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I Have No Idea What You're Trying to Say
Guy: Yo, so how'd she get that nickname?
Girl: Who, hype-girl?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: She mad hype!
--Broadway & 137th
Why It's Important Not to Teach Kids to Read
Little black girl staring at poster: What's "sy-nics"?
Old white guy: That's "cynics". It means people who question everything.
Little black girl: Oh. (to her friend) You're a cynic!
Little black boy: Hey! I am not a cynic! Mom! She called me a cynic!
--V Train
But I Can Only Grant You Wishes Number One and Two
Young woman, entering restroom, to Starbucks employee standing outside: Oh, I thought you were waiting to use it.
Starbucks employee: No. I'm the bathroom genie. I make the magic happen.
--Starbucks
Your Championship Gerbil Races Are None Of My Business
Guy #1: It was like a faucet! It just kept running!
Guy #2: I really don't want to hear about this...
--Grand Central
Is There a Secret Spell Which Causes It to Emerge?
Male European tourist: Excuse me, where can we find the subway?
New Yorker: Which subway do you want?
Female European tourist: The one that is on this corner.
--Broadway & Houston
Watch Your Mouth-- This Isn't the G Train.
Teen girl #1: We have to get in line over here...
Teen girl #2: You can just shut up and lick me!
--Bowery Ballroom
Overheard by: Rhiannon
Miss Piggy: Don't Make Moi Come Over There
Production assistant: Excuse me sir, no flash photography please. For the safety of our actors.
Bystander: Actors? They're Muppets!
--Muppets Movie Set, Park Slope
The Principal Gives You Crabs.
Middle school geography teacher: What do we rely on the ocean for?
Student, excitedly waving hand in the air: Crabs! The ocean gives me crabs!
Teacher, choking back a laugh: Maybe you should just say the ocean gives you fish...
--Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: I've never gotten crabs from an ocean
That's No Hobo-- That's Corey Feldman!
Hobo to teenage girls filling up water balloons in water fountain: You're having a water balloon fight?
Teenage girl: Yeah. We have to be careful, though, they might attack us from behind.
Hobo: That's what Michael Jackson does. (walks away, leaves teenage girls in bewilderment)
--Central Park
Overheard by: Emma
Sorry, but My Heart Belongs to an HIV-Positive Junkie Musician
Drunk hobo to punk chick: Hey, where you goin sexy?
Punk chick: Fuck off.
Drunk hobo: I'm gonna fuckin marry you, you just watch, I'm gonna fuckin marry you!
--St Mark's & 2nd Ave
So You Slept with One and Never Called the Others Back
Hipster #1: I mean, if I were an asshole, I just would have slept with all three of them.
Hipster #2: Yeah, but you're not. You're a nice guy.
--Bedford Ave & Grand
Overheard by: yeah, the nicest.
In the Way That England and Ireland Are Pretty Much Alike
Woman: Well, technically I live in New Jersey.
British guy: Is that like in New York?
Woman: Pretty much, yeah.
--L Train
Hence the Metal Panties.
Drunk hipster girl: If I was to drop dead in the middle of that party, all those frat boys would fuck my corpse.
Friend: Word.
--78th & Madison
Along With the Dementia I Already Have
Proprietor: I heard you had a fall.
Octogenarian: Oh, yes. I had a fall. They even took me to the hospital for six hours. They tested me for everything except syphilis.
Proprietor: That's what they're supposed to test you for first.
Octogenarian: I wish I had syphilis. At least then I'd be having some fun.
--73rd & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: G
Remember the Time He Brought Home That Girl Painted Entirely in Gold?
Loud girl #1: Why isn't James coming out tonight?
Loud girl #2: He wants to save some money for a new couch.
Loud girl #1: A couch? What kind of lame excuse is that?
Loud girl #2: He wants a new couch.
Loud girl #1: What happened to his old couch? Wait... Nevermind, I don't even want to know.
--A Train
Overheard by: K-T
He's Conspicuous by His Absence
Girl #1: What should we do?
Girl #2: We could go back to the dorm and watch 10 Things I Hate About You.
Jersey girl: Oh, yeah! I haven't seen Heath Ledger in a long time!
--8th St & University Place
Then I Wouldn't Have an Excuse to Come to Starbucks
Doctor: You know, people pay more for a Starbucks coffee than they do to visit me for a copay. That's what important in this world.
Colleague: Maybe you should put an espresso machine in your office.
--Starbucks, 96th St & Madison Ave
You Know You Love It. Xoxo.
20-something hipster guy to friend: Dude, did you see Gossip Girl last night?
Friend: (stares)
20-something hipster guy, indignantly: Shut up! If you started watching it, you wouldn't be able to stop, either!
--168 St Subway Station
Overheard by: Kat
Even If I Have to Die to Prove It!
Angry hipster girl, crossing intersection diagonally: Fuck them! I have the fucking right of way!
Hipster boyfriend: No, you don't! You just walked through the middle of an intersection!
Angry hipster girl: I don't fucking care, I still have the fucking right of way!
--Park Slope
Overheard by: Phillip
As I Explained in My Last Biology Paper
Asian guy coming from gym: I swear, you're like anorexic.
Skinny girl coming from gym: Oh my god, I would much rather be bulimic than anorexic, you get to eat so much!
--Washington Mews, NYU
Well It Does Make My Mom Go Apeshit
Student: Are all furry animals primates?
Anthropology teacher: Is your dog a primate?
Student: No.
Anthropology teacher: Is a rat a primate?
Student: No.
Anthropology teacher: Is the stuff that gets stuck in your drain a primate?
--Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Mel Gibson: "Yet When I Say That..."
Gay #1: Did you hear Steven Spielberg donated $100,000 to defeat the gay marriage amendment in California?
Gay #2 (angry): Why? That fucking Jew!
Gay #1: No, he donated $100,000 to defeat the proposed ban on gay marriage in California.
Gay #2: God, I love that kike.
--Thompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Jesse
Says She Remembers the Guy's Name This Time, Though
Girl just off the phone: Sorry, I was just talking to Amy.
Guy: I kinda figured that when I heard you say "plan B."
--93rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Plan A
The Same Way That Circuit City Is a City
Ghetto cashier #1: Jersey...is that a city or a state?
Ghetto cashier #2 (after thinking for a while): A city.
Ghetto cashier #1: Okay, right, like Jersey City. That's what I thought.
--Duane Reade
...And I Have Bells Palsy.
Upper East Side queer teen: Oh my gosh, you have such a cool accent! Where are you from? Like England or something?
Black girl: Brooklyn.
--Central Park
Overheard by: TM
How to Explain "Trashy" to Non-Native Speakers
Lady gentrifier: Like Joey Buttafuoco?
Guy gentrifier: Yes, like Joey Buttafuoco.
--Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jordamn!
Time to Take a Swim in My Money Pit!
Rally girl protesting NYU fees: We're taking back NYU for ourselves!
Random man: Yeah!
Rally girl: We shouldn't have to pay more than we already do!
Random man: No way, you should have to!
Rally girl: We don't owe them anything!
Random man: That's why I don't pay taxes!
Girl: Yeah! (pause) What?
Random man: I have to go.
--W 4th & University
Wanna Bet?
Girl #1: Just stop thinking about it, god.
Girl #2: I can't...it's just new, and big to swallow, y'know?
Girl #1: Well, I'm sure he's not thinking about it all the time.
--Elevator, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Kyle
Wishing for Things That Are Already True Is a Great Way to Keep Oneself Feeling Fulfilled
Girl #1: I wish the bus would come.
Girl #2: I wish I was a girl.
--Madison Ave
Student Loans? I Hear Ya, Pal.
Young teenage boy to friend: Man, I fuckin' hate this job. I'd make more money bein' a drug dealer or somethin'.
Hobo: I used to think the same way as you.
Young teenage boy's friend: So you became a drug dealer and ruined your life?
Hobo: No, I fuckin' went to college and ruined my life.
--1 Train
Amateur Wisdom Tooth Extractions Never Turn Out Well
Girlfriend: So, can I pull it out now?
