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Wine and Wednesday One-Liners
Female college student on cell: Sorry, there was an incident. She was eating string cheese, and I told her she looked like a walrus. So she tried to smack me in the face but she couldn't, and I ran into the bathroom. So she tried to hit me with the string cheese, but I was like your string cheese will get all fuzzy. So she smacked me in the face with the cheese.
--Penn Station
Girl on phone: And then I stuck a string cheese in the microwave. Yeah, in the wrapper.
--57th & 7th
Sexy guy, looking at orchestra program description of movement "con brio": Does that mean "with cheese"?
--Camerata Notturna Concert, W. 57th St
Overheard by: Ladle
Older European woman to another: She's fine with the reference to cheese. I mean, she can eat cheese, just not the real kind.
--Union Square
Hipster: So she writes everything down in her cheese diary...
--Bedford & 4th
Wednesday One-Liner Is Performance
20-something woman on cell: So I'm like, "Be a man and go in the ladies' room!"
--19th & 7th
Overheard by: tycho anomaly
40-something suit on cell: Why do I have to be the girl?
--University Place & 14th St
Overheard by: rich
Meathead: To the point where the hottest women in Thailand are men. But I mean, no homo or anything.
--Uptown 5 Train
Overheard by: Can't vouch for this
Woman on cell: So yeah, men and women are different. Anyway...
--High Line Park
Overheard by: hudson williams-eynon
Guy, looking at friend's iPhone: Ugh, I really didn't need to see shemale penis today.
--99 Below Restaurant
Overheard by: Calvin SC
Which Goes Well with My Skin
Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch... does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh... well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn't come it any other colors. Just beige.
--Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: misskitty
Um, That's a Vase.
Gay man #1, pointing at Greek statue: What's that?
Gay man #2: I don't know, but it's got a great ass!
--Met Museum
Overheard by: Peed my pants
She's Really Annoying to Watch Oprah with
Young black girl #1: Why ain't you under the umbrella? You black.
Young black girl #2: I don't give a fuck if my hair gets messed up.
Young black girl #1: You black! You so black!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: rpk
And It's Gonna Be Wih Another Girl!
Little girl #1 to family: I'm going to be 30 when I have my first baby!
Mom: You know, you can have one earlier.
Little girl #2: I'm going to be 29!
--Tea & Sympathy
Overheard by: Not Preggers
Did You Just Say Something Was More Tranny Than a Jumpsuit?
Gay guy #1: Girl! Why are you wearing that coat? It's hot outside!
Gay guy #2, in huge black faux fur coat: It's to cover up the jumpsuit!
Gay guy #1: I think the coat makes you look more tranny than the jumpsuit.
--L Train
Kevin Decides to Get a Fitness Program and Some New Friends
Chinese teen #1: Dude, you are "Fat Kevin" on my cell.
Chinese teen #2: What?
Chinese teen #1: I can't tell all you Kevins' voices! There's a fat Kevin, a skinny Kevin, an Indian Kevin, and just Kevin.
--Internet Cafe, Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: Renata
What Is It About a Loser in a Bandana?
20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Come on babe, let me walk you home. Actually, fuck it, come over and watch a movie with me, I got some beer.
Unattractive older blonde: Nah, can't, I've got work in the morning, and I'm already wasted.
20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Aw, you know I'll get you up as early as you need to get to work on time. You know I will. Plus, I'm pretty drunk, but I'm your cousin, so you don't even have to worry that I'll try to stick my wiener in you!
Unattractive older blonde: Well, alright.
--Grassroots Tavern, East Village
Raise Your Hand If You're Gonna Start Using That
Woman on bus: Hey, when are we gonna leave here--Christmas?
Driver: Lady, hold on.
Man on bus: He's probably watchin' porn.
Woman on bus: Yeah, stop beatin' your meat.
Driver: I'm waiting for my supervisor to give me the go-ahead.
Woman: Well, I'm gonna miss the ferry, so tell your stupidvisor I don't want to miss the ferry.
Driver: Did you just call him a stupidvisor?
--Chamber St. Shuttle to South Ferry
Overheard by: Jon
I Blame Niel Simon
British mother to young son: No, I want you to wear shoes on the subway.
British son: But I'm already barefoot, so what does it matter?
--American Museum of Natural History
...Whatever Your Name Is.
Stranger: Hey, big dick!
Black guy: Hey, what's up guy. Not big dick anymore, small dick! (motions with hand)
Stranger: Not what that girl told me last night, haha.
Black guy: Well, alright, take care.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Brandon
