Overheard In New York http://www.overheardinnewyork.com Mon, 24 Oct 2016 07:03:12 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5.4 Makes Me Nauseous http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015313.html Mon, 24 Oct 2016 07:03:12 +0000 Old lady: You spelled “candle” wrong.
Employee: What?
Old lady: You spelled “candle” wrong on one of your signs. Give me a piece of paper and I’ll fix it for you.
Employee: It’s okay.
Old lady (getting extremely angry): No, it is not okay. This is inappropriate and you need to fix it. –Duane Reade Overheard by: just buying some shampoo

I Need Compassion and an Alibi http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/009913.html Sun, 23 Oct 2016 07:01:13 +0000 Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I didn’t know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn’t look 14…
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, ’cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point… Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don’t judge me, man… –52nd & Madison Overheard by: So <i>not</i> 14!

Did You See Their Eyes? http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/023555.html Sat, 22 Oct 2016 06:59:32 +0000 Guy after seeing girls step on sweater on the floor: Did you just see that?
Female companion: What?
Guy: This girl just looked down, saw that the sweater was on the floor, and still stepped on it. And the one after her. And the one after that one!
Female companion: So, it's not like it was a person!
Guy: It might as well have been! –Soho Overheard by: Genzoid

Diagnosis: Dipsy Doodles Dementia http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/003396.html Fri, 21 Oct 2016 06:51:16 +0000 Teen boy #1: So the other day I was watching TV and I said out loud, “Fuck, I wish I didn’t just eat all those Doritos.” And then I was like, “Wait, I didn’t just eat any Doritos.” And now I’m like, “Maybe I had one wish and I blew it on Doritos.” You know?
Teen boy #2: Damn, dawg. That sucks. –D train

I Know a Gift Shop That Has Everything http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/005185.html Thu, 20 Oct 2016 06:44:12 +0000 Girl #1: So where’s Matt?
Guy #1: I don’t know, is he outside?
Girl #2: I don’t think so…
Matt: Hey everybody! I’m back, I got the dildo! –Top of the Empire State Building Overheard by: brian h

Why Is It Saying, ‘That Was Easy’? http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/009028.html Wed, 19 Oct 2016 06:38:18 +0000 Security guard #1 rushing in: Where is the panic button?
Sales girl: I don’t even know what that is.
Security guard #1: It’s not under the counter? You don’t have a panic button? How can you not have a panic button?
Security guard #2: I think this is it. Here, on the wall behind you.
Security guard #1: Okay, okay. Okay, let’s press it and see if it works. –Pierpont Morgan Museum Gift Shop Overheard by: not-panicking

Translation: “I'd Like You to Blow Me.” http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020126.html Tue, 18 Oct 2016 06:34:29 +0000 Red-headed boy: I like your nose.
Brunette girl: Okay.
Red-headed boy: It's like “ah! I'm a nose!” –R Train

Osama bin Laden: You Guys Sure You’re Happy with Western Civilization? http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/007742.html Mon, 17 Oct 2016 06:33:39 +0000 Student #1: Have you seen that movie Clockwork Orange?
Student #2: I’ve never heard of that. What’s it about?
Student #1: It’s about rape. And death. And like everything bad in the world. But like, really cool. –Uptown A train Overheard by: Vinny Lopez

I Didn’t Ask for Facts, Either http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/014314.html Sun, 16 Oct 2016 06:31:13 +0000 Guy who just managed to squeeze onto the train: There no room here.
Girl trying to get on the train: I didn’t ask for no attitude.
Guy: You’re too fat. –1 Train Overheard by: DL

Only Dead Pimps Give Up The Bling http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/004136.html Sat, 15 Oct 2016 06:23:32 +0000 Dude: Do you guys sell bling?
Store guy: All the way in the back, under the skeleton pimp. –Halloween Adventure, 4th Avenue Overheard by: Hank Luxford