Saccharine Might Be Better for Her

Woman in leggings: What the fuck is this shit? You gonna hand me three motherfucking sugar packets? Do you have any idea how big this coffee is?
Cashier: We don’t put sugar in your coffee. Sugar packets are on the counter.
Woman in leggings: Listen, my boyfriend’s a cop. And he owns, like, three Dunkin’ Donuts franchises. What do you mean you won’t put sugar in my fuckin’ coffee? I want to speak to the manager.
Manager: Excuse me, but I heard you. There are sugar packets on the counter. Take as many as you like.
Woman in leggings: You guys are total assholes. –Dunkin’ Donuts, 96th & Broadway Overheard by: ProcrastYNate

…According to the Latest Polling Results on My Webpage.

Woman: Bitch, why you up on my bag?
Girl: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to step there.
Guy #1: It was an accident! Leave her alone!
Woman: Motherfucker! This ain't none of your damn business.
Guy #2: Maybe if your big black ass wasn't in the way…
Woman: Fuck all three of you! And yes, my black ass is big, and it's beautiful. –1 Train Overheard by: Asizzzle


Just Use Your New York Instincts and You’ll Do Fine

Student: Um, would we really use the extremely polite form with random strangers on the street?
Japanese teacher, exuberantly: Oh yes, definitely.
Class: [Laughter.]
Japanese teacher: I’m not kidding, you don’t want to make them think you like them or want to get close to them… they’re a stranger! You want to keep as much emotional distance from them as possible. –Japanese Class, Columbia University Overheard by: Vicksburg

I’m Guessing Girl #1 is Around 250

Girl #1: Do you want to get some lunch first?
Girl #2: No, I had a huge dinner last night at this new guy’s place and pancakes this morning.
Girl #1: Mmm, where did you get pancakes from? –10th Street & 6th Avenue Overheard by: Allis Hellmich

Depends on the Face

Barfly: It was a term of endearment.

Bouncer: A term of endearment is not punching someone in the face. –2×4, 2nd Ave & 4th St Overheard by: Cait O’Connor (and Foley)

Headline by: Dave Barnette
Runners-Up: · “And Assault Isn’t A Spice, Either” – Kathy

· “Aww, you just feel left out.” – Alaine

· “He Said He Wanted Another Hit” – Playtah

· “He’s playing hard to get” – Jeri Rosenblum

· “C’mon, it’s not like she was pregnant…” – laura c

· “It doesn’t count if you don’t leave a mark.” – Scott

· “Welcome to New York” – shorty

· “Another dropout from the school of hard knocks” – jm

· “Barflies Mate Every 48 Hours” – red

· “No, That’s a Term of Three To Ten” – Boyhowdy

· “Dad has a lot of explaining to do” – Mr. Uncreative

· “For endearment, you tend to go for the groin” – ruth

· “Tyler Durden: The Final Years” – Mr. Nobody

· “Punchline” – Robert Katz

Click here to see the new Headline Contest