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Kim Cattrall Has Fallen on Hard Times
Tourist man to girlfriend, pulling out a ring: Will you marry me?
Bag lady, interjecting: Has he made you come yet?
Tourist girlfriend, terrified: Um... no?
Bad lady: Don't marry him 'till he makes you come.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Kari
What's Comfortable About Being Face to Face With a Stranger?
Professor: So when humans evolved to bipedalism and were walking on two legs instead of four, their sexual practices changed and they began to have face to face sex.
Guy in back of class: Well, I mean... it's not always face to face.
Professor: Well, it tends to be the most common and most comfortable way for bipeds to have sex.
(long pause)
Professor: I assume by your silence that you disagree.
--Barnard
Overheard by: You had to say that to the Prof???
So It Wasn't Suicide?
Drunk girl, seeing tree fallen on car after rainstorm: Officer, it was the wind!
Police officer: Good detective work.
Passerby: Case solved.
--3rd St & Ave A
When God Closes a Wednesday One-Liner, He Opens a Window
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Station police officer, please apprehend the man holding the doors in the 6th car. (pause, then doors close) Hahaha, that always works.
--B Train
Overheard by: JustMe
Conductor: The door in car number two is not working, if you are looking at this door not opening I recommend moving, youuuuuuuu might want to move.
--LIRR
Overheard by: Brian Broker
MTA engineer: Please use all exits. For the love of god, people, use all the doors to get out of the train. What the fuck, people, use the doors. Thank you.
--G Train
Overheard by: lolz
Conductor: Please stop holding the doors. (people continue to hold doors). I'm already on the clock, I have nowhere to be.
--A Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Disgruntled subway conductor: Listen up, y'all! This train needs to move! Do not try to hold open the doors! Do not run at closing doors! Do not stick anything in the doors! That includes arms, legs, obnoxiously expensive purses, children, animals, whatever! Let's go!
--1 Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: Please stand clear of the doors or it will bruise yo face.
--C Train
Overheard by: Chris
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