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Canadia: Dammit...!
Teenage girl #1: And she was trying to convince me that Florida is north of New York!
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, some people are so stupid! North of us is like... Delaware!
--Hudson & Gansevoort
Overheard by: Laura
Who Knew Sex With Strangers Could Be Unsatisfying?
Walk of shame girl #1: He said I was the best 20-minute decision he ever made.
Walk of shame girl #2: Oh my god, really??
Walk of shame girl #1: Yeah, more like 5 minutes.
--89th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Just Out For Coffee
New Yorkers Aren't Impressed When You Put on the Dog
Woman to waiter: Oh my god! I left my mink stole here. Oh please don't let it be gone. (goes to table, finds stole) Oh, thank god I found my mink stole and no one took it!
Woman at next table: Oh, please, bitch, ain't nobody want your German Shepherd!
--The Diner Restaurant, Midtown
Why Topless Tutoring Exists
Eight-year-old ghetto kid: Mama, give me your cell phone! I gotta call my girlfriend.
Mother: What you gonna talk to her about? How you can't read and write? Tell her to help you with that!
--Harlem
Overheard by: Joe
Why Little Kids Should Not Be Allowed to Watch Training Day
Six-year-old boy to two undercover NYPD officers: Hi, what's your name?
Six-year-old boy's mom: Hey, boy, what did I tell you about speaking to strangers?
NYPD undercover officer: It's okay, we're cops. (flashes badge)
Six-year-old boy: Aahhhhhhhhh! (runs into mother's arms)
--E Train
Overheard by: Rob G
Because She Knew How to Behave Like a Lady.
Guy #1: I told him you don't ask a woman for a cigarette, you just don't do it.
Guy #2: Yeah... Word.
Guy #1: But he didn't listen. Next thing you know he's getting pistol whipped and my car is being towed away.
--1 Train
You Always Take His Side, Stacy!
Woman #1: I just don't get why he isn't being spontaneous anymore.
Woman #2: I probably wouldn't want to be "spontaneous" with my girlfriend who just slept with my dad either.
--92nd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Chick who didn't realize she lived in Melrose Place
Welcome to the Dark Semester Of the Soul, Bitches
Professor: Apologies to everyone in advance, I seem to have the plague this week.
Student: Are you contagiously ill, or have you been on antibiotics for at least twenty-four hours?
Professor: No, not contagiously ill. It's nothing like H1N1 or anything, not that kind of plague. It's more of a the-crops-are-failing-and-women-are-giving-birth-to-stillborn-babies type of plague. Yeah.
--Fordham University Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Admiring Student
To Be Fair, That's Its Scientific Name.
Earnest toddler in stroller, pointing at gorilla: Nuula blujunbabalooo.
Babysitter: Seriously?
Earnest toddler: Yeah!
--Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Olivia
Wednesday One-Liners Grow Hair on Their Palms
Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch...
--Chinatown
Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.
--N Train
Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good... Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.
--Central Park
Overheard by: kate
Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.
--MegaBus, Top Deck
Overheard by: EuropanGal
20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.
--Macdougal & 4th
Overheard by: Billy H.
Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!
--Bryant Park
Some Lengthy Wednesday One-Liners
Man on cell walking dog: What? But doesn't she know how big my Johnson is?
--Mott Street
Overheard by: Erica
20-something male, while passing sculpture of male nude: I don't get it. If you're going to make it with a dick, why make it so small?
--Time Warner Center
Overheard by: sd
Short Indian man, loudly into phone: All I wanna do is make love to you tonight... with my 11-inch cock!
--7th Ave & 35th St
Overheard by: Jenn B
Drunk guy, after fighting with girlfriend: How she gon' be mad at me 'cause I got a big dick?
--F Train
Wednesday's More Fun Than a Barrel Of One-Liners
20-something hipster to another, admiring long-legged blonde: How can you say you believe in evolution?! There is no way that that evolved from a monkey!
--1st Ave & 14th
Overheard by: Evolutionary
Little boy to brother: If I were a monkey, I'd take a crap on you.
--6 Train
Overheard by: Rebecca
Man on cell: Then Tim-Jim jerked him off with his feet. Only a monkey can do that!
--Bedford & Metropolitan
Overheard by: theeatenpath
Middle aged man pushing daughter's stroller: I can't believe she got Curious George's autograph!
