklyn
Perhaps He Was Too Busy Looking for His Career?
Too-cool-for-school-yuppie #1: I can't believe David Schwimmer didn't say hello to us!
Too-cool-for-school-yuppie #2: Was it something we said?
Too-cool-for-school-yuppie #1: Maybe he didn't see us.
--The Village
Overheard by: Surprise, surprise...
SpongeBob and Patrick Often Squabble
Deep-voiced man: Hey, yo, SpongeBob...
Whiny-voiced woman across street: What?
Deep-voiced man: SpongeBob Squarepants...
Whiny-voiced woman: What?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt?
Whiny-voiced woman: What you said?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt, SpongeBob?
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up!
Deep-voiced man: Haha. SpongeBob Squarepants...
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up! [Continues for ten minutes.]
--Myrtle & Carlton
Overheard by: Myrtle Resident
God: I Know! Did You Hear That Guy?
Guy, about subway preacher's Bible-thumping: Well, I'm converted. I don't know about the rest of you. Fucking bastard...
--F train, Rockefeller Center
Like Grab His Crotch?
White chick: Susan, stop pinching my ass!
Asian girl: I'm not doing anything!
White chick: Well, then who's doing it?! [Sees hobo culprit behind them.] Oh my god, a bum is pinching my ass!
Asian girl: Should we do something?!
--Broadway
And I Have This Walrus Fantasy...
Artsy girl #1: I think it would be fun to make out with Adam. You know, just to touch his chest a bit.
Artsy girl #2: But I thought you said that you think Adam is fat.
Artsy girl #1: He is fat.
Artsy girl #2: He is not fat.
Artsy girl #1: Okay... He's not really fat, but he's always been well-fed!
--Manhattan-bound L train
I'm Gonna Win Every Hipster Fight!
Black hipster #1: Oh my god! These jeans are sick! They're lime green and making my eyeballs hurt!
Black hipster #2: Oooh, oooh, show me!
Black hipster #1, exiting dressing room: Man, my dick hurts 'cause they so tight! But daaamn... I look good!
--American Apparel
Then Why Do You Keep Me Chained to the Radiator?
Nine-year-old boy stocking vegetables: Mommy, why did they make child labor laws?
Mother, hugging son: I don't know, honey. Maybe because you're suuuch a sweetie.
--Food Co-Op, Park Slope
Overheard by: such a thing as too much praise
Now Kindly Retract Your Tongue
Drunk guy: Do you dare me to lick this pole?
Girl: I don't have my camera on me, so not right now. Maybe some other time.
--Queens-bound F train
So I'm Totally Voting for Obama
Old woman #1: She's a loony!
Old woman #2: Maybe she's going through the change...
Old woman #1: No. She's a loony.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: JC
Yeah, We Make New Yorkers Look Like Teacup Poodles
Black guy: Where you from?
Tourist: Maryland.
Black guy: Cool. I've seen The Wire. I know how you guys get down.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Alex
So Forget Whatever Weird-Ass Fantasy You Just Had
Queer hipster: Oooh! We can share your bed!
Hipster chick: Yeah... I have a pull-out couch, too.
--Enid's, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Jack!
Try to Imagine a Club without Strippers
Comedy club promoter: You girls like comedy clubs, right?
Girl: No, sorry.
Comedy club promoter: You must be from New Jersey.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Lana S.
Perhaps the Gentleman Meant He'd Like to Feel You on His Tongue?
Thug: Lookin' fine, snowflake.
Blonde: Wait... Did that guy just call me a snowflake? That's good, right?
Friend: I feel a new screen name coming on...
--Bleecker & Sullivan
I Can't Even Remember the Alamo
15-year-old drunk girl: I wanna fuck someone. Let's find a Mexican for me.
15-year-old drunk guy: Dude, you're gonna get me killed!
15-year-old drunk girl: I can't see straight. Where are we?
15-year-old drunk guy: I don't know.
--G train
Overheard by: Andrew
Everyone Knows That's Not Why I'm a Bitch
Bimbette #1: ... And so that skinny boy at work -- he asked me if my boyfriend was cute.
Bimbette #2: You don't have a boyfriend, though.
Bimbette #1: I know! And I told him that, and he goes, 'Oh! So that's why you're such a bitch!'
Bimbette #2: What a fag.
--Starbucks, W 4th
Overheard by: Lacy
We Were Playing Magic: The Gathering and My Hand Slipped
Mac specialist #1: Hey, what's up, man?
Mac specialist #2: Not much, man. Take a look at this [holds up his pinky finger, looking disgusted].
Mac specialist #1: What is that?
Mac specialist #2: I think I fingered somebody.
Mac specialist #1: No!
--Apple, 5th Ave
Does That Mean That Hugo Chavez Doesn't Wear Pasties?
Nerd: Didn't Fidel Castro die this week?
Geek: No.
Nerd: Oh... I must have had that dream again.
