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High Enough to Be Hallucinating a Whole Movie Based Around ABBA Tunes
Tween Latino #1: Uh...why did we pay to see this again?
Tween Latino #2: Probably because we're high.
Tween Latino #3: Oh. Good point.
--Mamma Mia Screening, Ziegfeld Theater
Overheard by: that's what roger ebert said
And the One Written in Pictographs Took Up an Entire Subway Car
Girl on A train: Why are all the signs advertising English language courses written in English?
Brother in a white hat: So people can read it, stupid!
--A Train
Overheard by: Closely Watching on the A Train
Um, Have You *Seen* Jackass?
French lesbian: Martin Luther king, was he white?
American lesbian: No. He was black!
French lesbian: Oh I always get him confused with that other president who was the cripple.
American lesbian: Martin Luther king wasn't ever a president.
French lesbian: God! But they have a day for him anyway? America is so pretentious!
--East Village
If That's Not a Rap Lyric, It Should Be One.
Little girl: Daddy, it's hard to be a six-year-old...
Dad: Uh huh.
Little girl: She wasn't calming me down, daddy, she was calming me up!
--Steinway & Ditmars, Astoria
The Zen Of Grandma
Grandmother: And when we get outside, then you can ask the big question. And what's the big question?
Grandson: Who are you?
--Park Slope
Overheard by: MK
When You Don't Know What You're Talking About, Charm's Only a Little Help
Guy #1: There are just some things certain in life, like death in Texas.
Guy #2: Wait...don't you mean to say "death and taxes"?
Guy #1: Oh yeah, I forgot to say it with an Southern accent.
--A Train
Overheard by: krisenthia
Except for That Three-Day Vacation in the Tombs
Man, entering subway and noticing religious freak speaking: Hey man! Good to see you! Where have you been all summer? Did you take a day off? Jesus doesn't take a day off!
--1 Train
Overheard by: J-OY-K
Which Are Also Made in China
Girl #1: Ugh, this is made in China, everything is made in China these days.
Girl #2: Yeah, in China they eat puppies.
--Target, Queens
Ronald Looks Pretty White, Though-- Just Sayin'
Foreign 7th-grade boy: Where do you live?
Local 7th-grade boy: Harlem, have you ever heard of Harlem?
Foreign boy: No.
Local boy: Do you know McDonald's?
Foreign boy: Yes.
Local boy: That's where Harlem is.
--3 Train
As in "Puttin' On the Fritz"?
Hipster chick #1: Yeah, my cell phone was on the...uh...skitz?
Hipster chick #2: "Skitz"?
Hipster chick #1: Maybe not. "Skitz" is like the streaks left in the toilet after you take a shit.
Hipster chick #2: You meant "on the Fritz"
--Williamsburg
Overheard by: The Katie
It's Even Funnier When You Know the Hobo Talks Like Mr. T
20-year old, passing a hobo: Dude, you smell.
Hobo: Fuck you, hipster!
20-year old: I'm not a hips...
Hobo, cutting him off: Where's your hat?
20-year old: I don't own a h...
Hobo, cutting him off: Fuck you and your hat!
--2nd Ave, East Village
In Lieu Of Deodorant
Hipster queer: This cigarette tastes like a taint.
Suit queer: That's weird.
Hipster queer: Yeah.
Suit queer: Cause I rubbed it in my armpit.
--NYU
These Days It's Just Called "Ritalin"
4th-grade thug #1: Yo, I heard they was doin' some drugs.
4th-grade thug #2: Psshh, everybody be doin' drugs nah-a-days.
4th-grade thug #1: Yeeeaaah, you right, you right.
--Colden St, Flushing
This Is Funnier If You Don't Think About Where She Hears It
Little girl to little boy: What are you doing!?
Little boy, holding a cup of water: Nothing.
Little girl: Every time I come back your glass is full again, you're always drunk!
--181 & Broadway
Overheard by: Justaboy86
...of Babies.
Second grader #1: Hey, is your mama having a baby sister?
Second grader #2: No, she just likes to eat a lot.
--Schoolyard, Brooklyn
With Those Serta Sheep Nipping at My Ankles All Night
Homeless man #1: Ya don't shit where you sleep, do ya?
Homeless man #2: Dude, I don't sleep where I sleep.
--6 Train
Corey Haim: Fuck!
Heavily tattooed, shirtless boy #1: Dude, Corey Feldman. I love Corey Feldman. I have a Corey Feldman action figure!