--16th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Maquaid
Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me...
Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Steven
Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!
--Virgil's, W 44th St
Overheard by: Check, please!
Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself."
--6 Train
Overheard by: i mean disrespect
20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad...
--35th St & Lexington
But I've Had This Hoboner for More Than Four Hours
Hobo: Yo, boy! Can I ask you something for a minute?
Teenage boy, walking quickly: I'm sorry, I'm in a rush.
Hobo: Bitch, it's not like I wanna fuck you or anything!
--Barrow St
Overheard by: Poky
...I Own You
Trashy high school girl: I'm so glad I'm finally a freshman.
High school boy #1: Why?
Trashy high school girl: Because then I can make out with all the hot jocks.
High school boy #2: Wait... You make out with me.
Trashy high school girl: Yeah, but you're my boyfriend.
--Central Park
Weren't You Bush's Foreign Policy Advisor?
Mom: What did that little girl say to you?
Daughter: She said... that I'm ugly.
Mom: Well, you tell her that her mom is ugly. And then you punch her in the face, that's what you do. And then I'll go and punch her mom in the face! That's what you do!
--48th St & Broadway
Um, You Never See Shrubs in the White House?
Kid #1, after playing hide-and-seek: So where were you?
Kid #2: I hid in the bush.
Kid #3, yelling and throwing hands in the air in disgust: No! You weren't hiding in the bush, you were hiding in the shrubs. Doesn't anybody know the difference between bushes and shrubs?!
--Central Park
You're Going to Have to Be More Specific
Girl #1: Fergus's apartment is down there. Have you ever seen it?
Girl #2: I have. Actually, I did ecstasy in that apartment once. Wait, you were there! We ate ostrich. You rolled around on the carpet.
--Lexington & 51st St
Pictorial Illiteracy Can Be Fatal
Hispanic teen to friend: Yo, none of the danger signs are in Spanish! "Do not lean on the doors, do not hold the doors." The city doesn't care if we fall off the train and die!
Friend: Then you guys better start looking at the fucking stick figures!
--Uptown E Train
Overheard by: Tara
He May As Well Have Hollered, "I Appreciate and Respect Your Intellect"!
Hot girl walking through construction workers, expecting to be cat-called: Oh boy, here we go.
Polite construction worker: Good morning.
Hot girl's friend: How embarrassing.
Hot girl: Shut it.
--Harlem
...Away from Witnesses
Mom on stoop: Don't you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skateboard: Moooooooom! Go insiiiiide the hoooooouse! I don't need you!
Mom neighbor: Did he just tell me to go inside the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come inside the house!
--Monroe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Tigertail
Normal for an American, or What?
20-something skinny hipster girl: I'm in an eating phase. It started on Tuesday, and it'll go until Friday, if I've calculated my lunar cycle correctly.
20-something skinny hipster boy: Yeah, me too... I hadn't eaten for weeks, so I'll probably go til Saturday or Sunday.
20-something skinny hipster girl: What about you?
20-something chubby stoned hipster girl: I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about. I eat like a normal person.
--Upper East Side
Overheard by: emily darwin
Ever Seen a Woman Before, Jason?
Guy: For real, this guy has two assholes. Like, vertically arranged.
--14th & 7th
...I Just Can't Read Yet
Mother: What do you have there?
Five-year-old daughter: My schedule.
Mother: Do you know what class you have first?
Five-year-old daughter: Mom, I'm not retarded.
--1 Train
Overheard by: Special K
Why Metrosexuals Exist.
Girl #1: Oh my god, he was so hot.
Girl #2: I know, I'd totally fuck him if he were gay.
--Midtown
What's My Motivation?
Eight-year-old to dad: Give me another acting exercise!
Dad: Try acting not weird.
--46th St b/w 8th & 9th
Overheard by: Serena
...But He's My Son.
20-year-old female host: Can I help you with something?
12-year-old boy, staring at her: I just want to admire your body.
20-year-old female host: Excuse me?
12-year-old boy: You have a great body.
20-year-old female host: Ummmm, thanks...
12-year-old boy's friend: If I were you I'd leave, he's creepy.
20-year-old female host: I wish I could.
--Restaurant, Times Square
...With Your Mom
Father: Well, to really make it moist you gotta shove it in there.
Son: That's what she said!