--William Gibson signing, Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Dan Lurie
Headline by: mark manne
Runners-Up:
· "And Jessica Simpson Didn't Blow You Either." - Chuck Roast
· "Freud: Sometimes a Dream About a Cigar Is Just a Dream About a Cigar" - Vasyl
· "I Guess Rush Limaugh and I Weren't Tied Up and Spanked by Midgets Either?" - Cru Jones
· "I Guess That's Why the Easter Bunny Was There" - allison
· "Winney the Pooh Being Raped by Danger Mouse Was Kind Of a Tip Off" - Kit Kat
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Is There Anything Hotter Than Geek-Girls?
Chick #1: Oh my god! You have Sonic the Hedgehog on your phone?! I used to love his partner. What was her name? Oh, yeah, it was 'Tails'!
Chick #2: Yeah, they used to call me that at my old job.
Chick #1: They used to call you 'Sonic' at work?
Chick #2: They used to call me 'Tails,' not 'Sonic,' motherfucker.
--L train
Overheard by: yooo nellehh!!!
How to Get White People to Buy You Drinks
Drunk white guy: I can't believe we used to beat you people.
Drunk black guy: Yeah, and it still happens to this day.
--1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Does It Help That We're Related?
Teen boy #1: Dude, are you gay?
Teen boy #2: No. Why?
Teen boy #1: Because I saw you whacking off to your cousin! Did you shoot on him?
Teen boy #2: No, we were comparing sizes!
Teen boy #1: Well, that's gay. You're never suppose to show your stuff to another guy!
--5th Ave
Overheard by: Austin Crumpler
Most Intense Christening Party Ever
Guy #1: I'll be up in a minute. I'm just gonna have a smoke.
Guy #2, on speakerphone: Yo, I feel great!
Guy #1: Wait, so you're not injured?
Guy #2: No, I have three screws in my leg... but no one's getting arrested!
--Outside Lutheran Hospital
Overheard by: J-Dawg
Okay, Okay, It Was Wine Coolers
College girl to friend: Yeah, my roommate and I had a cute, girly apartment last year... with a fridge full of beer.
Old black guy nearby: Hahahaha.
--Target
Overheard by: alie
Hmm, Yours Don't Drag on the Ground the Way Mine Do
Chick #1: So, you transferred to CUNY-Hunter?
Chick #2: Yeah. My last school was making me stupid and drunk, and I can't be a lawyer like that... Look at you, little big knuckles!
--Q train
But in a Hot Way
Blonde WASP: Yeah, and Kristen's hot!
Brunette WASP: But only once you get to know her...
Blonde WASP: Yeah, you're totally right... She kinda looks like Marilyn Manson.
Brunette WASP: Oh my god, it's true! But in a hot way.
Blonde WASP, later on: He totally had to get a septuplet bypass.
Brunette WASP: That sounds so bad.
Blonde WASP: Yeah, they take veins from your leg! He was so fat.
--N train
Overheard by: JayTro
They Paid Extra for the Triple-Fun Package
Southern high school teacher to tour group: ... Because you are going to be either mugged, raped, or murdered. That is what I'm thinking is going to happen to me on these crazy New York City streets, so be alert.
Student: My parents paid for this trip?
--Outside Hampton Inn, 51st & 8th
Overheard by: jco
But I'm a Sucker for Anything Involving Kittens
Large black guy #1: Yo, check out that chick's earrings.
Large black guy #2: Damn, they even match her outfit.
Large black guy #1: That's, like, a whole new level of matching.
Large black guy #2, to girl: Yo, did you make those?
Girl: No, my sister did.
Large black guy #2: I reeeally like those.
--1 train
Overheard by: i like them too
Well, Maybe You
Professor: ... So this leads me to believe that probably none of you will be in competing with illegal Mexican immigrants for jobs.
Student: Oh, boy!
--NYU
Husband: Omagah, THX 1138-- Very Hot!
Hipster guy: I forgot to tell you -- she cut off all her hair.
Hipster girl: What?!
Hipster guy: She said she wanted short hair once in her life.
Hipster girl: Oh my god! She's crazy!
Hipster guy: I know.
Hipster girl: Oh my god! I can't believe she did that!
Hipster guy: I guess it doesn't matter when you're married.
--F train, Brooklyn
Give Them a Break -- It's Mostly for the Tourists
Tranny throw-down in the middle of the street blocks traffic.
Man on cell: Come across the street -- there's a tranny fight!
Woman looking down subway stairs: You're missing the action!
Trendy girl to boyfriend: Ugh, fighting in front of Starbucks? Real classy.
--Grove St & 7th Ave
And That Eliminates the Need for a Dark Corner?
Boyfriend, under his breath: I really need to find a dark corner.
Girlfriend, loudly: You could just pee in my mouth!
--10th & Broadway
Future Republican Environmental-Policy Advisor
Mommy: ... But we're going to have to do something about it, sweetie.
Six-year-old girl, arms crossed, looking away: I don't want to talk about it anymore, Mommy.
--Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Stephanie
And Hired a Hitman
Chick: They just hate me so much. I bet they were so happy when we broke up last spring.
Dude: Yeah, they took me out to dinner.
--2 train
Read the Previous Week's Quotes!
