Raise Your Hand If You Love Drunk Talk

Guy #1: So I spent most of the night at her place, but we only made out.
Guy #2: Dude, she wanted to fuck you!
Guy #1: I know, I don't know what I was doing.
Guy #2: Well, dude, you did fuck her!
Guy #1: What'ya mean?
Guy #2: She wanted to fuck you, but you didn't fuck her, right?
Guy #1: Right.
Guy #2: She got fucked!

--Lolita Bar


Posted 2010-02-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It Raised the Nation's Spirits After Iran-Contra

12-year-old girl: Did you hear what I said about really famous people?
Uninterested mother: No.
12-year-old girl: Well, this will be my first time seeing a really famous person, not just a famous person. Because Full House was important to everyone!

--Mills Theater, before Performance of Bye Bye Birdie


Posted 2010-02-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Gin and Sour Defeat

Guy in car to cop: Can you help me out with directions?
Cop: Yeah, sure. Where are you going?
Guy in car: Staten Island.
Cop: Yeah, you smell like you're going to Staten Island.

--Shea Stadium Parking Lot

Overheard by: BigVinnyVito


Posted 2010-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wouldn't That Involve Strobe Lights and a Disco Beat?

Blue-haired old lady, after flaming gay guy sets off theft alarm: What was that?
Store clerk: Gaydar.

--Barnes & Noble, 17th St

Overheard by: steve


Posted 2010-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Never Said I Liked It

20-something girl #1, pointing out red dress: What about this? This is cute.
20-something girl #2, after quick look: Ugh! No! I don't like red!
20-something girl #1: Ummm... You bought something red earlier today.
20-something girl #2: Yeah, and?

--Bloomingdale's, 59th St

Overheard by: Rachel


Posted 2010-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Does Your Whole World Look Like a Porno?

Dude #1: I think Elizabeth and Adrienne are sleeping together.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: Yeah. Their body language is like, "when can we get out of here and have sex?"

--4th Ave and 11th St

Overheard by: Ultimate Warrior


Posted 2010-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or a Muzzle.

Daughter: Daddy, I want a cookie!
Father: I'll say yes if you ask for an apple instead. (pause) Or a Brussels sprout.
Daughter: Ahhhhh!

--115th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Special K


Posted 2010-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Septic Tank Into Which Your High School Empties

Girl #1: But, she's going to college and you're not going to college.
Girl #2: I am too.
Girl #1: Yeah, but, community college.

--F Train

Overheard by: Kate


Posted 2010-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I Thought You Supported a Woman's Right to Shoes?

Tourist girl: We still have to make it to Williamsburg! When are we gonna do that?
Tourist guy: Why? What's in Williamsburg?
Tourist girl: Shoes... For one.

--2nd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Rubie


Posted 2010-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...So I'd Rather Not Have My Rug Peeking Out.

Guy to friend trying on shirt: Open another button, man.
Friend trying on shirt: Nah, man, I'm not a Persian...

--Store, SoHo

Overheard by: a Persian


Posted 2010-02-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But the Paddle Looks Even Worse

Sikh #1: And then I broke my sacrum.
Sikh #2: What's a sacrum?
Sikh #1: My butt bone.

--23rd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: E.S.


Posted 2010-02-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

New York Has Many Visitors from Intersecting Alternate Realities

Girl #1: I don't get it, but like... Are there two suns?
Girl #2: Pardon?
Girl #1: I dunno. But the sun here is so much hotter than where I'm from.
Girl #2: Oh my god. Shhh!

--5th Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Sunny


Posted 2010-02-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook