And by “You” I Mean “Not Me

Thug #1: And when he walks down the stairs, he's all… (makes obscure hand gesture)
Thug #2: It's on him, though.
Thug #1: Oh, yeah.
Thug #2: I mean, my sister. She's…you know.
Thug #1: I thought it was going to be embarrassing, you know? But it's cool. You talk to the nigga, he's just hilarious, it's all funny, whatever he says.
Thug #3: Yeah, it's cool. Nigga's just totally flaming gay.
Thug #2: His choice, it's on him.
Thug #1: Yeah, man. Whatever you wanna put up your ass, you know, it's cool. –1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox

Every Real Housewives Of… Franchise: In a Nutshell.

Girl #1 to girl #2: My friend is crazy, literally crazy, like you wouldn't believe. But she's got a good heart, most people who meet her turn away, but you just gotta get to know her. And she's engaged to a gazillionaire, who's married but getting a divorce. He lives with her in a condo he got. We useta have fun, but now that she's preggers and I'm in debt we can't. Oh, but I finally paid off my Balenciaga bag!
Girl #2: Didn't you guy that bag like five years ago? –Starbucks

Newly-Single Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde on cell: I'm sorry, you don't get to have two divorces and then dump my totally awesome friend, twice. And still have me think you're a good guy. (pause) Oh, and be forty years old. –56th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Vanessa Man on cell: I'll feel better once I move out of that place. She can keep it, I don't even care. That shit is a haunted place. –Frederick Douglass Houses Drunk guy: Every time I would break up with her she would be like "I'm going to kill myself." Eventually I was just like "Prove it!" –Bulldog Bar Woman on cell: You can divorce me anytime you want; you're the one paying for it. –Financial District