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Most Kids Love Ice Cream and Hate Art; Deal With It
Dad: Wow! Look at all these paintings! Right here in the open, even if it rains. Pretty cool, huh?
Eight-year-old: I want my ice cream. You said I could have ice cream.
--Governors Island
...So, Too Bad You're So Sweet.
Cute hipster girl to guy with missing front tooth: Excuse me, is this your needle?
(hands him hypodermic needle he had left on his seat)
Sketchy guy: Oh, yeah, thanks. Diabetic.
--1 Train
Overheard by: Rick Bruner
And Those Are Just for My Baby!
Lady to cashier: Can you front me a slice 'til I get my check?
Cashier: Sorry, no.
Lady: C'mon, man. I come here all the time.
Cashier: Yeah, so?
Lady: Man, you suck. You don't know what it's like. I have to buy Pampers and food and crack.
--Pizzeria, Harlem
Overheard by: Rufio
Mr. Trump Is Just Mean
Fat chick to friends: And then he said I reminded him of Rosie O'Donnell! (starts hysterically crying)
Friend #1: How? Like because you're funny?
Fat chick: No! Because I'm fat! (continues crying)
(man walking by bursts out laughing)
Friend #2: It's not funny!
Man walking away: Yes it is!
--7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jesse H.
New York Only Has a Couple Of Ninjarinas
Asian conductor to ballerina on train carrying scissors, needle and thread: You know, I could confiscate those scissors. Since 9/11 they are really strict.
Ballerina: I'm just sewing my shoes, they're to cut the thread.
Asian conductor: Some of us would just take them. I won't, I'm just warning you. The needle too. There is this place in the neck you could stick the needle and paralyze someone. (walks away)
Ballerina's seatmate: He watches too many ninja movies.
--Metro North
But Only If MTV Is There to Film It
Guy #1: So I literally threw the books at her. And I said, "What's the point anymore? We fight like cats and dogs every time..."
Guy #2: So maybe we should all move in together in one big house! And we could marry each other's wives!
Guy #3: Yeah! Maybe...?
--17th St & 7th Ave
Whiteboards and Dry-Erase Markers Have Left Us Culturally Deprived
Asian girl #1: I always wondered what chalk tasted like.
Asian girl #2: (silence)
Asian girl #1: Do you know what chalk tastes like?
--Elizabeth Center
...Whatever President Obama May Think
Black gay guy #1: We better get back to class. This shopping can wait for another day.
Black gay guy #2: Class can wait in the name of fashion.
--Clothing Shop, Williamsberg
Also So My Female Friends Would Change Clothes in Front Of Me
Bro #1: I'm gonna get him... I wish I was gay so he could suck my dick!
Bro #2: Man, don't say that.
Bro #1: I said it. I wish I was gay!
--Franklin Ave.
I Recommend Ritual Suicide
Girl #1: Why should you have him? I've been single for 20 months.
Girl #2: 20 months?! I'd be ashamed!
--34th & 7th
When You Buy the Front Of a Dog, You Get the Back for Free
Father, pointing out woman cleaning up tiny turd from tiny dog: See, if we got a dog, that's what you would have to do.
Five-year-old son, near hysterics: Noooooo!
--Upper West Side
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
And Man the Oars?
Black girl #1 to large group of friends: It's like a slave ship here.
Black girl #2: First thing we need to do is get a gyro.
--Penn Station at Rush Hour
