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According to Unsupported Facts Monthly
Girl #1: You know a lot of gays are really straight.
Girl #2: How so?
Girl #1: Most of them want kids.
--Downtown 1 Train
The City Of Echoes
Drunk girl #1: Does this train stop at Penn Station?
Drunk girl #2: Hello?! Can somebody tell us if this train is going to Penn Station?
Drunk girl #1, apologizing: Ignore her, she's from Rochester.
--F Frain
But We're Going to a Conference Next Week
Girl #1 to girl #3: In case you were wondering, we're kinda Lady Gaga experts. It's a very complicated subject.
Girl #2: And we don't quite understand it.
--Viva Herbal Pizzeria
You Always Take His Side, Stacy!
Woman #1: I just don't get why he isn't being spontaneous anymore.
Woman #2: I probably wouldn't want to be "spontaneous" with my girlfriend who just slept with my dad either.
--92nd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Chick who didn't realize she lived in Melrose Place
...Like Every Other Child Star.
Hipster #1: So what's he been up to lately?
Hipster #2: I think he's living with his brother-in-law... in a warehouse.
Hipster #1: Oh. Cool.
--3rd Ave & 11th St
Welcome to the Dark Semester Of the Soul, Bitches
Professor: Apologies to everyone in advance, I seem to have the plague this week.
Student: Are you contagiously ill, or have you been on antibiotics for at least twenty-four hours?
Professor: No, not contagiously ill. It's nothing like H1N1 or anything, not that kind of plague. It's more of a the-crops-are-failing-and-women-are-giving-birth-to-stillborn-babies type of plague. Yeah.
--Fordham University Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Admiring Student
To Be Fair, That's Its Scientific Name.
Earnest toddler in stroller, pointing at gorilla: Nuula blujunbabalooo.
Babysitter: Seriously?
Earnest toddler: Yeah!
--Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Olivia
Worked for Dan and Roseanne Connor
Guy: Why would I struggle with a bigger woman?
Friend: Because you are not agile!
--49th & 3rd
Wednesday One-Liners Were Pretty Hot, Back in the Day
20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!
--27th & Lexington
Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!
--94th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Slapped her how?
Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!
--Murray St & Church St
Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters...
--Houston & Allen
Wednesday One-Liners Grow Hair on Their Palms
Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch...
--Chinatown
Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.
--N Train
Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good... Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.
--Central Park
Overheard by: kate
Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.
--MegaBus, Top Deck
Overheard by: EuropanGal
20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.
--Macdougal & 4th
Overheard by: Billy H.
Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!
--Bryant Park
Some Lengthy Wednesday One-Liners
Man on cell walking dog: What? But doesn't she know how big my Johnson is?
--Mott Street
Overheard by: Erica
20-something male, while passing sculpture of male nude: I don't get it. If you're going to make it with a dick, why make it so small?
--Time Warner Center
Overheard by: sd
Short Indian man, loudly into phone: All I wanna do is make love to you tonight... with my 11-inch cock!
--7th Ave & 35th St
Overheard by: Jenn B
Drunk guy, after fighting with girlfriend: How she gon' be mad at me 'cause I got a big dick?
--F Train
Wednesday's More Fun Than a Barrel Of One-Liners
20-something hipster to another, admiring long-legged blonde: How can you say you believe in evolution?! There is no way that that evolved from a monkey!
--1st Ave & 14th
Overheard by: Evolutionary
Little boy to brother: If I were a monkey, I'd take a crap on you.
--6 Train
Overheard by: Rebecca
Man on cell: Then Tim-Jim jerked him off with his feet. Only a monkey can do that!
--Bedford & Metropolitan
Overheard by: theeatenpath
Middle aged man pushing daughter's stroller: I can't believe she got Curious George's autograph!
--16th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Maquaid
