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And Not Just a Failed Attempt This Time
Daughter: But if we don't put them in on time we won't be ready! They're coming over and we have to start soon or we won't be ready!
Mother: Then there's only one option...suicide.
--Greenwich Café
And My Ass... *Squeaky* Clean
Queer on blanket: Babe, I can totally have a drink of your water. I don't have gonorrhea anymore. My mouth is clean.
Woman: Ew!
--Central Park
Overheard by: Keith
The Serpent Was Delighted to Show Her the Tree Of Knowledge
Valley girl: The little red jobbies are way cool! What are they?
Vendor: Those are macouns. Ones over there are golden delicious and Granny Smith.
Valley girl, grabbing an apple: And, what's that little thing sticking out on top of this one?
Vendor: Those are leaves, miss.
Valley girl: Wow! This place is like...sooooo...country, y'know?
--Green Market Apple Vendors, Union Square
Overheard by: cindy
Reader Challenge: Think About This Before You Snuggle in Public
Young woman, trying to reach doors, to snuggly couple: Excuse me. (snuggly couple seem not to hear) Excuse me! (She pushes past them and exits train)
Tall white guy: It wasn't that annoying!
--B Train
At Least He's Stopped Thinking It's Another Room
Gangsta Chick: Oh my god, guys, look at him!
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: What's he doing with your mirror?
Stoned Guy: I'm on tv! (manic laugh)
--B64 Bus
Overheard by: Ben
Love Is Fleeting; Illegitimate Pregnancies Last Forever
Girl: Do you know what he said, that fucker?
Guy: No, what?
Girl: "Whadda we gotta get married for? You ain't knocked-up yet!"
Guy: Damn, that's cold-blooded.
--Q Train
If It's a Pick-Up Artist, You're in Luck!
Tall guy in crowded silent elevator: Everyone going to the Robert Mann gallery? (after no response, to attractive woman next to him) So, where are you from?
Woman: Rwanda.
Man: Oh, I don't actually know anyone from Rwanda, but I've spoken to some people from there.
Woman, politely: Oh. Where are you from?
Man, ignoring question: So, do you have family back there?
Woman: No, they were all killed in the genocide.
Man: I'm terribly sorry about that. So, what have you come to see?
--Art Building, 11th Ave & 24th St
Overheard by: andrew a
Tonight's Movie: The Italian Job
Hot girl: Every time I look in the mirror, I cry a little bit inside.
Hot girl's friend: Why? But you're like so pretty.
Hot girl: For all the ugly people out there who must feel so unsatisfied with themselves and their nonexistent sex lives when they look at me and think, "wow if only I had such assets. If only my butt jiggled like that."
Hot girl's friend: What is with you and your obsession with anal intercourse? You can have a perfectly balanced sex life and not engage in anal sex.
Hot girl: Not if you're Italian.
Hot girl's friend: Ohhh, so that's why Italians have such nice asses. All that thrusting must widen the butt cheeks tremendously.
--64th & 1st
And She Looks a Lot Shorter in Person Than She Did in Mean Girls
Guy #1: Is this Broadway and Houston?
Guy #2: Yes. I think we're in SoHo.
Guy #3: No, this is just Ho.
--Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: NewYorkerNick
Sure, If You Want To Be All Empirical Like That
Tall guy: Sure, no problem. I'll drive you guys, do you know how to get there from here?
Blond chick: Yeah, you can take the tunnel or the 59th Street bridge, which is free. Do you know how to get to the 59th Street bridge?
Tall guy: Um, yeah...take 59th Street?!
--Lincoln Center
Translation: "You're the Guy I Pantsed Every Day in Junior High"
Middle aged theater-goer to teenage boy dressed as renaissance page: Are you a part of the performance?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: What?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: Then why are you dressed like that?
Page boy: I'm just an eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Oh.
Page boy: Someone has to play the part of eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Well, good for you. High-five me, if that's not too far out of your century.
--Schubret Theater
Fuck Amber Waves Of Grain-- That's Our True National Treasure
Veteran on train: You know why America is the best country on earth?
NJ guy: Um, because we got the most stable economy and the greatest people. And because we fight terrorism where the rest of the countries aren't pulling their weight.
