Ouch, That Irony Smarts.

Guido #1, in thick Staten Island accent: Yo, yo bro, I found this thing on Word, it makes you sound smarter.
Guido #2 in same accent: No way, bro! What is it?
Guido #1: I don't know, it's this thing, you click it and it gives you all these words that make you sound smarter.
Guido #2: What's it called?
Guido #1: Sin... Sinono... Sino-somethin, but I swear to god, bro; it makes you sound smarter.

--St John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Not from Staten Island


Posted 2010-02-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Readers, Who Would Win in This Fight? Weigh In!

Female suit to thug trying to push through to the front: You know, there's really nowhere for you to fit in here.
Thug: Don't mess with me, I'm from The Bronx.
Female suit: Don't mess with me. I'm from Jersey.

--1 Train


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Only When You Mistake Krazy Glue for Lube!

20-something #1: Men don't kiss whores, they fuck 'em! There's no attachment at all!
20-something #2: What the hell are you talking about?! There's attachment! The dicks are attached to the pussy!

--21st & 6th

Overheard by: Sienna


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Myra Breckinridge: We Are Furnaces Inside

Leather jacket guy to girl: I need to make the water.
Girl: What does that even mean?
Leather jacket guy: I need to pee.
Girl: That's gross.
Leather jacket guy: I need to make warm water. It's 98.6 degrees.

--36th & 5th

Overheard by: i'm suddenly thirsty.


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Common People: Ooooo...

Asian girl #1: Which college do you want to attend?
Asian girl #2: I want to be like common people and go to BMCC.

--Penn Station

Overheard by: Lucie


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The Pot Calling the Kettle "Wednesday One-Liner"

Guy blocking overcrowded subway car to elderly woman trying to squeeze by: Hey! You could say "excuse me!"

--Uptown N Train

Woman, eating falafel: I'm trying to stay away from fried foods.

--40th St

Five foot, 250-pound woman to friend: Wow! That girl in front of us is fat!

--42nd & 8th

Man on cell: Maybe you're the one with the fucking anger problem! Dick!

--Outside The Met

Overheard by: Yellow!


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Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty... And your little dick too!

--Wagner College

Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.

--Winter Garden Theatre

Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.

--Park Slope

Overheard by: Sunny

Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!

--Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: David


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Wednesday One-Liners Are What She Said

Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?

--Q Train

Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture... When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.

--Liberty Park

Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.

--Queens

Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.

--Broadway

Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?

--PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Lex


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Wednesday One-Liners Are My Anti-Drug

Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we're all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall... or taking it with water.

--24th St & 3rd Ave

Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I'd totally be getting more ass.

--Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Jack

Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground-up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!

--N Train

Architecture professor: Everything in moderation... except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.

--Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali


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George W. Bush: "Is Our Children Wednesday One-Linering?"

Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."

--Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Raven

Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!

--8th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: stephie

Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents... Today is just my lucky day!

--Stuyvesant High School

Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?

--LIRR

Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!

--Astor Place

Overheard by: me neither


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Wednesday One-Liners Keep It in the Family

Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.

--Washington Square North

Overheard by: Daniel

Young nanny to six-year-old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?

--76th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sonny

Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn't mean I won't backhand you.

--NYU Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Maria

Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I'm saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you--and that's saying a lot!

--6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Wemily


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Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bit Fruity

Young barista to another, peeling a banana: You like your women like you like your bananas.

--Bedford Ave

Man outside fry place: They don't sell watermelon here. I read the menu three times, and no watermelon.

--Pomme Frites, 2nd Ave

Dude on cell: Banana. Banana banana banana banana. Banana.

--Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

30-something suit to another: If I'm hungry I'll eat a banana, but I can't eat more than one. Because bananas, like, annoy me.

--Metro-North Harlem Line

Employee: All natural mango juice, on sale for 66... no, 69 cents off the regular price.
(customer walks away, uninterested) Where do you think you're going?

--Whole Foods

Overheard by: Sac


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