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That Would Be the Obvious Answer, Yeah.
Girlfriend to boyfriend, while eating ice cream: You know what I love?
Boyfriend to girlfriend: To lick my balls?
--Jay St & Lawrence St
Overheard by: blushing beauty
A Gospel Song That's Unlikely to Replace "Gather by the River"
Guy: Please give me a quickie...maybe in the bathroom?
Girl: You just bought me coffee...let me finish it first.
Guy: The coffee can't wait?
Girl: It's a hell of a lot better than a quickie in the bathroom.
--Mimi's Cafe, Church & Chambers
I Heart NY. Now More Than Ever.
Young woman: Do you need help crossing the street?
Elderly woman: No. It's fucking red.
--96th & Broadway
Overheard by: Meghan
Frankly, I Don't Give a Dam.
Girl drafting floor plan: I've decided I'm going to open a funeral parlor that's sleek, modern and sophisticated. Someplace that doesn't look like your grandma just died there.
Female British classmate: That's awesome. My big idea is to start a protection service for lesbians.
Girl drafting floor plan: Like, security?
Female British classmate: No. Like, safe sex?
--Interior Design Class, FIT
Cindy Has a Lot to Learn About Storytelling
Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, Ryan and I made out two weeks ago.
Drunk friend: Really, oh my god! When?
Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, I told you this! It was before we slept together.
--50th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: i certainly hope so..
That's What You Said About the Personified M&Ms on TV!
Jersey man, describing doughnuts to his daughter: And this one has so much chocolate...so much chocolate it will turn your skin brown!
Brown-skinned employee: Um, that's not true.
Jersey man: Look at this guy! He used to be Swedish!
--The Doughnut Plant
Don't Forget to Wipe Your Blow-Hole
Mother: Honey, are you done going potty?
Three-year-old daughter: Meeeeahh oooh gruuuu.
Mother: Are you speaking whale again?
--Bathroom, Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Overheard by: mmk
Of New Literary Markets?
Worker #1, gesturing: Where'd they go?
Worker #2: He's showing her the new Jeff Koons book.
Worker #1: Oh, I didn't know they were into Jeff Koons.
Worker #2: Oh, I'm not sure they are. But I saw the book. There's, like, mad penetration in there.
--The Met
On the Other Hand, So Does Gene Simmons.
Girl to another: So now, tell me, how does it feel to be a part of the inferior sex?
Guy: Wait, so you're admitting that women are inferior?
Girl: I have to wake up every morning and put on make-up!
--Washington Square Park
What the Hell Kind Of Weed Are You Getting for $10?
Black woman security guard: My coworker smoked half a cigarette and tossed it, but before it hit the ground some guy grabbed it and started smoking it.
Black guy: That shit nasty!
Black woman security guard: Sheeeit, cigarettes are $10 a pack!! That's a bag of weed, yo!
--Au Bon Pain, 35th &7th
Overheard by: Darkua
...If You Wouldn't Mind Fluffing and Folding Them.
Airport customs officer: Are you bringing in any fruits or vegetables or anything that needs to be washed?
Non-sarcastic tourist: I have dirty clothes.
--JFK
Overheard by: MJMJ
Then Shouldn't You Be Wearing Your Glasses, Sweetie?
Grandmother, in french: What are you doing?
Three-year-old boy with spear-shaped stick: Shhh...I'm hunting children.
--Picnic House, Prospect Park
Overheard by: Incest King
The Locals Had Captured Her and Were Selling Her Organs at Auction
Girl #1, running to train: Hold the doors!
Girl #2: I'm coming!
Girl #1, getting to train: Whew! I got it! Hurry up!
Girl #2: Hold the doors! (gets to train) We got it!
Girl #1: Yeah, I didn't think we'd make it.
Girl #2: Where's Leslie?
(doors close)
--1 Train
Overheard by: EthanK
Don't Act Like You Don't Know What I Mean-- I've Seen Your Apartment
Russian woman w/heavy accent: So you know it was arranged--like arranged marriage--and I marry him for dowry.
Friend, in disbelief: My goodness! For what? Like cows?
Russian woman: What cows? We live in the city! For money, I marry him for money.
--23rd St & Park Ave
Overheard by:
South Pacific Was Written Back Before Anybody Was Gay
Little boy to random man: I'm going to go see South Pacific with my daddy.
Random man: That's something you don't say in public!