Father: How 'bout you go back to the kids table?
Son: Yes, sir.
--Peter Luger Restaurant
You There in the Back Row -- This Means You.
Student, referring to pinus: Wait, does that actually mean "penis"?
Latin teacher: No. But once I made a joke about penises in a paper in college and my teacher wrote, "never do this".
(class laughs)
Latin teacher: So guys, don't play with your penises!
--Bard High School Early College
Overheard by: Theseus
I Think a Lapdancer Said That to Me Once
Cabbie, after men decide not to take taxi: That's $5 for touching my door.
--14th St & Ave B
Overheard by: Crossing street
I Know That, but My Penis Doesn't
Guy on cell: Dude, I am so gonna punish that pussy.
Girl sitting next to him, texting: You know you have a small penis, right?
--L Train
Overheard by: Caged Monkey
You're in Brooklyn-- What Do You Think?
Middle aged woman from out of town: I don't think there are any theaters around here.
Middle aged man with large open map: Maybe. Are we still in New York?
--Broadway Junction
Overheard by: Nikki
...Wanna Get a Hotel Room After This?
Smashed male Yankees fan: Yeah, I am married. So what's the problem with your life?
Equally hammered female Yankees fan: I don't swallow, and I have two twenty-year-old twin boys.
--NJ Transit
Overheard by: Jabroni
You May Change Your Mind
Young cashier: Have a nice day!
Small old lady: What's so nice about it?
Young cashier: That you're still alive.
--W 90th St
Isn't Wall Street Depression Street?
Subway voice: The next stop is Bleecker Street.
English tourist #1: Bleecker Street? What's next? Unhappiness Street? Miserable Street? Depression Street?
English tourist #2: Suicide Lane. That's what's next. Now there's a one-way street...
--Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Percival Under Cover
Next: Driving Gloves
Old woman pushing cart, loudly to old man: I'm going to get you mouthwash for your teeth.
Old man: But I don't have teeth.
Old woman, now yelling: I know that! But this way when you get teeth, you'll know you have mouthwash.
--Columbus Ave & 103rd St
Overheard by: Xsusha
Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area
Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime?
--9th Ave & 14th St
Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry.
--4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn
Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things.
--A Train
Overheard by: g-lime
Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away!
--Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady
Wednesday One-Liners Stimulate the Economy
Tourist, loudly and proudly: They have this store at the mall!
--Louis Vuitton, 5th Ave
College girl: The second floor was pointless. It was, like, just furniture.
--Ikea, Brooklyn
Woman on cell: I'm not in a store! I know what a store looks like!
--Tompkins Square Park
Perturbed NYU chick, about New Orleans: Hopefully I will survive there for two years. They don't have H&M! Or Bloomingdale's or Anthropologie. They don't have Loehmann's...
--NYU Office
Overheard by: Melanie
Middle-aged guy passing clothing store with shirtless male models at front doors: Hollister? What is it, a ladies club inside?
--NoHo
Overheard by: Arielle
Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser
20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!
--Upper West Side
Overheard by: mtrainetiquette
Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight--it's my half birthday in 10 days.
--Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St
Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars...
--34th St & 5th Ave
Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?
--45th & 8th
Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!
--111 & Broadway
Wednesday One-Liners Were "Working Late"
Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean... what's his deal?
--Broadway & 20th St
Overheard by: Cali in NYC
Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you!
--7th Ave, Park Slope
Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money... It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out... (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife.
--79th St & Madison
Overheard by: Anna
Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever.
--51st St & Lexington Ave
Woman: He cheated... On JDate!
--26th & 8th
Similes Gone Wild
Girl, trying to move through crowd: I always think of trying to get through crowds like being blood in a vein with clots in it.
Guy: Yeah. We need to get some Coumadin up in this joint!
--Farmers Market, Union Square
Overheard by: threadseven
Nuh-Uh!
Boy, passing smokers: Daddy, I smell cigarettes.
Dad: I know, it's smelly...
Smoker #1: Daddy, I smell obnoxious children.
Smoker #2: I know, they're smelly...
Dad, leaving: Poopie-heads.
--120th St & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: smoker
Be Grateful You're a Romanov With Hemophilia
Little boy, about little brother: Daddy, he says that when the blood on his knee dries, he's gonna pick it off and throw it at me! Daddy, tell him not to do that!
