Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Wanting to Eat Your Veggies Makes Us All Look Bad
Hyper kid to mom, loudly: Where is my veggie soup!? (repeats it several times)
Grumpy old dude: Shut the fuck up, kid!
(general laughter)
--Deli, 57th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: gunnarsix
Careful-- She's a Nunja
Drunk girl: Hey, you know that girl over there?
Sober friend: Yeah.
Drunk girl: She's... She's a virgin... In all ways.
--F Train
I'm Beginning to Worry You Won't Fit in with My Friends
Girl: Why do you fuck a sheep at the edge of a cliff? (waits) So the sheep pushes back.
Guy: I don't get it.
Girl: Do I have to explain sheep-fucking to you?!
--Prince & Mercer
Overheard by: Thiess
I Like to Braid It Using Only My Tongue
Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Husband: (nods)
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
Husband: (nods)
--Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side
Only If You'll Indulge My Peter O'Toole Impression
Professor: When would be a good day for our review session?
Student: How about Friday?
Professor: Nope, sorry. Friday I'm gonna get my drink on!
Student: Can we have it in the bar?
--NYU
Was That Before or After the Ghostbusters Took Over the Statue Of Liberty?
Girl: Ohhhh, this is the building that King Kong climbed up, right?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Wow. That would have been so scary to live here when that happened!
--In Line for Elevator at Empire State Building
Overheard by: Bella
Whatever He Says, He's Thinking "Oh, Fuck You"
Man walking north: Hi!
Woman in leather pants walking south: Oh! It's you. My ass has been pinched six times today, so I'm not really into people right now, but how are you?
--81st & 3rd
For Some Reason, I Keep Ordering Things That Aren't On It
Friend #1: So how is your husband?
Friend #2: For some reason I keep on sleeping with his best friend.
Friend #1: What!
Friend #2: Yeah girl...I'm leaving him. So what do you want to order from the menu?
--Restaurant Queens
It's Like She Can Hear Everything I Say to You
Woman on train to loud Puerto Rican woman on cell: Excuse me, can you please lower your voice?
Puerto Rican woman, into cell: This bitch just asked me to lower my voice!
--NJ Transit
Overheard by: Emily
Eat This-- It'll Be Hanukah in Your Mouth!
Little boy: When will it be Hanukkah?
Dad: Not for a while.
Little boy: But I'm begging you for Hanukkah.
Dad: You got some time until it's Hanukkah, buddy.
Little boy: Now you'll never get me a present!
Dad: (begins to leave with the little boy)
Little boy: I am not moving until it's Hanukkah!
--Bagel Shop, The Village
Overheard by: wilpon
Next Thing I Know You'll Be Putting My Baby in the Corner!
Black woman with baby, after being pushed by white woman entering crowded subway: Do you not see the baby?
White woman: Yes, I saw the baby!
Black woman: No, you didn't, because you were pushing your titties on the baby!
(white woman ignores her)
Black woman to man next to her: You! Get yo ass out of my baby's face!
--F Train
Overheard by: What's a sombrero?
Though Then We Could Definitely Fulfill Our Dream Of Getting on Cirque Du Soleil
Mother to grown daughter, as they huddle together: It's freezing!
(after a few minutes)
Mother: You're not warm yet?
Daughter: I'd be a lot warmer if I crawled up your crotch. (laughs)
Mother: You can't crawl up mommy's crotch anymore, now can you? You're too big!
--LIRR