--Times Square
Portrait Of a Boy Who's Never Been Allowed to Watch
High school boy #1: Man, those lesbians are everywhere!
High school boy #2: Yeah!
High school boy #1: Yeah, man! I used to think that shit was cool, but then I was like, "Shit! I ain't gettin' any of that!"
High school boy #2: Yeah!
--Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: klo
Why You Never See Eyeore with a Girlfriend
Lady holding tickets, smiling: I can't wait, honey.
Grumpy man: Why the hell are we here, again?
--In Line for Theater, 45th St & Broadway
Just Our Kind Of People!
Greenpeace guy with binder to woman: Good morning m'am! How are you today?
Woman: I am blazed!
--14th St & Broadway
Beer Is the Viscious Grease That Oils New York City
Drunk guy walking into a stop sign, enthusiastically: I'm still drunk!
Suit: Solid.
--Midtown
Overheard by: El conquistador
And Now All Of Humanity Must Pay
Nanny to four-year-old: Please stop screaming, you are going to give me a headache!
(pause)
Four-year-old: I had a headache once!
--Upper West Side Elevator
The Fun One
Little girl reading bar sign: Mom, what's a Stumble Inn?
Mom: It's a restaurant.
Little girl: Is it like Stumbelina?
Dad: Yeah, Thumbelina's drunk sister.
--2nd Ave & 76th St
Like, Do You Get a Badge for It?
Chick: I mean, we could discuss the merits of jacking off over the toilet.
Dude: There are merits?
--Vol de Nuit, W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: ultracondensed movies
Howard Has Yet to Discover Internet Porn
Photographer: Where are you from?
Tourist: Holland.
Photographer: Oh...so you are used to seeing boobs. But here...it's a big deal.
--Bryant Park
Overheard by: dirty mike
He Ended Up Buying Dinner with It.
Hobo: Hey! Spare some change for an old hippie to buy some pot!
Old lady, dropping in some change: At least someone is honest these days...
--Cental Park
Overheard by: JRay
That's Crazy Talk!
Drunk guy to hot girl: We should get some Viagra, so we can still have sex even though I've been drinking.
Hot girl to drunk guy: How about you just don't get drunk every night.
--Spring Loung, SohO
The Rocky Horror Mother Goose Ruined My Whole Generation
Girl: I had a wonderful childhood. (looks at photos of a child)
Boy: Yeah? I fuckin' had to listen to Tim Curry narrating nursery rhymes... That's terrifying.
--Pier 92
I've Taken Giggling and Flirting About As Far As They'll Go
Pretty orthodox Jewish girl #1: Man, if I wasn't religious, I would be such a slut.
Pretty orthodox Jewish girl #2: I hear ya.
--Kings County Hospital
Overheard by: awesome sauce
Like, Have You Tried Putting a Bag Over His Head?
Salesgirl #1: Why are you going to an ugly boy's party?
Salesgirl #2: Because I'm cool with his friends.
Salesgirl #1: Doesn't he know he's ugly?
--Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Mike Myers, Is That You?
Hobo: Hey! Is that a cell phone?
Lady with thick NY accent: Yes, it is, sir.
Hobo: We're going to be eating them next week.
Lady, without missing a beat: Yeah, they taste great with butter.
--East Village
Overheard by: Joshua
I Wondered Where They Came from
Girl #1: Why don't they just sell the rest of the land then?
Girl #2: I told you they're just using it all for douchebag farming!
--2 Train
Poor Sally
Girl #1: Yeah, her mom looks weird.
Girl #2: Yeah, she looks like a troll driving.
Girl #1: Well, she looks like a troll all the time.
Girl #2: Sure, but what's more awkward...a troll or a troll driving?
--86th St & Ridge Blvd
Do You Know Where Your Ovaries Are?
NYU girl: There's some chick in my building dressed as a giant package of birth control.
Friend: It must be Wednesday.
--University & Waverly
It's Recycled Fabric, Motherfucker!
Hobo to bunch of hipster teenagers in line for a show: Is this the line for a shelter?
Teenagers: No.
Mini hipster girl, after he goes away: Oh, hell no. Did he just think I was homeless? I'm wearing fucking American Apparel.
--Bowery & Delancy
Little Did He Know Her Credit Came With Zero Interest
Hispanic guy, noting hot chick passerby: Hey, baby.
Hot chick: (rolls eyes)
Hispanic guy: (takes off shirt and puts it on the ground for her to walk over)
Hot chick, stopping: I'll give you some credit for that one...but fuck off. (continues walking)
--50th & 9th
Overheard by: passerby
Headline by: ddv
Runners-Up:
· "A Dramatization Of Citibank's Credit Protocol" - NoCredit
· "But...I Would Have Taken You to 4th Meal!" - Maddy
· "How Many Credits Do I Need to Save Up For a Blowjob?" - mark
· "It Was a Bad Day To Forget That He Was Wearing a Sports Bra" - Nick Pollotta
· "Matthew McConaughey Finally Gets Some Cred...." - RaindanceRichard
· "Next Time He Won't Give a Shirt" - Sim Etrias
· "Raleigh Gets the Old "Fuck Ye" From Elizabeth Yet Again" - Laureen
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I Rock!
Mom: First it will be spring, then summer, then time for you to go to kindergarten.
Four-year-old boy: Will there be nice kids there?
Mom: Are there nice kids at your day care now?
Four-year-old boy: Yeees...
Mom: You're the only bad kid at day care.
Four-year-old boy: I knooow!
--Uptown D Train
The Angel Of Death Had Difficulty Sustaining Friendships
Suit #1: So I said to them "happy anniversary, here's your cemetery plot."
Suit #2 (astonished): What? You really bought them cemetery plots for their anniversary?
Suit #1: Yeah. I knew he was gonna drop soon, so I bought them.
Suit #2: Well, I guess it's the gift that keeps on giving.
--Grand Central
Overheard by: LF
You Can't Spell "Intoxication" Without "Toxic"
Guy to girl sipping drink: Can I try some? (takes a sip) That tastes like the stuff I used to get lice out of my hair!
Girl, taking another sip: Yeah, it totally does!
Another girl at table: Gimme some!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Another Andy Samberg Fan
Wednesday One-Liners: Because You're Worth It.
Girl: I can't decide if I should wear my hair up or down. (friend nods) I mean, you know when you have to make, like...decisions?
--Bathroom, Columbia University
Very white middle-school boy, yelling to friends: He say yo' momma got a cheap-ass weave!
--87th & Lexington
Girl with huge curly hair: You see I, ugh...randomly wake up reaching up to feel, and see if my hair is still there. Then my subconscious is like "wait! Am I breathing?" Oh yes. I'm breathing!
--Chat N Chew Restaurant
Young teen guy to girlfriend: You see, I got hairline issues. You know, 'cuz when you get older, your hair follicles increase and your hair is less. I'm not used to my hair. It used to be here (points to his forehead), but now it's here. (points to the same place on his forehead) I got hairline issues.
--4 Ttrain
Overheard by: Megz
Nanny, adjusting ward's ponytail: If I fall, I'm taking your hair with me.
--5 Train
Our Site Wouldn't Be the Same Without the Wednesday One-Liners
Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole!
--Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side
Overheard by: globalvillageidiot
Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass?
--72nd St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Rei
Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous!
--13th St & University
Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them!
--1 Train
Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back!
--52nd & 6th
Overheard by: Get me out of Finance
Wednesday One-Liners Kinda Miss Bush's Speeches
President: Are they de-seminating the office?...I mean decimating?
--40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest... (pause) "fastest." Is that a word?
--42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that's what the beasting is for!
--Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
--Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
--TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as...like...whatever, like.
--School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that's English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait...no, I mean, "violated."
--Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
Wednesday One-Liners Will Be Married to Supermodels One Day
Nerdy tourist boy looking at display: My depth perception is yelling at me...
--Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: jules
Pizza guy on cell: Have a good 4th... What? No, I said to have a good 4th, not "may the force be with you." (pause) Have a good 4th. (pause) Yeah, have a good 4th, and may the force be with you. Uh- huh. Good night.
--Dekalb & Hall St, Brooklyn
Indian nerd to friends, in the midst of heated debate: Dude, vitamins are fucking weak!
--Grand Central Subway Platform
Overheard by: djprojexion
Geek on cell, in line at Comic Con: Dude, I'm at the con... It's like, ten times more awesome...than anything awesome!
--NYC Comic Con
Overheard by: RedmanInc
Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you'd get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that.
--Fordham Law School
Wednesday's the Most Sensitive Part Of Your One-Liner
Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!
--Blake St
Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.
--Central Park
20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive...
--Grand & Eldridge
Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)
--41st & 8th
Overheard by: S&B at STJ
The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners
Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you.
--AMC Movie Theater
Overheard by: Emmy
Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service!
--14D Bus
Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard.
--Shuttle to Times Square
Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush!
--1 Train
Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom!
--University & 12th St
Wednesday One-Liners Don't Call It a "Job" for Nothin'
Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!
--2nd Ave & 5th St
Overheard by: Christian
Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.
--West 72nd Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Will
Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Wait, What?
30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.
--Central Park
Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.
--87th & 3rd
Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?
--Times Square
A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners
Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day...I pooped. (giggles)
--Q Ttrain
Overheard by: Robert G.
Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?
--Fordham University
Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.
--3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: SophieMed
Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.
--Sunshine Suites
Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?
--Castle Clinton
Overheard by: B Fraz
20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!
--Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: I prefer to flush
Wednesday Om-Liners
Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.
--Barnes & Noble
Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.
--9th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Smoking Student
Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.
--Midtown
Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.
--C Train
Overheard by: evan
White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.
--Chinatown
Overheard by: Aileen
Wednesdays Are Profoundly One-Linered
Yankees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yankees stadium I'll be like a retard at a Chuck E. Cheese.
--Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Danial
Police officer in van, on loudspeaker: Move to the right! (people in cars ignore the order) Retards! You heard me! Move to the right!
--27th St & 10th Ave
Crazy guy, ranting: You can't have sex with people who aren't retarded because they charge too damn much!
--V Train
Overheard by: Ryan P.
Guy to girl: I never said that I wasn't retarded. Technically, I'm not a hypocrite.
--L Train
Overheard by: Julia
Heavily made-up girl: Do you think retarded people are, like, conceptually aware that they're retarded?
--6 Train
Overheard by: You tell me
Girl: The idea of a retarded Jack Russell Terrier is completely foreign to me, because as I recall, Wishbone was exceptionally well-read.
--Columbia University
Wednesday One-Liners Are So Nouveau Riche
Female shopper to Bloomingdale's cologne sprayer: Don't you dare spray your $30 over my $150.
--Perfume Aisle, Bloomingdale's
Old lady on cell: I mean, it's just five million...
--Madison & 77th St
Very rich mom to new nanny, about baby in stroller: Okay, well, she loves sushi, and...
--Upper East Side
Rich teen: I asked my mom to go to Louis Vuitton with me this weekend and she was like, "we're in a recession, let's go to Dolce."
--42nd St
Overheard by: I want a m6
Label-whore eating grapes and cheese, to friend: Oh my god, I feel so rich when I eat this stuff... Oh, wait, I am.
--Paul's Cafe
Wednesday One-Liners Are Fully Prepared to Dial 911
Female black security guard to male black security guard: So you got two kids that you know of...
--MoMa
Security agent: You are now entering the metal detector area, so those of you with wooden cell phones should feel free to keep those in your pockets.
--JFK
Overheard by: Jason
Security guard to teens blocking entrance: Hmm, just what I need at 9 am, a motherfucking school group.
--Paley's Museum of Radio and Television
Overheard by: scarface
Security guard on cell: Why isn't your hand on your butt?
--Duane Reade
Overheard by: Lord Almighty
Library security guard: Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true.
--St. John's University
When Woodsy Owl Drinks
Little boy in bathroom stall: Knock knock.
Mom in bathroom stall: Who's there?
Little boy in bathroom stall: I pooped in my pants!
--Ellen's Stardust Diner, Times Square
Nothing Personal
Hobo, standing too close: Don't worry, pretty girl, you ain't got nothing to be scared of. I won't hurt you.
Pretty girl: Oh, I'm not. (smiles) But you should be terrified, 'cause I'll fuck you up.
--14th St
Overheard by: Lucy Lurks
They're Like the Ocean-- the Pressure's Strongest on the Bottom
Girl: It's so good to see you! I'm so glad you're coming to the party!
Guy #1: Me too! I'm excited.
Girl: But we should warn you--there's a very good chance this could turn into an orgy.
Guy #2: Not to put any pressure on you.
Guy #1: I mean, that's awesome. I've never been to an orgy before.
--NJ Transit
Overheard by: Flustered Commuter
And a Little Hobo Shall Lead Them
Girl wearing boots, leggings and long sweater to friend: It's so cold!