Heavily tattooed, shirtless boy #2: I have a Corey Feldman tattoo!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: alison
"...Now Just Say Thank You and Raise My Babies"
Thug #1: Yo, two girls was fightin' over me 'cause I fucked them both!
Thug #2 (pumping fist in the air): Yeeaahhhh! I seen it!
Thugette: I'd be like, "bitches, it's not like I fucked you at the same time or nothin'!"
--40th & 5th
Overheard by: She has a point
Or at Least Scissor-Kick Him to the Face
Hobo, sticking his face in cab window: Oh shit, it's Charlie's Angels!
Girl inside: Shut the door! Shut the door!
--Outside Gansevoort Hotel
Bottom Line: I Got the Job
Fag hag: So, how was it?
Urban queer: Girl, it was a week ago and I'm still washing the taste of his dick outta my mouth!
--LIRR
Overheard by: Matthew
Radioactive Shit
Cop #1: Remember that shit?
Cop #2: That was some crazy shit.
Cop #3: What shit?
Cop #2: The Spiderman shit.
Cop #3: Oh, that shit.
--Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Caroline
We Like to Think Of It As Our Elephant in the Room
Woman #1: I did that walk once when the subway was out.
Woman #2: It's good exercise. So, me and my friend decided that we need to exercise at least twenty minutes a day. For motivation, we decided that for each day we don't get at least twenty minutes in, we will donate $10 to the Republican National Committee. It's very motivating.
--Hudson & Houston
Judge Us by the Hotdogs in Our Hands and the Beer Spouting From Our Hats
Chick leaving bar to friend: That's it, I have given up on New York men!
Guy in Yankees shirt: Hey! Don't judge us by guys from Queens.
--Bohemian Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: Mike H
Headline by: Nicola
Runners-Up:
· "...but by Our Slick Taste in T-Shirts!" - Ijudgeyou
· "His Argument Would Carry More Weight If He Wasn't Peeing Against a Brick Wall at the Time" - James
· "It's Like Judging Americans by George Bush" - Allison
· "Just by Guys Who Hang Out in Queens" - From Brooklyn
· "Otherwise You'd All Be Lesbians" - Katie Darling
· "There Are Four More Boroughs Waiting to Disappoint You" - AngusM
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I Remember When You Made Your Thong Hum Like a Bowstring
Boyfriend: So do you still fart in your sleep?
Girlfriend: I think so. I mean I can't really remember...
--Molly's Irish Pub, 3rd Ave & 22nd St
Why Wilson Philips Eventually Disbanded
Heavy-set girl: It's just so hard to lose weight, you know.
Friend: What? (pause) I'm sorry, I was lost in your chins.
--34th St
Which Makes Her, Like, a Virgin
NYU girl #1: Kate's done coke?
NYU girl #2: Yeah.
NYU girl #1: Really?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, but she hasn't done any with her new nose.
NYU girl #1: Oh.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Elena
We Were Told There'd Be No Math on This Wednesday One-Liner
Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam.
--72nd St & Broadway
Student: I cheated on every test in that class...I even cheated on the survey!
--Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent.
--Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: pumpkin
Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood.
--Ditmars & 31st St
Overheard by: Natalie
Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with...two finals in one day.
--Fordham University, Rose Hill
Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know."
--New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene
Overheard by: Kristina
If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners!
Man: Is this the happy train? (no reply) Oh, this is the depressed train. Who wants spare change?
--N Train
Overheard by: ellen.
Big old Russian guy: So vhy you drink? You drink ven you are happy, and you drink ven you are sad. Me, I am either happy, or I am sad. So me, I am drinking all the time!
--Deli, 83rd & York
Overheard by: Zinny
Large woman on cell: I wanted to suck away your happiness, do you understand? I just wanted to suck it away!
--Grand Central Station
Girl on cell: Yeah, no. So then he pulls the rubber duck out of his (lowers voice) ass and says he loves me. Yeah, for the first time, I was so happy...
--B Train
On Dark Nights, Wednesday One-Liners Walk the Streets
50-something suit on cell: So, are you coming or do you have to zombie-proof the apartment again?
--Downtown 6 Train
Youngish guy all in black: Vampires are so 90s. (female companion nods emphatically)
--St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Emily
Guy yelling to people dressed as zombies: Are there any fine zombies there that want to suck my dick?
--Union Square
Girl in Santa costume: Where are my fucking elves?!
