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What with the Puffy Belly and the Begging for Food
Teenager #1: Oh my god, she is like way too skinny.
Teenager #2: Yeah.
Teenager #1: I mean, don't get me wrong, I love way too skinny, it just doesn't look good on her.
Teenager #2: Totally.
--Atlantic Avenue Station
Overheard by: Nina
The Day That Would Change Groucho Marx's Life Forever
High school boy #1: Man, you should just do what your body's telling you to.
High school boy #2: You mean to grow a mustache?
--Hunter College High School
Tonight's Movie: Big Trouble in Little Italy
Girl: Hang on... (bends over to tie shoe in middle of crowd)
Appalled mother: Don't do that! This is New York. You could get pregnant!
--Mulberry & Hester, Little Italy
Overheard by: Mark
Probably Best to Do It While You're Spanking Her
Man #1: That's tough...
Man #2: Yeah. It's like asking your girl to lick your balls. There's no nice way to do that.
--Steinway St
Overheard by: Jake Blaxwell
Well I've Been Trying to Cut Back on MSG
Woman to younger boyfriend: Honey, that Chinese food that you brought over is still in my fridge. I was going to throw it out.
Younger boyfriend: No, I'll eat it.
Woman: You don't think it's gone bad?
Boyfriend: It's only two days old. You're 31, and you haven't gone bad yet.
Woman: That makes no sense, and in any event, you haven't eaten me in a while either.
--Upper East Side
An Amuse-Bouche Douche
Drunk middle aged lady: Aww, love is great...you and your boyfriend are such a cute couple.
Chick: Oh, that guy? He's not my boyfriend. I'm just sleeping with him.
Drunk middle aged lady (laughing): Really? Good for you, he's cute. Well, maybe it'll turn into something more?
Chick: Oh, god no! He's an asshole...but he's amazing in bed and he's fun company... He's like a vibrator that makes appetizers.
--White Horse Tavern
Overheard by: the birthday girl
Tonight's Movie: 101 Dildotians
Gay guy, trying on long black fur coat: How do I look?
Girl: Like a gay, Russian, Cruella de Vil.
Random customer: I'm gay and Russian. And I wouldn't wear that.
--Century 21
Only If You Can Solve Their Riddles
Chick: You can't really have sex with a Sphinx, the body is a lion.
Guy: Sphinxes are still titty-fuckable!
--NYU
Overheard by: LSB
Buying Her That "Cumdumpster" T-Shirt Backfired Bigtime
Ghetto girl #1: I'm gonna kick her ass. She's such a waste.
Ghetto girl #2: She is a waste. She's a waste of sperm.
--Times Square Shuttle
So Just Cut Out the Gay Sex, Guys
Girl #1: I can't believe John lets that guy fuck him in his ass...I mean, he's got to have hemorrhoids.
Girl #2: I know, I hate hemorrhoids, you really got to guard against that shit.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Atrain
At Least It Wasn't a 'Down Low, Too Slow'
Old nerdy father: How many people are in the world?
Toddler: Um...six billion?
Old nerdy father: You're right! (they high five)
Old black lady, passing by: Oh, hell no!
--68th & 2nd
Overheard by: Colleen
Why Fag-Hags Exist.
JAP #1: Oh my god! I have such a crush on this guy, except he's not cute, at all.
JAP #2: So, you like his personality then?
JAP #1: No.
JAP #2: Oh.
JAP #1: He just has a really great fashion sense.
--Cosi, E 8th St
So I Can Totally Identify
(at an academic conference on Renaissance aesthetics)
Student #1: You know it's gonna be good when all the speakers are British.
Student #2: Pretty sure they're Australian.
Student #1: Oh... Posers!
--Gallatin Building, NYU
Overheard by: harker
It's a Hop, Skip, and a Plumed Hat from Being Prince Charming at Disneyland
Straight male employee: How gay do you have to be to shop here?
Gay male customer, overhearing employee: How gay do you have to be to work here?
--Michael's Craft Store, Queens
Can I at Least Give You My Penis?
Hobo to smoking girl: Hey, can I give you a cigarette?
Girl: Um...that's okay. Got one.
Hobo: Oh! Well, can I get one?