Boyfriend: I don't know...
Girlfriend: C'mon, I wanna pull it out now.
Boyfriend: I guess, but I don't know that you'll be able to find it.
Girlfriend: Nah, I bet it'll just pop right back out.
Boyfriend: Okay, you can pull it out.
--Q46 Bus
Overheard by: Cori
And Sometimes They Sink
Starbucks-toting boy: I really want to go to one of those floating islands, though.
Hippie chick: Which islands?
Starbucks-toting boy: The floating islands. The ones that float.
Hippie chick: Don't all islands float?
Starbucks-toting boy: No.
Hippie chick: Yes they do. I mean, they float now.
--6th Ave & Union, Park Slope
Overheard by: Questioning impact of teaching career
The Rules Are Different For Male Strippers
Girl, accidentally touching guy's hand: I'm so sorry!
Guy: That's okay, you can put your hands wherever you want.
--1 Train
Headline by: Jared Rizzi
Runners-Up:
· "Female Muggers Everywhere Have a Breakthrough" - Mo Rod
· "He Has the Most Sucess at Petting Zoos" - Kelly
· "He Ran When She Eyed His Ass and Curled Her Hand Into a Fist" - Joel Moore
· "He'll Regret This Statement Once Flesh-eating Disease Sets In..." - James
· "How Fisting Came Into Existence" - Thug Audit
· "How Jimmy Lost His Wallet" - BabakganoosH
· "Purell's New Ad Campaign" - blistexaddict
· "Why Frank Was Never Good at Twister..." - Amy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Wednesdays Pray Their One-Liners Don't Go Condo
Middle-aged woman to others: Just because she's got her own apartment, she thinks she has it all together.
--Near NYU
Overheard by: Eric
20-something guy to another, about his apartment: All I want to do in my apartment is die.
--Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dodd Loomis
Woman on cell, walking briskly: There was blood all over the apartment...
--E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Cashier to male shopper: Dude, your apartment is rent-stabilized and you have food stamps? You are so rich!
--Whole Foods, Houston & Bowery
20-something trendy Jonas Brother-looking dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that's in the kitchen. (short pause) I'll tell you about my apartment later.
--9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th
Overheard by: Dash
Wednesday Really Pumps Out the One-Liners
Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.
--E 3rd St & 1st Ave
Guy: The world is my cumrag!
--4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jordan Bruce
Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.
--32nd & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Matt
Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back...yet.
--Times Square
Overheard by: watching her back
Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)
--1 Train
Overheard by: hsw
The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone...
Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney!
--77th & Columbus
Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose.
--Starbucks, 71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Maddie
Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know?
--W 16th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?"
--Broadway & John St
Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly!
--Houston St
Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop...when you get old, your kidneys start to fail.
--Metro North Train
Overheard by: Kristin
Wednesday One-Liners Are Growers, Not Showers
Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks!
--Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: chiddox
Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will!
--Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx
Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker
Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick!
--Times Square
30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"?
--7th St & St. Mark's
Overheard by: Juicy
High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class.
--Q27 Bus Stop
Overheard by: cough.cough.cough
Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick.
--Times Square
Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right?
--University & 10th St
Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)
Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.
--Village ATM
Overheard by: rafa
Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.
--Wollman Rink, Central Park
Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?
--Hard Rock Cafe
Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely
Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!
--Union Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Rachel K
Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.
--Columbia University
Wednesday-One-Liner 451
5th grader to friends on stairs: So my brother burned a hole in the floor so we could spy on the neighbors.
--The Spence School
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Hot 20-something: If another mediocre man hits on me after another mediocre meal I am going to burn the city down!
--1 Train
20-something to friend: The house burnt down, and now my dad has no eyebrows. No really, he has no eyebrows.
--Thompkin Square Park
Yuppie guy: You know, I think heartburn is the best kind of burn someone could have.
--Bleecker & Jones
Overheard by: Jas
Five-year-old boy, singing: Let the train, let the train, let the train be on fire!
(continues for a few minutes) Let China, let China, let China be on fire!
--F Train
Subway conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is being held due to a...slight fire at the next station.
--C Train
Overheard by: G.
All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner
Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!
--Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square
Overheard by: Nathan
Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!
--Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg
Overheard by: fanny
Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore.
--Time Square
Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.
--City College
Overheard by: Dan Lurie
20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there...I would pretend to be in love.
--Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: dallas
Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!
--W Broadway & W 3rd St
Wednesday One-Liners Get Swept Away in Masses Of Humanity
Tourist: Hey look, it's 42nd Street! They named it after a Broadway show.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Really? REALLY!?!
Tourist dad, as shuttle to Grand Central comes in: No! We need to take the purple to Grand Central Station, then the green!
--Times Square Shuttle Platform
Overheard by: D-Law
Male tourist, watching stranger propose underneath Christmas tree: Hey buddy, did you go to Jared?
--Rockefeller Center
Southern tourist lady, as subway stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas!
--F Train
Overheard by: Matt
Southern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the statues.
--The Cloisters, Harlem
Overheard by: M@
Not Chosen Good, But Good Nonetheless.
Hassidic Jew in front of Mitzvah Mobile: Excuse me sir, are you Jewish?
British guy: No, I'm good, thanks!
--Union Square West
Overheard by: not jewish
If You Still Say "My Good Man," You Deserve to Be Fucked With
Tourist, tapping man on shoulder: Excuse me sir, would you mind pointing me to the Empire State Building, please?
Man, pointing at the sky: See that building? The shiny big one, with all the pretty lights? Walk straight towards it.
Tourist: Thank you, my good man!
--Downing St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emma
Also What He Said About Their Bath Tub
Hipster #1 (pointing towards East River): Is that the Pacific Ocean?
Hipster #2: I think so...
--North 6th & Bedford
That the Government Knows About
Woman #1: My husband starts law school in august.
Woman #2: Oh? Which one?
Woman #1, rolling eyes: I only have one husband.
--Wedding, Williamsburg
Then Why Are the Ghostbusters Riding in It, Smart Guy?
Young tourist woman to boyfriend: Is that the Statue of Liberty?
Boyfriend: Umm...no. That would be the Empire State Building.
--30th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Marie Ziskin
Remember the Good Old Days Of Junkies and Whores?
Tourist #1: Where are we going? Do you know where we're going?
Tourist #2: Oh, yeah. I recognize this. We're going north. We're definitely going north.
Tourist #1: Oh, yeah, you're right.
Nearby New Yorker: I hate this place. They're all crazy.
--Crossing Broadway & 42nd St
Woo! Check Out That Fiiiine Watering Can!
Guy #1: You ho!
Guy #2: I am nobody's gardening instrument!
--NYU
I've Fucked Dozens Of People I Disapprove Of Completely
Bisexual guy: They say a boner is the body's natural thumbs up.
Transexual guy: Wait a minute.
--Harlem
We Can Honestly Say You'll Be the Coolest Tort-Themed Bicycle Gang in New York
Female law student: We're going to start a bicycle gang called The Tortuous Tigers.
Male law student: Yeah, we can ride all over Brooklyn wreaking havoc and intentional torts!
--Joralemon & Court, Brooklyn
Or at Least Do It Like I Taught You
Impatient nanny: Hurry up. Finish your ices already!
Little girl: No. (licks ices delicately)
Impatient nanny: For god's sake, stop giving that Popsicle a blow job!
--Prospect Park Zoo
Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny
I Don't Wanna Have to Hold Your Head While You Cry Again
Punk girlfriend: What movie do you want to see?
Punk boyfriend: How about Definitely Maybe?
Punk girlfriend: I don't know...seems kinda chick-flicky.
--Austin St, Queens
Wait-- Think There Are Any Hot Guys on the Bus?
Queer #1: Black people really must like taking the bus.
Queer #2: You're disgusting.
Queer #1: What? I always see them waiting in line for buses.
Queer #2: That's because they may have some financial issues.
Queer #1: Well, so do I, but I don't take the bus.
Queer #2: Only buying things that are on sale at Bergdorf's and living paycheck to paycheck are two very different things.
--14th St & 8th Ave
Other Parts Of My Body Would Love a Hug, Though.
