And All This Time I Thought It Was a Compatibility Issue

Semi-irate customer: You mean all you did was swap out the USB cable?
Apple store guy: I guess the old girl just likes some new cable once in a while.

–Apple Store, West 14th

Headline by: g

Runners-Up:
· “…and If Your Feeling Adventurous, Try the Firewire Port.” – You might need some plugins first though…
· “And Occasionally a Bigger Hard Drive” – Chris
· “How Steve Jobs Talks Raunchy” – Julia
· “Now Take Her Home, Boot Her Up and Give a Little Wine and TLC Before You Go Trying to Violate All Her Ports Again.” – Gabbertoons
· “Too Many and She’ll Get a Virus” – Henk


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Add a Little Something Extra

Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight budget — you can get ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: bill R

Girl: Apparently I ate an entire jar of mustard.

–Bard High School Early College

Overheard by: and didn’t notice?

Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the television smeared with peanut butter this time…

–96th & CPW

White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce!

–113th St

Overheard by: Meister E.

Man to hobo: If I had any more butter, I would give it to you, but I don’t because I used it already.

–Howard St

Overheard by: havarthe

Foxy lady, to female dining companion: I could pour ketchup in your cleavage and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are people staring at us?

–Relish, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Justin Casement

As in Religion, Everything You Do Will Be Wrong

Tourist: Where do we get the Uptown A?
Local: Right here. Down those stairs.
Tourist: But is it Uptown? The sign doesn’t say ‘Uptown’ or ‘Downtown.’
Local: You can get them both here.
Tourist: But we need Uptown. How will we know it’s there if there’s no sign?
Local: Blind faith, I guess.
Tourist: I think we should take a cab.

–Outside W 4th St subway

Wednesday One-Liner Can't Buy You Love

Female suit: Well, I'm like, outside money, man!

–7th Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Female suit: Money's coming in from every dimension. Shit's coming in from all over!

–20th & Broadway

Guy with bucket drums on phone: The only thing better than pussy is money, and that's why I'm out here playing.

–5th Ave & 37th

Sundress-clad young lady: I just want a shit-ton of money and someone to make all my decisions for me.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: me too


Is That Any Creepier Than a Store with a Hair Salon for Dolls?

Child with doll in tow: Mommy, I really want Mia.
Park avenue mom #1: Well, maybe. Wouldn’t it be cool if they just sold the heads?
Park Avenue mom #2, poking head out of stall: What?
Park Avenue mom #1: Like, if they just sold Julie’s head, or Addy’s head?

–American Girl Store Bathroom

Overheard by: Layla

Don't Get Too Cocky, Wednesday One-Liners.

Authoritative teenage boy to others: Well, all drag queens have the biggest penises and biggest testicles.

–Foley Square

Man, chanting: Vinny's got a little dick! (clap clap) Vinny's got a little dick! (clap clap)

–116 & Broadway

Overheard by: Poor Vinny

Teen girl, horrified: Oh my god! Look at the giant cock! (points up to sky and about 100 people look up)

–42nd St & Broadway

Gay guy on phone: Well, do you have a big dick? You can always make money with that. I'm talking about dom, big daddy, stuff-it-in-me type stuff, you know?

–Astoria