Girl: It's my last one.
Hobo: Can I share it with you?
Girl: You know what...here, you can have it.
Hobo: Can I give you some spare change?
(girl walks away)
--6th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Michele
The Live-Bug Earrings, Especially
Girl #1, yelling: We are not weird! We are not odd! Why would someone say that!?
Girl #2: Well, I'm a little odd.
Girl #1: Yeah. I guess you are.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: .bryan.
They Say the Neon Lights Aren't Too Bright on Broadway
Clueless girl: Wait, is Rent about AIDS?
Slightly less clueless girl: Yeah.
Clueless girl: Oh, shit! Now I get it!
--LIRR Train
Overheard by: c
At Least I Remember Ringo the Baptist
Younger woman: What's the name of Jesus' father? Not god, the other guy!
Older woman: Joseph?
Younger woman: Yeah! Him. Oh wait, so it's not "John"? Forget it.
--Midtown
The Voting Public, in a Nutshell
Drunk guy #1: Yeah, everyone says that if Obama gets elected, he'll get assassinated. But I don't know, man.
Drunk guy #2: Fuck it, I'm voting for John McClane.
--F Train
Prepare for Exsanguination and Death
Punk girl on phone: If they fucked up my computer I will kill them and drink their blood.
Computer tech (overhearing her and taking two steps back): Uhm... Your hard drive just crashed.
Punk girl: Fuck you.
--Apple Store, 5th Ave
Because I've Got a Lot of Coke to Finish
Ditz #1: Did you know that when you snort while laughing you lose three brain cells?
Ditz #2: So you're saying if I snort for an hour I'm gonna be fucking retarded?
--F Train
So You Judge Books by the Print on the Cover?
Guy: Yeah, that date movie was dumb.
Girl: Oh, you saw it?
Guy: No, but I could tell by the font it would be dumb. It was the same font as Scary Movie and Not Another Teen Movie. I really hated those movies.
Girl: Ahhh, impact.
Guy: What?
Girl: The font. It's called "impact."
--Staten Island Ferry
And You Should Be Grateful
Chick: You know, I call you and call you and you never answer. It's really annoying!
Dude: Well, I'm going to bed.
Chick: You're married?!
Dude: I told you that when I met you! I'm separated.
Chick: Where does your wife live?
Dude: We live together.
Chick: What? You're separated, but you live together?
Dude: Uh, yeah.
Chick: Does your wife know you're separated?
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: You told her you're separated? Or it's just understood?
Dude: Listen. At the end of the day, I'm kind of a dick.
Chick: At the end of the day, you think with your dick.
Dude: True.
--N Train
Why Should Men Hog All the Violence?
NYU girl #1: I totally want to push that kid in the water.
NYU girl #2: What? Why?
NYU girl #1: Just to watch him drown.
Little boy: What?
NYU girls #1 and #2 (in unison): Nothing.
--Turtle Pond, Central Park
Overheard by: Oh boy
Another Example of Cultural Duffusion
White female Columbia student (singing in the rain): Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams.
Black heavy male stranger: Let it wash away my sanity.
--114th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: 'cause I wanna feel the thunder I wanna scream
Realtor: Can't Talk. Working.
Drunk woman on cell: Come out with us! Don't go to bed. You're a realtor. Realtors don't sleep.
Drunk man, stealing cell phone: Hey--get over here. You're a realtor. You don't sleep, you don't eat. You're a realtor.
--Bleecker & Macdougal
Overheard by: Emily
Especially Insecure, Needy Ones
Thug: Hey, hot stuff!
Hottie: Eeeeewww! Freak!
Thug: Yeah, I'm a freak. You know you like that...you like freaks. You like freaks, right?
--23rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: chino
Perception Is Largely a Matter of Consensus
Kid #1, looking at man meditating: Look, it's a statue!
Kid #2: No, it's not!
Kid #1: Yes, it is.
Kid #2: Oh, it is...
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: noseinabook
Wish I Could Sleep Twenty Hours a Day
Dude: It's all koala!
Friend: Haha, dude! Koala bear!
--81st St
Overheard by: personally perfers polar bears
If Anyone Was Covert About Killing, It Was the Nazis
(a child sees a man walking in clothes with skulls and bones on them)
Child: Mommy! Can I have clothes like his?
Mom: No, sweetie. Those clothes belong to an underground gang that kill people, just like in the days of Hitler and George Bush.
--Fordham Road
Overheard by: Gus
Ad: My Scent? "Crush" by Pussi
Girl #1, about friend walking by: Oh my god, you smell so good, is that Rush by Gucci?
Girl #2: No, that's me!
Girl #1: Ohhh.
--Lafayette & Grand
Overheard by: j
Which Reminds Me, How's the Pepperoni Here?
Guy #1: Talk about pum pum shorts! I mean, it was disgusting!
Guy #2: Wasn't it?!
--Sal's Pizza Place, Brooklyn
Overheard by: wrong part of the convo to walk in on
And Now My Hand Makes This Cool Crackling Sound
Woman: But I feel bad hitting you! You're injured!
Man: Oh, stop. I didn't die.
--Staten Island Physician Practice
Overheard by: Green Star
The Real Losers Will Be Their Children...
Dude: They don't like you because you're pretentious and make them feel stupid.
Chick: And the only reason they like you is because you make them feel smarter and look better in comparison. I win.
--Uptown 6 Train
Headline by: Andrew
Runners-Up:
· "Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman: At It Again" - Veronica Mars
· "Kenley Makes Micheal Korrs Cry at Fashion Week" - anne nahm
· "Now Buy Me The "I'm With Stupid" Shirt I Rightfully Deserve" - Paul K.
· "The Clinton's New Sitcom Is Going to Be Great." - treize
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Will You Be Joining the Army Now, Citizen?
Foreign student: So how did you do on the SATs?
American student: Screw the SATs. I lost respect for America when I took the SATs. The difference between Yale and BMCC is an analogy.
--Convent Ave
Overheard by: miguel
Then I Guess "Grandma" Will Be Sufficient
Man: Hi.
Woman: Hey.
Man: What's your name? So I can tell our grandchildren we met on the C train!
(woman walks away)
--C Train
Overheard by: Jen
It's Important to Motivate the Sales Force
Drug dealer #1 (whispering): Smoke, smoke, smoke.
(passerby keeps walking)
Drug dealer #2 (yelling at drug dealer #1): C'mon, you gotta step your game up! Get that shit out there!
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: willandbeyond
200 Wednesday One-Liners, and Nothing to Watch!
Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.
--LIRR
Overheard by: Andres
Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.
--Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wants to know why!
Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!
--Hudson & Charles
Overheard by: lilli
Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.
--Washington Heights
Overheard by: TOD
Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!
--94th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sargeant Pants
Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh... Oh no... Uh oh...
--86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Julia
Scalpel....Scissors....Wednesday One-Liners...
Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!
--3 Train
Overheard by: Kailee McMahon
Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.
--Women's Bathroom, The Met
Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Kevin
Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.
--1501 Broadway
Overheard by: Randi
Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.
--Dunkin Donuts
Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?
--Columbia University
Overheard by: The Poogtastic One
If You're One-Eighth Wednesday, White People Call You "One-Liner"
White guy to black girlfriend: God, I'm so racist.
--Canal St & Elizabeth St
Big black lady: So, have they fired that African guy yet? (laughs hysterically) Nah, you right. Mexicans won't do that shit no more!
--Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: NewHaircut
White woman to black woman: So, tell me about your people. Do you know where they come from?
--Whitehall St & South St
Overheard by: Jon A.
White girl walking in Harlem: Dang, even the squirrels are black here!
--125th & Amsterdam
Tween: Mom, what's Negro Day?
--Neil Simon Theatre
Little blond girl to black mother: You mean we're black?
--Hudson & Barrow
Overheard by: Emily
Debbie Does Wednesday One-Liners
Girl on cell: No, mom, I'm not going to flag submissive at a fucking porn convention, pardon my French.
--170th St & Audubon Ave
Blonde to male companion getting off train: Good luck beating those kiddie porn charges!
--N Train
Overheard by: Marin M.
Straight-laced businessman on phone: It's because you won't stop downloading all that porn! If you quit, the popups won't come back.
--Ditmars & 37th, Astoria
Guy: They confuse me for a porn star; no, they don't confuse me with a porn star, they just think I'm a porn star because of my name!
--NYU
Tall thin statuesque black girl looking intently into white guy's eyes: Do you want an open relationship or just want to do porn?
--Midtown
Overheard by: toughchoice
Wednesday One-Liners for the Royal Family
Guy: Yeah, but it's not that hard to keep your mother from having sex with you.
--Washington Heights
Overheard by: V
Man, seriously: If I could marry my daughter I would.
--Duke's Deli, SoHo
Random moviegoer: I have to admit the incest was tastefully done.
--Outside IFC Center
Overheard by: when is it ever?
Suit on cell: I'm in love with my cousin.
--Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sean C.
Very gay man to another: I don't know, I'm just not attracted to him at all! Maybe because he's my brother...
--Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Lily Caulfield
Man shouting to friend: Incest free for a whole three weeks! Yeah!
--1 Train
Wednesday One-Liners, Capisce?
Guido: I once kept a clove of garlic in my mouth for a whole week.
--18th & 5th
Overheard by: Alistar Spencer
20-something to Guido friend: Dude, it's not my fault you look like a child molester.
--Meatpacking District
Overheard by: Sam
Guido with gelled hair to Guidette, as it starts to rain: I made $500 off this haircut, I am not getting it wet and ruined! No!
--Union Square
Guido on 'roids, to his three Guido friends: Yo, it don't matter if you fucked 5,000 girls! You suck a cock once, you a cock-sucker fo' life!
--Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: POLA
Guido to another: Boy, breakdancing when you're high is impossible.
--Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: baby g
Guido on cell: I have an extra queen-sized mattress at my place. I'll set up my camera, you'll come over with Sarah and fuck on it, and we can sell it as a porno afterwards. I don't see why this is so hard.
--St. Mark's & Ave. A
Wednesday One-Liners Melt in Your Mouth
Young woman to another: I've done some soul searching. I'm now willing to believe it's not butter.
--Park Ave & E. 79th
Overheard by: andy
Annoying lady to worker who apparently mishandled her food: Apologize to the sandwich!
--Subway, Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Robert
Chick on cell: I try to eat as many acidic things as possible since I have a very creamy nature.
--35th & 7th
Girl on cell: Girrrrllll...he was meltin' me like butter last night.
--Bedford Ave & N 5th
Overheard by: Marleni
College guy: All molds are not created equal! Think about yogurt, man, it's all frickin mold!
--Columbia College Walk
Would-be CIA student on cell: Yeah, so I think my interview at the CIA went well. I think I'll really like it there. (notices people around him) ...the Culinary institute of America! (everyone smiles)
--80th & Broadway
Overheard by: Roth Hall
What Kinda Mileage You Get With That Wednesday One-Liner?
Teen girl, calmly: My nigga, I only got one car, and I need that car to kill my momma.
--125th & 5th
Overheard by: Caroline
Loud Eastern European man to older guy: If I get you car, you get me woman. Woman for fucking! (gestures a jackhammer motion)
--Union Square
Overheard by: BK
Surprised woman: $15,000? Tonya! For $15,000 you could've bought a car, gone to a psychologist and finally learned how to drive!
--Park Ave & 39th St
Girl on cell: He drove his truck into the pool. No...he drove his truck into the pool. So, I just hope it's not because he was doing something stupid.
--Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Pretty Sure He Was Doing Something Stupid
Man on bike on cell: There ain't no peanut butter in the car.
--West 4th & Sullivan St.
Overheard by: Anna P.
Screaming guy, sticking head out of cab during traffic jam: Fucking three inches per hour!
--Greene St, SoHo
Overheard by: seb
Can You Sell Wednesday One-Liners on the Black Market?
Skater kid: Where's my tongue?
--Central Park
Overheard by: Toast
Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.
--B12 Bus
Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?
--M14D Bus
Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!
--R Train
Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head...how many heads does this thing have?
--Wall St & Broadway
Overheard by: Michael
Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.
--58th & Columbus Circle
Ni Hao, Wednesday One-Liners!
Korean girl to white guy: Why do you find it necessary to squint your eyes when you do an Asian impression?
