His Baby’s Momma: He don’t pay child support. He don’t ever see her. That’s it! I’m calling his fucking parole officer! –West Village
Man Urinating Publicly: What do I care? I’m a convict! –Waverly Place Overheard by: Todd Seavey
A group of punks walk by the Hellenic Steaks restaurant. Punk: This restaurant is perfect for me: I love steak, and I love Satan! –Astoria
Waitress: Is that book you’re reading fiction or theory? –Cosi
Employee: I bring my beer in the shower with me and I put it on the ledge so it doesn’t get wet. Sometimes I also have a couple of shots in the kitchen. –Office, Midtown Overheard by: Jenny Rogers
Young Son: Is there a Mars eclipse, too?
Father: There’s no Mars eclipse, there’s Marzipan, but no Mars eclipse. –Watching the eclipse, West Village
Waitress: Is this your granddaughter?
Waitress: She looks just like you.
Grandma: No, she looks like my son’s mother-in-law.
Grandma: She’s a big woman. –Chinese Restaurant, UWS
Customer: Can I pay by debit?
Checkout Hippie: Yes. [laughter]
Customer: Why are you laughing?
Checkout Hippie: Because I thought what you said was funny.
Customer: OK… –Organic Market, East Village
Yuppie: We shouldn’t be using our brains to simulate monkeys. –Broadway & 72nd
Yuppie: People at South Africa talk so much less racist than in NY. Everyone tells many more racist jokes in New York than in South Africa. –Sutton Place