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You Can't Spell "Geek" Without It.
Boy: You're not ferocious!
Girl: Rawrrr!!!!!
Boy: Eeek!
--St. Mark's
Wednesday Halloweeners
Thug on cell: Yo, Halloween is so racist.
--Midtown Comics
Drunk girl to guy friends: Schoolgirl is waaaay better than like... the nurse or the maid. Or Princess Leia.
--Uptown D Train
Overheard by: Tinuvielbird
Drunk guy commenting on white guy's costume: Shit, dat nigga's woody!
--42nd & 7th Ave
Guy on phone: No, mom, I could go out tonight and puke all over everything, but I'm not because I'm saving myself for Halloween. How's dad doing?
--Fulton at Nassau
Tonight, on a Very Special Wednesday One-Liners...
Elderly man, to himself: I find Family Guy highly stimulating.
--Prospect Park
Overheard by: Taylor
Silly party girl: Jersey Shore is more informative then other shows! I mean, it teaches you how to dress and how to have great sex!
--Q Train
NYU girl: Yeah, right now I finally have a solid tuesday/wednesday/thursday line-up cause Glee is back on!
--Gould Plaza
Overheard by: Erin
Hipster to another: MTV is like my grandfather!
--13th St & 6th
Woman to boyfriend: I can watch all those shows you hate, like America's Next Top Grundle.
--N Train
Overheard by: tC
Guy: Oh yeah, she watches that shit all right. And not even ironically!
--Q Train, Brooklyn
Liar, Liar, Wednesday One-Liners on Fire!
Gay boy: The hipsters make it so tricky. Back in college, if a guy in tight pants asked if I wanted to go play handball, I knew I was getting my dick sucked. Now, I might actually have to play handball.
--Christopher St
Bus driver as bus approaches high school: This is the future of America getting ready to get off the bus. I know they have their pants below their knees but by the time they graduate they'll get a belt!
--Q46 Bus, Glen Oaks
NYU chick to NYU guy: So then she pulls me into a room, closes the door, and pulls down her pants.
--Washington Square Park
Gay man to another: So there I was... tied up with my pants around my ankles... The kerosene already poured all over me---and this was a person whom I used to think was brilliant!
--1 Train
Wednesday One-Liners: Taste the Rainbow.
Mom to three-year old son stepping in a puddle of bright green liquid: It's best to avoid liquids of that color, darling.
--187th & Cabrini
Overheard by: Faith
Man to woman, sighing: I don't know... There's something about green that's more than just blue and yellow... But I don't necessarily feel that there's anything about teal that's more than just blue and yellow.
--Dodge Hall, Arts Building at Columbia University
Woman: So, I heard a rumor that you like the color orange.
--Rockefeller Center
Lady yelling into the phone: She said the dick is round! (pause, then quietly) Was it blue?
--Hudson St & Spring St
Overheard by: Not round. Or blue.
Hobo asking for money from two college girls: Hey, you got some change? Oh, you are going to ignore me? Well, lady in green: you're so mean. Girl in black... you'll be back!
--Greenwhich Ave & Jane St
Overheard by: De
Skynet Sends the Terminator Back to Wednesday to Kill One-Liners
Skinny guy on Mac laptop to friend: Oh fuck, it's the spinning rainbow beach ball of death.
--Starbucks, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: yeah, it's not my favorite either
Guy coming out of elevator: Her son drowned, and she posted it on twitter.
--Midtown
Unattractive woman on cell: Whereas eHarmony is designed to match for long-term relationships, Craigslist only matches for as long as it takes to get off.
--B62 Bus
High school girl to another: What do you do when you get home, if you don't have a Facebook?
--96th St & Lexington
Cross Only at Wednesday One-Liners
Asian hipster to friend: A blind woman with a cane comes up to me at the crosswalk and asks if its okay to cross. I tell her yeah, the light just changed. Next crosswalk she catches up to me asks same question and I tell her no, the light is still red. She goes anyway. New York... Even the blind jaywalk!
--E 14th St & 2nd Ave
Young man to friend at crosswalk during a red light: Yo, jaywalk that shit!
--34th St & 7th Ave
30-something man strategizing how to cross slush-puddle: Long jump! I did this in high school!
--3rd Ave & 10th St
Stooped old man in the crosswalk: Shouldn't be too bad... Shouldn't be too bad...(takes a step) Shouldn't be too bad...
--58th & 10th
A Straight Guy's Worst Nightmare Is Wednesday One-Liners
Man to woman: Remember, when we first met our menstrual cycles were almost the same.
--Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn
Burly man into cell: I know I'm a princess. You don't have to tell me that... It's nice of you to say so, anyway.
--Pratt Institute
Overheard by: LesbianUnicorn
20-something guy to friend: Hey, how old were you when you learned that girls don't have penises?
--1 Train
Overheard by: Derek
Gothy teen: Have you ever noticed that the most attractive Japanese women turn out to be men?
--Uptown A Train
Guy with lots of makeup on: Seriously, if you want to date me, put some eyeliner on.
--Williamsburg
Wednesday One-Liners Drop the Soap.
Rugged man on cell: I haven't had time to get my freaking eyebrows done since I got out of jail, it's a good thing my girlfriend likes bushy eyebrows.
--Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Mama Masala
Tough-looking dude to another: Yo, the last thing you wanna do is get locked up in Miami during spring break!
--34th & Madison Ave
Guy: What's the name of that asshole who married that scumbag that went to jail?
--New York Public Library
Little girl screaming after her mom: I'm not going to jail, mommy, you goin' to jail!
--Myrtle Avenue, Brooklyn
Some Wednesday One-Liners for You to Chew On.
Girl to boyfriend: Well, I don't know what kind of cult they're in, but they make the best waffles.
--Union Station
Overheard by: Chunky Jesus
Guy on phone, loudly: Yes! Make the soup! Make the soup! If you don't, I simply don't know how I'm going to spend the weekend! (long pause) Wait, what? Don't you use words that are longer than five letters when talking to me, young one!
--Q Train
20-something: He once tried to deep-fry an orange.
--Bar, Midtown
Overheard by: Adam
50-something yelling on cell: Yeah... I figured out we were at the movies, I was just wondering who brought the asparagus.
--Fairway Market, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Antny
Woman looking in her sandwich: This is absurd!
--JFK
Big Momma's Wednesday One-Liner
Man on train: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I am trying to get home to Bakerfield... And I have diarrhea.
--V Train
Overheard by: Avi
Post office clerk: May I have someone step down, please? If anyone wants to go home, come to the front, please?
--Post Office, Coney Island
Guy with scarf to friend: I swear to god, if I come over to your house with a black light and your sheets don't glow in the dark, you're a failure.
--B Train
Overheard by: Mary Kate Wise
Man rapping on the train: 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s... And I'm still in housin!
--4 Train
USDA Choice Wednesday One-Liners
Six-year-old girl throwing a tantrum: I need bacon! I need bacon! I need bacon!
--R Train
Girl to two friends: You're upper-middle class and you're making hot dogs? That's disgusting!
--Broadway & 31st St, Astoria
Girl: You know how they got, like, bacon in their hands?
--St. Mark's Place
Guy to girlfriend: We should get some pastrami. I've always found it to be the most sensual of the cured meats.
--St. Mark's Market
