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You're Gonna Find Out Who Killed Mr. Boddy, and You're Gonna Like It!
Teenage boy #1: Hey, let's go to my house.
Teenage boy #2: Why?
Teenage boy #1: To play a boardgame.
Teenage boy #2: I'm not playing a fucking boardgame!
Teenage boy #1: Yes you are!
--Barnes & Noble
Like Every Good Thing
Boy: Mommy, mommy, I want this! (goes to grab rock candy from bulk candy containers)
Mom: Put that down immediately, it has alcohol in it.
--Dylan's Candy Bar
Overheard by: Ben
...Wanna Get a Hotel Room After This?
Smashed male Yankees fan: Yeah, I am married. So what's the problem with your life?
Equally hammered female Yankees fan: I don't swallow, and I have two twenty-year-old twin boys.
--NJ Transit
Overheard by: Jabroni
Ironically, This Turned Into a Domestic Dispute.
Woman: Well, I'm concerned about foreign policy.
Man: Of course, you can make anything into a foreign policy issue. The environment... foreign policy... What does that even mean?
--Sweet Melissa, Brooklyn
Ssshhh! DSS Is Listening.
Mother: Honey, put on your shirt. This is a shirt and shoes kind of place.
Small boy: But you let me at home!
--Brooklyn Botanical Garden
Overheard by: Jonathan K.
Funny-- He Had the Same Message for You.
Guy: Yo, where's your boyfriend at?
Girl: He's at his house.
Guy: Tell him I hate him!
--W 207th St & Cooper St
Overheard by: The Green Cat
You May Change Your Mind
Young cashier: Have a nice day!
Small old lady: What's so nice about it?
Young cashier: That you're still alive.
--W 90th St
That'll Be Five Dollars, Please
Crazy old lady: You're gonna have a bad year.
Guy: Thank you.
Crazy old lady: You're gonna have very bad luck... you could be in the next 9/11.
--7th Ave & 36th St
Isn't Wall Street Depression Street?
Subway voice: The next stop is Bleecker Street.
English tourist #1: Bleecker Street? What's next? Unhappiness Street? Miserable Street? Depression Street?
English tourist #2: Suicide Lane. That's what's next. Now there's a one-way street...
--Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Percival Under Cover
The Freshman Fifteen, Explained
Girl #1: Well, college is different, because you're on your own, but in a very structured environment.
Girl #2: Did I tell you about the pancakes?
--4 Train
Next: Driving Gloves
Old woman pushing cart, loudly to old man: I'm going to get you mouthwash for your teeth.
Old man: But I don't have teeth.
Old woman, now yelling: I know that! But this way when you get teeth, you'll know you have mouthwash.
--Columbus Ave & 103rd St
Overheard by: Xsusha
Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area
Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime?
--9th Ave & 14th St
Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry.
--4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn
Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things.
--A Train
Overheard by: g-lime
Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away!
--Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady
