Get to Atoning, New York

Smoker guy #1: …I won’t be in on Thursday cause of Yom Kippur.
Smoker guy #2: You can’t come to work?
Smoker guy #1: Can’t work, can’t eat, can’t drink.
Smoker guy #2: Can’t eat or drink anything?
Smoker guy #1: Nothing from sundown to sundown.
Smoker guy #2: Jesus!
Smoker guy #1: Wrong.

–49th & 8th

Part of a building under construction fell off into another house, summoning 10 fire trucks.

Lady: See? Maybe this will teach those Jews from building them so high.

–Williamsburg

Boss lady: She needs to get her ass back to work and finish this shit up. I hate these 2 days Jews; tomorrow she’ll be eating a bacon cheeseburger.

–Office, Wall Street

Posted on June 28, 2026
Holidays, Jews, Smokers & Smoking, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-liners Go On a Bender

Hippie guy on cell: Nathan, I don’t care how drunk you were, if you’re giving a blowjob, you know you’re giving a blowjob.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Mr. Donutsu

Posted on June 27, 2026
BJs, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Hippies, On Cell, Park Slope, People, Places, Sex, Topics

I’m Hungee for Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: When you get here I will make you breakfast sausage. And I am not talking euphemistically.

–63rd & 1st

Overheard by: Alison Foster

Posted on June 27, 2026
Food, Friends, Sex, Times Square

Wednesday One-liners Ain’t Very Smoove

Guy: …And then I nutted all over her face, but like, not in a demeaning way.

–Weinstein Hall, University Place

Posted on June 26, 2026
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cum, Guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity

Wednesday One-liners v. The DEA

Old lady: Lots of people take pills and don’t get addicted. It’s a personality issue. When I had my shoulder done, I had no pain. But I woke up and the nurse said, “Do you want a morphine shot?” And I said, “Sure, I’ll try it! Why the hell not?”

–Broadway & 69th