Veteran: Yep, I reckon that's all true. But I'll tell you, this week when I was visiting New York, I went to this soup place and ordered macaroni. And this macaroni was white, I mean with white cheese...not yellow. I mean, can you imagine white cheese? You think other countries have white cheese? I mean, in America you can have anything!
--NJ Transit
Overheard by: Horrified
Who Hasn't Posed as a 'Foreign Girl' to Get Out of That Awkward Post One-Night-Stand Convo?
NYU Guy: Hey! I know you!
Foreign NYU Girl: Good! How are you?
--14th & Irving Place
Overheard by: NewYorkerNick
Gladys Shares Her Observations on the Human Condition with Everyone She Meets
Young man who just bumped into girl: Sorry!
Random older lady walking by: That's right!
--Central Park Zoo
To Attain a Future Better Than the Present, You First Have to Imagine It
Teenage Latina to friend: So I want my next man and me to have more in common. My man, he gotta dress ghetto, you know, baggy pants, piercings, and chains, but he can't be no pimp or dirty slut. He can't be having no nasty diseases. He can't have no kids or none on the way and he can't have done no time, yet.
Friend: Gattita, I hear you. But what'cha gonna do with him?
Teenage Latina: Well, he's gonna have to like scary movies and reggaeton, Mexican food, and... (pauses to think for a moment) French fries! You know, them white people's food.
Friend: Holla.
--2 Train
Overheard by: Carrie
You Don't Just Shake Off the Decomposed Corpse of Pope John Paul II... You Lay It Aside Tenderly
Drunk guy #1: What the fuck? So that pole fell on you?
Drunk guy #2: Uh-huh.
Drunk guy #1: Shake it off!
--34th & 7th
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
And Everyone Knows There's No Such Concept as "Eleven"
Whiny loser: I wish i could win for once.
Jockey winner: There can't be two number ones.
Whiny loser: Oh, that's right, that'll make eleven.
--Time Square
Overheard by: jnigga
Which Is the Algonquin Word for "Bad Driver Land"
Woman, looking at car which just hit hers: That's Why! They're from Pennsylvania!
--Little Italy
Overheard by: Lena
The Hipster Progression, Step 19: Embracing the Grateful Dead before Your Friends Do
Hipster: It smells like acid rain.
--Smith St. Carroll Gardens
Rebecca
Rican tough tween chick #1: What about Rebecca?
Rican tough tween chick #2: I hear she a lesbian.
Rican tough tween chick #3: A lesbian?
Rican tough tween chick #2: Yeah, she likes girls.
Rican tough tween chick #1 (laughing): Fuck that shit. Who wants to like girls?
--Bergenline Jitney, Newark Avenue, Jersey City
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Eww, No! Strictly Anal Till I'm Married
Old man: You wanna be re-viriginized?
Old woman: No, I want to remain with Jesus.
Old man: So, you wanna have sex with Jesus?!
--Port Authority
Overheard by: liz kim
In Little Italy, There's a Layer of Earwax
Tourist #1: I wonder how they build streets on top of the subways.
Tourist #2: Hmm. You think they're strong enough that they can support the street all by themselves?
Tourist #1, after some thought: Nah, there's gotta be a layer of dirt between them or something.
--42nd & Lexington
Overheard by: Matt
Poor People Have Good Balance
Preppy Girl #1: You know what I don't get? Why are there no seat belts on the train?
Preppy Girl #2: Because it never makes any sudden stops.
--59th St Columbus Ave Train Station
Overheard by: Jami
Spilling In Lush Waves Over Your Tanned Ass... Hmm? What? Oh! Sorry!
Girl: So, how's your new haircut?
Guy: Good, but I miss...hair.
Girl: Yeah, I would miss it too, tumbling down my back in the shower.
--12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: I like...hair
These Towers Change Height Depending on Arousal and Time of The Month
Pubescent teen #1: I thought the Twin Towers fell!
Pubescent teen #2: They did! Do you see them through the fence dummy?
Pubescent teen #1: From where I'm standing, they look like they're still standing, and quite firmly at that! (nudges friend) Look!
Well-endowed woman, catching them staring: Isn't there a story time or something at Barnes & Noble for you kiddies? Run along, I think they have Elmo this week!
--WTC Site
He Would Get the Last Laugh in Ebonics Scrabble Later That Night
Thuggish 12-year-old kid: I can so beat you at UNO.
