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Best Quotes from 5-6 Weeks Ago
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Like That It's Possible to Get Thin by Eating Chocolate?
Guy giving out Kellogg's Special K chocolate bars: Free cereal bars! Free cereal bars!
Hobo (to Kellogg's guy): Hey, why isn't anyone giving me any money? They all be paying attention to you!
Kellogg's guy: Because I'm giving out free candy. You're giving out lies.
--Outside Penn Station
None of My Relationships Are Any of Your Business
Man reciting gospel on a train: And you, sir, have you accepted Jesus into your life?
Passenger: A long time ago, baby. Now fuck off.
--1 Train
Everyone's Had at Least One Crazy Wednesday One-Liner
College girl to her boyfriend: Yeah, but you always make sexual advances on my roommates.
--Lincoln Center
Serious student: Yeah, well, I really don't want to talk about my roommate's penis anymore.
--LaGuardia & Washington Square South
Chick to friend: It's not about the toilet paper, his roommate only used baby wipes.
--Spring St & Mott St
Overheard by: Nick Caylor
NYU kid on cell: I'm still hoping to live in housing next year unless my roommates find out that I got arrested.
--Mercer & Waverly
Young suit into cell: You pissed on my toothbrush!? What the fuck? Fine, I'll get you a new pouffe... Fuck you! Pink or purple? Just get me a new toothbrush! You know what kind! Always, right? The blue ones or the yellow ones? Well, did you get your period or no? Okay... Okay... fine... fine... fine! Look, I'll be home around seven, okay? (yelling) I don't care who you're fucking, it's your turn to cook! Right, fine, talk later, okay? (hangs up, to very attractive female companion) She's really just my roommate...
--82nd & Lexington
Except All You've Written for Your Book Report Is "Cheese Is God"
Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad fucking high, and I got it.
--Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn
For a Moment I Thought You Were One Of Our Webcam Subscribers
Frenchman: What's up, dude?
Girl: So I see your roommate is rubbing off on you!
Frenchman (horrified): What? No. No. No.
Girl (laughing): It's a figure of speech.
--5th Ave
All I Require in Exchange Is Your First-Born
Tourist woman: I am waiting until the sign says "walk"!
10-year old: Lady, then you're going to be here for a while.
Tourist woman: I don't want to cross by myself.
10-year old: Uh. I'll cross with you.
--Greene St
They Have Nothing to Lose and They're Not Afraid to Die
Crazy guy: I don't give a fuck! I'll fight all ya'll muthafuckas! I'm from Brooklyn East New York, nigga! I'll fuck up every muthafucka in here...
Old guy: Bitch, you step on my shoe! I'll take my belt off and beat your ass with it! Look at my hair- it's grey! You don't talk to me like that, I beat your ass!
Crazy guy: Uhh... I don't fight old people--that's bad luck. (awkwardly exits car)
--1 Train
Is Our Tourists Learning?
Blonde tourist (after swiping futilely a few times): How do I swipe this?
New Yorker (looks at card in tourist's hand): That's not a Metrocard, that's your room key.
--E Train
Overheard by: Laura
Good Point-- Fuck Those Furry Little Bastards
Little guy to big guy wearing fur hat: You know, wearing fur is murder.
Big guy wearing fur hat: So is me pushing you off the train.
--A Train
Today It's a Lolly. Tomorrow It's a BMW
(waiting in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mommy, I really want a lollipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here honey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lollipop, okay?
(mother ignores him)
Kid: Just give in, it's okay, I want one. It's okay to give in, mom.
(pause)
Kid: Mom, this isn't going to work for me! I want a lollipop!
Random guy in line: Resist!
--Associated Supermarkets, Bleecker & LaGuardia
Overheard by: CaitlinisNewHere
See How Easy It Is Finding Someone to Tell You What to Do?
Ditzy blonde: I know you'll think this is stupid, but I was thinking of going to a life coach. A life coach or a really good psychic.
Brunette friend: You know what? I do think it's stupid. Here, I'll be your life coach: Fuck psychics, and go get a job. Oh, and don't get fired this time. You're fixed now.
--Metro North-Harlem
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