Overheard in New York

Luckily, They're the Only Two People Who Can Stand Each Other

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500

20-something redhead to friend, while texting: Wait... Maryland is down, and New York is up, right? I mean map-wise.
Friend: What the fuck?
20-something redhead, no longer texting: I had so much fun tonight. Can we do this again... lately?
Friend: Uhhh, do you mean "soon"?
20-something redhead: Yeah. Soon, lately, you know what I mean.

--Windsor Court, Murray Hill

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-20

We Finished the Cashews. That's a Pen.

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0500

Woman #1: These almonds are great.
Woman #2: These are cashews. We finished all the almonds earlier.
Woman #1: These cashews are great.

--Grand Central

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-20

Would "Your Lips!!!" Be an Inappropriate Answer?

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0500

Customer: I'd like a footlong meatball sub on wheat.
Manager: What would you like on your balls, sir?

--Subway Restaurant

Overheard by: Mondoman

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-20

It's in a Bucket Labeled "KFC"

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0500

Georgia hick: We need to see if our animals are here.
Flight attendant: Um, how many do you have?
Georgia hick: One. A chicken.

--LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Dave

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-20

Worst. Timecop Sequel. Ever.

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:00:00 -0500

Customer: My MetroCard isn't working.
Booth agent: Is it expired?
Customer: No, it's good until the end of the year.
Booth agent, looking at card: You're right, let me check it. (swipes card) Oh, you can't use it today because you already used it tomorrow.
Customer, looking confused: Oh-kaaay...
Booth agent: I will buzz you through today, but see your office administrator about this.

--86th & Lexington

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-20

For Instance, If She's a Relative.

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0500

20-something guy #1: You don't go to see a bitch without a condom.
20-something guy #2: Depending on how well I know her, yeah I do.

--Queens

Overheard by: Tara

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-20

Or Have an IQ Above 50

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:00:00 -0500

Girl: Wow, you are really tall!
Guy: Yeah, I know...
Girl: No, seriously, you're like as tall as that Ying Yang guy!
Guy: What? Who? Oh, you mean Yao Ming?
Girl, laughing: Oh yeah, whatever, I don't watch baseball.

--NYU

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-19

Who Says You Can't Win an Argument?

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:00:00 -0500

Girl #1: Stop pushing!
Girl #2: You stop pushing!
Girl #1: Stop pushing or I'm gonna punch your fat teeth into your fat face!

--F Train

Overheard by: goodstuff

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-19

What Runs Through Parents' Minds When They Picture Their Kids in the Big Apple

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500

Drunk hobo: You guys are attractive. You got the hair thing going on and you have the sideburns working for you. (flexes biceps)
Teenage boys: Ummm... Thanks.
Drunk hobo: Guys... listen. Guys... birds of a feather fly together. Birds of a feather fly together. You don't see seagulls flying with pigeons or pigeons flying with seagulls. Birds of a feather fly together! You guys have any money?
(they give him some change, he walks away)
Sketchy man overlooking: Wow... that guy was crazy. Do you kids want some weed or some blow?

--Sitting Area, 48th & 8th

Overheard by: Brendan

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-19

Now That's Customer Service

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0500

Indian counter-person #1 to girl buying beer: Do you want a straw?
Girl: No, thanks.
Indian counter-person #2: I hear you get more fucked up if you drink it from a straw.

--Spring & Mott

Overheard by: Clannah

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-19

Everybody Says That, but They Never Return

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0500

Girl: I don't know why people think my relationship with my roommate is weird...
Friend: What do you mean?
Girl: Yeah, well, cuz people hate the fact we like spooning with each other.
Friend: I need more sugar in my coffee... be right back.

--Dunkin' Donuts

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-19

Where You're Given Sponges Instead Of Soap?

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0500

Bimbo #1 with yoga mat: Have you ever done the two-hour boot camp workout thing?
Bimbo #2 with yoga mat: No, but I hear it's as bad as being in a contraception camp.

--72nd & Columbus

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-19

But Would It Help If You Knew That "Cocaine" Was the Name Of a Hooker?

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:00:00 -0500

Old hobo sitting on sidewalk to grad student: Hey man! You want some cocaine?
Grad student: No, thanks man.
Old hobo: Alright, have a good night.
Grad student: You too.

--Chelsea

Overheard by: tee hee :)

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-19

Should We Set Them Up?

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0500

Construction worker #1: My boss, he's got a mustache like Hitler.
Construction worker #2: Mine's a Jew.

--Astoria

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-19

Wednesday One-Liners Are Simply Scrotacular

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:00:00 -0500

Tourist mom with mullet, trying to take a picture of cute five-year old boy: Stand by the testicles, honey. Stand by the balls!

--Wall Street Bull

Overheard by: oh tourists

Suit to street vendor: You spend the money and get blue balls...

--Astor Place

Overheard by: Colin

Guy on cell: Fucking shit! What the fuck? This fucking shit is fucking messed up! (pause) Whatever, mommy... just get me a large, it'll give me more room for my balls.

--97th St & Madison Ave

Big guy in chair on sidewalk to friend: So, I ate a pair of balls last night. Lamb balls. Hot and spicy.

--Heath St & 231st St

Overheard by: Km

Ghetto man to Dunkin' Donuts cashier: Yo, how much is da balls?

--W 148th & Broadway

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down |
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2009-11-18