Dad: That scrape is fresh. We have plenty of time before we need to worry about that.
--6 Train
I'm Pretty Sure It Was the Mustache
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: Yeah, I was told by one of my drama teachers once, way back in school, that I had the "passion and commitment to theater" that Hitler had.
(five-second pause)
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #2: Wow!
20-something Midwestern actress type transplant #1: No, it wasn't a compliment, she didn't like me very much.
--Chinese Restaurant, Astoria
So, Like Canada and the U.S.?
Tourist: So what the difference between hummus and falafel?
Guy at counter: Well... one is hummus, and the other is falafel.
--Mamoun's Falafel, MacDougal St
Overheard by: Tacologic
Meet Edgar Allen Potassium
Boy holding food on stick at street fair: Want some, grandpa?
Grandpa: What is it?
Boy: Chocolate covered banana.
Grandpa: No, no, no! A thousand times no!
--64th St & Broadway
Overheard by: hannah g-pa
New York Girls Do Tend to Be Salty
Big girl: You're sweet.
Cute girl: No I'm not, I'm full of piss and vinegar.
--Metro-North Rail
Well You Talk About It with Your Colleagues
Little girl, loudly, to security guard: My brother has a suspicious package in his pants!
Mother, pulling her away: You don't talk about that in public!
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Strip search in 3...2...1...
Now What If You're Looking at an Apple Pie?
Man preaching from bible: If you look at a woman that's not your wife and want to have sex with her, that's fornication!
Skater kid: Damn straight!
--Union Square
And Your Mother Keeps Giving Birth to Human Children
Cute little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Come over here!
Large angry man: No! I want to see the monkeys!
--Central Park Zoo
Where They Make Us Take a Refresher Course on Ethnic Stereotypes Biannually
Muscular mook with sweet tribal tattoo, driving Toyota Tundra, yelling on cell: Someone stole my fucking knapsack! It had my fucking Merrill's. My Sperry's. If I see someone wearing Sperry's, I will fucking crush them.
Tajikistani cab driver: That is the bad kind of Italian. I should know, I live in Bay Ridge.
--53rd & 9th Ave
If Ever an "Aww, Snap!" Were Called For...
Average-sized girl: This stuff is beautiful! But it would look so blah on me. You're lucky you're a size 24 waist and can look so hot in this stuff.
Model-looking friend: Meh, it's overrated.
Average-sized girl: Yeah, right! Name one thing that's not cool about being as thin as you are.
Model-looking friend: Well, I kind of miss... eating. (awkward pause) And also, I'm a size 23 waist.
--Upper East Side
Overheard by: Hopes she's exaggerating
A Language Packed With Age-Appropriate Obscenities
Construction worker: Hey beautiful, you have a lovely day.
Young girl: I'm fourteen, you perv!
Construction worker: Ay, puta...
Young girl: And I speak Spanish!
--9th St & University
My AA Sponsor Says to Work on One Vice at a Time
Man: Baby, I told you I had a meeting...
Girl: Yeah, but you didn't say it was at a strip club!
--East Village
...But If We Did, I'd Feel Those Pants Are Tacky.
British professor: When I moved from England to the States I was always so surprised to hear people use the phrase, "I feel" this and "I feel" that...
NYU kid: Why?
British professor: Because we don't feel.
--Cantor Film Center, NYU
Just the Cigarette- and Penis-Shaped Ones, Then?
Mother: And I got you some of those little erasers that look like potpies and sushi and stuff, apparently all the kids collect them and trade them these days.
Daughter: Mom, you are aware that I'm 23?
--Penn Station
And, While He's Fucking Me, Scream Out, "I'm Straaaiiiight!"
Obviously gay guy: But I'm not gay.
Slightly less gay friend: Yes you are.
Obviously gay guy: No, it's not about the male genitalia. It's about finding someone who fits me like a puzzle piece.
Slightly less gay friend: Who just happens to have a penis.
Obviously gay guy: Yeah.
Slightly less gay friend: Mmm-hmm.
--Roxy, Times Square
Overheard by: Token
Stacy London Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little girl in line at ATM: Mommy, I liked your hair better when it was gold.
Mother: Gold hair is expensive, honey. There's a recession going on. Don't like mommy's new recession color?
Little girl: Not really.
--106 St & 2nd Ave
Although for Some Reason I've Never Seen My Girlfriend and My Mom in the Same Room...
Thugette: Hurry up, motherfucker!
Thug: Hey! I ain't never ever fucked my mother!
--40th & 8th
Headline by: subtleglow
Runners-Up:
· "Don't Be Vulgar, We Made Love!" - lisha dlp
· "See How He Slipped in That Double Negative? Sly..." - funkstar
· "She Has Standards, After All" - Terry B
· "That Makes One Of Us" - John T
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Gosh, I Miss San Francisco
Chick: You told me this was a safe neighborhood!
Dude: It *is*! Just not safe to get naked in!
--Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Wednesday One-Liners Like to Move It, Move It!
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed by a stalled train directly behind us. We hope to be moving shortly. Once again, ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed by a train directly behind us. Thank you for your patience.
--6 Train
Overheard by: little_pooh_1
Conductor: The bathrooms on this train are located four cars from the rear; count four cars as you move forward from the end of the train. Forward is the direction the train is traveling in.
--Metro-North Railroad
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next and last stop on this train is Jamaica. If you want to go somewhere, we're probably not going there... unless it's Jamaica, but that's highly unlikely. Jamaica, next and last stop!
--LIRR
Overheard by: Christian
Train conductor: This is Times Square, 42nd Street. Transfer is available to any train you could possibly imagine.
--Uptown Q Train
Train conductor, stalling train: Luis Garcia, could you please step off the train? The cops is lookin' for you... We will not move the train til Luis Garcia steps off the train. Luis?
--2 Train
Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job
Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!
--Times Square
Overheard by: Patrick
Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type... I like that in a woman.
--48th & Broadway
Overheard by: MsPrint
Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!
--Times Square
Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? ...besides each other?
--Times Square
Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.
--W 43rd St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Daniel
Wednesday One-Liners Won't Eat in a Restaurant Called "Ma's"
Nine-year-old boy to mother, forlornly: In five days, it will be two weeks since we last ate in a restaurant.
--75th & Amsterdam
Jewish girl with heavy New York accent: So when we went to the South we ate at a waffle house, aka the most amazing experience ever! Everyone there was missing at least two teeth!
--Baruch College
Overheard by: kteezy
Man on cell: What the fuck was in that Chipotle last night?
--Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: Steve
Preppy teenage boy to friend: Dude, so then I took her to Applebee's. She thought it was so romantic--like "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" status.
--Hunter
Overheard by: Hakuna Matata
Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners
Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.
--45th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Morgan
Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!
--6 Train Station
Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!
--23rd & 9th
Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!
--Washington Square West
Overheard by: David Fishkind
Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alexandra
Wednesday One-Liners Meet the Fail Whale
50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo... No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat... No, that's certainly not it.
--Lobby, Off Broadway Theater
Overheard by: another electric guy
Guy with iPhone: I have to twitter! Does the girl with the room above the high line know she's topless?
--The High Line
Woman, while waiting for film to start: Joan Rivers just tweeted.
--Chelsea Clearview Cinemas
Guy on cell: All those food trucks? I'm not into them, but those fucking homosexuals follow them on twitter.
--Waverly Place & MacDougal
Overheard by: Sally
Unassuming hipster with group of girl friends: Sometimes I drink just so I can tweet drunk.
--Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Middle aged woman dressed like a teen, hitting on baseball fan: Your cat could definitely have a twitter page.
--F Train
How About If You Walk Me Over There, Chulalongkorn?
Girl: My friend is at the passenger pick-up area. Where is that?
Airport worker: The passenger pick-up is where the passenger is picked up.
Girl: Yeah, where is it?
Airport worker: At the passenger pick-up.
--La Guardia Airport
Overheard by: Joe
What You Never Knew About Supergirl's Upbringing
Mom to screaming girls: If you do not stop right now, there will be no tv for a week.
Girls: Nooooo!
Mom: That or a spanking.
Girl #1: I'll take the spanking.
Mom: You don't want the spanking. I will spank you so hard you won't sit for a week.
Girl #2, yelling: When are you going to beat me? I want you to beat me!
--Post Office, Staten Island
...Only the Children Of Relatives
Gay #1: I'm just nervous about holding the baby.
Gay #2: Haven't you ever held a baby before?
Gay #1: Yes, but not babies that matter!
--Candle Bar, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Jason Bowman
You Mean, Like, Over IM?
NYU student to friends: Let's exchange ideas and have, like, a discussion.
Stoop-warming friends: (laugh)
NYU student, annoyed: No, like, for real.
--University Place & 8th
Overheard by: SK
I Smell a Potential Game Show!
Jersey tourist: It's so confusing that on the train first goes Newark Penn Station followed by New York Penn Station.
New Yorker: It's to weed out the weak.
--Mulberry Street
Too Soon for a Heath Ledger Headline?
Six-year-old boy: Mom, did you know that Elvis Presley died of a drug overdose?
Mom: Well, that won't ever happen to you.
Six-year-old boy, angrily: How do you know?
--Atlantic Ave Station
Overheard by: Jon Good
Norm Has No Idea How Scary That Sounds in a German Accent
Scruffy American to tourist dudes: We could always just go cruising.
German #1: What is "cruising"?
Scruffy American: It's when you, like, drive around in a car slowly and yell things out the window.
German #2: Like what?
Scruffy American: Like "nice ass!"
German #2: Okay!
--Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: MikeG
Official Answer: the Hat.
West Point cadet #1: And then there's the Naked Cowboy. He should be around here somewhere.
West Point cadet #2: How the fuck do they know he's a cowboy if he's naked?
--Times Square
I Was Just Joking About It Having Been in a Mule's Ass.
Brunette girl: (enters elevator and stares angrily at Asian girl next to her, then leaves elevator)
Asian girl, to guy next to her: Oh my god!
Guy: What?
Asian girl: That was the same girl! I stuck a dildo in her mouth while we were all drunk last night.
Guy: Haha.
Asian girl: I don't know why she's mad at me. Like, what's the big deal, get over it.
Guy: Yeah, seriously.
--Chelsea
Like Sharks, City Girls Hunt in Packs
Whiny teen #1: I like your shorts.
Aquarium employee: Thanks.
Whiny teen #2: She wants to suck your dick.
Aquarium employee: I'm honored.
--Coney Island Aquarium
Overheard by: boogynights
You're Scaring Jean-Luc
Excited bro #1: Dude! There it is! There's the dog I was talking about!
Excited bro #2: You were right! It's so big! It's like a horse! I want to sit on it!
Man with Great Dane: Stop following me!
--Washington Square Park
I'd Have to Know Your Name First
Guy to girl: Just because I slept with you doesn't mean we get to be Facebook friends!
Girl, in Southern accent: Oh, shoot!
--14 St & Ave B
Overheard by: Obducomiapint
Tyler Perry Knows All About Stupid
Comedy show guy: Comedy! You already spent money on the plane ticket to come to this stupid place, you might as well have some fun while you're here. We have black people and fried shit. Ma'am, do you want to see a comedy show?
Large black woman: No.
Comedy show guy: Why not? Are you "different"?
Large black woman: No, I live here, so I already know everything is stupid. Including your show.
Comedy show guy:: Give me a hug. That was awesome.
--46th & Broadway
Overheard by: Wes
...But You Know She Bugged Me, Right?
Dad: I won't tell mommy about the donut you're eating if you don't tell mommy about the cigarette I'm about to smoke.
Daughter: Okay.
--Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Can We See Ratatouille Again, Daddy?
Little girl: I am looking for the rat that we saw eating throw-up. It was... soooo...
Dad: Soooo awesome... I remember!
--Rector & Trinity
...My Little Absurdist.
Mother: We're going across the park! The park is wet!
Two-year-old daughter: Where are we going?
Mother: To the Guggenheim museum. We're going to see art.
Two-year-old daughter: Noooooo.
Mother: You'll like it. Can you say "Kandinsky"?
Two-year-old daughter: Bounce bounce bounce!
Mother: Just look at the damn park.
--M86 Bus
Kim Cattrall Has Fallen on Hard Times
Tourist man to girlfriend, pulling out a ring: Will you marry me?
Bag lady, interjecting: Has he made you come yet?
Tourist girlfriend, terrified: Um... no?
Bad lady: Don't marry him 'till he makes you come.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Kari
I'm Next, Motherfucker!
Little boy to man sitting across from him: It's my birthday!
Man: Well, you know what? Now you have to wait 12 months till your next birthday. I don't have to wait 12 months till my next birthday.
--R Train
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