Hobo: Go put some pants on!
--La Salle & Broadway
Kindly Tell Me More.
Girl: The woman hasn't had a date in...ten years!
Guy: She's a lesbian?
Girl: No. I wish she was a lesbian...then she'd be easier to deal with. Actually, last night I dreamed she was a lesbian.
--Q Train
Overheard by: Jenny
Think I Can Put That on My Acting Resume?
Gay man: You know how when the cops come to arrest some guy in the middle of the night, there's always some screaming woman in bed with him?
Girl: Yeah?
Gay man: I was that woman!
--Butler Library, Columbia University
We Still Blame Sarah Silverman for Our Uncharitable Thoughts
Cashier #1: Me and my ex-boyfriend are on common ground.
Cashier #2: What does that mean?
Cashier #1: We both know it will never work out between us.
Cashier #2: Didn't he say he wanted to knock you up again or something?
Cashier #1: Yes.
--Grocery Store, Chelsea
Overheard by: Torch
Meet the Luckiest Guy in New York
Guy: You still owe me money for that blowjob.
Girl: No, you owe me money for that blowjob.
Guy: No, remember? You said you were so desperate to blow someone that you'd pay for it, and so I said you could blow me.
Girl: Oh, yeah.
--Williamsburg
When You Unwittingly Help a Tourist, We All Lose Out
Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.
--Houston Street
Are Ducks As Juicy As Everyone Says?
Large black woman showing pictures on her phone: Now tell me if that ain't Daffy duck gettin' hisself a blowjob!
Young hipster #1: It definitely is!
Large black woman: Now what do y'all think this is?
Young hipster #2: I can't really tell...
Large black woman: It's a dick!
--73rd St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Tim Jones
If We're Not, We're Going to Be After This.
Girl #1: What's your name?
Girl #2: Dana.
Girl #1: Okay. Wait, are we friends?
Girl #2: Yeah! On Facebook!
--1 Train
When Katie Lost Her Slip-n-Slide Virginity, She Wanted to Shout It from the Rooftops
Teen girl: And then...
Teen guy: Yeah, I know, it gets all slippery.
Teen girl: No! Let me tell you the *details*!
--Brooklyn
He's Writing an Angry Letter to Our Congressman As We Speak
Girl #1: So how was the movie date with Adam?
Girl #2: Good! We saw Watchmen. I really liked it!
Girl #1: Did he like it?
Girl #2: Yeah, but he was upset about the nudity. The cock-to-tits ratio was not in his favor.
--58th & 8th
If Shroomers Wrote Soap Operas
Standing dude: Yo, why are you staring at me?
Seated girl: Oh. Never mind. From the side, you looked like this dude I went to boarding school with. But you're not. I think he's on mushrooms.
Standing dude: I was on shrooms yesterday...
Seated girl: Scott?
Standing dude: Julia?
Seated girl: Shit!
--L Train
And It Turned Out I Just Wasn't Used to a Boyfriend That Pale?
Fat black girlfriend: Remember when I used to get high and see dead people in my house?
Nerdy white boyfriend: What?
--7th Ave & 1st St
Or at Least Lick It Experimentally
Group of boys: Ewww!
Boy: Let me eat it!
--LIRR
Overheard by: doesn't want to know what was eaten
Candy's Still Coming Out-- See?
Chick: So, when I was getting dressed, I didn't notice there was still blood on these tights.
Friend: How...?
Chick: From that pinata!
--Outside UCB theater
And Their Hit Song "Wash with Like Colors"
Jappy tween talking to girl with BCBG shirt: Oh my god, that shirt is so cool!
Jappy tween with BCBG shirt: I know, I love that band!
--Union Square
Overheard by: ticked off AC/DC fan
Two Valid Responses to the Place Where Ross and Rachel Did It
Artsy girlfriend: Ooh, I smell art!
Artsy boyfriend: I see boobs.
(they giggle and kiss gleefully)
--Natural History Museum
Live the Stereotype.
Gay man: Oh my god, look!
Gayer man: What? That dead baby or those shoes?
Gay man: Yeah, the shoes.
--48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Shane
Equus Would Make a Great Musical, Though
Man, looking at stage: Why are there shrimp hanging on the wall?
Girlfriend: Those aren't shrimp, they're horses' heads! This isn't a musical!