--L Train
Overheard by: john.ainley
White girl to friends: And then a ninjician pulled a chopstick out of her ear!
--Veniero's Pastry Shop
Overheard by: Amy
Asian chick: Asians are obsessed with analyzing poop.
--Max Restaurant, Tribeca
Overheard by: Shringle
Woman begging for change: Can I get some quarters? (pause) My cousin-in-law is Chinese. Come on!
--52nd & Lexington
Overheard by: NMT
Asian woman, after sneezing: Just cuz I'm a sneezin' Asian don't mean I got SARS.
--Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: CNaughty
White girl on cell: Okay, I'm going to sound crazy, but there's this Asian guy in one of my classes...and he looks just like Ashley...and I just want to run up and say "Can I take a picture of you? Because you look just like my black girlfriend!"
--Dorm Building, Cooper Union
Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners
Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.
--LIRR
New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.
--40th & 6th
Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."
--Central Park South
Overheard by: Andy
Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.
--Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn
Overheard by: g
Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.
--R Train
Overheard by: Jess
Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)
--W 19th
Does It Burn When You Wednesday One-Liner?
Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?
--R Train
Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?
--Nederlander Theater
Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.
--89th & Broadway
Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids... Gotta get one from every country!
--Broome St
Overheard by: Kate
Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.
--Classroom, NYU
Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?
--71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: Tara
I Wondered Why It Was So Well-Made
Barnard girl, examining other girl's wrist brace: Oh, I thought it was, like, some cool Urban Outfitters...
Other girl: No!
Barnard girl: Aw, baby!
--115th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
And Stop Bringing Refugees Home With You--They Don't Get Along With the Cats
Louis Vuitton-carrying mother: Now I'm going to a halal meat market in Brooklyn next week!
Louis Vuitton-carrying daughter: I want to go to a halal market! Ever since I wrote my thesis I just love refugees!
Mother: Halal markets are for Muslims, not refugees!
Daughter: Well, close enough.
--75th & Lexington
Sorry, You're the First Person of Color I've Ever Encountered
Older man to African American girl): Where are you from? Ghana?
Girl (astonished): Columbus, Ohio!
--Terminal 2, JFK
Overheard by: Generous Supply
Thanks, Methamphetamine!
Girl #1 jumps around in glee after giving a man directions: Oh my god! He totally believed I was a New Yorker!
Girl #2: I guess your junkie face really makes you fit in here...bitch!
--Bowery & Delancy
But Sally's Not My Favorite Strap-On
Guy #1: She's such a pain in the ass... (pause) but sometimes those are the good ones.
Guy #2: Yeah. True.
--40th & Madison Ave
I Know It Was Just My Eggs Crying Out in the Wilderness
Girl #1: You guys only dated a month, you can't really call that a relationship.
Girl #2: Well, I wanted to marry him.
Girl #1: I hate when that happens.
--St. Mark's & 3rd Ave
I Try to Stay in Touch with What Ordinary People Are Thinking
Man on bike: You see those boxes over there?
Freshman girl: The white ones?
Man on bike: Yeah, you see those?
Freshman girl: Yes. Those are white boxes.
Man on bike: And you see the truck over there? With the fridge in it?
Freshman girl: Yes.
Man on bike: Okay, just checking. I thought that's what they wanted us to think. (bikes away)
--Pratt Campus
Overheard by: Pratt student
A Disturbingly Common Theme
Woman: When I got into college I entered into a world of sausage.
Man: Uh...
Woman: Come on!
--D Train
Overheard by: pop pop
Well It's Not Like It's Bergdorf's.
Husky chucklehead boyfriend: Yo! Would it be bad to take a dump in Filene's Basement?!
Preoccupied girlfriend: Ummmm...
--Filene's Basement, Union Square
Overheard by: TMI
If You've Seen Three, You Want to Prevent It
(baby is crying)
Mother: You better stop crying when I count to three. One... Two...
(baby stops crying, but starts again after a while)
Mother: I said "two!"
(baby stops crying again)
--BX9 Bus
Overheard by: Jason
And Deriving Really Lame Metaphors
Fag: Women have life so easy.
