Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Dammit, That Was My Tumor
Thug #1: Yo, Quame got cancer, right?
Thug #2: Yeah.
Thug #1: See, that what he get for stealin' from me...
--L Train
Overheard by: Paul
That, Sir, May Have Been His Point
Obnoxious NYU girl to friends: Ew! He passed and was like "damn, look at that ass on that white girl!"
Ghetto man, passing by: Psh--what ass?
--Union Square
Wednesday One-Liners Say "Merry Fuckmas, New York!"
Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!
--Washington Square
Overheard by: TR
Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand... That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.
--Broadway & 43rd
20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.
--Stromboli's Pizza
Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!
--135th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Yowza
Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.
--Xmas Tree Stand, High School
Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.
--Staples, Union Square
Overheard by: Damon H.
Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?
--Carnegie Hall
Some Good Clean Wednesday One-Liners
Chick: That guy ruined loofah-foreplay for an entire nation!
--113th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Crazy guy riding on bike: Girl, I would looove to see your bathwater!
--7th & W23rd
Suit on cell: She has a bit of an upset stomach cause we've given her, like, a ton of baths.
--Whole Foods, Houston St
Overheard by: Percival Under Cover
Andre-the-giant-looking guy walking by, on cell: I have to sponge-bath myself down there. It's ridiculous.
--South Street Seaport
Overheard by: kosher dan
30-something suit: Some girls don't take showers... But that doesn't stop me from hittin' em.
--34th St
Overheard by: Kristen
Dial "M" for Wednesday One-Liner
Man with entourage: So I killed one just before I went to sleep. (entourage laughs) Yeah, and I left it on her ceiling as a warning.
--Bleecker & Broadway
Dude walking down street: And if I kill him, I'm certified to bring him back to life...
--Brooklyn
Old man to another: You know, I don't even give a shit if I die anymore!
--E 84th St
Girl to friend: Why would you put the poison in milk?
--Union Square
Overheard by: Michela
20-something guy: Fucking corduroy! I've gotta tell ya, I fucking love corduroy! I swear to god, I'd kill for corduroy!
--J.Crew Men's Store
Overheard by: Pedro
Wednesday One-Liners Look Good Enough to Eat
Boy: Ew! Honey and ass!?
--48th & 8th
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Guy to friend: I felt like her eyes were going to eat my face.
--Bleecker & Charles
Overheard by: Jacob
40-something man to 20-something girl: I just wanna nibble your birthmark.
--5th Ave & 9th St
Guy against pillar: I'll suck your ass... If you want it.
--J Train
Be Afraid. Be Very Wednesday One-Liner.
Guy to girlfriend: How can you be really scared for 2012 when you thought it was 2013?
--Franklin & Eastern Parkway
Seven-year-old boy on bike, turning corner into small white dog: Shoooooooooooot son, that dog just scared the black out of me!
--Nostrand Ave & Prospect Pl
Overheard by: melyssalaree
Crazy guy, after screaming unintelligibly in 20-something's face: It's cool, I'm supposed to scare people! I'm the anti-Christ!
--Ave A b/w 5th & 6th St
Girl: I'm really scared I'm gonna be a sex addict. Like, I'm hoping it won't happen, but it probably will.
--High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Wednesday One-Liners Have No Trouble Getting Dates
Girl on bench, to guy in whose arms she is snuggled: Get your shit together and decide if you like men or women before you come around trying to date me!
--Battery Park
Woman to friend: What's with all these bi-colored, bi-curious tomatoes?
--Farmers Market, Union Square
Overheard by: Dave
Thug on cell: Yo! You didn't know that? (pause) Yeah man, he love pussy, but he love dick too!
--6th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Drunk blonde: I like both black guys and white guys. Does that make me bi?
--Joshua Tree Bar, Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: Mon
Wednesday One-Liners' Prints and DNA Are on File
Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!
--W 17th St
Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal
Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?
--Mid-Manhattan Library
Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.
--Ave B & 6th St
Overheard by: Miss V
Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.
--Brooklyn
Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.
--Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lucy
High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.
--Grand St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: rpk
Wednesday One-Liners Think They Are Drinking Responsibly
Girl, as friends individually dart across street: The drunks go marching one by one, hooray, hooray!
--49th & 2nd
20-something blonde on cell outside bar: Are you drinking tonight? If not, I just want to see where you're at. Yeah, I'm drinking. I told you there's nothing I wouldn't do with you!
--14th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: maria
Girl on cell: I really miss being hungover with you. Some of my best moments were spent hungover with you...
--Union Square
Overheard by: winkinthecity
Girl, getting out of car: Man, I can't drink no more, but I tell you, I feel fiiiiiiinnneee. (girl gets back in car, which drives away)
--69th St & Narrows Ave
Overheard by: Domi
Youngish guy to youngish gal: Well, that won't stop her, she can drink through the window!
--6th Ave & 28th St
Overheard by: Eve
Meet the Only Guy in the U.S. Who Liked Nights in Rodanthe
Girlfriend to boyfriend walking out of movie theater: That was kinda lame... I totally saw that ending coming.
Boyfriend: I don't know, I kind of liked it.
Girlfriend, raising voice: What do you mean you liked it?
Boyfriend: It was entertaining.
Girlfriend: Oh, so now you're gonna tell me that you liked it more than Sherlock Holmes?
Boyfriend: Actually, yeah...
Girlfriend, angry and yelling: What the fuck? What is wrong with you? I can't believe this!
--Outside Chelsea Clearview Cinema
Overheard by: J Wing
Much As I Love the United Negro Pizza Fund
Hobo, approaching preppy teens: Hey do y'all have some money so I could repair the motor on my giant helicopter?
Preppy teenage girl: Uh, sure.
Preppy teenage boy: Yeah, only because that's the coolest fucking reason ever.
--7th Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Horchata
