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Though It Still Doesn't Explain Why You Keep Forcing Me to Watch WALL-E
Dad: My Bloody Valentine in 3-d...violence and naked women.
Nine-year-old son: Yeah, that's the only reason you want to see that movie.
--Kafuman Studio Movie Theater, Astoria
Strangely, She Then Mentioned a "Russian Judge" and a "German Judge"
Male Fordham student: I think I witnessed a girl getting bad news about either being pregnant or getting STDs!
Female Fordham student: How do you know?!
Male Fordham student: Because she was on the phone and I heard her say "wait, that's not possible, how could the results come back as that?"
--Fordham University, Lincoln Center
We Imagine This with a Rap Beat to It
Cabbie #1: Fuck you! Fuck you!
Cabbie #2, getting out of car: No, fuck you! You are the fucking garbage!
Random guy, leaning out window: Shut up! Shut. Up!
Cabbies: Fuck you!
--3rd Ave b/w 9th & 10th
Explain How
Black girl: Would you look at that white cracka?
Lighter-skinned black girl: Bitch, you could be just as white as I am because you don't even know who your daddy is.
--Times Square
When We Limit Our Cancer Sources, the Terrorists Win
Monster Energy drink rep: Free energy drinks! (hands drink out)
20-something woman: I'll get my cancer elsewhere, thanks.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Queso
And That Was Really More Of Something to Gnaw on While Playing Poker
Guy #1: I went out drinking last night and didn't smoke.
Guy #2: Except cock.
Guy #1: Yeah, besides that.
--PATH Sation
No Matter What My Gymnastics Coach Says
Conductor: If you see something, say something.
Crazy fat lady reading book: Mind your own business, don't say anything. (a few minutes later) I don't wanna be no Asian, I don't wanna be the size of no Asian.
--Downtown A train
And It Was Cooked to Perfection
Young female at happy hour #1: So getting a free dinner was cool.
Young female at happy hour #2: Yeah, it's not like that roach was on the plate.
--7th Ave & 23rd St
Overheard by: Ed
Why Mr. Peanut's Family Stopped Having Reunions
Nutsy guy #1: I'm nuttier than you are!
Nutsy guy #2: No!
--Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Or Thinking Something-- Which Is Rarely.
Asian in suit: Do you think I'm like, really serious?
Asian chick: Yeah, you're serious about pretty much everything.
Asian suit: But only when, I'm like, doing something.
--112th & Broadway
Overheard by: okay...
Do We Go to Your Country and Act All American?...Oh, Wait.
British female to sullen guy: Hey! What's wrong, chap? Buck up! Go on, buck up! Buck up! (sullen guy stops and looks her way)
Sullen guy, in heavy New York accent: Fuck...off.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Dropping Eaves
And I Think He'd Look Hot in a Top Hat and Bowtie
Boyfriend: Ah, don't listen to her, she still believes in magic.
Girlfriend: Jesus! I believe in Jesus!
--117th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Schenk
Who Says Stuff Like That Except Virgins?
TV guy #1: We're not putting whores on tv.
TV guy #2: Are you a virgin?
TV guy #1: No, this cherry has been popped.
--Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Derek
But Only If They Wore Leather Chaps
Dude #1: I had a dream that we got to hang out backstage with Metallica after the concert on Saturday.
Dude #2: That would be fucking awesome.
Dude #1: We would totally get laid.
Dude #2: By Metallica?
Dude #1: I'd do it.
--N Train
Overheard by: Mr. Bobo
To Ward Off Sketchy Men in Bars
Gross older man: Yeah, she was hot but her pussy always smells.
Gross older woman: Mine never smells...unless I pee on myself.
--Staten Island Ferry
But It's a Required Screening Question for Prospective Adoptive Parents
Teenage Asian girl: I have a question: would you want me to hang out with a vampire?
Old Hispanic woman: No!
Teenage Asian girl: Okay. I knew that.
