We Heart This Guy

Awkward Japanese teacher: So you guys use text messages, right? Like... L-O-L?
(students look confused)
(awkward Japanese teacher laughs)
Student, proudly
: I know: L-O-L sensei!

Awkward Japanese teacher: Oh em gee.

--Columbia University

Overheard by: vicksburg


Posted 2008-07-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Threshold of Outrage Is a Lot Higher This Century

Girl: You'll never guess what I saw in the Delancey Street station today. I was about to sit down on the bench when I noticed that someone had drawn swastikas all over it with a marker.
Guy: That's distasteful.
Girl: Tell me about it. I'm sure people come across that and have their day completely ruined. Luckily, I was only slightly annoyed.

--G Train

Overheard by: greg*


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Why Oscar the Grouch Hired Bouncers

Conductor: Yes, here's the bathroom. And if someone's in there (points to the garbage can in the wall) you can go right in there, I don't care.
Guy standing near the garbage, to another passenger: Hey, hey! Not while I'm standing here.

--Train Departing from Penn Station

Headline by: Rachel

Runners-Up:
· "And the Waterfountain Is a Bidet on Really Busy Days" - bdayfox
· "I Guess It Really Is Better to Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On" - Mark
· "Let Me Lay Down and Get Comfortable First" - ddv
· "Please Stand Clear Of the Emptying Bowels" - Mr. Hedge
· "So That's What They Mean by "Business" Class." - Jessie Birks
· "Wait Till We Get to Newark, When I Can't Tell the Difference" - Barry P.


Click here to see the new Headline Contest


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Why Pillbox Hats Are Making a Comeback

Preppy girl: I wonder why celebrities do so many drugs.
Queen: Honey, you can only buy so much couture.

--F Train


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Then Why Does It Have Blond Hair and a Tooth?

Girl #1: Look, yo! You got a tumor on your arm, a tumor!
Girl #2: That's not a tumor, it's a mosquito bite... like my tits!

--E Train

Overheard by: Jatmos


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Here's One of Us Frolicking on a Mountain of Coke

Guy: So you slept with her?!
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: You were supposed to be taking pictures of the drugs, not seducing her.

--Red Hook Boardwalk


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I Wanna Fuck You Like an Wednesday One-Liner

Ghetto chick to friend: Remember when you took that chinchilla from me, back in the day?

--Q Train

Overheard by: Chloe

Grungy dude on cell: So I jumped on my horse and got the fuck outta there.

--14th & 6th

Overheard by: bildita

Guy: ...and those Egyptians had crocodiles. Those crocodiles that shoot lasers out of their eyes.

--Metropolitian Musuem of Art

Overheard by: Bonkers in Yonkers

Hipster chick: Deer antlers. Everywhere I go, all I see are deer antlers. I'm getting sick of it.

--14th St & 1st Av

Overheard by: Larry

Thug: I'm like super pimp. I pimp men and women... And cats and dogs. Shit, I got the whole animal kingdom.

--10th & Broadway

Composed chick on cell: He's a giraffe, and I'm a leopard, and I'm never gonna be a giraffe. I've tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I'm gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It's in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.

--Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery


Posted 2008-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wednesday One-Liners Take the Sex and the City Tour

Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?

--53rd St

Overheard by: jillcorp

Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I'm going to pee right on this yard.

--Central Park

Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!

--Grand Central Terminal

Tourist girl: I don't get it, there's so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.

--City Hall Park

Tourist on cell: So far, I've experienced coldness and evil.

--57th & 8th

Overheard by: Lag


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See Wednesday One-Liners Run. Run, Wednesday One-Liners, Run

Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?

--5th Ave

Overheard by: John-Boy

Man to friend: Ya know I've touched both your dick and your brother's dick... and his is much bigger.

--44th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: bigstoopit

20-something guy: I've just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.

--1 Train

Overheard by: drew

Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter's dick in my mouth. I didn't see it, I don't even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it's not important!

--Greenwich Ave

Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I'd suck the Jolly Green Giant's dick, I don't care if it did break my jaw.

--MacDougal St


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Wednesday One-Liners Don't Grow on Trees

Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y'all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!

--Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Heather

Smoking girl: I'm just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I'm just *not*.

--Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.

--Union Square Park

Overheard by: Farley

Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit... I hate you... But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.

--Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th

Overheard by: Ross

Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn't used tokens in over seven years! And that ain't even a token... It's a one collar coin!

--Subway, Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me

50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don't worry, I didn't forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)

--Metro-North Train

Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!

--168 & Broadway


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Don't Read Too Much Into Wednesday One-Liners

Teenager: Dude, my sister is always stealing her friends' books, but like, sometimes no one has the book she wants, how much easier would it be if there was like, a Blockbuster, but for books.

--Blockbuster

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Did you bring something to read on the train? I'm trying to decide if I want to talk to you, sleep, or read my book.

--A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Teenage girl: I need Romeo and Juliet. But do you have any with, like, the English on one side and Shakespeare on the other?

--Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Spoiled colleg girl to friend: My mom really wants me to get a nice big tote because she's really worried about how I'm going to carry all my books. But I'm, like, worried if I'm even going to read my books.

--Outside Bloomingdale's Dressing Room

Chick: So they called him up on stage, and they were like: "We want to bestow this honor upon you." And he was like: "It is indeed an honor, an honor indeed." And I'm all like: "Come on, like, I mean, seriously, like, who talks like that? Can't you take it down a notch! Don't you read US Weekly or anything?

--Starbucks, Woolworth Building

NYU girl to male friend: There's almost something poetic about it, you know? Like, the 20-year-old Catholic virgin from Connecticut losing it to the older Ecuadorian lothario? Hell, I should just write a book about my life.

--NYU Dining Hall


Posted 2008-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn't think George Washington was a cannibal.

--Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he'd eat you.

--Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

--84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

--Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!


--Spring & W Broadway

Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I'm eating your eyeballs!

--R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.


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