--Equus
Overheard by: Hope
Every Time One of Us Gets a Homosexual Urge, We Take a Shot
Frat guy: Do you guys rent out this place on Monday nights? Me and my buddies want to come back here.
Chinese woman behind bar: Yes. You want to watch football?
Frat guy: No! Gossip Girl!
--Karaoke Bar, Chinatown
Headline by: JakeP.
Runners-Up:
· "And Then We Will Paint Our Nails and Determine Who's a Blaire and Who's a Sabrina!" - Doesn't watch Gossip Girl!
· "BTW, Do You Know How to Make a Cosmo?" - mark
· "Make the Reservation Under Kappa Feather Boa" - PeterG
· "She No Work on Mondays, but Little Lotus Come, You Like?" - Sim Etrias
· "Then It's Off to Get Our Eyebrows Waxed!" - Sandy Paws
· "We Can't Masturbate to Football Now That John Madden Retired" - Captain Sensible
· "You Can't Watch Football on Mani/Pedi Night!" - tatts
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I've Been Looking Everywhere for That.
Girl #1, holding something small and brown: I think I found mouse poop.
Girl #2: Please tell me it smells like a brownie.
--Columbia University
Watch What I Can Do With My Face!
Three-year-old in stroller: Have you ever seen a pussy?
Nanny: No.
--76th St & Amsterdam
Pilot: Let's Get This Garbage Bag Full Of Smushed Assholes in the Air
Girl: Ugh, I feel worse then a garbage bag full of smashed assholes.
Guy: Um, what?
Girl: It's a common saying!
--JetBlue Terminal, JFK
Overheard by: I'm with the guy on this one
With Benefits
Girl #1: You know that guy she is with? He's not homeless, but he just got off the homeless track, you know?
Girl #2: Yeah, she's like his little helper.
--Metro North Rail
I Don't Know How They Can Walk Around With Those Things
Gay #1: Women love to say that word.
Gay #2: They totally do.
Gay #1: Va-jay-jay.
--Ave B & 10th St
Overheard by: Courtney
Puta.
Hispanic mother: Do you want to take the classes in English or Spanish, sweetie?
Little girl: English!
Mother, disappointed: Oh. Well, I want you to take them in Spanish.
--Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Fresca P.
What Happens When You Watch Too Much Jeopardy
Girl #1: Have you ever been to Flushing?
Girl #2: What's the point of this question?
Girl #1: It's not even a question, I'm just asking you!
--LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: vieve
But I Need the Money for Drugs!
Subway hipster #1: I'm totally straight edge now.
Subway hipster #2: Dude, you have sex for money, that is not straight edge.
--5 Train
Overheard by: isonomist
Is It Worse If They're Girls, or If They're Boys? Discuss.
Wannabe hipster #1: Oh my god, I feel, like, soooo sexy. And he thinks so too. I haven't showered in like, two days.
Wannabe hipster #2: Oh my god, like, that's sooooo sexy.
Wannabe hipster #1: I am sooooo sexy...
--57th & 10th
And Why Are You All Whispering?
Conductor: Hoboken train. Hoboken, Hoboken, Hoboken.
Man with earbuds, yelling to passengers: Is this the Hoboken train?
--PATH Station
Lemme Guess-- You Take the Subway at Rush Hour?
Normal-looking guy #1: And this is why I need a suit of armor.
Normal-looking guy #2: I know man, me too.
--76th & 2nd
I Can't Do It 'til Good Friday, Though
Large bald man: The first time I was flogged by my master, it was revelatory.
Man in sunglasses: Great. Well, I'd like to get you up on a cross, get you really straining.
--19th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sam
No More Johnny Depp Movies for You, Missy.
Mom to overactive five-year-old: No, they can't put chocolate sprinkles on yo' taco!
Overactive five-year-old, singing: Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing! Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing!
--Long Island City
Overheard by: astoria mets fan
Mind If I Trace It with This Marker?
Girl #1, in dressing room: How are these pants?
Girl #2: They're too tight.
Girl #1: They's supposed to be tight.
Girl #2: But not so tight to where I can see the outline of your twat!
--Gap, Colmbus Circle
Overheard by: chokedwithlaughter
Why Do You Think Gay People Are Always Redecorating?
Girl: I feel like sex shouldn't have to involve major home reconstruction.
Guy: It shouldn't, but it does.
--Grand Army Plaza, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunter
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