--2 Train
Overheard by: Ryan
Long Story Short, We Have a Fourth for Poker Tonight.
Girl #1: I saw the most crack-whorish looking girl today in Starbucks.
Girl #2: Now, was she crack-whorish or heroine chic? Because there is a difference.
Girl #1: No. She was definitely a crack whore. I mean. Imagine Courtney Love...now imagine Courtney Love run over by a train.
--W 4th
Overheard by: xanaxfashoin
That's Our Nation's President, Dad.
Drunk white man, pointing to random black guy: Hey, look: it's Puff Daddy!
Embarrassed daughter: Dad, that is not P. Diddy.
Drunk white man: Hey, Puff! Can I get a record deal? Hook a brother up!
--52nd & 7th
Ben Stein's "Clear Eyes" Commercials Get Creepier Every Year
Deli man: You have beautiful eyes.
Woman: Thank you.
Deli man: You better take care of them.
--63rd & 1st
Now I See Your Twat Colors, Shining Through.
Latina chick to two friends: Fucking bitch whore keeps calling me!
Friend #1: Don't answa! Don't answa!
Friend #2: She's a bitch.
Latina chick: Don't call my motha a bitch, you twat.
--14th St & Ave A
Does Yours Look Like Danny Devito, Too?
Woman in line at bank: I got a twin.
Friend: I think everybody do.
--HSBC, Boreum Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tony Cimino, DMA
Then the Answer Is No.
Jappy girl #1: Ewww, I can't believe I had sex with him Saturday night.
Jappy girl #2: Was it good?
Jappy girl #1: I don't know, it was only for like 20 seconds.
--3rd Ave & 34th St
Which, If I'm Not Mistaken, Makes Us Relatives.
Drunk white woman: Congratulations on making history!
Sober black man: Um...what?
Drunk white woman: Yeah! I voted for Obama too!
--Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julzz
Your Editors Find Themselves Drunk With All the Possiblities
20-something girl to friend: You can't be serious!
Friend: Tasteless clear liquid, I'm telling you what.
20-something girl: Hey, are you in jail? Are you on fire? Then shut the hell up!
--Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Victoria Lynne Blakeman
The Law Retains Some Sexist Vestiges Of Chivalry
Hood teen #1: So they told me if I fight her I'll get arrested.
Hood teen #2: Why? She pregnant?
--L Train
Overheard by: Jamma Mamma
She Prefers Not to Date Outside Of Her Faith
Young bodega rat on corner: Dude, she just told me to go fuck myself!
Bodega rat's friend: That's cause she gangsta--you not!
--Hamilton Heights, 137th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lo Fisch
Um, Isn't That the Tablecloth and Bed Linens Floor?
Fat woman, stopping sales lady: Hold up. Where are all the clothes for fat teenagers?
Sales lady: Uhh...uhh...7th floor.
--Macy's, Herald Square
Well It's Not Like Everybody Loves Him
Ghetto girl #1: Raymond is gay.
Ghetto girl #2: No wonder he kisses like a bitch!
Ghetto girl #1: Maybe he don't like those rough-ass African lips...
--5 Train
Overheard by: wink
Because You Made a Deposit and Lost Interest?
Hipster teen: Are you pissing on that building?
Rich teen with faux fur coat: Welcome to the recession, buddy!
--42nd St
Overheard by: I want a m6
The Forgotten Victims Of the Recession
Man: Cocaine is so expensive these days.
Woman: Exactly. That's why I switched to heroin.
--Bryant Park
Like I Was a Freshman All Over Again
Girl #1: So did you make out?
Girl #2: No, but I threw up in my mouth a little.
--13th & Broadway
Overheard by: I hope you had a mint afterwards
What James Caviezel's Been Up to Lately
Tall long-haired, bearded man getting on bus through rear doors: Jesus on the bus!
(ten minutes later, as he gets off bus) Jesus walking!
--125th St, Harlem
Overheard by: Jonesy
You Get a Little Something Extra with an Ivy League Education
Jock #1: I still want to punt a pigeon one of these days...
