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Hormones: An OINY Short Story
Teenage boy #1: Dude, that mannequin was hot!
Teenage boy #2: Imagine if it had a head and limbs!
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Dave Rabkin
You're Right, but for All the Wrong Reasons
Not from New York husband: Honey, we can eat over there. (points at Tavern on the Green)
Not from New York wife: Ew! No, I am not going to eat at a tavern. That's gross.
--Central Park
And a Man I Can Pee With!
Frustrated hobo: What are you looking for?
Batty bag lady: A car!
Frustrated hobo: Well, what kind of car?
Batty bag lady: A car I can pee between!
--Eldridge & Broome
Overheard by: Nic
New York Girls Have Always Swooned for Quasimodo's "Ironic" Sense Of Style
Hermit-looking man at bakery counter: Euhh... Yes, I want cake. One will say "Kenny's dead." No! Wait! One will say "I killed Kenny, and I'm not sorry!" And the other will say... it will say, "Obama is my homeboy!"
20-something hipster girl, staring at man: Are you... for real?
Hermit-looking man: Yes, sweetie.
20-something hipster girl: You... you win at life, sir.
--167th & Broadway
...Clearly You Have No Grasp Of Bikini Wrestling Bylaws, Sir.
Guy holding baking mix: Excuse me, where's the vegetable oil?
Employee: We don't have vegetable oil, but I think canola oil should work fine with that.
Guy, sarcastically: Oh, you think canola oil would work?
--Trader Joe's, 14th St
Also How to Get Banned from Nobu.
Girlfriend: Learn anything new today?
Boyfriend: How to say "sexual offender" in Japanese!
--Central Park
Overheard by: lynn
The Adult Film Industry Will Be Happy to Guide You
Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing...
Friend: Again... Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!
--Uptown 2 Train
Tracy Chapman's Been Saying That Since 1988
Bag lady to white guy whistling "When the Saints Go Marching In": Damn, nigger, that's my jam!
Guy: I'm... Ummm... sorry?
Bag lady: Yeah? Fuck you too!
(guy and girl walk away)
Bag lady: Shit, I gotta get outta this town and get my own place!
--L Train
Overheard by: The Music Man
Canadia: Dammit...!
Teenage girl #1: And she was trying to convince me that Florida is north of New York!
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, some people are so stupid! North of us is like... Delaware!
--Hudson & Gansevoort
Overheard by: Laura
I Checked Her Birth Certificate
Hispanic teenage girl #1: I don't know about that girl. She just don't fit in with our group.
Hispanic teenage girl #2: Yeah, she think she ghetto fabulous, but she just ghetto.
--Brooklyn
Who Knew Sex With Strangers Could Be Unsatisfying?
Walk of shame girl #1: He said I was the best 20-minute decision he ever made.
Walk of shame girl #2: Oh my god, really??
Walk of shame girl #1: Yeah, more like 5 minutes.
--89th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Just Out For Coffee
New Yorkers Aren't Impressed When You Put on the Dog
Woman to waiter: Oh my god! I left my mink stole here. Oh please don't let it be gone. (goes to table, finds stole) Oh, thank god I found my mink stole and no one took it!
Woman at next table: Oh, please, bitch, ain't nobody want your German Shepherd!
--The Diner Restaurant, Midtown
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