I’m Not Sure a Finger Is a Comprehensive Response

Soccer mom: I dropped a twenty dollar bill last time I was in here, like, two weeks ago. Did anybody find it and turn it in?
Cashier: Ya know, we’ve gotten so many twenties turned in this month, you’re going to have to identify yours. Whats the serial number?

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica at www.lonelyroadsandpsychopaths.com

Dating in NYC: A Short Story

Asian chick #1: The thing is, he’s a Jewish guy? And like, ya know, a lot of Jewish guys are in to Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah?
Asian chick #1: Yeah. I think it’s like because, like, both cultures are so, like, into family? Like Jews are really into family and Asians are really into family?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: But also? I think he kind of has an Asian fetish?
Asian chick #2: I hate that.
Asian chick #1: Yeah. He’s like…ya know. A nerdy Jewish guy who likes to date Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: Yeah, but he’s really cute in that way that he’s nerdy but he loves Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah. –N/R 8th street station

Wednesday One-Liners Phone Home

Irate mother: I don't care if she doesn't like that she has a new number! She don't pay the bills! She don't like it, she don't have to use the phone! She wants to get a phone herself? She can't get a phone herself, she can't walk up in a store and get one 'cause she doesn't have id! She doesn't even exist!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Young thugette to young thug: Well, I guess you're gonna have to fuck me, because I can't give you my number. You don't even understand.

–14th & Ave B

Gay guy, frantically searching his pockets: Oh my god! (pause) Shit! (pause) Shawn, this is totally serious! I can't find my phone! Oh my god! Ohhhh, yeah!

–Lower East Side

Guy walking down street: I told you… I'm a homeless person with a cell phone.

–W 22nd & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jessica

Conductor: We are now arriving at Penn Station. Please watch the gap as you step onto the platform; and will the young man in the last car who is talking very loudly on his cell phone please use his inside voice? I repeat, please remember to use your inside voice.

–Penn Station


A Meeting of the Spring Street Young Republicans Club

Guy #1: Women should be kept in pods like in The Matrix. And whenever we want one, we just pay a fee and rent them for a few days for sex and cooking. Then we put them back. They shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets…ever.
Guy #2: Or they should be put in a one big room where they sew and cook and sip tea until they get a call.
Guy #1: Yeah, that's a bit more humane, I guess.

–Spring & Varick