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Raise Your Hand If You Love Drunk Talk
Guy #1: So I spent most of the night at her place, but we only made out.
Guy #2: Dude, she wanted to fuck you!
Guy #1: I know, I don't know what I was doing.
Guy #2: Well, dude, you did fuck her!
Guy #1: What'ya mean?
Guy #2: She wanted to fuck you, but you didn't fuck her, right?
Guy #1: Right.
Guy #2: She got fucked!
--Lolita Bar
It Raised the Nation's Spirits After Iran-Contra
12-year-old girl: Did you hear what I said about really famous people?
Uninterested mother: No.
12-year-old girl: Well, this will be my first time seeing a really famous person, not just a famous person. Because Full House was important to everyone!
--Mills Theater, before Performance of Bye Bye Birdie
Gin and Sour Defeat
Guy in car to cop: Can you help me out with directions?
Cop: Yeah, sure. Where are you going?
Guy in car: Staten Island.
Cop: Yeah, you smell like you're going to Staten Island.
--Shea Stadium Parking Lot
Overheard by: BigVinnyVito
Wouldn't That Involve Strobe Lights and a Disco Beat?
Blue-haired old lady, after flaming gay guy sets off theft alarm: What was that?
Store clerk: Gaydar.
--Barnes & Noble, 17th St
Overheard by: steve
I Never Said I Liked It
20-something girl #1, pointing out red dress: What about this? This is cute.
20-something girl #2, after quick look: Ugh! No! I don't like red!
20-something girl #1: Ummm... You bought something red earlier today.
20-something girl #2: Yeah, and?
--Bloomingdale's, 59th St
Overheard by: Rachel
Does Your Whole World Look Like a Porno?
Dude #1: I think Elizabeth and Adrienne are sleeping together.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: Yeah. Their body language is like, "when can we get out of here and have sex?"
--4th Ave and 11th St
Overheard by: Ultimate Warrior
Or a Muzzle.
Daughter: Daddy, I want a cookie!
Father: I'll say yes if you ask for an apple instead. (pause) Or a Brussels sprout.
Daughter: Ahhhhh!
--115th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Special K
The Septic Tank Into Which Your High School Empties
Girl #1: But, she's going to college and you're not going to college.
Girl #2: I am too.
Girl #1: Yeah, but, community college.
--F Train
Overheard by: Kate
And I Thought You Supported a Woman's Right to Shoes?
Tourist girl: We still have to make it to Williamsburg! When are we gonna do that?
Tourist guy: Why? What's in Williamsburg?
Tourist girl: Shoes... For one.
--2nd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Rubie
...So I'd Rather Not Have My Rug Peeking Out.
Guy to friend trying on shirt: Open another button, man.
Friend trying on shirt: Nah, man, I'm not a Persian...
--Store, SoHo
Overheard by: a Persian
But the Paddle Looks Even Worse
Sikh #1: And then I broke my sacrum.
Sikh #2: What's a sacrum?
Sikh #1: My butt bone.
--23rd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: E.S.
New York Has Many Visitors from Intersecting Alternate Realities
Girl #1: I don't get it, but like... Are there two suns?
Girl #2: Pardon?
Girl #1: I dunno. But the sun here is so much hotter than where I'm from.
Girl #2: Oh my god. Shhh!
--5th Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Sunny