--LaGuardia High School
Teen girl to friend: Well there are so many leprechauns at that school anyway, what do you really expect?
--Xavier High School
Overheard by: isa
Too Many Wednesday One-Liners to Count
Loud obnoxious girl in movie theater: Oh yeah, I confuse a billion and a million all the time.
--Union Square Movie Theatre
College student to friend: Yo, I know doctors that are making mad money but are still behind because of their student loans! One of them told me that I should go to a CUNY or SUNY for my undergrad, then spend the big bucks at a private college for my grad. Yo, it costs $200,000 to go to school, that's like half a million dollars!
--E Train
Overheard by: hopefully he won't be measuring doses
Creepy bald tattooed guy: 30% of communication is verbal. (creepy lady nods) And that means that the other 60% is done with our bodies...I've done the research it's incredible.
--Spring St & Greene St
Overheard by: Seth
Girl on phone: Yeah, so everyone else had like 3, or 5, and I had 75.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Jenn
Blonde teen on cell: 12 is not a baker's dozen, it's only a dozen. A baker's dozen is like 144. I've only slept with twelve guys, okay? Get off my back!
--Amsterdam Ave b/w 90th & 91st
Wednesday One-Liners Wear Heels in Bed
Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!
--Study Room, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: NYU Ears
Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!
--2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Overheard by: sab
Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!
--Madison Ave & 47th St
Overheard by: kricka
Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.
--Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant
iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?
--33rd St b/w 5th & 6th
Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.
--Party, 171st & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Wednesday Would Hit These One-Liners in a Heartbeat
Random guy to everyone nearby: Yes, you are sexier than Conor Oberst--all of you.
--McCarren Park
Overheard by: Chris K
Beer guy: I got sexy beer for sexy people! Beer so cold it talks back to you! If you don't drink beer, you die!
--Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Damn, I'd better by a beer...
Little boy in preppy school uniform to Asian teenage girl: Mmmmmmm...I like sexy girls. I like them a loooot. (takes out imaginary cell phone) Mmmm, mmhmm...I'd like that. Ohhh.
--M1 Bus
Hobo to guy carrying mirror: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sssssexiest of 'em all?
--13th & 5th
Freshman to group of friends: Yo, when Jack* first got his hair cut it looked mad weird, but now it looks mad sexy, no homo. It kind of looks like the Jonas Brothers.
--Bard High School Early College
Columbia girl: She was sexy, but she shouldn't have done that. That's so Adam Smith.
--1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Wednesday One-Liners Just Got Off the Boat-- Again
Puerto Rican guy to another: Out of all the continents, Staten Island is the craziest.
--Spring St b/w Mott & Elizabeth
Overheard by: Jack D
Girl to guy: I can't wait to be a Staten Islander.
--28th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jennifer
Suit on cell: I take the Staten Island ferry because it's like a free cruise.
--60th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Mike
Ferry announcer: Please follow the signs posted for your assistance, and please see uniformed crew men in case of emergency. Thank you for riding the Staten Island ferry. Have a nice life!
--Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Steven
Professor: So is anyone here from Staten Island? (no reply) Good!
--NYU
Can You Get Wednesday One-Liners from a Toilet Seat?
Girl swimming in the Hudson River: I'm afraid if I take a pee, I'll get a venereal disease!
--Hudson River & 26th St
Overheard by: Nellie
(student #1 loudly hacks up a lung, while everyone else turns around in horror)
Student #2: Whoa, what do you have, chlamydia or something?
--11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick
Overheard by: The Teacher
Angry drunk man to bemused drunk woman: I don't wanna fuck you, okay? I'm just saying I don't have genital warts!
--Ave A & Houston
Groaning guy on corner: I really don't want crabs...
--53rd & 6th
20-something woman: Everybody has issues. They're like herpes one.
--St. Mark's
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Wednesday One-Liners: Great for Bachelor Parties!
16-year-old girl on cell: So like, for Halloween my mom told me about this strip club we could go to...
--110th & Central Park West
Overheard by: sophie Balis-Harris
Drunk stumbling Yankee meathead to fellow meatheads: Yo! Let's get some fucking strippers! I don't give a fuck about my girlfriend! (pauses and looks around) If I drop any more beer on this woman... (spills half his cup on her back) Ah, fuck.
--Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: seat 12 section 23
20-something woman on cell: What, you had sex with that stripper?!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Liz
Drunk suit: Yeah...we did it up fo' my son's 18th birfday. He be graduatin and all this year, so we sprung fo' a stripper.
--Q67 Bus
Overheard by: Kate
Teen screaming into cell: Stripper. (pause) No, stripper!
--Little Italy
Wednesday One-Liners for Hezbollah
Officer to old lady: Hey, don't leave you bag on the floor, there are terrorist everywhere.
--45th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: StriderNo9
Suit on cell: So you're gonna vote for a Muslim and a terrorist?
--MoMA
Hipster to friend: Yeah, terrorists totally love Bush.
--46th and 9th
Overheard by: choosing not to capitalize the B
Tourist: Are you guys terrorists?
--Rally for Gaza, 42nd & 7th
Overheard by: ooga booga
Loud black queer teen: But his best joke was like "What do you call people who hate ketchup?" (no response) "Al-Qaeda!" (bursts out laughing) Get it? It's funny because they don't have ketchup in Iraq!
--1 Train
Overheard by: Ketchup lover
Wednesday One-Liners Make Digital Records Of Their Humiliation
Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!
--Times Square
Overheard by: Alice
Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!
--44th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: would never buy that shit
NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!
--8th & Broadway
Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)
--Union Square
Overheard by: Glad I had a map
Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.
--51 & Lexington
Overheard by: Miriam
Wednesday May Have Soiled Its One-Liners
Man on cell: She said I had to pay, so I shat in her mouth and left.
--34th & 5th
Three-year-old boy, looking overjoyed: I have to go poop!
--Store, 18th & Union Square West
Overheard by: i had to go, too!
Woman getting on train, giggling: I got a question...is there a pile of feces on this train?
--A Train
Elderly man on phone: Yesterday I coughed and shat my pants.
--3rd Ave & Fordham
Four-year-old boy, dancing: I like to move it, move it! I like to poop it, poop it!
--E 69th St McDonald's
Overheard by: Leslie
Brunette on cell: And then I told her, "hey hey, I'm not the fecal freak here. Don't go throwing poo at me." I mean really, I don't even like my own poo. I'm supposed to like hers?
--Williamsburg
I'm Not Following You; We're Riding the Bus Together
White girl, yelling to black friend: Heather! Come to the back of the bus and sit with me!
Heather: I ain't no Rosa Parks!
--Bus, Brooklyn
Really?
Lady: Excuse me, do you sell phone cards to Africa?
Cashier: Let me check. (looks around)
Guy at the beer cooler: Man, they ain't got no phones in Africa!
--Convienance Store, 45th & 8th
Overheard by: Joe
Isn't It Bad Luck to Talk About Tied Tubes in the Subway?
Baby: Waaaaahhhhh!
Woman: That's it. I'm officially getting my tubes tied.
--L Train
Even a Six-Year-Old Could Tell You That
Girl to boyfriend, on the 4th of July: I love it here, *this* is America!
Woman passing by: No, honey, this is New York.
--Outside Grand Central
Overheard by: Lee
Why Jackie Pushed Jill Down the Hill
20-something girl #1, outside bodega: Why are we waiting here?
20-something girl #2: How many times have I waited for you? My buckets are filled with your bullshit!
--15th St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
What Santa Does 364 Days a Year
Old man dressed in all red clothes to jogger passing by: Good morning!
Jogger: Good morning.
Old man: Want to wrestle? We can wrestle right over there.
Jogger: No, thanks.
--Riverside & 91st
Overheard by: Rocco
...And What's the Shortest Distance Between Two Points?
Blonde girl: I really like martinis. They are probably my favorite drink.
Other blonde girl: Do you really like olives or something?
Blonde girl: No, I like to be drunk.
--43rd & Lexington
Years Later, James Would Work through This by Becoming a Stand-Up Comic
Mama thug: Don't stand by the doors. Sit down! You're gonna fall, and I'ma laugh at you. And you want me to laugh at you?
Baby thug: No.
--2 Train
Scrooge Is a Lot Bigger and Blacker in the NC-17 Version Of A Christmas Carol
Big black charity worker: Would you like to sign and make a donation for the less fortunate children around this area?
Newly immigrated Asian lady No, no have money.
Big black charity worker, unfazed: Okay. (starts walking away) Money makes my dick hard, I see Benjamins, I stay hard all day!
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Chuhan Luo
Though "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Money" Would've Been a Tad More Clever
Bag lady, pointing at three white girls: Eeeny, meeny, miney...changeeee?
White girl: Shit! If I knew she was gonna do that I would have had a dollar all ready to give to her!
--40th & 5th
Overheard by: Kate
Some Secrets Are Just in Bad Taste
Hipster: I have to confess a deep dark secret to you.
Girl: Okay?
Hipster: I know the taste of my own cum.
--Union Square
But Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?
Excited little Asian girl, about obviously African diorama: Are those Indians?
Bored mom, paying no attention: Yeah.
Excited little Asian girl, to herself, in quiet, satisfied voice: They're Indians.
--American Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
But I'll Gladly Direct You to a Window If You'd Like to See Yourself Out
Little old lady: But I am sure I came in on this floor. Don't you know the customer is always right?
Sales associate: This is the 3rd floor. Unless you scaled the side of the building, I'm right on this one.
--Macy's, Herald Square
Overheard by: stewed tomato
The Square Of the Hypotitties Is Equal to the Sum Of the Squares Of the Other Two Girls
Girl #1: Wait, how many boobs are usually on three girls?
Girl #2: Six.
--Bleecker St
Overheard by: anna
Slightly Longer Than It's Taking You to Drive Us Nuts
Friendly guy to two cute girls speaking French: Hi, where are you girls from?
Girl #1: We are from Switzerland.
Friendly guy: Oh, so you speak Swedish?
Girl #1: No, we speak French.
Friendly guy, slowly: So then, you come from France?
Girl #2: No, we come from the French-speaking part of Switzerland.
Friendly guy, confused: Oh, okay. So uh, how long did it take you to drive here?
--Burger King, W 42nd St
Think How Fit You'd Be by the Time You Got There
Lady hawking for Equinox Gym: Hey, are you interested in a membership?
Man: No, I live in Denmark.
Lady hawking for Equinox Gym: Well, we have a location in Paris. That's not too far, right?
--19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Matt
For One Thing, "Le Penetrator" Sounds a Lot Classier
Drunk girl: So I wouldn't ask you this if I were sober, but I just have to ask. When you...yunno...are you generally the...penetree, or the...penetrant?
Gay guy: Uhm, you mean, the penetrated or the penetrator?
Drunk girl, laughing: Oh, right. Well. Damn. I mean, gay sex is supposed to be better in France, right?
--Kittichai Restaurant
Overheard by: Brandy
Oprah Has a Flag Now?
Guy: And so then he threw up, right on like the flag of the American Jesus...
(girl nods her head)
--Entrance, Queens College
She's My Lover and My Gym Partner
Guy #1: Why do you have Stacey's number under "dude-bro"?
Guy #2: Uhm...because she looks like a dude, bro.
--14th St
Overheard by: That's unfortunate
Why Not Just Be a Gay Politician in the South?
Snarky girl, about friend's prospective date: So, let's approach this like from a business perspective: Which option would give you the greatest return for the least amount of effort?
Hipster guy with Texan accent: Going into the bathroom, masturbating, and coming out to join a game of charades.
--Fort Washington & 180th
Like Alexander, I Wept Because There Were No More Worlds to Conquer
Random guy #1: Have you ever been with an Asian girl?
Random guy #2: Yeah, as of last night I have.
Random guy #1: Ah. Mission in life accomplished, my friend.
--Washington Place
Sure, But You Don't Want to Actually Write That on the Mortgage Application
Guy #1: You know how people say that if you give homeless people money, all they'll buy is drugs and alcohol?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well, fuck, that's what I would buy!
--9th St & University Place
Overheard by: Jazz
Headline by: bq
Runners-Up:
· "Behold, the Democratic Stimulus Plan!" - The Trayster
· "I Guess That Explains the Cardboard Box You Live In..." - Timmy
· "I Mean, After I Paid Off My Credit Card Debt, Of Course" - 1310 (formerly SNA)
· "Michael Phelps Has an Epiphany" - JohnnyB
· "Mickey Rourke's Comeback Was Short-Lived" - Sing it sister!
· "That's Why You Don't Have Full Access to Your Trust Fund" - Keith
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Otherwise You Get an "Invalid Prayer" Error
Eleven-year-old tourist: I heard that there was a church here in New York that worships Satan.
Tourist father: Well, that doesn't make sense, because you cannot worship Satan, you can only worship Jesus.
--9th Ave & 47th St
Because It's a Problem You Can't Fuck Your Way Out Of
Boss: Genocide is funny.
