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...And Can You Believe They Said That I Was Disturbing the Service and Had to Leave the Mosque?
New Yorker woman: What part about visiting New York City did you like the most?
Southern woman: Well, my very favorite thing was when I told a Muslim man about Jesus!
--Penn Station
This Technique Works Well Into a Guy's Forties
Very young boy to passerby: I love you! I love you!
Passing woman: Thank you, honey!
Very young boy: I wasn't talking to you.
--Astor Place
...And We Stole It from Denny's.
Thug: Shorty, I think my ma's on the rock again.
Thugette: Why you say that?
Thug: I was eating ma chex yesterday, and I asked her for the spoon and...
Thugette: The spoon, my nigga? Like the spoon for cooking dope?
Thug: Nah, nah. Our spoon.
Thugette: Oh, you mean a spoon.
Thug: Nah, shorty, the spoon. We only got one.
--23rd & 5th
Probably All That Rusticating
Bleached blonde Asian girl: My roommate is from Indiana and told me these stories about people, like this one girl who had to have sex with her stepdad for, like, 12 years.
Date: Oh my god, they are so stupid! I swear, the further away you get from the two oceans the stupider people get.
Bleached blonde Asian girl: I know! Like, if something like happened in New York, you know, you neighbors would hear because all the apartments are attached, not far apart and isolated like it is there. They are so stupid!
--7 Train
Overheard by: Midwest Asian-Girl East Coast Transplant
...Either Kind Of Stoned
Short hot topic clad girlfriend: They're back together again?
Tall lanky crust punk boyfriend: Yeah man, they break up and get back together again more than people get stoned in Iraq.
--175th & Ft. Washington Ave.
And Governor Perry May Have Borderline Personality Disorder
Business guy: You know Texas?
Less talkative business guy: (nods)
Business guy: You know, it's really not even considered a state.
Less talkative business guy: (nods)
Business guy: It's like a border state.
--Times Square
Ann Coulter: Democrats!
Friend #1, to bartender: We'd like some shots.
Bartender: I can do that. What kind?
Friend #2: Do you do blowjobs or cumshots?
Friend #1: What about abortion shots?
Bartender: Jesus Christ, who are you people?
--Kabin bar
Much Like the Classic Comedy Routine Who's Stabbed First?
Fancy girl #1: Did I tell you about the guy that got jumped last week in Midtown?
Fancy girl #2: No.
Fancy girl #1: Well, he was walking down the street alone and this, like, thug guy came up to him with a knife and was like "give me your money" and started to like, wail on him.
Fancy girl #2: Oh my gosh, was he okay?
Fancy girl #1: Well... The guy that was in the process of being jumped turned out to be like some hardcore MMA fighter and ended up pulling some moves on him and turning the knife on the guy who tried to jump him! (pause) I think he even stabbed him in the leg with his own knife. I think so. (looks at phone) Yeah, he definitely did. Isn't that funny?
Fancy girl #2: Yeah, that's so crazy! (laughs)
--Q Train
Tonight's Movie: The Hand That Doesn't Rock the Cradle
Woman: So the woman who slapped you was not a mother?
Guy: Nope.
--12th St & University
Try a Bigger Pool, Sweetie
Drunk lesbian #1, screaming near crowd of post Pride Parade revelers: Marco!
Drunk lesbian #2: Polo!
Drunk lesbian #1, taking hands off eyes: Dammit! I already know you! I'm trying to meet new people!
--West 12th St. & West 4th St.
Dating in Williamsburg: Encapsulated.
Cute 20-something girl: I've been listening to a lot of Fleetwood Mac recently. I forgot how much I liked them for a while and then they came on when I had my iPod on shuffle mod, and I was like, "oh yeah, these guys rock!"
20-something dude: Fleetwood Mac?
Cute 20-somehting girl: Yeah... The band? Fleetwood Mac.
20-something dude: Oh, I don't know them.
Cute 20-something girl: You've never heard of Fleetwood Mac?!
20-something dude, completely serious, scoffing: No. I really don't bother with anything other than 90s ska punk.
--Williamsburg
Overheard by: Was unaware that this type of music snobbism existed.
He Has a Vested Interest!
Customer: This vest is so poetic, it just has so much depth and feeling. (customer exits).
Store clerk #1: Depth and feeling? You're 22 years old and you're wearing an ascot. (pause) You're an idiot.
Store clerk #2: Right?!
--Greenwhich & 11th St
