You're Gonna Find Out Who Killed Mr. Boddy, and You're Gonna Like It!

Teenage boy #1: Hey, let's go to my house.
Teenage boy #2: Why?
Teenage boy #1: To play a boardgame.
Teenage boy #2: I'm not playing a fucking boardgame!
Teenage boy #1: Yes you are!

--Barnes & Noble


Posted 2009-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like Every Good Thing

Boy: Mommy, mommy, I want this! (goes to grab rock candy from bulk candy containers)
Mom: Put that down immediately, it has alcohol in it.

--Dylan's Candy Bar

Overheard by: Ben


Posted 2009-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Wanna Get a Hotel Room After This?

Smashed male Yankees fan: Yeah, I am married. So what's the problem with your life?
Equally hammered female Yankees fan: I don't swallow, and I have two twenty-year-old twin boys.

--NJ Transit

Overheard by: Jabroni


Posted 2009-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ironically, This Turned Into a Domestic Dispute.

Woman: Well, I'm concerned about foreign policy.
Man: Of course, you can make anything into a foreign policy issue. The environment... foreign policy... What does that even mean?

--Sweet Melissa, Brooklyn


Posted 2009-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ssshhh! DSS Is Listening.

Mother: Honey, put on your shirt. This is a shirt and shoes kind of place.
Small boy: But you let me at home!

--Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Overheard by: Jonathan K.


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Funny-- He Had the Same Message for You.

Guy: Yo, where's your boyfriend at?
Girl: He's at his house.
Guy: Tell him I hate him!

--W 207th St & Cooper St

Overheard by: The Green Cat


Posted 2009-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You May Change Your Mind

Young cashier: Have a nice day!
Small old lady: What's so nice about it?
Young cashier: That you're still alive.

--W 90th St


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That'll Be Five Dollars, Please

Crazy old lady: You're gonna have a bad year.
Guy: Thank you.
Crazy old lady: You're gonna have very bad luck... you could be in the next 9/11.

--7th Ave & 36th St


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Isn't Wall Street Depression Street?

Subway voice: The next stop is Bleecker Street.
English tourist #1: Bleecker Street? What's next? Unhappiness Street? Miserable Street? Depression Street?
English tourist #2: Suicide Lane. That's what's next. Now there's a one-way street...

--Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Percival Under Cover


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The Freshman Fifteen, Explained

Girl #1: Well, college is different, because you're on your own, but in a very structured environment.
Girl #2: Did I tell you about the pancakes?

--4 Train


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Next: Driving Gloves

Old woman pushing cart, loudly to old man: I'm going to get you mouthwash for your teeth.
Old man: But I don't have teeth.
Old woman, now yelling: I know that! But this way when you get teeth, you'll know you have mouthwash.

--Columbus Ave & 103rd St

Overheard by: Xsusha


Posted 2009-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area

Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done.

--Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime?

--9th Ave & 14th St

Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry.

--4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn

Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things.

--A Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away!

--Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady


Posted 2009-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook