Pow, Alice, Right in the Wednesday One-Liners!

Tiny boy to another, pointing at crowd exiting the subway station: Look! It's our audience for the smackdown! –Carroll St Overheard by: kdice 20-something girl to another: Have you ever seen my legs? My legs will, like, choke you, forever. –Prince St. Overheard by: Roland McFly Cop: I'm gonna smack somebody! –Chinatown Overheard by: chris k. Angry girl: I didn't give him a hickey, I just bit him! –Bowery & 3rd St Street vendor to customer: My big boy, he'll beat you up. But he won't try to hurt you. –Livingston & Court St, Brooklyn Overheard by: KP Whitey Very persistent girl on cell: Come out with me! Get emancipated! Just doctor a video of your parents beating you and get emancipated, and I'll adopt you, and then we can go out. –Urban Outfitters, 72nd & Broadway Overheard by: amalthya


In Little Italy, There's a Layer of Earwax

Tourist #1: I wonder how they build streets on top of the subways.
Tourist #2: Hmm. You think they're strong enough that they can support the street all by themselves?
Tourist #1, after some thought: Nah, there's gotta be a layer of dirt between them or something. –42nd & Lexington Overheard by: Matt


…Whoever You Are

Boy #1: What did you do last night?
Boy #2: I fucked what's-his-face last night.
Boy #1: You don't remember his name?
Boy #2: If it's under six inches, you don't get remembered! –17th & 7th Overheard by: Wyatt J


Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian


More of a Novella than a Memoir

Chick: Yeah, the story of my life: he was good looking, I had sex with him twice. –Manhattan Triple Decker Diner, Greenpoint Overheard by: Heather Galore


I Only Wish the Power of Christ Could Compel Hipsters

Hipster girl #1 as priest boards train: Oh my god, it’s a priest…!
Hipster girl #2: Shit, we have to be good! We’ll go to hell! Shit! I just said, ‘Shit’! I am going to hell!
Hipster girl #1: He’s staring at us now! –Metro North train, 125th St, Harlem


Looks Like Martha’s House Arrest is Over

Suit: Excuse me. You know, if you wouldn’t stand in the doors, we could all get on and get off a lot faster.
Woman: Shut the fuck up, bitch. –A train, Jay Street station Overheard by: David Wood


Unless That's You, Lord

Suit, after losing a sleeve button on escalator: Oh, motherfucker!
Pre-recorded service announcement: Have a nice day!
Suit: Yeah, fuck you too. –E Train


Paging Sigmund Freud

Guy: Hey, Liz! Whatever happens, don’t turn out like my mom. –Quantum Leap, Thompson St.