Hippie girl: Free hugs! We're giving out free hugs today! (to preppy guy on park bench) Hey! Would you like a free hug today?
Guy: No, thank you.
Hippie girl: Why not?
Guy: Actually, I just had a minor surgical procedure on my abdomen. I shouldn't hug anyone until it heals.
Hippie girl: Well, that sucks. A hug might make you feel better, though!
Guy: I'm pretty sure that a hug would open up the incision on my abdomen from the surgical procedure. I'm told this would increase my odds of infection. Thanks anyway, though.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Double-M
When He Was Reincarnated for the Fifth Time
Teacher: Does anyone know of the year 1732?
(class remains silent)
Teacher: I'll give you a hint: it's the year of someone's birthday.
Girl: Jesus!
--Simon Baruch Middle School
Overheard by: the art major
My Logic Class Is Really Paying Off, Huh?
Sorority girl #1: Oh my god! You look so skinny! Oh my god!
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, thanks.
Sorority girl #1: Oh my god! I saw you when I was walking up and I was like, "Oh my god, she looks so skinny." You look so skinny! You must have lost a bunch of weight.
--Mustang, Upper East Side
Only Because They're Cutting Off My Vocal Cords
Young guy: Oh, whatever, we all know you have short, stubby legs.
Young woman: That's not what you say when they're around your neck.
--Citrus Bar & Grill
What? Just Trying to Be Agreeable.
Guy to group of friends: God, it's ball soup out here today!
Friends: Totally!
Chick: Yeah, my balls are soup!
--Ouside Spa, SoHo
Like Freshman Vagina Tight-- Am I Right, Kids?
Asian chick to another: I mean they were so tight they were t-i-g-h-t.
Random professor: That's pretty tight.
--Elevator, NYU
It'll Break Your Heart and Steal Your Friends
Crazy man, about dog: How old is she?
Dog owner: Five.
Crazy man: Doing better than I am! (wagging finger to dog) Stay away from curried chicken!
--East River Promenade
That's a Fork, Dude.
Random guy: Don't worry, I have metal parts. That comes off.
Guy next to him: Wait...what?
--NYU Poly
Since You Got the Good Crackpipe for Christmas
Father: And since I've started smoking cigars in the basement, you can smoke pot down there without your mom knowing.
Daughter: Wait, seriously?
Father: Yeah, just don't tell your brother. He already thinks you're the favorite.
--26th & 10th
Overheard by: wish my dad was this chill
For the Last Time Dad, Marijuana Is NOT a Vegetable
Street performer: I declare today the "Eat Vegetables and Dance Day"!
Tourist to son: See, I told you all New Yorkers are crazy and high.
--South Street Seaport
Headline by: AlpacaHoss
Runners-Up:
· "As a Perfectly Sane Dance-Eater, I Take Exception to That Remark" - Upstanding New Yorker
· "Does She Mean the People or the Rent Payments?" - Uncle Bling
· "Now Lettuce Boogie Out Of Town" - Kevin Babbles
· "Now Let´s Go to McDonald's, and I'd Better Not See Those Hips Shaking" - Laura
· "Now Stop Dancing and Eat This Bacon" - Jesse
· "Richard Simmons Tries to Restart His Career" - sweatin to the oldies
· "What and Break My Perfect Morbidly Obese Record?" - Nota Fatty
· "You Laugh Until You Realize That New Yorkers Get the Day Off From Work" - BabakganoosH
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
...And Limes, and Stirrers, and Rocks Glasses
Student, explaining a baby carrier he made: In order to make sure it would hold the weight of a baby, I tested it with an Absolut vodka bottle.
Professor: You should have brought that in too. I think I have tonic in my bag.
--Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: dontyouloveartschool
Many Americans Don't Know the Difference, Either
Gay American guy: For the last time, it's called "working," not "wanking."
Gay French guy: "Working," "wanking," I am French, I don't know. (proceeds to pinch American gay guy)
--Elevator, 205 Hudson
Overheard by: Harry Cooter
It Means You'll Need to Bring Me the Head Of a Dragon Before We Can Discuss This Further
Student: Am I passing your math class?