Jock #2: Dude! I so got one last week!
--Columbia University
Overheard by: I'd like to see you try
You'll Be Embarrassed When You Realize He's Talking on His New Bluetooth
Hobo to himself: The VA wants $200. (pause) How can I give them $200? (pause) I only get $320. (pause) Maybe I'll bribe them. (pause) No, that won't work--you need money to bribe people.
--Chase ATM, Grammercy
Overheard by: cmk
Headline by: Luminesce
Runners-Up:
· "He'll Be Running a Hedge Fund in No Time" - again
· "I Guess the Facelift Will Have to Wait" - JohnAustin
· "In the End, He'll Use His Sex Appeal" - Daniel
· "It's a Catch-22" - Gary
· "Or Just Vomit on Their Doorstep Until They Cave in" - Fresca P
· "You Could Try to Sell Barack Obama's Senate Seat" - Nick Pollotta
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Sorry, I Didn't Realize-- Here's a Twenty, Sir.
Hobo with cup of change in hand: You have any change?
College kid: Sorry, I don't have any money.
Hobo: Get a fucking job, you bum.
College kid: Fuck you! You first!
Hobo: I'm working right now, asshole.
--Washington Square Park
And, Non-Coincidentally, the Last Time We Were Hired to Babysit
Girl #1: Where should we go, posh?
Girl #2: Posh? When did we go to posh again?
Girl #1: That was the night we left those Irish kids on the park bench.
--LIRR
Overheard by: Daniel
I Draw the Line at Juniper Sachets, Buddy.
Guy to partner: Look! We can put lavender in our drawers!
Partner: I am not putting lavender in my drawers.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: marc v
Wednesday One-Liners Rail Against Fate
Conductor: This is the last train. You have no other options, this is it. Get on this train.
--Metro North Rail
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your feet off the seats on this train. They belong on the floor; that's why it's there. If you can't put your feet on the floor because your luggage is there, don't worry: we took care of that too. Look up. That thing above your head is a luggage rack.
--NJ Transit, Penn Station
Announcement on NJ transit train: If you have young children, please take them...by the hand when leaving the train.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: JerseyJR
Train conductor: This is 18th Street, if this is your stop...get up! Give up that seat!
--1 Train
Overheard by: Chris K... at 11pm
Amtrak conductor: We are experiencing engine problems and need to change trains. But I want you to know that we have lost no altitude.
--Amtrak Train
Conductor, philosophical about delayed train: We don't usually have this type of delay at this time of day. But, well, here we are... (train starts to move) Aha! Here it is!
--A Train
Overheard by: Katie J
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, do you know where you are? (passengers are silent) I do! Hudson, next stop.
--Amtrak Train, Leaving Penn Station
Wednesday Vaginers
Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!
--Broadway & 13th
Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.
--The Village
Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?
--Mercury Lounge, LES
Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!
--McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: ehka
Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.
--Fordham Gym
Whooo! Check Out the Wednesday One-Liners on That One!
6'6" construction worker with another, to Applebee's host: For two, somewhere really romantic.
--Applebee's, 50th St
Construction worker with Staten Island accent: Chick's like a fuckin' black widow, like, she gets you all swollen up and then just leaves you to fuckin' die.
--47th & 6th
Overheard by: need a tissue?
Construction worker to friend: That guy's got a job at fuckin' fudge pack city!
--33rd & 6th
Overheard by: EthanK
Black construction worker to girl on street: Giiiiiirl, you lookin' good. (to orthodox boys) See, it's that easy.
--Near Edward R Murrow High School
Construction worker on scaffolding, yelling to another: Look! It's a bird! No! It's a plane! No! It's my cock!
--Driggs & N 12th, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Rebecca
Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners
Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that...
--Crosstown Bus
Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!
--Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.
--107 & West End
Overheard by: kdub
Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog...
--1 Train
Overheard by: CreateEvity
Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me...that's a Marmaduke?
