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I'm Not a Wednesday One-Liner -- You're a Turkey!
Hootchie, about subway smell: It smells like gooood chicken in here. Like McDonald's.
--86th St Subway Platform
Overheard by: EthanK
Barnard girl, indignantly: Chickens don't have thighs!
--Columbia University
Overheard by: The Thighless Wonder
Kid to friends: Oh, shit! I forgot there's a chicken in my backpack!
--Canal St Subway Station
Overheard by: Mel
Cracked out lady on one crutch to cashier: Do you guys still carry like, hamburgers and chicken sandwiches and stuff?
--McDonald's
Overheard by: Ben
Perspiring panhandler on definitely non-organic substances holding a can and singing: I love chickennn...chicken breastsss and thighhhs...chicken heads...mmmmmmm...I love them goooood (keeps going) Thank you. (extends his can for donations)
--7 Train
Overheard by: OG Bergenfield
Woman on phone with friend: I mean he wouldn't even cut my chicken in half for me at dinner. I was all givin' him shit for it. We got in this fight and I told him, "That's what people do to show each other that they care! They cut each other's chicken in half or make them a can of soup or whateva'!" You know what I'm sayin'?
--88th St & Broadway
Wednesday One-Liners Taste the Rainbow
Teen hipster on cell: You know, light pink is the navy blue of India. It's true! Don't ask me how I know this but I do.
--6th & 51st
Overheard by: simon
Flamboyant nasal-voiced man on cell: I'm feeling blue...like, royal blue...a little lighter...no, not baby blue...like, American flag blue...like...yeah.
--Jamaica LIRR Station
Aussie on cell: There were all these dudes wearing pink shirts...and they weren't even gay!
--55th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: wearing a pink shirt and gay
Girl to friend: So he made carrot salad and I said "Your poop is gonna be orange!"
--The Frying Pan, Chelsea
Latina: Well, she said "It wasn't white! It was yellow!" So I was like, "Well, was it at least shaped like a penis?"
--4th Ave & 40th, Brooklyn
Suspenders or Belt, Wednesday One-Liners?
Guy: Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion.
--Uptown 2 Train
Middle aged man at the end of police show (exhausted from dancing around the suite all night): Wow, I can't believe I kept my pants on!
--MSG Skybox
Overheard by: Russ Beef
Man to friend: And like, man I wasn't gonna drink anything, but I smoked like one hundred blunts and was so high and I was like taking my pants off and shit.
--1 Train
Overheard by: batou187
Ghetto guy to ghetto friends: I remember the day I got my Reeboks like I remember the day that I peed my pants...when I was too old to pee my pants.
--A train
Overheard by: Hannah
Guy on phone: I think that may be slightly humiliating though, if the pants actually come off. And someone feels the chicken cutlets inserted in your underpants for some added power.
--19th & 8th
Overheard by: Joey
Wednesday One-Liners in Tasseled Loafers
Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.
--6th & 55th
Overheard by: Dan
Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!
--Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!
--Madison & 49th
Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.
--59th & Lexington
Overheard by: i'll take the mustang
Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.
--Deli, 33rd & 7th
Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!
--23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tallnawkward
I Told Him to Use the Ladies'
Barnes & Noble employee #1: Some bum is washing his ass in the men's restroom.
Barnes & Noble employee #2 (in horror): Oh god.
--Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Yesenia
Men and Women Define "Relationship" Differently
Woman: It's almost impossible to have a relationship in this city. I make more than most of the men I find attractive.
Man: If you weren't my boss...I would hit that.
Woman: Yeah but... What?
Man: I'm just say'n.
--59th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: BobbyKane
Which May or May Not Have a Minimum Height Requirement
Old guy: I heard they have a ride for kids over there.
Ghetto guy: Are you kidding me? The only good ride you can get around here is nine chicks and one dude!
--Nostrand Ave & Ave Y, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Amber S
"...So I Can Go Into Clown Porn!"
Guy #1: Yeah, I was at the national unicycling convention.
Guy #2: It's sad that you couldn't put your skills to use... You could be a stuntman, or a sex slave. But no! You said, "Daddy, I want a unicycle!"
--F Train
We Imagine a Young Katherine Hepburn in This Role
Hot chick: You are never gonna get a job talking like that.
Thug: Yeah, you know, I can turn dis shit off and talk all professional and shit if I have to. (in professional voice): I can speak in a manner which is becoming to a young professional and present myself as an upstanding member of society (now back to thug speak) nawmsayin'?
Hot chick (sarcastically, enunciating each word): Yes. I know what you are saying.
--6 Train
Overheard by: Joey Cards
There Are Eight Million Stories in the Naked City
Crazy guy: Hello.
Girl: Hi.
Crazy guy: You know, yesterday I had a nervous breakdown. My girlfriend kicked me out of the house forever.
Girl: Oh...
Crazy guy: It was nice talking to you. Bye.
--Union Square
Is It Even Legal to Turn Down Catherine Zeta Jones?
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: (gasp) All I know is (gasp) that I would fuck the shit out of her.
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: (silence)
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Are you honestly saying (gasp) you wouldn't fuck the shit out of her?
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #2: If she was a man...
Large, out-of-breath woman climbing stairs #1: Fuck that shit! (gasp) I'm not hearing that.
--Subway Stop, 168th & Broadway
Overheard by: I Would 2
Does She Still Live in a Van Down by the East River?
Blonde girl: I mean this in the nicest way possible, but she looks exactly like Chris Farley.
Brunette girl: Oh my gosh, you're so right! I can't believe I never noticed before!
Blonde girl: I know! But I totally mean it as a compliment.
--Nobu Restaurant, W 57th
Overheard by: sromeo
