Not If That Requires Fucking

Chick: I just don’t want any commitments right now.
Dude: Can we still be fuck-buddies?

Caribou Coffee
Mendota Heights, Minnesota

To the Stake

Woman reading newspaper: I can’t believe how illiterate kids are these days. It says here that when they were asked who Joan of Arc was, many of them said she was Noah’s wife.
Girl: Who was she, Grandma?
Woman: She was the woman who grew her hair long and rode a horse naked.

Port Townsend, Washington

At the Unnatural Childbirth Olympics

Shopkeeper: How’s your wife? Did they take her in to have the baby yet?
Shopper: Yeah, they took her in this morning to be seduced.

Bangor
Northern Ireland

Overheard by: limeinside

No Need for the Nuclear Option

Girl, almost running into parking meter: Whoops.
Guy: Holy crap! Did you really just do that?
Girl: Shut up. [Guy gradually edges her off to the side.] … Are you trying to make me actually run into one?! [Guy laughs.] Ughhh, I am so withholding sex.
Guy: Wait, wait! I didn’t mean it!

Church Street and 7th Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: pedestrian

How to Get Your Parents Arrested

Little girl, repeatedly: Bow-chicka-wow-wow!

Barnes & Noble
Melbourne, Florida

Characterized by Its Covalent Bonds and Little Pitchfork

Professor: Today we’re going to be synthesizing a 6,6 nylon molecule. Who can tell me where the sixes come from?
Student: The devil!
Professor: Very good. Note the dreaded mark of the polymer beast.

Chemistry lab, Concord University
Athens, West Virginia

Overheard by: I’m also failing chemistry

A Tom-Thumb Collins

Dude #1: Let’s go somewhere else.
Dude #2: Why?
Dude #1: I’ve seen the midget. I’ve drunk his juice.
Dude #2: Yeah…

Casey’s, South Side
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Depending Upon How Often You Mace Him

Chick #1: Have you ever had a class with him?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: Does he really cry in class?
Chick #2: Sometimes.
Chick #1: … Cool.

http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/04/most_teachers_wait_until_they.html

Overheard by: wishing he was my prof

Just Like Mother Theresa

Woman #1, to table of friends: Well, I’m getting old, too. I’m getting wrinkles.
Woman #2: The thing is, you’re so fucking ugly that no one notices when you get old.

http://overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com/2007/03/well-id-rather-be-ugly-on-outside.html

Overheard by: Me.

We Keep Saying We Need to Re-Decorate the Kids’ Room

Woman pointing at cadaver: Oooh. I’d love one of those for home!

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2007/07/i-see-and-crave-dead-people.html

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