Thuggish 10-year-old brother: Fuck you.
--L Train
Like a Lifetime of Being Doubly Oppressed?
Gay black hipster to cop: Officer, of course he stole my five dollars! It was mine. It was right there.
Straight white hippie: I did not take anything of yours.
Gay black hipster to cop: Officer, who are you gonna believe, him or me? I mean, look at him--he's not even dressed well!
Straight white hippie: Dude, I hope something seriously bad happens to you.
--Union Square Subway Station
He Works for the "Authentic New York Experience" Bus Company
Punk rock kid to group of tourists (shouting): Hey tourists! Fuck you! (flips off entire bus)
--Broadway & 5th Ave
For Best Results, Start Encouraging Sibling Rivalry in the Second Trimester
10-year-old daughter: Mommy, why you always belly bumping me?
Mother: That's right. The belly's hitting you.
10-year-old daughter: He's always hitting me, mommy.
--Elevator, Ridge St
We Know What Happens to Those Who Forget History, But What About Those Who Forget Current Events?
Tourist #1, pointing toward Upper West Side: Is that where the World Trade Center was?
Tourist #2: Yeah, I think so.
--Central Park
Yooo...I Fuckin'...Fuckin' Blacked Out at Midnight...Lost My Fuckin' Glass Slipper...Shit...I Was Wasted
Girl: Don't let her drink after midnight. Make her go home. Are you listening to me? Don't let her drink after midnight!
Man: Am I supposed to keep her away from sunlight and not get her wet either?
Girl: What? What are you? Fine! You get the deal with her mess!
--15th St & Union Square East
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
He Bought Ad Space at The Onion
Hipster guy #1: I'm gonna be poor for a while.
Hipster guy #2: Forever.
Hipster guy #1: Forever, yeah.
--Chinatown Bus, Holland Tunnel
Right, Right...I Meant the CN Tower
Woman #1: Paris was disappointing. I went there to see two things: the Eiffel tower and the Mona Lisa. I didn't get to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower, there were too many smelly tourists in the elevator. And the Mona Lisa was the size of a postcard.
Woman #2: Oh, you didn't go to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?
Woman #1: Ummm...that's in Italy.
--Starbucks, 66th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sofia Dante
Someone Ought to Tell Them That There Is No "Joe"
Hungover girl #1: Oh my god, last night was so much fun! Joe kept making out with me and telling me how coked up he was.
Hungover girl #2: Oh my god, he kept making out with me too!
Hungover girl #1: Isn't he such a good kisser?
--FIT Elevator
Overheard by: MKG
Headline by: Seth
Runners-Up:
· ""Ohh- Is This YOUR Gum, Then?"" - ~m
· "And Now Our Babies Will Be Born on the Same Day!" - Katie Darling
· "Next Week, on The Bachelor..." - Catie
· "The Reason Pablo Escobar Was So Successful..." - Prashant
· "To Be Fair Though, They Share Underwear Too." - Sam
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
How to Tell Whether Someone Just Learned What "Risqué" Means This Morning
Woman to friend, while browsing: I love the 80s, girl. Oh, look. It's Alf on DVD! Did you ever watch that show? It's so different to watch it as an adult. You realize how risqué it is. I mean, it's like watching Three's Company when you're an adult. I mean, it was such a risqué show for its time.
--Virgin Megastore, Union Square
Your Perspicaciousness Is Prodigious, You Desiccated Harridan
Teenage girl: Mom! You're being obsequious.
Hip mom: Oh. "Obsequious." Big word. Either you've started studying for the SATs or you're just pandering to your intellectual higher-ups. My guess is the latter.
--78th St & Broadway
He must be planning to ram us into a building!
Cab passenger #1, about cabbie: He's such a bad driver. Is he Chinese?
Cab passenger #2: He's wearing a turban!
--50th & 10th
How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?
50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk...
--LIRR
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.
--Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria
(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother: Now say "thank you" to its human.
--Central Park Lawn
Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?
--La Pallette, 12th St
Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.
--Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station
Overheard by: Craig
Medsday One-Liners
Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!
--Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Paper
Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!
--3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center
Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.
--Kings County Emergency Room
Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital!
--Nassau St & Ann St
Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?