--3rd Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jeff S.
Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.
--Wall Street
Take Wednesday One-Liners and Call Me in the Morning
Dude on cell: I have meningitis! I have SARS! (several people look at him in concern) That's what you tell them! Just get out of doing it somehow!
--Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Momentarily Panicked
Irate old lady on cell: What are you talking about? She's supposed to be taking the train. (pause) What? The flu? Tell her to shove it up, I'm getting really sick of this. What kind of flu? Does she have diarrhea? A fever? Is she sneezing, coughing?
--W 66th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Woman to husband: Deaf people can't hear.
--MoMA
Whiny preteen: Mom, I have diabetes. I'm not even playing around right now--I have diabetes.
--Marquis Theatre
Overheard by: Just here to see the show...
Girl on phone: I don't think I have rabies...do you think I have rabies?
--Columbia University
Dunkin' Donuts employee, sneezing near donuts, to customer: Don't worry, I work better when I'm sick.
--Dunkin' Donuts
Wednesday-One-Liner Me, Kate
Black lesbian hipster: Don't, like, kiss me or look into my eyes...just fuck me and then buy me lunch.
--Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Helena the Great
Little boy to sister, watching couple kissing and hugging: Ewwwwww! He kissed her!
--3rd Ave & 34th St
Overheard by: Valley
Guy on cell: So then if she has herpes, should I not kiss her?
--PATH Train
Woman to toddler: Yes, it's good. It's very good. Kissing and hugging are good.
--Eldridge St, Chinatown
Overheard by: wheelerface
Dad, to teenage son: Hey, Karen kissed me. And it was real.
--E 20th St
Overheard by: Angela
250-pound male Metro worker, singing gruffly: I kissed a girl and I liked it!
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Chis K
Wednesday One-Liners Up the Wazoo
Guy on cell: Wow! That's a lot of cookies. If I had that many cookies, I'd put a couple of them in my ass. (pause). It doesn't matter, I've got the space. I can't eat that many cookies.
--23rd & Lexington
Teen girl to teen boy: Unless you want a 9 millimeter stuck up your asshole.
--Grand Central Terminal
Girl on cell: Well, it's still rectal.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something girl to 20-something guy, quite loudly: Yeah, but putting a metal spike up his ass wasn't exactly what I had in mind!
--28th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Jar Aaron
20-something woman: Baby, I think we're going to keep the Thanksgiving dinner out of my asshole.
--Herkimer St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: M. Fresh
Wednesday: Soft As a Baby's One-Liner
Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months!
--E 9th St & University Place
Overheard by: NYUTSOA2012
Tween to grandmother: There's this girl in my class at school who had a baby around Halloween, and she named it Starlight. It's a baby girl.
--F Train
Overheard by: office peon
Hysterical teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his baby!
--Gee Whiz, Tribeca
Train conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors! Especially if you got a baby and a baby carriage!
--Uptown 2 Train
Attractive brunette: There were dead babies in the tree. Like Christmas ornaments.
--96th & Broadway
What's Wednesday One-Liner Got to Do with Tit?
Heavy woman lugging suitcase to friends ahead of her: Wait! My breasts are falling out of my bra! I need help!
--Union Square
Overheard by: kpan
Girl walking through hall: So are your tits getting bigger?
--Fordham Lincoln Center Dorms
Overheard by: Growing pains
Girl on phone: Take my ass and add your boobs and it's like a wet dream in this neighborhood.
--Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: Julie
Guy smoking outside Starbucks: Well, we didn't have sex, but I did see her tits...in my head
--36th & 7th
Overheard by: Top Chef
English teacher: We're like cows, milking the intellectual tits of our minds.
--LaGuardia High School
One Pill Makes You Wednesday and One Pill Makes You One-Liners
Young hipster to friend: Remember when we sat there, I was high on Vicodin and we saw that guy take a shit in the fountain?
