The Rectitude Of Wednesday One-Liners

Teenage girl to friend: I'm not even kidding, her asshole was *this* big! (connects her thumbs and pointer fingers making a large circle)

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: soccer mom

Female suit to friends: And the old-timers were just such assholes…

–Walker & W Broadway

Overheard by: j

Big squirming Latin kid: God! I got this burnin' in my asshole, man!

–Xavier High School

Overheard by: seriously?

Concerned friend to sobbing girl: All you did wrong was sleep with him before you knew he was an asshole!

–Coffeeshop, Park Slope

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.

–LIRR

New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.

–40th & 6th

Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Andy

Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.

–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jess

Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)

–W 19th

I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Daniel Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills. –31st & 2nd Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee. –outside The Brooklyn Museum Overheard by: Josh Neufeld Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped. –Vertigo, 26th & 3rd Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella. –Delancey & Allen Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti