I'm Not a Wednesday One-Liner -- You're a Turkey!

Hootchie, about subway smell: It smells like gooood chicken in here. Like McDonald's.

--86th St Subway Platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Barnard girl, indignantly: Chickens don't have thighs!

--Columbia University

Overheard by: The Thighless Wonder

Kid to friends: Oh, shit! I forgot there's a chicken in my backpack!

--Canal St Subway Station

Overheard by: Mel

Cracked out lady on one crutch to cashier: Do you guys still carry like, hamburgers and chicken sandwiches and stuff?

--McDonald's

Overheard by: Ben

Perspiring panhandler on definitely non-organic substances holding a can and singing: I love chickennn...chicken breastsss and thighhhs...chicken heads...mmmmmmm...I love them goooood (keeps going) Thank you. (extends his can for donations)

--7 Train

Overheard by: OG Bergenfield

Woman on phone with friend: I mean he wouldn't even cut my chicken in half for me at dinner. I was all givin' him shit for it. We got in this fight and I told him, "That's what people do to show each other that they care! They cut each other's chicken in half or make them a can of soup or whateva'!" You know what I'm sayin'?

--88th St & Broadway


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Wednesday One-Liners Taste the Rainbow

Teen hipster on cell: You know, light pink is the navy blue of India. It's true! Don't ask me how I know this but I do.

--6th & 51st

Overheard by: simon

Flamboyant nasal-voiced man on cell: I'm feeling blue...like, royal blue...a little lighter...no, not baby blue...like, American flag blue...like...yeah.

--Jamaica LIRR Station

Aussie on cell: There were all these dudes wearing pink shirts...and they weren't even gay!

--55th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: wearing a pink shirt and gay

Girl to friend: So he made carrot salad and I said "Your poop is gonna be orange!"

--The Frying Pan, Chelsea

Latina: Well, she said "It wasn't white! It was yellow!" So I was like, "Well, was it at least shaped like a penis?"

--4th Ave & 40th, Brooklyn


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Suspenders or Belt, Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy: Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion.

--Uptown 2 Train

Middle aged man at the end of police show (exhausted from dancing around the suite all night): Wow, I can't believe I kept my pants on!

--MSG Skybox

Overheard by: Russ Beef

Man to friend: And like, man I wasn't gonna drink anything, but I smoked like one hundred blunts and was so high and I was like taking my pants off and shit.

--1 Train

Overheard by: batou187

Ghetto guy to ghetto friends: I remember the day I got my Reeboks like I remember the day that I peed my pants...when I was too old to pee my pants.

--A train

Overheard by: Hannah

Guy on phone: I think that may be slightly humiliating though, if the pants actually come off. And someone feels the chicken cutlets inserted in your underpants for some added power.

--19th & 8th

Overheard by: Joey


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Wednesday One-Liners in Tasseled Loafers

Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.

--6th & 55th

Overheard by: Dan

Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!

--Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!

--Madison & 49th

Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.

--59th & Lexington

Overheard by: i'll take the mustang

Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.

--Deli, 33rd & 7th

Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!

--23rd & Lexington

Overheard by: tallnawkward


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I Told Him to Use the Ladies'

Barnes & Noble employee #1: Some bum is washing his ass in the men's restroom.
Barnes & Noble employee #2 (in horror): Oh god.

--Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Yesenia


Posted 2008-09-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Men and Women Define "Relationship" Differently

Woman: It's almost impossible to have a relationship in this city. I make more than most of the men I find attractive.
Man: If you weren't my boss...I would hit that.
Woman: Yeah but... What?
Man: I'm just say'n.

--59th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: BobbyKane


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Which May or May Not Have a Minimum Height Requirement

Old guy: I heard they have a ride for kids over there.
Ghetto guy: Are you kidding me? The only good ride you can get around here is nine chicks and one dude!

--Nostrand Ave & Ave Y, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amber S


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"...So I Can Go Into Clown Porn!"

Guy #1: Yeah, I was at the national unicycling convention.
Guy #2: It's sad that you couldn't put your skills to use... You could be a stuntman, or a sex slave. But no! You said, "Daddy, I want a unicycle!"

--F Train


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We Imagine a Young Katherine Hepburn in This Role

Hot chick: You are never gonna get a job talking like that.
Thug: Yeah, you know, I can turn dis shit off and talk all professional and shit if I have to. (in professional voice): I can speak in a manner which is becoming to a young professional and present myself as an upstanding member of society (now back to thug speak) nawmsayin'?
Hot chick (sarcastically, enunciating each word): Yes. I know what you are saying.

--6 Train

Overheard by: Joey Cards


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There Are Eight Million Stories in the Naked City

Crazy guy: Hello.
Girl: Hi.
Crazy guy: You know, yesterday I had a nervous breakdown. My girlfriend kicked me out of the house forever.
Girl: Oh...
Crazy guy: It was nice talking to you. Bye.

--Union Square


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Is It Even Legal to Turn Down Catherine Zeta Jones?

Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: (gasp) All I know is (gasp) that I would fuck the shit out of her.
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: (silence)
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Are you honestly saying (gasp) you wouldn't fuck the shit out of her?
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: If she was a man...
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Fuck that shit! (gasp) I'm not hearing that.

--Subway Stop, 168th & Broadway

Overheard by: I Would 2


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Does She Still Live in a Van Down by the East River?

Blonde girl: I mean this in the nicest way possible, but she looks exactly like Chris Farley.
Brunette girl: Oh my gosh, you're so right! I can't believe I never noticed before!
Blonde girl: I know! But I totally mean it as a compliment.

--Nobu Restaurant, W 57th

Overheard by: sromeo


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