Hag: I know, life is like served on a plate to women but they're on a diet so then they pick out all the good stuff and push the plate to the side.
Fag: Too bad the diet doesn't do anything, cause they're still fat and complaining.
--Wendy's, 57th St
How Could He Be Responsible from All the Way in Gaza?
Teenage boy, yelling at his iPod: Damn it, damn it, dammit! Damn stupid thing. Dammit!
Old lady passing by: You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you talk like that in front of your mother?
Teenage boy: Don't blame me, blame Jack Bauer. Damn it.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Haley
New York Is an English-Optional City
Flyer guy: Comedy show tonight? Come on, I know you speak English.
Pissed-off Asian chick: Not for you.
--Times Square
Then We Should Tell Our Parents What We Did!
College girl: When we get back to the dorm, let's eat a bunch of stupid snacks.
College guy: Yeah, not smart snacks like Nurti-Grain bars, but stupid snacks like Pop-Tarts and Easy Mac.
College girl: Sooo stupid.
--110th & Lexington
Overheard by: Sromeo
Relax, It's Just Appendicitis
20-something girlfriend: Ooh, I just got a sharp pain in my stomach.
20-something boyfriend (angrily): Why'd you hold your doody in!
--56th & 6th
Overheard by: Twiggy
So Much Poor Hygiene in Such a Small Space
Freshman girl to friend: It smells like ass in here.
Junior girl with purple hair: I think it smells like stinky vagina!
--Queens College Campus
Overheard by: Lindsay
Let's Go Back to the Subway
Tourist #1 (passing by flower display at the lobby of MoMA): What's that smell?
Tourist #2: Smells like ass in here!
--Metropolitan Musuem of Art
She Was Hoping for a Salad of Steel
Waitress: Will you have a soup or salad?
Girl: Sure, I'll have the super salad.
Waitress: No, will you have the soup or salad?
Girl: I said I'll have the super salad.
Waitress: No, (really slowly) will you have the soup or salad.
Girl: Ohhhhh, the salad.
--Elmo, Chelsea
Even If She Has to Have Her Sled Dogs Rip It Out of You
Girl on street, arguing with guy: I mean, I really like that Palin. She has a nice smile.
Guy on street: She smiles like that because she wants your soul!
--W Broadway & Warrren
Overheard by: jramon
Your Elevator Will Be Separate, but Equal
Chick (walking in elevator and looking at others): Sorry for staring, but you all have blue eyes.
Blue-eyed woman: Yeah, we're all related.
Chick: Really?
Blue-eyed woman: Uh, no.
Blue-eyed man: But don't worry, we'll be nice to you when we take over.
--Elevator, Roosevelt Hospital
The Rest Of the Week I Reserve for Prayer
Girl: Do you have any plans tonight? Maybe we can do something.
Guy: Can't...I gotta get up early tomorrow to work.
Girl: You suck nads.
Guy: Only on Tuesdays...
--54th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Biscuit-lover
It's True: Whores and Strippers Have Entirely Different Skill Sets.
Guy: Why would I want to watch you strip?
Girl: Why not?!
Guy: Because you're a fucking whore!
--37th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Danielle
Headline by: Russ
Runners-Up:
· "And There Isn't an ATM Around Here." - Jesse
· "I Prefer to Get My Lap-Dances From Nuns" - PeterG
· "Not One Of Those Stripping Whores!" - the grene kni3t
· "Not Wanting to See Tits Is One Of the Early Warning Signs Of Being Fabulous" - Drew
· "Whore Becoming a Stripper, Synonymous With Actor Becoming a Singer" - erwilson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Everybody's Like This After Paying the U-Haul Bill
Woman: I'll tell you why.
Man: Okay.
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No.
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No. Woman, do you know why?
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No, but I would like to know.
Woman: I don't know either.
--U-Haul Store, The Bronx
Overheard by: Mike
Why Construction in New York Takes So Long: Explained
Construction worker #1: I got sweaty balls.
Construction worker #2: Shit, man.
Construction worker #3 (putting hand down his pants): Do you wanna suck my sweaty balls?
--38th Street b/w 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Chantal
Can't I Just Keep Pressing the Dell Symbol?
Blonde college student: Where is the start button?
