I Figure I'll Just Point Randomly at the Course Guide Later While Drunk

New Columbia student #1: So what are you majoring in?
New Columbia student #2: Um, like, math I guess.

--Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: DH


Posted 2009-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

My Prose, for Instance.

Chef, checking to make sure everyone has washed their hands: Are you sterile?
Older man: In more ways than one.

--Rustico Cooking Studio

Overheard by: Lobster


Posted 2009-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Some People Get Way Too Invested in The Real World

Older woman: She's still a butthead for moving out so soon.
Girl: Grandma, she had a baby!
Older woman: I don't care.

--Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: JEI


Posted 2009-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You'd Think People Of Mediterranean Descent Would All Get Along Swimmingly

Guido: Excuse me, miss? Miss? Have I seen you in my church?
20-something girl: No.
Guido: No, no, I definitely saw you in my church. We go to the same one.
20-something girl, sighing: Sir... If I went to any house of worship, it'd be a synagogue. And I stay as far away from those as possible. Have a nice day now.
Guido: Aaaaawww, I liiike you!

--82nd & Broadway


Posted 2009-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With Tear-Stained Cheeks, I Wander the Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland

Park ranger: Boat to New Jersey to the left, New York to the right.
Guy heading to boats: Why would we ever want to go to New Jersey?
Park ranger: Good question.
K-9 cop: I guess you won't be visiting me... I'm living in exile over there.

--Liberty Island

Overheard by: ZANSR


Posted 2009-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Is It Our Anniversary Already?

Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.

--113th & Amsterdam


Posted 2009-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww... So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."

--Washington Square Park

10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.

--34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Samantha

Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now--we both have cats!

--One World Financial Center

Overheard by: macgeekgrl

Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?

--60th St b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Adam B.

20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.

--Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: J Cox


Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in... I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea...

--Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

--Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

--Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

--125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

--Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

--Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung


Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes

Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.

--Broadway & 43rd St

Overheard by: Maria

Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!

--Vandam St & 6th Ave

20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.

--R Train

Overheard by: Note to self....

Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah... I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.

--Jamaica, Queens

Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.

--Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th

Overheard by: Newsbunny


Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wheresday One-Liners

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!

--Broadway & Waverly

Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?

--1 Train

Overheard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!

--Penn Station

Overheard by: queenofscots

Guy on cell: I don't get it--why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?

--Costco, Brooklyn

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

--85th & 1st

Overheard by: Special K


Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

"What What (In the Wednesday One-Liner)"

Girl to teenage posse: Either the pen was really weak or his butt was really strong.

--Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Newsbunny doesn't want to know

Crazy guy to self, after average woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I'd eat a sandwich out that ass!

--36th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dingleberry

Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt magazines...

--34th & 8th

Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It's like your ass is gift wrapped!

--33rd & 7th

Older woman to younger woman: If your booty deserves the credit, give it the credit!

--Central Park

Overheard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Credit!


Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wednesday One-Liners, Hosted by Rackspace

Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!

--Penn Station

Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes

Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!

--Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!

--Think Coffee

Overheard by: its to early for this conversation

Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!

--St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Dahlia

Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!

--Times Square


Posted 2009-11-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook