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I Figure I'll Just Point Randomly at the Course Guide Later While Drunk
New Columbia student #1: So what are you majoring in?
New Columbia student #2: Um, like, math I guess.
--Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: DH
My Prose, for Instance.
Chef, checking to make sure everyone has washed their hands: Are you sterile?
Older man: In more ways than one.
--Rustico Cooking Studio
Overheard by: Lobster
Some People Get Way Too Invested in The Real World
Older woman: She's still a butthead for moving out so soon.
Girl: Grandma, she had a baby!
Older woman: I don't care.
--Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: JEI
You'd Think People Of Mediterranean Descent Would All Get Along Swimmingly
Guido: Excuse me, miss? Miss? Have I seen you in my church?
20-something girl: No.
Guido: No, no, I definitely saw you in my church. We go to the same one.
20-something girl, sighing: Sir... If I went to any house of worship, it'd be a synagogue. And I stay as far away from those as possible. Have a nice day now.
Guido: Aaaaawww, I liiike you!
--82nd & Broadway
With Tear-Stained Cheeks, I Wander the Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland
Park ranger: Boat to New Jersey to the left, New York to the right.
Guy heading to boats: Why would we ever want to go to New Jersey?
Park ranger: Good question.
K-9 cop: I guess you won't be visiting me... I'm living in exile over there.
--Liberty Island
Overheard by: ZANSR
Is It Our Anniversary Already?
Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.
--113th & Amsterdam
Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy
Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww... So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."
--Washington Square Park
10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.
--34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Samantha
Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now--we both have cats!
--One World Financial Center
Overheard by: macgeekgrl
Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?
--60th St b/w Park & Madison
Overheard by: Adam B.
20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.
--Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: J Cox
Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly
Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in... I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea...
--Columbus & 62nd St
Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.
--Columbia University
Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!
--Spring & Hudson
Overheard by: Oscar Gamble
Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.
--125th St Fairway
Overheard by: Just Shoppint
Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.
--Williamsburg
Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes
Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.
--Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung
Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes
Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.
--Broadway & 43rd St
Overheard by: Maria
Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!
--Vandam St & 6th Ave
20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.
--R Train
Overheard by: Note to self....
Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah... I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.
--Jamaica, Queens
Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.
--Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th
Overheard by: Newsbunny
Wheresday One-Liners
NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!
--Broadway & Waverly
Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?
--1 Train
Overheard by: amalthya
Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: queenofscots
Guy on cell: I don't get it--why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?
--Costco, Brooklyn
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?
--85th & 1st
Overheard by: Special K
"What What (In the Wednesday One-Liner)"
Girl to teenage posse: Either the pen was really weak or his butt was really strong.
--Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Newsbunny doesn't want to know
Crazy guy to self, after average woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I'd eat a sandwich out that ass!
--36th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dingleberry
Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt magazines...
--34th & 8th
Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It's like your ass is gift wrapped!
--33rd & 7th
Older woman to younger woman: If your booty deserves the credit, give it the credit!
--Central Park
Overheard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Credit!
Wednesday One-Liners, Hosted by Rackspace
Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes
Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!
--Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn
Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!
--Think Coffee
Overheard by: its to early for this conversation
Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!
--St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Dahlia
Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!
--Times Square
