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We Heart This Guy
Awkward Japanese teacher: So you guys use text messages, right? Like... L-O-L?
(students look confused)
(awkward Japanese teacher laughs)
Student, proudly: I know: L-O-L sensei!
Awkward Japanese teacher: Oh em gee.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: vicksburg
The Threshold of Outrage Is a Lot Higher This Century
Girl: You'll never guess what I saw in the Delancey Street station today. I was about to sit down on the bench when I noticed that someone had drawn swastikas all over it with a marker.
Guy: That's distasteful.
Girl: Tell me about it. I'm sure people come across that and have their day completely ruined. Luckily, I was only slightly annoyed.
--G Train
Overheard by: greg*
Why Oscar the Grouch Hired Bouncers
Conductor: Yes, here's the bathroom. And if someone's in there (points to the garbage can in the wall) you can go right in there, I don't care.
Guy standing near the garbage, to another passenger: Hey, hey! Not while I'm standing here.
--Train Departing from Penn Station
Headline by: Rachel
Runners-Up:
· "And the Waterfountain Is a Bidet on Really Busy Days" - bdayfox
· "I Guess It Really Is Better to Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On" - Mark
· "Let Me Lay Down and Get Comfortable First" - ddv
· "Please Stand Clear Of the Emptying Bowels" - Mr. Hedge
· "So That's What They Mean by "Business" Class." - Jessie Birks
· "Wait Till We Get to Newark, When I Can't Tell the Difference" - Barry P.
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Why Pillbox Hats Are Making a Comeback
Preppy girl: I wonder why celebrities do so many drugs.
Queen: Honey, you can only buy so much couture.
--F Train
Then Why Does It Have Blond Hair and a Tooth?
Girl #1: Look, yo! You got a tumor on your arm, a tumor!
Girl #2: That's not a tumor, it's a mosquito bite... like my tits!
--E Train
Overheard by: Jatmos
Here's One of Us Frolicking on a Mountain of Coke
Guy: So you slept with her?!
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: You were supposed to be taking pictures of the drugs, not seducing her.
--Red Hook Boardwalk
I Wanna Fuck You Like an Wednesday One-Liner
Ghetto chick to friend: Remember when you took that chinchilla from me, back in the day?
--Q Train
Overheard by: Chloe
Grungy dude on cell: So I jumped on my horse and got the fuck outta there.
--14th & 6th
Overheard by: bildita
Guy: ...and those Egyptians had crocodiles. Those crocodiles that shoot lasers out of their eyes.
--Metropolitian Musuem of Art
Overheard by: Bonkers in Yonkers
Hipster chick: Deer antlers. Everywhere I go, all I see are deer antlers. I'm getting sick of it.
--14th St & 1st Av
Overheard by: Larry
Thug: I'm like super pimp. I pimp men and women... And cats and dogs. Shit, I got the whole animal kingdom.
--10th & Broadway
Composed chick on cell: He's a giraffe, and I'm a leopard, and I'm never gonna be a giraffe. I've tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I'm gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It's in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.
--Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery
Wednesday One-Liners Take the Sex and the City Tour
Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?
--53rd St
Overheard by: jillcorp
Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I'm going to pee right on this yard.
--Central Park
Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!
--Grand Central Terminal
Tourist girl: I don't get it, there's so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.
--City Hall Park
Tourist on cell: So far, I've experienced coldness and evil.
--57th & 8th
Overheard by: Lag
See Wednesday One-Liners Run. Run, Wednesday One-Liners, Run
Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?
--5th Ave
Overheard by: John-Boy
Man to friend: Ya know I've touched both your dick and your brother's dick... and his is much bigger.
--44th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: bigstoopit
20-something guy: I've just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.
--1 Train
Overheard by: drew
Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter's dick in my mouth. I didn't see it, I don't even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it's not important!
--Greenwich Ave
Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I'd suck the Jolly Green Giant's dick, I don't care if it did break my jaw.
--MacDougal St
Wednesday One-Liners Don't Grow on Trees
Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y'all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!
--Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Heather
Smoking girl: I'm just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I'm just *not*.
--Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.
--Union Square Park
Overheard by: Farley
Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit... I hate you... But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.
--Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: Ross
Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn't used tokens in over seven years! And that ain't even a token... It's a one collar coin!
--Subway, Spring & Lafayette
Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me
50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don't worry, I didn't forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)
--Metro-North Train
Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!
--168 & Broadway
Don't Read Too Much Into Wednesday One-Liners
Teenager: Dude, my sister is always stealing her friends' books, but like, sometimes no one has the book she wants, how much easier would it be if there was like, a Blockbuster, but for books.
--Blockbuster
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Did you bring something to read on the train? I'm trying to decide if I want to talk to you, sleep, or read my book.
--A Train
Overheard by: The Green Cat
Teenage girl: I need Romeo and Juliet. But do you have any with, like, the English on one side and Shakespeare on the other?
--Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Spoiled colleg girl to friend: My mom really wants me to get a nice big tote because she's really worried about how I'm going to carry all my books. But I'm, like, worried if I'm even going to read my books.
--Outside Bloomingdale's Dressing Room
Chick: So they called him up on stage, and they were like: "We want to bestow this honor upon you." And he was like: "It is indeed an honor, an honor indeed." And I'm all like: "Come on, like, I mean, seriously, like, who talks like that? Can't you take it down a notch! Don't you read US Weekly or anything?
--Starbucks, Woolworth Building
NYU girl to male friend: There's almost something poetic about it, you know? Like, the 20-year-old Catholic virgin from Connecticut losing it to the older Ecuadorian lothario? Hell, I should just write a book about my life.
--NYU Dining Hall
Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn't think George Washington was a cannibal.
--Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he'd eat you.
--Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
--84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
--Chelsea
20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
--Spring & W Broadway
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I'm eating your eyeballs!
--R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
