I Didn’t Do All of This Barely Legal Porn for You to Squander It on Food

Catholic schoolgirl: This bitch said she didn’t go to the bank! She said last week she was going to pay me and didn’t — mind you, I lent her the money a month ago. This bitch got a gambling problem.
Catholic schoolboy: Damn.
Catholic schoolgirl: Watch — next time I’ma be like, ‘Mom I want my money.’ –6 train Overheard by: Frais

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Every Hunter Longs to Become the Hunted

Teenage girl: So I'm getting better at hooking up with guys and not getting attached! I hooked up with Jake last week, and I don't feel anything at all!
Friend: Yeah, but that's not hard. He's, like, impossible to get attached to. We need to find you a challenge. Who's really cute and cuddly?
Random old man walking in front of them: Pick me, pick me! –Port Authority Bus Terminal Overheard by: cute and cuddly

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Take a Page from Wednesday One-Liners…

Woman on cell phone: Listen. It's a fucking book club. We all read the same goddamn book, and then we discuss it. What don't you get? Are you freakin' stupid? This is supposed to be a nice goddamn thing we can do together! –E Train Overheard by: homesick Middle-aged guy to another: I don't particularly like getting books as gifts, it makes me feel obligated to read them. –96th Street Crosstown Bus Guy handing out pamphlets: The passion of Sir Shizzle Manizzle! Come read the passion of sir Shizzle Manizzle! (no one takes the pamphlets) –13th & Broadway Overheard by: Fiammetta 20-something hipster, dismissively: Naw, they probably just wanna read books or something. –Greenpoint Ave & Manhattan Ave

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Aww, a Happy Ending!

Man: Grrr… Watch it, lady, don't push me with your bag!
Lady: Sorry, sir, this is a crowded bus and it's winter.
Man: Yeah, it's winter, merry Christmas.
Lady: Yeah, Christmas, everybody's full of holiday cheer.
Man: Yeah, holidays, god bless America.
Lady: Yeah, god bless America. –M34 Bus Overheard by: M34ista

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I’m Guessing Someplace in Long Island

Chick #1: Hey, guess what I found out?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: Bugs Bunny is from Brooklyn!
Chick #2: That’s bullshit. Last time I checked, Bugs Bunny lived in a hole, not a brownstone.
Chick #1: Ha, ha! I love you. I swear, you’re so witty sometimes. I’m not even kidding.
Chick #2: I know, right? I don’t know where I come up with this stuff. –Rockefeller Plaza

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Wow, “Long Island” and “Better” in One Discussion

Suit #1: How long have you lived here?
Suit #2: How old are you? Probably longer than you have been alive.
Suit #1: Born and raised in New York, huh?
Suit #2: No, a farm in PA. Got the fuck out of there, though. Met a girl from New York–well actually, Long Island–married her and moved out here. Thought she had money. Yeah…fooled the shit out of me.
Suit #3: Ha, you were that close to being better than all of us. –Wall & Water

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