Wednesday One-liners Watch What They Eat

Fortysomething dude: Don’t tell me I don’t know about metabolism! I have known about metabolism my entire life. Metabolize yourself! –The Gate, Park Slope Overheard by: Moochy and D-Rock Girl on cell: I don’t want to talk about your eating disorder every fucking time we talk! –Penn Station Overheard by: mondo man

Then I Hope Your Knees Bend

Barefoot girl #1: What's wrong with your feet? Why are you bending them like that?
Barefoot girl #2: I'm not. I just have very high arches.
Barefoot girl #1: No, that's freaky. You look like you're wearing high heels! You have Barbie feet!
Barefoot girl #2: Well, obviously then I am the ideal of feminine beauty. I also don't have a vagina.

–Central Park

Headline by: g

Runners-Up:
· “But My Boyfriend Says He Can Work Around That.” – space coyote

· “If You Were the Ideal Of Feminine Beauty, You Wouldn’t Have a Mouth.” – LPS
· “It’s Okay. Ken’s Only Got a Bump.” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Or a Soul.” – fresca
· “Perfect for Men Who Have Lumps Instead Of Penises” – ktg
· “Pre-Op Trannies Are So Hung Up on Their Looks.” – Ice Cream Scoopy Doo!


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

…Now Where's That Kid With My Latte?

Tourist #1 to another stopping at subway entrance: Come on!
Tourist #2: Yeah, come on, Mary!
Tourist #3: Aunt Mary, you can mingle with the inhabitants.
Tourist #1: Mary, the mayor takes the subway.
Mary: Well, the mayor takes a private jet too, but you don't see me doing that either, do you?

–103rd St & Broadway


Actually, It Was Dieting and Giving Head

Wannabe fashionista on cell: Yeah, so I have to walk the red carpet. What? No . . . My feet are trashed, but how much walking will I actually have to do? . . . What, Mom, stop it! I was trying on gowns the other day. But I have to find a smaller one. Yeah, they were too big. . . No, Mom! What do you think my job was when I was in PR, borrowing gowns from stars? –Starbucks, 21st & 7th