Guy (pointing to computer CPU on floor and its start button): There you go, it's on there.
Blonde college student: That's so annoying that they put it all the way down there.
--City University of New York
Works Great With an Electric Sander
Boy #1: Dude, I want a personal ball-washer.
Boy #2: That's not sexy. That shit hurts!
Boy #1: What hurts? Washing your balls does not hurt.
Boy #2: It does if you do a good job.
Boy #1: There's something wrong with you.
Boy #2: It hurts if you get a good scrub in!
Boy #1: What kind of soap do you use?
Boy #2: Zest, cuz that shit smells delicious.
--67th & 2nd
Overheard by: glad i'm not a boy
The Mystical Connection Between Work and Money
Whining teen girl: Why is the train so crowded this early in the morning?
Teen boy: I dunno.
Whining teen girl: Oh, I bet it's cuz Thursday is pay day. That must be it.
Teen boy: Yeah, that makes sense.
--L Train
Overheard by: Cindy Davis
Doctor, It Hurts When I Think Like This
High school girl #1: Ugh. Sorry about that. Why does everything I say sound so stupid? It's like a disease!
High school girl #2: It is a disease! I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
High school girl #1: Oh my god! Really? I should go see a doctor.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Celia
When You Were Born He Wanted You to Be Left on a Hillside
Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, do we want the Mets to win or the Yankees?
(mom ignores comment)
Boy: I think I want them both to win!
Mom: I don't think your father's going to be very happy about this.
--3 Train
Overheard by: Danielle
But My #1 Ugly Person
Girl #1 to friend: You're definitely my number one.
Girl #2: Uh yeah, you're in my top five.
--49th St & 5th Ave
Who Majors in Nineteenth Century Insecticides, Anyway?
NYU student #1: Who is Paris Green, anyway?
NYU student #2: Didn't he manage the Yankees for a little while?
NYU student #3: That was Dallas Green.
NYU student #1: Are they related?
NYU student #3: They used to use Paris Green to kill rats.
NYU student #2: He was an exterminator?
NYU student #1: Either way, I fucked up the test.
--Starbucks, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Big Larry
Nuh-Uh!
Girl: Why didn't we just let the cab drop us off in front of the place?
Guy: I don't like to show up in cabs.
Girl: But why?
Guy: I just don't.
Girl: But why?
Guy: You sound like a three-year-old.
--Madison Ave & 72nd St
Overheard by: Venti Tres
Duane Reade Employees, on the Other Hand, Totally Raid Our Panty Drawers
Female customer: Does my ShopRite card work here?
Bored cashier: No, this is a Gristedes.
Customer: Well, I was just curious about their relationship.
Bored cashier: Like any good relationship, it's all about boundaries.
--Gristedes
Overheard by: bemused
Moral Of the Story: When in Doubt, Guess "George"
Stoner #1: Okay, so George Bush is our President, right?
Stoner #2: Yeah.
Stoner #1: If the Vice President dies, who's the President?
Stoner #2: Umm... George Washington.
(hysterical laughter)
Stoner #3: You bringing back niggas from the dead and shit.
Stoner #1: You just like my dad, we asked him who was the first President, he was like (imitates Asian accent) Oh, oh...okay, I know this, I know this... George Lincoln.
--Internet Cafe, Mott St.
Overheard by: Hugh
Signaling the End of Culture
Guy in suit: They have been trying to figure why all the bees are disappearing, but they haven't performed any autopsies yet.
Other guy: Really? Well, aren't they disappearing because of cell phones?
Guy in suit: Why would they start disappearing now, then? Cell phones have been around for a while.
--50th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Autopsy?
I Pity Anybody Who Steals What He Could Easily Earn
Female student #1: Yeah, I think I'd sleep with a guy just so he wouldn't kill me. It'd be pity sex.
Female student #2: That's not pity sex, that's rape!
--Columbia University Library
Overheard by: MizBehavior
Thanks, but I Avoid Intimacy With Gay-Bashers
Screaming man to mumbling teen: Yo, that some faggot ass shit! That's why I say, you want to suck some fuckin' dick?
--209th St & Perry Ave
Overheard by: rachel
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