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The New York Credo: Encapsulated.
Crazy lady: Take advantage!
Passing drunk guy: Of what?
Crazy lady: Whatever!
--8th St & 3rd Ave
Ten Bucks Says It's the End Of Their Friendship
Chick to another: Be as brutal as you want; I can just brush it off.
--12th & 7th Ave
...Now Jump in My Car!
Boyfriend: Yo, what do you know about Hasselhoff?
Girlfriend, furrowing eyebrows in confusion: As in David Hasselhoff?
Boyfriend: Yeah, David. Where's he at now? Is he still alive?
Girlfriend: That's a pretty fucked up question. Why are you asking me this random ass question? I was just talking to you about my dying aunt.
Boyfriend: I already told you that sucks about your aunt. So where do you think he's living these days if he's still alive? I want to ask him where he buys his leather jackets.
Girlfriend: LA or something, probably. Why do you keep asking me this shit?
Boyfriend: Cause I want to know where he buys his fucking jackets. He's kinda good looking, you know?
(girlfriend looks perplexed)
Boyfriend: I swear I'm not gay.
--Coffee Shop, 35th Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Roger L
To Be Fair, at Least the Percentages Add Up.
Cooper student to friend: There's really only three types of students at cooper union. 40% are asian, 30% are Jewish, and 30% are American.
Friend to student: Because Asians and Jews aren't American?!
--Cooper Union
Overheard by: Cooper say What?!
C++
Student in computer science class: Uggh, teacher, my code poofed.
Teacher: It... poofed?
Student: Yeah, like a ninja.
--Bard High School Early College, Queens
(There's Actually One at Bronx Terminal. So Booyah!)
Girl: Where is the nearest Starbucks?
Waiter: Only in the city, or Westchester.
Girl: You're kidding! (to her date) Oh my god! No Starbucks? Where am I going to get my coffee?!
--Little Italy, The Bronx
Overheard by: the suburbs called, they want you back
What We Have Here Is a Failure Not to Communicate
Black guy with big glasses to three girls: Don't talk to me! You're talkin' to me?
Girls: We're not talking to you! What are you talkin' about?
Guy: I'm just sayin' don't talk to me! Don't talk to me.
Girls: Who are you talkin' to? We're not talking to you!
Guy: I'm talking to who ever wants to listen!
--City Tech, Jay St
Overheard by: MLS
Wednesday One-Liners Are the Reason Couples Counselors Exist
40-something woman, about ex-husband and new wife: I guess that's why he's so pussy-whipped now, because he was so stubborn with me, and figured that's why it didn't work out.
--Starbucks, Astoria
Overheard by: Ashley
Female student, embracing male student: Everyone says we have an abusive relationship, but I think what we have is special.
--Columbia University
Thug on cell: No, you is my girl. You is my girl until I say so.
--Astoria
Overheard by: Topher
Guy on cell: You should give her the heave-ho. (pause) Isn't that worse than leading her on? (pause) Unless you want to use her for a while. (pause) That's allowed.
--Herald Square
Girl discussing her relationship with a friend: He's trying. Last night he made apple sauce.
--73rd St & West End Ave
Overheard by: Rani
Wednesday One-Liners Employ the Nuremburg Defense
Drunk brunette Jewish girl to others: When someone comes into town, why would you say "let's go to caliente cab"? That's like saying "let's go to the Holocaust."
--Benny's Burrito's, Greenwich Avenue
Guy on cell: I'm gonna do what Hitler did to the Jews. Except I'm gonna do it to vampires.
--Montague St, Brooklyn
Middle-aged gay dude: My dad watches Fox News all the time; not ironically. He's like a Nazi.
--Cookshop
Dude on phone: Politicians are lame nowadays. (pause) Hitler! Now there's a man of action... Yes, I disagree with the Holocaust, but he got things done.
--23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: British Dave
Just Wait 'Til You Have Little Wednesday One-Liners Of Your Own!
Upper West Side dad on phone: Dude, it's a fine line between, "hey, man, can you pay more attention to my kids, they have untapped potential," and, "listen man, you'd better pay more attention to my kids." You know? Yeah, you don't want him to be like, "what a dick, fuck his stupid slow kids, now they get no attention."
--74th St & Columbus
Overheard by: rick
Black lady: I got a kid, you got a kid, hey hey hey!
--Midtown
Overheard by: greg
50-something woman smoking cigarette, on phone: That was about the PTA meeting for my son's school tonight, I'm not fucking going to that shit.
--48th b/w 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Mike
Ghetto dude: My motto is "you better not bring yo' kids."
--A Train
Overheard by: Wesley
Wednesday One-Liners Met Both Roosevelts
Elderly woman screaming into cell: Hurry up and get here! I am standing here like a whore! Like a whore!
--45th & 8th Ave
Old Jewish woman on cell: And when he took it out, my god! My wig almost came off.
--Madison Ave & 81st St
Overheard by: Elle Arrpee
Elderly woman to husband: You have no idea what's going on around you, except if it's in a tight sweater.
--2nd Ave b/w 75th & 76th
Overheard by: Ariel Hurwitz
Older woman hugging younger crying woman: Someone will take you in. This is a nice residential area. Someone will take you in.
--1st Ave 3rd St
Wednesday One-Liners Are Adept at Breathing through Their Noses
Woman walking arm in arm with two men: I mean, if you could suck your own penis while writing War and Peace, that would be incredible!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Reid
Girl to gay friend: You know when you go to swallow, but you're not really ready to swallow?
--4th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Coppola
Gay guy, watching ripped Guido getting off train: He only goes to the gym to suck dick!
--C Train
Overheard by: Oona
Boy to friend, outside high school debate competition at Columbia: I think a valid argument would be "my dick isn't going to suck itself."
--Outside Columbia University, 116 & Broadway
Girl to friends: The first time I ever heard of a blowjob, I was giving one!
--Barnard College
