Fortysomething dude: Don’t tell me I don’t know about metabolism! I have known about metabolism my entire life. Metabolize yourself! –The Gate, Park Slope Overheard by: Moochy and D-Rock Girl on cell: I don’t want to talk about your eating disorder every fucking time we talk! –Penn Station Overheard by: mondo man
Thug #1: I’m so fat.
Thug #2: No G, you not fat!
Thug #1: You playin’.
Thug #2: I’ll tell you fat. When you put on sweats and they stretch out. That’s fat. Besides, you’re like what, six foot six? You can pull it off.
Thug #1: Thanks, G!
–Inwood Pathmark, 207th St
Overheard by: austin
Barefoot girl #1: What's wrong with your feet? Why are you bending them like that?
Barefoot girl #2: I'm not. I just have very high arches.
Barefoot girl #1: No, that's freaky. You look like you're wearing high heels! You have Barbie feet!
Barefoot girl #2: Well, obviously then I am the ideal of feminine beauty. I also don't have a vagina.
Headline by: g
· “But My Boyfriend Says He Can Work Around That.” – space coyote
· “If You Were the Ideal Of Feminine Beauty, You Wouldn’t Have a Mouth.” – LPS
· “It’s Okay. Ken’s Only Got a Bump.” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Or a Soul.” – fresca
· “Perfect for Men Who Have Lumps Instead Of Penises” – ktg
· “Pre-Op Trannies Are So Hung Up on Their Looks.” – Ice Cream Scoopy Doo!
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Girl to friend, discussing a boy: So how nerdy is he? I mean, there's a nice nerdy, a cute nerdy…
Friend: You know that Jewish nerdy?
–College of Staten Island
Overheard by: Nameless
Tourist #1 to another stopping at subway entrance: Come on!
Tourist #2: Yeah, come on, Mary!
Tourist #3: Aunt Mary, you can mingle with the inhabitants.
Tourist #1: Mary, the mayor takes the subway.
Mary: Well, the mayor takes a private jet too, but you don't see me doing that either, do you?
–103rd St & Broadway
Chick #1: I have a friend who lives in Manhattan, but she totally hates it.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: She says everyone here is so superficial. She’s going to move to California.
–Greyhound bus, W 110th
Overheard by: Caroline
Wannabe fashionista on cell: Yeah, so I have to walk the red carpet. What? No . . . My feet are trashed, but how much walking will I actually have to do? . . . What, Mom, stop it! I was trying on gowns the other day. But I have to find a smaller one. Yeah, they were too big. . . No, Mom! What do you think my job was when I was in PR, borrowing gowns from stars? –Starbucks, 21st & 7th
Homeless guy: Yo, yo. Can I get a donation to my broke-ass foundation?
Hipster guy: Sorry, dude.
Homeless guy: Aww, come on brother. Just pretend that you love me.
–5th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: some girl
Fashionable, skinny Latina: What don't you like about beer, then?
Even more fashionable, skinnier Latina: Ahhh–Corona. It has an odor. It smells like… fat men.
Overheard by: Tha WB
Friendly white guy to black couple: Where are you people from?
Black chick: What do you mean ‘you people’?!
Overheard by: Ari