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Weren't You Bush's Foreign Policy Advisor?
Mom: What did that little girl say to you?
Daughter: She said... that I'm ugly.
Mom: Well, you tell her that her mom is ugly. And then you punch her in the face, that's what you do. And then I'll go and punch her mom in the face! That's what you do!
--48th St & Broadway
Further Knowledge Is Now Unwelcome
Girl #1: Did you know that if you lick the wrapper of Big Red it'll stick to your forehead?
Girl #2: I learned about pineapple yesterday.
--Theater
Um, You Never See Shrubs in the White House?
Kid #1, after playing hide-and-seek: So where were you?
Kid #2: I hid in the bush.
Kid #3, yelling and throwing hands in the air in disgust: No! You weren't hiding in the bush, you were hiding in the shrubs. Doesn't anybody know the difference between bushes and shrubs?!
--Central Park
Ever Wonder What Really Happens When You Press the "Easy" Button?
Drunk white girl, walking past Staples: Ohmigod! I remember last summer when a guy spit on me at staples!
Drunk white boy: What? A Staples?
Drunk white girl: Yes, it was that Staples!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kiara
That's Stigmata, Ashley.
Girl: What have you been up to, Stephanie?
Stephanie: Oh, I work at an assisted living in Dedham.
Girl: Oh, I know that one. I have a funny story about...
Stephanie: Oh?
Girl: And by "funny story" I mean that I'm in love with your coworker's ex.
Stephanie: Wow!
Girl: Hey, does this look like a mosquito bite or a hive?
--Columbus Circle
You're Going to Have to Be More Specific
Girl #1: Fergus's apartment is down there. Have you ever seen it?
Girl #2: I have. Actually, I did ecstasy in that apartment once. Wait, you were there! We ate ostrich. You rolled around on the carpet.
--Lexington & 51st St
That Chick Is Way Too Cocky
Wide-eyed girl, alarmed: I can't believe she mentioned his dick in front of you.
Girl in mourning clothes: I know. It's one thing if she mentioned...
Both, in unison: Her dick.
--Tompkins Ave & Hylan Boulevard
Pictorial Illiteracy Can Be Fatal
Hispanic teen to friend: Yo, none of the danger signs are in Spanish! "Do not lean on the doors, do not hold the doors." The city doesn't care if we fall off the train and die!
Friend: Then you guys better start looking at the fucking stick figures!
--Uptown E Train
Overheard by: Tara
He May As Well Have Hollered, "I Appreciate and Respect Your Intellect"!
Hot girl walking through construction workers, expecting to be cat-called: Oh boy, here we go.
Polite construction worker: Good morning.
Hot girl's friend: How embarrassing.
Hot girl: Shut it.
--Harlem
...Though, to Be Fair, I Don't Act Like That with My Hairdresser.
Ghetto Latina: He's so fucking stupid! This morning I kissed him goodbye and said "you're my world." and he goes "why you gotta be so dramatic?" Like, what the fuck?
Ghetto black friend: Damn!
--Houston & Hudson
Overheard by: Suit
...Away from Witnesses
Mom on stoop: Don't you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skateboard: Moooooooom! Go insiiiiide the hoooooouse! I don't need you!
Mom neighbor: Did he just tell me to go inside the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come inside the house!
--Monroe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Tigertail
Osama Bin Laden: Fuck!
Fashion girl #1, on 9/11: Did you see the two large lights in the sky?
Fashion girl #2: Yeah, crazy, right? I think they put them up for Fashion Week.
--King & Varick