--Union Square Greenmarket
Rich woman yelling on phone: I don't care about your stupid laws or ethics or whatever. (pause) No, I pay you too much money not to get the goddamn drugs I want. (pause) Just write the fucking prescriptions and send them! What the fuck kind of drug dealing doctor are you?
--Metro North Train
Loud lady on cell on escalator: I'm on all these medications you're not supposed to be on when you're pregnant!
--Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Visiting Kiran
Jock: Nothing's as bad as being allergic to Viagra, man!
--NYU Bus
Lady of indeterminate age: A craving is just a thought on steroids.
--26th st & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lucky Gunther
Obese woman to male friend: I need to get some Viagra from my dad.
--17th St & 8th Ave
Lifestyles Of the Wednesday One-Liners
Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?
--ACORN High School for Social Justice
Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.
--Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade
Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!
--Bryant Park
Overheard by: Margot
Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!
--St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Janelle
Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude...fuck Dakota Fanning!
--Palace Theatre
Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!
--E 17th St
Overheard by: the Big R
Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it...New York, New York!
--47th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Brother, Can You Spare a Wednesday One-Liner?
Girl on cell, pacing outside of restaurant: What happened to you? It was so good to run into you, but you look like a homeless person!
--St. Mark's Place b/w Ave A & 1st Ave
Guy to young girl: I think the homeless guy on my block has real self-esteem issues.
--Astor Place
Manager to hobo: Jesus Christ, don't let me catch you here again! The Radisson is right around the corner!
--McDonald's
Power walking suit on phone: I know, I've never actually seen a female hobo before.
--Grand Central
Suit on cell: So like, she was homeless, right? But she look gooood!
--6th & 19th
Overheard by: Sanam Skelly
Woman at red table with water jug: Help the homeless! C'mon! They don't like dat shit!
--Times Square
Overheard by: Cracka Jack
And I Told You Not to Wear All Brown
Little kid to passerby: Poop! Bye bye, poopie!
Obnoxious girl, stopping in middle of street and glaring at kid: Did she just call me a poop? What the hell!
Girl's friend: "Poopie," not poop.
--Little Italy
Sleep Comes Easy Once Your Conscience Dies
Bragging lawyer: That's what Americans think about Africa. That it's all animals and shit.
(later) I could sleep like a baby in Vietnam! Easy.
--Starbucks, 14th St
Overheard by: Elizabel
Recession What?
Two-year-old boy: Do you want to see my BlackBerry?
Babysitter: You have a BlackBerry?
Two-year-old boy: Yeah! I have a BlackBerry!
--Lincoln Center
What? I'm British.
High school brunette: Hey, how do you spell "who"?
High school blond: Are you retarded?
High school brunette: Just tell me!
High school blond: Wow, I can't believe I have to do this: h-o-u.
--75th & Park
Overheard by: Greg U.
But That's on Purpose.
Old lady being pushed into the train: Young man, you are crushing my package.
Young man: Lady, you're crushing my package, too.
--1 Train
...But You're Probably Right About the Shower.
Passenger to woman stumbling on crowded train and talking to herself: Shut up and take a shower you crackhead!
Drug-addled woman: I'm not a crackhead, I'm a dope-fiend!
--A Train
Overheard by: david
When We Took Your Wallet and Divided It Up Amongst Us, for Instance.
Drunk guy in full New Year regalia: Well, I'm from fuckin' Pennsylvania and I never seen anything like this! This shit is fantastic! Woo!
Irritated sober woman: Really? No one on this train had any idea you weren't from New York!
--Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Isn't That a Lil' Kim Song?
Overweight black woman #1: She's just lying on the beach now, sippin' Bahama Mamas or some shit.
Overweight black woman #2: Shoot, girl. That's the life.
Overweight black woman #1: Ah, hell no. Fuck Bahama Mamas. I need me a penis, alotta.
--St. Mark's Place & 1st
Overheard by: Danny
We Invented Jesus
Young, religious guy: Hey! Do you know Jesus?
Older guy: Of course, I'm Catholic!
--Times Square
Overheard by: Lily F.
Remember That Time You Quoted Byron While We Were Drinking Those Giant Margaritas?
Girl #1: ...like that time we saw Zack and Miri make a porno.
Girl #2: That was pretty deep.
Girl #1: But not as deep as Cancun.
Girl #2: True, true.
--Times Square
You'd Better Not Be Writing Your Novel in There!
Man outside stall to presumed child: Okay champ, have you done your business in there?
Very deep voice from stall: Still working on it, thanks!
--Men's Room, Grand Central Station
We Have Either the Bible, Marie Claire, or a Book Of Crossword Puzzles
Sales associate #1, assisting a customer: Are there any good thrillers in paperback?
Sales associate #2: No.
--Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: Jake E
I'll Give You Pickles 'Til It Hurts!
Raucous blond toddler, shouting: I want pickles!
Harried young mother, shouting back even louder: We have pickles at home! I will give you pickles!
--Broadway & Bleecker
Wednesday Is Gin Day.
Drunk hobo, eyeing designer bottled water: Hey lady, is that all vodka?
UES lady, without missing a beat: Not this morning.
--4 Train
Overheard by: austin
But First We Should Get High
Girl to gay guy: If you were a bird, you would totally be one that wore a tuxedo every day.
Gay guy: Lets go to the Bronx Zoo.
--45th & Lexington
Overheard by: CBro
Or, As I Like to Call It, a "Circle Of Joy"...Why Are You Laughing?
Student #1, commenting on hole in graph: Is it a black hole?
Student #2, sarcastically: No, a red hole.
Teacher, writing on brown blackboard: It's a brown hole.
(class bursts into laughter)
--Math Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Starbucks Needs a Numbered Menu-- Just Sayin'
Customer: I'll have a skim cafe au lait.
Barista: We call it a "cafe misto" here.
Cashier: Yeah, I think "cafe au lait" is Italian.
--Starbucks
Tila Tequila Got Her Stage Name Early in Life
Young boy, about stumbling kid: What's wrong with her? What should we do?
Confident nine-year-old girl: It's okay, she just had too much tequila.
--Fordham University
Overheard by: Stunned
Your Boyfriend Lives in Queens and You Own.
Drunk black girl #1, hearing Hispanic dance song: I live in the Bronx. I hear this shit every day.
Drunk black girl #2: You live in Brooklyn.
Drunk black girl #1: My boyfriend lives in the Bronx and my rent is due.
--New Year's Eve Party, Spanish Harlem
Overheard by: Patrick
You'll Never Go Hungry in New York, Sweetie
Mother, after listening to child talking nonstop: You are so bizarre.
Six-year-old boy, seriously: I eat bugs.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Good to Know
Dear Dan Savage...
Teen #1: That's nasty, dude, she had strep throat last week. If you made out with her, you're totally gonna get strep throat.
Teen #2: Oh, fuck...can somebody get strep dick?
--N Train
Overheard by: -bill
A Similar Situation Occurred When Bush Left the White House
Woman, in line for bathroom: Is there actually anyone in the bathroom?
Man in front of her: Yeah.
Woman: Did someone die in there?
Man: I think the next person might.
--Starbucks, 2nd Ave & 9th St
Overheard by: the dead guy's girlfriend
Headline by: Nick Pollotta
Runners-Up:
· "Am I the Only One Fighting the Urge to Make a "Crappuccino" Joke Right Now?" - lauren beth
· "I've Heard a Lot Of Screaming From Inside" - KMW
· "Let's Use the Bathroom Of the Starbuck's Next Door" - Coyoty
· "M. Night Shyamalan Finally Hits Rock Bottom" - Nick Pollotta
· "Starbucks' Experiment With a Grande Broccoli and Bean Chai Latte Ended Then and There" - Chris
· "Stephen King Is Running Out Of Material" - JohnAustin
· "The Birth Of the "Ladies First" Concept" - Morning Glory
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
'Ow! Ow! Ow!' Means 'Thanks'?
Gangsta: Yo, you didn't even thank me when I was putting it in your ass!
Girl, indignant: I did thank you!
--Wagner College
Giuliani Has Become Surprisingly More Compassionate Since Leaving Office
Man going into deli: Don't you have a sweater?
Hobo: Yeah, I got one.
Man: Well, put it on--you will catch cold.
Hobo: I'll put it on later.
Man: Put it on now, you cannot afford to catch cold in your line of business.
--181st & Fort Washington
New York Invented Social Darwinism
Girl #1: We can't cross now! There are cars coming!
Girl #2, beginning to walk into street: Well, they can't hit all of us.
--Lexington & 3rd
Overheard by: Following the leader
That Daniel Radcliffe Play Has Made Us All Smarter
Guy #1, discussing Plaxico Burress: Who the hell would name their kid "Plaxico"? Sounds like the name of an equine.
Guy #2: A what?
Guy #1: A horse, nigga.
Guy #2: Sheeeit!
--Whitehall & Water
Overheard by: PJ P.
I'm Always Like, "Should I Walk Straight, or in Circles? I Forget!"
Blonde European: I get lost between the avenues.
Brunette European: Me too!
--16th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Jenny and LaLa
My First Day at the Academy, Just Like Everyone Else
NYC cop #1: You ever seen Bobby's World?
NYC cop #2: Yeah!
--The Pond, Manhattan
Overheard by: Oscar
That's Why We're Here
Student, reading incorrectly from The Scarlet Letter: "Gorgeous luxuriance of fantasy..."
English teacher: "Fancy."
Student: "Fancy." I can't read.
English teacher: I know.
--English Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Lipstick Rings Around the Toilet Bowl Are Never a Good Sign
Young daughter to mother flushing toilet: Mommy! It says "do not flush."
Mother: No, honey, it says "do not flush feminine products."
Young daughter: What are "feminine products"?
Mother (after pause): Lipstick.
--Macy's Bathroom, W 34th St
Overheard by: Brin
Sorry Babe, I'm Keeping the "X" in "Xmas"
Man whore on cell: So for Christmas, I'm going to that strip club I met Susan at...just to do something special, ya know.
Religious woman: Because nothing says "I love my savior" like topless sluts and lap dances.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Jasper
Wow. Deep.
Daughter: Is that our bus?
Mother: No, that's a tourist bus, we're waiting for the city bus.
Daughter: Hey! Is that the Empire State Building? It's really tall!
Mother: It's not that tall.
Daughter: I never saw it before.
Mother: You never looked up.
--34th St & 7th Ave
Do You Want Fat Feet?
Preppy girl #1, in orgasmic voice: Candy-covered chocolate uggs!
Preppy girl #2: Shut up, Tiffany!
--M79 Bus
Overheard by: Fresca P.
They Never Did Continue.
Biology teacher: So guys, we're going to go over the stuff I didn't get to yesterday.
Student: Mr. Jones*, you're too good of a teacher to have missed anything. There's nothing left to cover.
Biology teacher: We'll continue as soon as Thomas* takes his lips off my butt.
--Stuyvesant High School
What Did I Tell You About Maryland Girls?
Sanitation worker #1: Man, I can't believe she broke it off after all I did for her.
Sanitation worker #2: Seriously! Them women are so ungrateful.
Sanitation worker #1: I put so much into that relationship, and bought her all this shit, and all I'm left with is crabs.
--Houston & Greene
Overheard by: office peon
Can I Feed Them Something Sharp?
Mom: You have to start feeding your birds, honey.
Little girl: I don't want to.
Mom: It's called "responsibility", you need...
Little girl, interrupting: I don't like birds!
--27th St
Maybe I'll Just Get a Dick
20-something girl #1: I need to go on a diet.
20-something girl #2: Why? You look fine.
20-something girl #1: Because that tranny over there has a dick and looks better in a dress than I do.
--Manhattan Ave & 110th St
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