Intern: Genocide is not funny. Aids is funny.
--59th & Madison
She Pays Hobos by the Hour, to Reinforce Her Dicta
Conductor: Next stop, 81st Street, Museum of Natural History.
Mom to young son: Okay, sweetie, this is our stop for the museum.
Six-year-old boy: But mom, I wanna go to Central Park instead!
Hobo: Listen to your mother, boy! Go the museum. Git yerself some edjumicate... Edjcation...go learn something!
Six-year-old boy: Mommy, what did he say?
Mom: He said, "don't be fucking stupid." Let's go.
--C Train
Overheard by: Davis Baker
Felice Unger's Roommate Is the Deliciously Unshaven Olivia Madison
Girl: Yo, I wish that shower gel wasn't seasonal. I mean, I know the soap smells the same, but if someone gets a hair on my shower gel I can shrug it off. I mean, I know you're trying to move to...
Sales girl: Less packaging, yeah.
Girl: And I'm all about being green and stuff but if I'm gonna pay fourteen dollars for a little tiny chunk of soap, I don't want to throw it out because of someone's business hair being all up on it.
--Cosmetics Store, Herald Square
Here's Eight, and Don't Try to Swindle Me Again.
Lady #1: Excuse me, do you have nine quarters for a dollar?
Lady #2: Nine quarters? Do I look like an idiot?!
--Times Square
You Look a Lot Different Vertical
Suit: Hey, Tom! Tom!
Tom: Hey there.
Suit: Nice to see you fully clothed for a change. (winks)
Tom (looks around, sees bystanders eavesdropping): Yeah, uh, (raises voice) See you at the gym, Dan. (turns around abruptly, hurries into building)
--53rd & 5th
Overheard by: YeahRightSuretheGym
At Least, That's How I Tell My Husband He Got Infected
Truck driver: Diabetes is a hard disease to live with.
Middle aged black lady: I'm telling you, it's awful! All people with diabetes have HIV.
--25th St b/w Madison & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: TeeHee
How GPS Works: Explained
Tourist #1: Manhattan!
Tourist #2: Manhattan!
Tourist #1: Manhattan!!
Tourist #2: Manhattan!!!
Tourist #1: Manhattan!!!!
Random New Yorker: Manhattan!!!!!!!!
--38th & 5th
Overheard by: where brooklyn at?
Blame Men's Fitness for This Kind Of Overshare
White male runner #1, pointing at porta-potty: I took a shit three times in that one.
White male runner #2: Okay.
--Concert, The All-American Rejects
In My Day, We Had to Drop Acid and Stand in the Shower to Get This Effect
Guy: So it's like a waterfall with a bunch of nozzles, and as the drops fall, it creates a picture.
Girl: That's cool! So, which way does the water fall?
Guy: Down, I think.
--Gershwin Theatre
Overheard by: Dominic A.
Yonkers Exerts a Magnetic Pull on the Weak-Minded
Worried-looking middle aged guy to passers-by: Am I walking Uptown?
Indifferent New Yorker: Yeah.
Worried-looking middle aged guy, face collapsing: Oh, no.
--114th & Broadway
How Do You Get a Flyer Guy to Shut Up, Again?
Comedy promoter: Do you like stand-up comedy?
Guy: Sure.
Promoter: Here, take a look at this!
Guy: No, thanks.
Promoter: Take one! It's not drugs!
(girlfriend grabs guy's hand, they keep walking)
Promoter: Sir, don't let that woman control your life! You are your own person!
--Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Ashley
The Ideal Relationship
Guy #1: I think I'm going deaf.
Guy #2: What?
--Broadway
You Shoulda Lived Here Before They Built the Sewer System
Man #1: You wanna know something about New York?
Man #2: Yeah. Yeah.
Man #1: It stinks.
Man #2: Always. Always. (shakes head)
--Varick & Houston
Overheard by: Emma
How About Building Me a House Instead?
Man #1 to man #2, with headphones in on his computer: Are you an army man?
(man #2 doesn't respond)
Man #1: Are you an army man?
(man #2 doesn't respond)
Man #1: Excuse me! I asked you a question, I'm not asking you to build me a house! Are you an army man?
Man #2: I know, and I'm declining to answer your question.
Man #1: I'm not a vet or anything, I'm just trying to get some money.
Man #2: That's what I thought.
--Starbucks, Penn Station
Overheard by: B
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