Home

Black guy #1: I got all depressed after I lost my hair.
Black guy #2: You what?
Black guy #1: My hair; I got depressed when I lost it.
Black guy #2: I didn’t know you had a ferret!
Black guy #1: Shit yeah, but halfway through I decided to shave it.
Black guy #2: You shaved a fucking ferret? What the hell you do that for, nigga?
Black guy #1: I just hated losing it, so I shaved it.
Black guy #2: Man, I’m fucked up.
Black guy #1: Me too.

–Union Square Regal Cinemas men’s room

Guy #1: So how was your Rosh Hashanah?
Guy #2: I got a blowjob at a movie theater. Since I was watching Flightplan does that count as mile high?

–23rd & Lexington

Overheard by: dan levin

Tourist woman #1: This is a really quaint neighborhood!
Tourist woman #2: Yeah, but it’s really expensive. A small one-bedroom apartment is like $1,000 a month!
Tourist woman #1: Oh, my! Why would someone pay that?

–Bleecker & 11th

Sober girl: Did you know your mother has a penis?
Drunk girl: My mom’s wild!
Sober girl: So did you know?
Drunk girl: It’s great, man, it’s great.

–1 train

Drunk dude: I’ve always wanted a pet bee. You know? That would be so cool. To have a pet bee. I’d take it for a walk every day and show it to the neighbors. And they’d be so amazed that I had a pet bee!
Guy #1: How would you take a bee for a walk?
Drunk dude: I’d tie a little string around its neck. Like a leash, you know?
Guy #2: I didn’t know that bees had a neck.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Eric Roitman

Skinny guy: You get unemployment benefits?
Fat guy: It’s great. You just file and you’re done.
Skinny guy: What does that mean?
Fat guy: They give you free dough.
Skinny guy: It’d be great if sex were like that, unemployment. You could be like, “Hey, I haven’t gotten any in 6 months and I want some so I’m filing for sex, please.” And they’d be like, “Oh man, this dude hasn’t gotten it in months; send him a hooker!” And it’d be two stoned guys, fat white guys in a donut-filled government office with escort’s numbers all over the walls.

–4 train

Overheard by: Andrew Gamache

Fratboy #1: How are the pledges this year?
Fratboy #2: Oh man, we got two gay pledges, and they are so in love with each other.

–7 train

Overheard by: Brian

Teen girl #1: And they went on a boat trip to see whale sperm.
Teen girl #2: Whale sperm? Are they really big?

–60th & Columbus

Overheard by: James Brummel

Girl #1: You know when I goes out with a boy, I like to make sure that I am all clean and shit.
Girl #2: I know, me too.
Girl #1: Come to think of it, I like to be clean when I go out with the girls, too…Ya know, one of them always ends up touching ya.
Girl #2: I hears ya.

–2 train

Overheard by: jonathan

Comedy Pamphlet man: Do you guys want to get drunk and laugh your asses off?
Guy: Sorry, we’re under 21.
Comedy Pamphlet man: How about some soda and a giggle?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Cody Wymore