--St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Wednesday One-Liners Say "Toro, Toro, Taxi!"
Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don't want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!
--17th & Irving
(pedestrians are crossing when they aren't supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.
--Columbus Circle
Overheard by: momes
Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car!
--Jerry Orbach St
Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I'ma getting hit by a car, I'ma getting hit by a nice car.
--Broadway & Houston
Tourist driving car: I don't give a fuck if you own the world! I'm running your ass over!
--Financial District
Overheard by: lex
Wednesday One-Liners Know When to Stop
Bus driver: We should be arriving in Port Authority soon, hopefully at our schedule arrival time, but it all depends on the Lord of the tunnel.
--Port Authority Bus
Overheard by: Emily
M60 bus driver, under breath, to traffic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along.
--106th & West End
Bus driver on PA: Madam, don't let your children swing on the hand bars...this is not a jail.
--M15 Bus
Overheard by: bonoboxoxo
Funny bus driver in soft-spoken jazz voice: This is Madison Avenue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was getting out. Does anyone know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue...or it's not. Is anyone listening? Thanks for the smile.
--M16 Crosstown Bus
Announcer on bus (waiting for someone to request a stop): Come on, my line's open. Someone dial my number. Come on, you know the number! (a passenger requests a stop) There we go! Thanks for calling! I knew you would!
--M16 Bus
Overheard by: alli
Wednesday One-Liners Double Their Pleasure, Double Their Fun
65-year-old lady, in bikini top and Daisy Duke shorts, with belly hanging over: Of course I am bisexual...can't you see the view?"
--49th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: NATE MATHIS
Girl to guy: You can't be bisexual and married, John. That's, like, illegal!
--50th b/w 8th & 9th
Australian chic at bar: It's weird though, he reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend.
--Mexican Restaruant, Lower East Side
Loud girl on cell: No, I did him, it was so good. (pause) Yeah, I fucked her too, she loved it.
--Hillside & Edgerton
Drunk lesbian: Why can't you be a girl or at least have a really big dick?
--Bowery Ballroom
Stop Copying Me! "Stop Copying Me!" Shut Up! "Shut Up!"
Hipster guy #1: You can't be a kid forever.
Hipster guy #2: No, but you can think like one.
Hipster guy #1: Yeah, you can think like one.
--Chinatown Bus
But I Have Nice Heels on and I Forgot My Pistol, So...Let's Partaaay!
Girl #1: It's going to suck if everyone there has a boring sense of humor.
Girl #2: So get them hyped up on cocaine, then everything is funny!
Girl #1: I will! Wait...how do *you* know?
Girl #2: At this point I would knock you on the side of the neck, steal your wallet, and run away.
--Main Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Michelle
Except When Your Mother Was Pregnant with You; That Shit Was Hilarious
20-something chick (smelling pot and laughing): Woo...better cross the street! Wouldn't want to get high on this second hand smoke!
Middle aged father: Yeah, you're right...first hand is always better!
--4th & Washington Square West
Overheard by: agrees with the dad
That Was *You*, Cammy
Hysterical girl #1: What stop is next?
Hysterical girl #2: Tuckahoe.
Hysterical girl #3: I tucked a hoe in my pants once.
--Metro North Railroad
Cinnabon, Cinnabon Farts, and Hairspray
Tourist #1: Are we in the airport?
Tourist #2: No.
Tourist #3: It's the train port.
Tourist #1: Is this a mall?
Tourist #2: No.
Tourist #1: It looks like a mall.
Tourist #2: It's not a mall.
Tourist #1: It smells like a mall.
--Penn Station, LIRR
Overheard by: Ceetar
This Way, When It Flushes, He Feels Like He Accomplished Something
Mother to small child in stall (loudly): No, it won't flush. (shouting) It won't flush! It's not like at home. It won't flush unless you touch it. (shouting) It won't flush! Stop! It's not going to flush unless you touch it. (shouting) It won't flush! Don't make me make you go in your pants! It won't flush! They're not the same.
--Women's Bathroom, JFK
Oh, Absolutely. You Should Go Right Now.
Out-of-towner: So, like, are the other boroughs nice?
--11th St
Overheard by: Jaya
Shirley Temple Was Always a Precocious Tyke
Woman: But where does your money come from? Who gives it to you?