Teacher: No.
Student: But I only need your class to graduate! What can I do to pass?
Teacher: Excuse me. Just because I'm Chinese does not mean you can bargain for your grade like this is Chinatown.
--High School, Queens
Raise Your Hand If You're Right There with Him
Conductor at Jamaica station: There is an express train to Babylon across the platform. It will get to Babylon nine minutes earlier than this train. I strongly recommend you take that train. In fact, I implore you to.
Drunk passenger: Wait...does this train still go to Babylon?
Sober passenger: Yes, just slower.
Drunk passenger: Then I ain't walking across no platform.
--LIRR
Overheard by: The WC
We'd Pay to See This Movie
Scantly dressed woman with European accent to big macho American man: I want to, but I do not have Visa!
Big macho American man: I could see if I could sponsor one for you.
--Houston & Mercer
Colonel Sanders Eventually Got His Sales Pitch Juuuust Right
Crazy stranger: Hey kid, you're a total cunt!
16-year-old: Gee...thanks, mister.
Crazy stranger: No problem. You like chicken?
--6 Train
Like the Pilgrims Used to Do with the Indians
Ditzy girl #1: It's so weird. You can actually have arguments on Facebook.
Ditzy girl #2: Yeah! You can follow people's arguments on wall-to-wall.
Ditzy girl #3: That's so stupid. Why go to all that trouble when you can just pick up your phone and send them a text?
--Downtown F Train
Overheard by: sam
Challenge: Read This without Googling the Video
Hot girl: Did you see the videos online of Florence Henderson wiping dog poop on some girl's face?
Even hotter girl: No, what the hell are you talking about?
Hot girl: Some video on YouTube.
--Rockefeller Center
I Could Move One Arm Slightly, But That Was About It
Ghetto boy #1: Hey, honey, how old are you?
Ghetto girl: I'm sixteen.
Ghetto boy #1: Hey, you wanna trade phone numbers or aim or something?
Ghetto girl: No, thanks. (leaves)
Ghetto boy #2: Ooooooh. Damn.
Ghetto boy #1: Shut up, Justin! At least I don't date ugly-ass hos like you!
Ghetto boy #2: What about Veronica?
Ghetto boy #1: I only fucked Veronica cause I was trapped!
Ghetto boy #2: Nigga, how you be trapped?
Ghetto boy #1: Fuck, man, she weighs 300 pounds!
--Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
I Think I Love You-- Wanna Multiply?
Student #1, taking multivariable calculus: Don't fuck with my logic, my logic is unfuckable!
Student #2: Don't worry, we'll find a hole.
Student #3: By dividing by zero!
--NYU Poly
Like They Did With The Da Vinci Code?
Drunk girl at a party #1 (in a high-pitched "baby Jesus" voice): I want frankincense now! I want frankincense and myrrh right now! Why mama put me in the hay? I wanna bed! Why my momma can't have no house! I want frankincense!
Drunk girl at a party #2: The Catholic church is going to kick you in the face!
--Astoria
I'm Begging You
Student laying on hallway floor: It has to be bare balls to be called "tea bagging."
Student standing over him: I am not putting my bare balls into your mouth!
Student laying on hallway floor: I'm not asking you to!
--Columbia University
As Long As You Were Kidding About "Straight"
Drunk lesbian: Straight cheerleader bitches. I love it.
Girl next to her: Did you just call me a straight cheerleader bitch?
Drunk lesbian: I love you. Fuck you, cheerleader.
--Ani DiFranco Concert
Overheard by: alxie
It's Better Than The Da Vinci Code
Young man in line for ticket machine to old man walking away with no ticket: Is the machine broken?
Old man (seriously): No, I was just reading the screen.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Hilariter
Something Lighthearted, Like Saving Private Ryan?
Nine-year-old girl #1: You don't know what it's like because your father didn't die.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Yeah, I never had a father.
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, so he never died. Hey, you wanted to rent a movie tonight...what do you want to see?
--Bedford Ave & N 6th St
Overheard by: Andrew
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