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Ouch, That Irony Smarts.
Guido #1, in thick Staten Island accent: Yo, yo bro, I found this thing on Word, it makes you sound smarter.
Guido #2 in same accent: No way, bro! What is it?
Guido #1: I don't know, it's this thing, you click it and it gives you all these words that make you sound smarter.
Guido #2: What's it called?
Guido #1: Sin... Sinono... Sino-somethin, but I swear to god, bro; it makes you sound smarter.
--St John's University, Staten Island
Overheard by: Not from Staten Island
Readers, Who Would Win in This Fight? Weigh In!
Female suit to thug trying to push through to the front: You know, there's really nowhere for you to fit in here.
Thug: Don't mess with me, I'm from The Bronx.
Female suit: Don't mess with me. I'm from Jersey.
--1 Train
Only When You Mistake Krazy Glue for Lube!
20-something #1: Men don't kiss whores, they fuck 'em! There's no attachment at all!
20-something #2: What the hell are you talking about?! There's attachment! The dicks are attached to the pussy!
--21st & 6th
Overheard by: Sienna
Myra Breckinridge: We Are Furnaces Inside
Leather jacket guy to girl: I need to make the water.
Girl: What does that even mean?
Leather jacket guy: I need to pee.
Girl: That's gross.
Leather jacket guy: I need to make warm water. It's 98.6 degrees.
--36th & 5th
Overheard by: i'm suddenly thirsty.
Common People: Ooooo...
Asian girl #1: Which college do you want to attend?
Asian girl #2: I want to be like common people and go to BMCC.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Lucie
The Pot Calling the Kettle "Wednesday One-Liner"
Guy blocking overcrowded subway car to elderly woman trying to squeeze by: Hey! You could say "excuse me!"
--Uptown N Train
Woman, eating falafel: I'm trying to stay away from fried foods.
--40th St
Five foot, 250-pound woman to friend: Wow! That girl in front of us is fat!
--42nd & 8th
Man on cell: Maybe you're the one with the fucking anger problem! Dick!
--Outside The Met
Overheard by: Yellow!
Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners
Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty... And your little dick too!
--Wagner College
Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.
--Winter Garden Theatre
Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: Sunny
Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!
--Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: David
Wednesday One-Liners Are What She Said
Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?
--Q Train
Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture... When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.
--Liberty Park
Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.
--Queens
Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.
--Broadway
Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?
--PETCO, Union Square
Overheard by: Lex
Wednesday One-Liners Are My Anti-Drug
Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we're all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall... or taking it with water.
--24th St & 3rd Ave
Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I'd totally be getting more ass.
--Bleecker & LaGuardia
Overheard by: Jack
Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground-up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!
--N Train
Architecture professor: Everything in moderation... except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.
--Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
George W. Bush: "Is Our Children Wednesday One-Linering?"
Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."
--Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: Raven
Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!
--8th Ave & 50th St
Overheard by: stephie
Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents... Today is just my lucky day!
--Stuyvesant High School
Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?
--LIRR
Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!
--Astor Place
Overheard by: me neither
Wednesday One-Liners Keep It in the Family
Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.
--Washington Square North
Overheard by: Daniel
Young nanny to six-year-old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?
--76th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sonny
Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn't mean I won't backhand you.
--NYU Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Maria
Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I'm saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you--and that's saying a lot!
--6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Wemily
Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bit Fruity
Young barista to another, peeling a banana: You like your women like you like your bananas.
--Bedford Ave
Man outside fry place: They don't sell watermelon here. I read the menu three times, and no watermelon.
--Pomme Frites, 2nd Ave
Dude on cell: Banana. Banana banana banana banana. Banana.
--Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
30-something suit to another: If I'm hungry I'll eat a banana, but I can't eat more than one. Because bananas, like, annoy me.
--Metro-North Harlem Line
Employee: All natural mango juice, on sale for 66... no, 69 cents off the regular price.
(customer walks away, uninterested) Where do you think you're going?
--Whole Foods
Overheard by: Sac