Little girl: The world.
--34th St Subway Station
Son, No Wedding Is Ever About the Boy
Mother: Look! A wedding! They are taking pictures for it.
Son: A girl is marrying a girl?
Mother: No.
Son: Where's the boy?
--Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
Let Me Guess... Was It a Tossed Salad?
Lady #1: Girl, it was the best salad I ever *had*! Baby, it was better than sex! All I gotta do is eat this salad and masturbate and I'm good to go!
Lady #2: I thought it was okay, but it wasn't better than sex.
Lady #1: That's 'cause you smoke too much and you burnt off all your taste buds. You taste things based on memory.
--W 26th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jason
Here's the Real Truth, Cassie: We Wanted a Boy
Irate little girl (pointing at Nathan's): Daddy, you lied to me! That's not a hot dog stand, that's a hot dog building!
--Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: Lauren
This Just In: 4 Out Of 5 Dentists Recommend New Yorkers! (Click Here For More)
(Woman #1 is trying to exit Starbucks while pushing a stroller. Woman #2 comes to her rescue and keeps the door open)
Woman #1: You aren't from New York, are you?
Woman #2: No.
Woman #1: Because you're too sweet.
--Starbucks, 114th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Dan
Like Satan Claus, For Example
Woman to toddler: The devil is evil. That's why his name is spelled "d-evil".
--Greyhound Bus
Wait, Is BullshitRomanceFuckingLatinDerivativeMishMashSomethingOrOther Not an Official Language?
World Music connoisseur #1: I think he's singing in Brazilian now.
World Music connoisseur #2: No, no...this song's in Argentinian.
--Manu Chao Concert, Prospect Park
Ever Since That Bad Robo-Trip, They've Been Extra-Cautious with the Pharmaceuticals
Teen girl #1 (reading about Advil): "Take two for muscle aches." Hm, is the stomach a muscle?
Teen girl #2: It's not a muscle, I think it's an organ.
Teen girl #1: It's not organ, it is so a muscle. I'm going to take two.
Teen guy: Yo, just go to Duane Reade and get some Pepto-Bismol before you hurt yourself.
--Bay Terrace Shopping Center
Overheard by: mets fan
What If They Just Stay Home?
Tween #1: Yo, you should go out with her!
Tween #2: She gon' shit in yo mouf!
--67th Ave & 164th St, Queens
Overheard by: someone who's not into that kind of thing
Then What's the Title?
Blonde girl: What's the first line of "O Canada"?
Asian girl: "O Canada."
--Broadway & Wellington
Who Is Prima Ballerinia in the Chunkiest 'Swan Lake' in History
Old Russian man (loudly): I like big tutus!
Bank teller: Yes, okay.
Old Russian man: Like my wife!
--Apple Bank, 86th St
Overheard by: hatia
Gotta Creep Before You Crawl, I Said
20-something woman to 20-something man: You were thrown out because you were always creeping around all those women on the fourth floor.
--42nd St & 8th Ave
That's What He Calls Guitar Hero
Guy: So yeah, now she says she's dating Steve.
Chick: Steve the crackhead or pyromaniac Steve?
Guy: The one who isn't in prison.
Chick: I thought you were dating him.
Guy: He found religion. Or something.
--West Village
In Case You'd Like to Visit Brazil Parcel Post
Drunk Asian girl to bouncer stamping her hand: What is this? What does this do?
Big black bouncer: It's a stamp.
--Central Bar, Near Astor Place
Overheard by: waiting to get in
Because Robert Frost Just Isn't Ghetto Enough
Guy: Just know I chose my own fate: I drove by the fork in the road and went straight. Isn't it deep? I'm getting it tattooed on my shoulder.
Girl: Who are you quoting?
Guy: Jay-Z.
--34th St, Penn Station
Overheard by: No Lie
Headline by: Lauren
Runners-Up:
· ""99 Problems But a Bitch Ain't One" Was Taken" - Cass
· "Just How Big Is Your Shoulder?" - porter
· "Maybe You Should Tattoo That Between Your Legs..." - LPS
· "Monkeys With Typewriters Couldn't Ever End Up With Gold Like That" - Caitorade
· "The Confucious Of Our Generation" - Fresca
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
God Help Those Elderly Laser Fucks
Black woman #1: She thinks we're too old for laser tag!
Black woman #2: Uh-huh.
Black woman #1: I mean, as long as we aren't, like, thirty or something, we're okay.
--Dunkin Donuts, 125th & Lenox
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
How to Tell If Someone Studies a Lot
College Student #1: Dude, how excited are you for Snakes on a Plane?
College Student #2: Snakes on a Plane? What's that about?
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Vadim
The Genesis of Kaylee's Stool-Holding Neurosis
Mom, showing baby box of Dora the Explorer-themed diapers: Look, baby, you're gonna have Dora!
Baby (touching box): Dora!
Dad: You and Dora gonna have beef after you crap all over her.
--Target, Atlantic Terminal, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt Johnson
And Be Eaten by Hippies from Minnesota
Fire truck loudspeaker to tourists blocking entrance: Please clear the area unless you want to end up as roadkill.
--WTC Site, Liberty Street
They'll Kiss, but They Both Have No-Nudity Clauses
16-year old girl to 40-year-old creep: So my name is Jenny, that's Angie. My number is like, (516) 555-5555, and you can call me and us, like, anytime! We'll totally get together!
(pause)
40-year-old creep: What's your name again?
--Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Shira
Yeah, Good Point Mom, I'll Just Make One out of My Discman and Some Liquid Instead
Mom: The police are going to be everywhere today. They have to watch out for terrorists who might have bombs in their bags.
Little Boy: What if I accidentally have a bomb up my butt?
Mom: They'll have to squeeze it out of you. Being a policeman is a dangerous job.
Little Boy: But what if I fart, and it explodes?!
Mom: Being a policeman is a dangerous job.
--F Train
Overheard by: Stephanie E.
Aww, Egregious!
Eleven-year-old #1 (gasping): You have a PSP? That's so *royal*!
Eleven-year-old #2: I know! Isn't it sexy?
--JetBlue Flight, JFK
Overheard by: emily
To Teach Them a Lesson, God Uninvented the Dildo
Girl #1: When people make stuff out of metal, they just melt it, right?
Girl #2: I think so.
Girl #1: Still, metal's way better than plastic.
Girl #2: Totally.
--Astoria Blvd
Overheard by: sara n.
The Demographic for Derek Jeter's Cologne Slowly Reveals Itself
Guy #1: I didn't know people in Brooklyn wear Yankees caps.
Guy #2: Since when do you care about baseball?
Guy #1: I like to watch baseball when it's on.
Guy #2: When is that? After Project Runway?
--Carroll Park
Ok, So She Sleeps Above the Covers. Four *Feet* Above the Covers!
Guy #1: The girl I'm thinking of, she's not exactly crazy, but...
Guy #2: What, am I gonna wake up tied to the bed?
--15th & 5th
I Believe He Goes by "Mr. Magic Dragon" Now
Foreign girl: How is your puffy friend?
American guy: What?
Foreign girl: You know, the puffy! (hold out her hands to indicate fatness)
American guy: Oh, yeah, he's good.
--89th & 2nd
Overheard by: Tom
Isn't It, Like, a Means of Understanding Multidimensional Space as a Four-Dimensional Construct in Which We Move Forward in One Direction?
Dude #1: Do you think New York is multicultural?
Dude #2: Let me answer that with a question. (long pause) Do you know what the time is?
--Times Square
Lucky the Cashier Had Completed Customer Service Training and Knew the Answer
Boy, looking at fish skull in glass case: Where is this fish native to?
Cashier: The ocean.
--Maxilla & Mandible
Overheard by: Aidan Shepard
Why Ninjas Don't Eat Beans. / Make Their Uniforms of Corduroy
Teen boy: Those were not stealthy ninjas!
--Flushing Meadows Park
An After School Special That Didn't Make It To Air
Girl #1: Look at that guy in the gray suit.
Girl #2: My sister knows him.
Girl #1: He's cute, what does he do?
Girl #2: I think he is a social worker.
Girl #1: Ah--full heart, empty wallet. (chuckles)
Girl #2: Oh man, that's cold.
Girl #1 (looking at girl #2 with surprise): What? if a certain lifestyle is important to you...we shouldn't pretend it isn't. I'm not kidding myself anymore.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Darren
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